Polyamory and Abusive Past.

[Ju****]

  11 hours ago, MrEnigma53 said:

Trusting people is difficult, especially for anyone with a history of ***, or if you have anxiety, and often those things come hand in hand. It sounds like you know what you want, but you’ve been talking to people who do not want the same thing. In those cases you’ve done the correct thing and been cautious. Within this lifestyle you identify your limits, what you do and don’t want to explore, if the person you’re talking to doesn’t respect those limits, then it’s perfectly fine to stop talking to them. You do get all kinds of people on here, not all are good or genuine, but the right people will respect you and what you want, they won’t give you cause to worry. They’ll show patience and invest time to get to know you. Those who are after something no strings, or are on here for the wrong reasons, will put themselves quickly, as you have found, but don’t let them stop you from finding what you know you want. Though that is easier said than done. I’ve had abusive people in my life, and the way I’ve moved on is to recognise the signs of an ***r, but also to recognise that I know myself and trust my judgement when it comes to who I can trust. It isn’t easy, but you will get there. It sounds like you have found a partner you trust and who is good for you, keep talking to them and talk to friends on here, or irl and you will find another you can connect with on all the levels you are looking for.

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A lot of what you said is very true. 

I know my wants needs limits and expectations. Let me tell you, on top of all this I am VERY fussy on what I am hoping to find. Rare beings indeed! haha

I do recognise the signs and I think thats one of the issues here, any little trait of past *** that comes into a conversation I flag it and run. I need to give people the benefit of the doubt perhaps, especially if it's just talking online as time can weed them out and I'll have them sussed very fast. I guess if that happens all I need to do is block and be grateful a RL encounter didn't happen if it wasn't going to end well. 

[Ju****]

  1 hour ago, tazzy said:

I am in some ways in a similar situation and had conversations here that triggered a lot of anxiety. So when I have one that doesn't, I'm extremely surprised, but really it shows that it does depend on the conversation partner as much as on us. Our anxiety is not unfounded (read "first we make the beast beautiful", it can change your understanding of anxiety and help you to live a very good life with it) and it will tell us that this person might be great but not great for us. Simple as that. Trust your guts. 

Also, don't let the anxiety stop you from anything. Of course you should try poly, why on earth not?!? Should people with anxiety start avoiding any trigger? Of course not! We just need to accept that we need to do things with a bit more self care. I've pushed myself too much and too quickly in the past (not only sex related) and it took at times months to recover. That sucks but also isn't the end of the world, you can learn from it. This means we might have to accept that everything will take a bit longer for us, will be reached via a more winded road, but also it can be safer and more intense this way. Hope that helps, feel free to message any time and keep going!! 💪

P.S. as @Tazzaby has said: there are unfortunately some unsavoury people here. How good is it that we can filter them out immediately!?!

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Thank you for this, I did enjoy reading it. 

Yes anxiety doesn't stop me living my life but it does push some things a little out of grasp for now. Which is why I'm currently in this tug of war situation with it. Obviously I am not letting it rule me, because here I am admitting defeat in a sense, but seeking to take victory back! It's a very hard thing for me to have posted and it outlines my vulnerabilities but I felt I needed to just take that step. (That's at least one anxiety I've defeated here!)

Self care is something I've not been great at, but I will work on much much more in the future. I'm hoping it makes a difference!

And I think I may have to steal the word "unsavory" from you, that's a fantastically polite way to describe the characters I've had so far! Thank you!

[Deleted Member]

hi Jen, you seem aware of the possible mistakes you could be making with regard to how you deal with your current or potential new partners. If someone new triggers bad feelings from your past then its better addressed early on, ultimately anyone wishing to get close to you should take the rough with the smooth with any support or understanding from past traumas you need especially if you are after more meaningful connections. Don't change yourself so that you are more accessible to others if you have reservations, triggers and insecurities they are good defence mechanisms, someone worthwhile will understand them X

Myself I've developed a 'fuck it' attitude,

[Ju****]

  2 minutes ago, FitGirl said:

hi Jen, you seem aware of the possible mistakes you could be making with regard to how you deal with your current or potential new partners. If someone new triggers bad feelings from your past then its better addressed early on, ultimately anyone wishing to get close to you should take the rough with the smooth with any support or understanding from past traumas you need especially if you are after more meaningful connections. Don't change yourself so that you are more accessible to others if you have reservations, triggers and insecurities they are good defence mechanisms, someone worthwhile will understand them X

Myself I've developed a 'fuck it' attitude,

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This made a lot of sense to me thank you! Yes I do quite consider the anxiety a defense mechanism.. I flag stuff very fast and early on. I guess one thing I am afraid to do is tell someone they've triggered me, at the risk of being rediculed or called a snowflake. So I think I'm simply saving my embarrassment and just walking!? I'm not sure. I think next time I'll interact and see how people speak to me and if anything sort of sticks out I will try to mention it and see what reaction comes from it. But usually things like that I see as people exposing their personalities so I *** pointing something out would make them try to conceal it just to get close to me and then I'm in a tough situation on down the line. I definately won't be changing myself, becuase even if I tried, the way I am will always creep through again. 

I am lucky the one I did find takes my bad bits on board too and isn't scared by them, but I can see why new people would be weary early on in a connection.

One day I'll have that fuck it attitude I swear haha xxxx

[Mr****]

  31 minutes ago, JenniferTP said:

A lot of what you said is very true. 

I know my wants needs limits and expectations. Let me tell you, on top of all this I am VERY fussy on what I am hoping to find. Rare beings indeed! haha

I do recognise the signs and I think thats one of the issues here, any little trait of past *** that comes into a conversation I flag it and run. I need to give people the benefit of the doubt perhaps, especially if it's just talking online as time can weed them out and I'll have them sussed very fast. I guess if that happens all I need to do is block and be grateful a RL encounter didn't happen if it wasn't going to end well. 

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There is nothing wrong with being fussy, I’d say it’s very much required, especially when you’re hoping to find any form of meaningful connection. It’s only natural for you to flag and run from any hint or trait that reminds you of past ***. Whether you give people the benefit of the doubt is up to you, just don’t be too lenient, in my experience one flag leads to more and a pattern emerges. It is very true that you can use online chat as a way to protect yourself, as long as it isn’t doing you harm. If you’re unsure of someone you can always seek a second opinion. You will indeed be able to weed out anyone that does not live up to what you want.

[ge****]

  1 hour ago, JenniferTP said:

Yes you are correct, my guard is very much up. To the highest of extents. I know I need to lower my guard, but not entirely. Just enough to let someone close. But despite any interest I've had, not one seems to be an ideal suit/fit, or they're just disappointing as human beings if I'm being brutally honest. So trying to "kiss frogs".. is something I am not opposed to but still find difficult. I am very observant and very relying on my gut instinct so when something screams about someone/thing I always trust it, and I pick up on every minute detail. Once I have in my head that someone isn't who they say they are, or lying about small things, I do tend to run fast. If they can do that from the get go they'll get worse as time goes on. 

As for just bonding with people, I've made a ton of friends and get on well with lots of guys and girls on here, just not to a romantic level. I guess I'll need to assess people a little less and try to message someone who seems right in physical, personality and location but also one that fits mine and if i fit their kink wants/needs. That's also a very big push back. I am not on any dating sites, to be honest I've never used them... So even when I joined here was a big thing for me and I didn't expect to get as far as I did, never mind meet someone.

For instance I got with my partner very fast, they're a great blessing in my life. I've clicked with others in the past, but they are mono. It's either that or the fact I have kids puts them off. Or a couple of other people I did take interest in, both were in germany and upon speaking gave the line "Shame about the distance". Immediately shot down. So while those people were quite special and rare, they're just way out of realisitic distances. 

I will keep trying but I also need to just learn how to not let my past encounters bleed into the here and now. Once I master that, I think I may have a bit of better luck. Sorry for the word vomit, but I've really appreciated your input so thank you!

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No apology necessary for the word vomit in the slightest, sometimes just the process of responding and putting words on a screen can in itself be very cathartic and help you make sense of things for yourself.

All you can do is keep doing what you are doing, accept that 95% of people immediately won't be right for you and of the remaining 5% that seem to fit initially, some will be ruled out for various reasons as you get to know them - but eventually you'll find those that do match.

The distance thing is one of the drawbacks of this site given it's global coverage, but guess it's just another thing you have to accept if you don't want to use other more UK focused sites

[Deleted Member]

  28 minutes ago, JenniferTP said:

This made a lot of sense to me thank you! Yes I do quite consider the anxiety a defense mechanism.. I flag stuff very fast and early on. I guess one thing I am afraid to do is tell someone they've triggered me, at the risk of being rediculed or called a snowflake. So I think I'm simply saving my embarrassment and just walking!? I'm not sure. I think next time I'll interact and see how people speak to me and if anything sort of sticks out I will try to mention it and see what reaction comes from it. But usually things like that I see as people exposing their personalities so I *** pointing something out would make them try to conceal it just to get close to me and then I'm in a tough situation on down the line. I definately won't be changing myself, becuase even if I tried, the way I am will always creep through again. 

I am lucky the one I did find takes my bad bits on board too and isn't scared by them, but I can see why new people would be weary early on in a connection.

One day I'll have that fuck it attitude I swear haha xxxx

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Unfortunately the people who you need to avoid might not set off your triggers as they will be very good at hiding these traits and if they know you are heightened because of triggers even more so. So all i can suggest is slow and steady, a slow pace can route out a lot of the crap and gives you time to really understand them, if you pull them up on triggers and they ridicule you or call you a snowflake then an 'FU' is in order. xxxx 

[Deleted Member]

Hi Jen, just wanted to say wrll dine for being open and sharing, and add that it's about being in the moment as best you can, but knowing some people don't fit or need to be in your life. The positives of the now.
- Trauma doesnt go away, but if it's triggered you have the right to say stop. It's not always easy to leave the past where it belongs. But you know Laura is a good one.
- You will let your guard down to new people in your poly relationships if they are people you want in it.and connect with. It takes time to know and be sure. So caution is a good thing, but connection jusy happens.
- Demons are over thinking and the separation helps. You know that new doesn't mean you're not wanted or cared for. Different people/friends bring us something different
- You know if triggers are red lines. You choose what is bad fir you and you dint need it in your life.
- as for mental health training, let thoughts arise, recognise them for what they are and let them fall away. Giving them energy and attention will feed them. Know what they are and let them go.
- Conversations with many people is fine but not letting anyone in until you feel you want to. Sime people are friends, others you habe a deeper connection. Listen in the quiet, you know deep down who you want as a friend or more.

You know I personally habe had a MH crisis and some past gas lightning and being made to doubt. But you also know that me and Italian Penis connected very quickly and understood what we both wanted. As much of each other that we could get. But also other people can be in the mix, but separated.

Sorry to harp on its just an issue close to my heart and I hope I have been positive 🙏

[Ju****]

  8 minutes ago, Adraug52 said:

Hi Jen, just wanted to say wrll dine for being open and sharing, and add that it's about being in the moment as best you can, but knowing some people don't fit or need to be in your life. The positives of the now.
- Trauma doesnt go away, but if it's triggered you have the right to say stop. It's not always easy to leave the past where it belongs. But you know Laura is a good one.
- You will let your guard down to new people in your poly relationships if they are people you want in it.and connect with. It takes time to know and be sure. So caution is a good thing, but connection jusy happens.
- Demons are over thinking and the separation helps. You know that new doesn't mean you're not wanted or cared for. Different people/friends bring us something different
- You know if triggers are red lines. You choose what is bad fir you and you dint need it in your life.
- as for mental health training, let thoughts arise, recognise them for what they are and let them fall away. Giving them energy and attention will feed them. Know what they are and let them go.
- Conversations with many people is fine but not letting anyone in until you feel you want to. Sime people are friends, others you habe a deeper connection. Listen in the quiet, you know deep down who you want as a friend or more.

You know I personally habe had a MH crisis and some past gas lightning and being made to doubt. But you also know that me and Italian Penis connected very quickly and understood what we both wanted. As much of each other that we could get. But also other people can be in the mix, but separated.

Sorry to harp on its just an issue close to my heart and I hope I have been positive 🙏

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I related to a lot of this, almost made me cry! Yes I have my issues and demons and while they make me feel broken for not letting down my barriers and accepting new people, I know it won't always be this way. But I do need to learn how to stop associating the negatives when any small sign appears. I don't want to keep reverting back into myself. While I am not yet moving forward, I pride myself in knowing I am also not moving backwards. Which is a good thing in itself. And yes i know I have a good thing, I found a lover, partner and best friend in Lau and they are fantastic at supporting and encouraging me so far. I am hard work some days! It may take me a while but I am sure IF someone right crosses my path, I'll know and take that leap. Anything up to now has been an absolute let down all besides one, where I am in the friendship corner due to a lifestyle difference. That cannot be helped. There is a lot to consider when trying to connect with new people in general, never mind within this lifestyle. 

But you haven't harped on at all Adey and in fact you made me laugh so hard. I do love that Italian Penis, she's ***y wonderful <3 I am so glad you found each other xxxx

[Deleted Member]

Thank you Jen, just wanted to share and support. You are a good woman and Italian Penis is a good woman too xx

[Deleted Member]

  22 hours ago, JenniferTP said:

There have been a few comments perhaps suggesting to me that 'poly' isn't right for me (at this time), but I know it is. That is why I had said in the initial post that I *want* to be in this lifestyle, I want to understand it more and open up to new things. I just need help and advice on how to seperate anxieities from new people coming near me. To enable to break this wall down and push on a bit out of my comfort zone. My partner is also reading along with this post and was proud of me for reaching out on such a personal matter. It wasn't easy but that is how determined and passionate I am about him, the lifestyle and my own experiences getting better. 

I do a lot of writing when I am low or mad, it helps me vent the frustration away so perhaps I need to do this when it comes to worries along the 'dating' way. I'll perhaps open myself up a bit more to second chances and not being too quick to dismiss. 

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You asked for suggestions. You got them. If you don't like them, it doesn't mean they're bad people in any way. They've took the time to offer suggestions because they care. 🤗

You're learning to trust again. Its not easy. Its like learning anything. You don't just pass an exam and automatically get good at what you've just passed. It takes time to get good and confident. In the end, you have to give people the benefit of doubt. Take a chance on a coffee meet. You'll soon learn what you like and don't like in people, even if they are nice and pleasant enough. Its all good. 

Look forward not back, you're not going that way. That's what did and still do. You're a bright and smart woman. You'll be fine 🤗🤗🤗

 

 

[Ju****]

  4 minutes ago, Axlsub said:

You asked for suggestions. You got them. If you don't like them, it doesn't mean they're bad people in any way. They've took the time to offer suggestions because they care. 🤗

You're learning to trust again. Its not easy. Its like learning anything. You don't just pass an exam and automatically get good at what you've just passed. It takes time to get good and confident. In the end, you have to give people the benefit of doubt. Take a chance on a coffee meet. You'll soon learn what you like and don't like in people, even if they are nice and pleasant enough. Its all good. 

Look forward not back, you're not going that way. That's what did and still do. You're a bright and smart woman. You'll be fine 🤗🤗🤗

 

 

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Please know I was not in any way criticising any comments just stating that I knew the "are you ready?" comments would have came through which is why I detailed in the description that I was. Sorry if it read as such. But I do value each and every opinion I've had here publicly and privately  

It is a big learning curve as far as trust goes, I will have to see what happens there but you have also pointed out another thing that I feel complicates my search further. I am extremely reluctant to go near anyone from my home town / city. I tried it and he was, let's just say even more detrimental to my MH. Massively turned me off searching locally but even from browsing, there really are not many from where I am on this site, never mind matching physical attraction or kink wants/needs. I think for me i would prefer long distance, my love of accents and travel probably comes into play here, but also can hinder any meets or puts people off due to me being far away. But again I'm already in a LDR and it works just fine so I know its doable.

There is someone from home, in fact a good long term friend who often expresses interest in me. The thing is he's seemingly interested in the sex side of things and I am not yet ready to be a FWB kind of person. That and I've known him for 17yrs. So it's again a bit out of my comfort zone. That *** of losing a friendship, as I don't ever like to mix the two, but also to be a "fuck buddy" isn't something I am willing to be, again due to certain ***s. So on those kind of things, I guess time will play out how it's meant to,

[Wo****]

@JenniferTP

No advice to give that's not already been given. Only my support.

It took me three years on here to get where I am. Like you I found it hard to really let people in. I'd met @LazyPirate who was such a positive influence on my life, introducing me to poly/ethically non mono. There were teething problems with some jealousy issues on my side that we worked through. Our relationship evolved, we decided we were better off as friends and playmates then I met Fen @Boldbald..

We're both poly. We've explored playing together, we both have "seperate" relationships but we want to play together too.

We have a few people in our lives that we love dearly, our pack, our tribe. People he knows and loves, people I know and love and people we know and love.

It can be messy, uncomfortable and confusing enough in a mono relationship, finding your way through kink. Making those connections. Being poly adds another aspect to think about.

 

Are you *really* poly? I've had that one too... polyamory translates as "many loves" .... for me, and I suspect you too, it means I'm free to give all this love I have in my heart.

Like you, I have trauma (lots of it!) In my life that affects how i handle myself and relationships. It's hard to keep giving, even harder to accept love, respect, trust when all it brings you is ***.

 

Will you find others? You already have, and are. You are a gorgeously wonderful mix of strength and vulnerability, fun and love...

 

You found Lau... you're already forming your pack. It'll happen.

This time last year, I'd just moved in with Fen, f*cked up a couple of other relationships, walked away from one that was toxic and abusive and questioning everything I was.

Now, I'm settled with Fen, have my darling Princess @Willow75 and expanding my circle of friends.

It does happen, can happen....

 

Much love, big hugs and boobie squishes 😚🐺🙏

 

P.s. re the fwb... completely get it. Sometimes the friendship is just too special to risk sexual or play dynamics altering it negatively.

That said, they know you... obviously care for you, could it evolve into more than fwb? Are you closing down a connection, a possible future because of *** of change? 

Worth expressing your ***s to them?

 

🐺🙏

Edited November 9, 2021 by BountyHunter
Added a p.s.

[Ju****]

  8 minutes ago, BountyHunter said:

@JenniferTP

No advice to give that's not already been given. Only my support.

It took me three years on here to get where I am. Like you I found it hard to really let people in. I'd met @LazyPirate who was such a positive influence on my life, introducing me to poly/ethically non mono. There were teething problems with some jealousy issues on my side that we worked through. Our relationship evolved, we decided we were better off as friends and playmates then I met Fen @Boldbald..

We're both poly. We've explored playing together, we both have "seperate" relationships but we want to play together too.

We have a few people in our lives that we love dearly, our pack, our tribe. People he knows and loves, people I know and love and people we know and love.

It can be messy, uncomfortable and confusing enough in a mono relationship, finding your way through kink. Making those connections. Being poly adds another aspect to think about.

 

Are you *really* poly? I've had that one too... polyamory translates as "many loves" .... for me, and I suspect you too, it means I'm free to give all this love I have in my heart.

Like you, I have trauma (lots of it!) In my life that affects how i handle myself and relationships. It's hard to keep giving, even harder to accept love, respect, trust when all it brings you is ***.

 

Will you find others? You already have, and are. You are a gorgeously wonderful mix of strength and vulnerability, fun and love...

 

You found Lau... you're already forming your pack. It'll happen.

This time last year, I'd just moved in with Fen, f*cked up a couple of other relationships, walked away from one that was toxic and abusive and questioning everything I was.

Now, I'm settled with Fen, have my darling Princess @Willow75 and expanding my circle of friends.

It does happen, can happen....

 

Much love, big hugs and boobie squishes 😚🐺🙏

 

P.s. re the fwb... completely get it. Sometimes the friendship is just too special to risk sexual or play dynamics altering it negatively.

That said, they know you... obviously care for you, could it evolve into more than fwb? Are you closing down a connection, a possible future because of *** of change? 

Worth expressing your ***s to them?

 

🐺🙏

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I am so glad you over come some of your demons and moved on to find your pack and happiness!! It's a very special thing you have found, and it was just meant to be! I will get there one day but once my own issues are ironed out I guess. It's just the giving people time trust and patience that I struggle with, that and the small details that make me wince and ultimately walk away from them. And the ones I do connect with see me best as friends haha. 

I found a great one in Lau, I agree. I'm very happy and they are not applying pressure for me to find someone but staying by my side while I try to get out there a bit more. Which is great! Much like you mentioned, I keep relationships seperate so no triads for me personally but any one to one connection I am meant to have, I'm sure I will find. 

 

As for the friend, our paths just never went that way, he was always in a relationship, or I was. It's a bit of a ross and rachel situation where something always kept us apart. Now so much time has lapsed his interest is more in the position of sexual nature and it's not from *** of change, but some *** of losing that friendship but also just becoming "wanted or needed" simply for sex. It is not who I am. I don't want to be called upon simply when someone is horny to be honest. I need mental, pyhsical and emotional connections. Plus the one opportunity I did have to explore this I cut short, he was *** after a family member passed away and he had split from someone around that time too. So I wasn't going to take advantage or be a rebound, although we kissed, that is as far as the extent of it within those 17yrs. So for me, I don't mind just taking my time, knowing I can explore without pressure and see what is right for me.

 

I appreciate your comments thank you Bounty <3

[Deleted Member]

Hey Jen, I'm sorry you're hurting. Seems like you're heading in a positive direction (for you), even though it's new, difficult, and a little scary. When people are traumatized, hyper-vigilance is natural. Even though it sucks to have to feel that way, it makes sense that you would be wary of others. They say trauma gets hard-wired in the brain *** brains - the part of us that hi-jacks our reasoning and handles fight or flight responses. I understand we can't easily 'rationalize" or trauma away, because it's not a rational response. Anyway, I read a great book titled The Body Keeps The Score, which offers great insights into the mechanisms of trauma and some advice on how to go about healing from it. 

Hope that helps. Stay cool and wonderful.

[Ju****]

  3 minutes ago, ameretoy said:

Hey Jen, I'm sorry you're hurting. Seems like you're heading in a positive direction (for you), even though it's new, difficult, and a little scary. When people are traumatized, hyper-vigilance is natural. Even though it sucks to have to feel that way, it makes sense that you would be wary of others. They say trauma gets hard-wired in the brain *** brains - the part of us that hi-jacks our reasoning and handles fight or flight responses. I understand we can't easily 'rationalize" or trauma away, because it's not a rational response. Anyway, I read a great book titled The Body Keeps The Score, which offers great insights into the mechanisms of trauma and some advice on how to go about healing from it. 

Hope that helps. Stay cool and wonderful.

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Thank you. Figh or Flight is very much accurate for me hahah. I am very vigilant when tryin to connect with others. But having mulled this over for the last day or so I am realising how guarded I am sure, BUT also what I want and need, perhaps even how particular I am on who I will even consider who I will potentially connect with. I don't think there is anything wrong with being fussy? I hope not because the more my kink realisations kicked in the more and more specific my ideals have got.

I am battling with very specific phsyical traits, personality traits, kink matches, personality matches, location, anything flaggy or past triggering and I am sure in for a hell of a time with this! haha. It signicantly lowers my ability to connect but I know it's not impossible. I am not one who settles for someone for convienience, that much I am sure of!

Thanks for your help and advice and I'll try to get myself reading the book you suggested. And thank YOU for being wonderful xx

[Deleted Member]

I always recommend psychotherapy, if not going at least reading about it, learning about PTSD, intrusive thoughts, triggers and how to combat them. Recognising negative thought cycles that occur when you are triggered and trying to respond differently when exposed. The mind can be a cruel thing, but it's not doing it on purpose. It's just developed certain thinking paths due to past experiences to try and protect you, but ultimately these paths of aversion, self doubt and distress can be changed and realistic appropriate responses achieved.

[Ju****]

  2 minutes ago, DaddyStoryteller said:

I always recommend psychotherapy, if not going at least reading about it, learning about PTSD, intrusive thoughts, triggers and how to combat them. Recognising negative thought cycles that occur when you are triggered and trying to respond differently when exposed. The mind can be a cruel thing, but it's not doing it on purpose. It's just developed certain thinking paths due to past experiences to try and protect you, but ultimately these paths of aversion, self doubt and distress can be changed and realistic appropriate responses achieved.

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Thanks. I was feeling better about it but now I'm back to square one with self loathing/doubt/abadonment/anxiety and all the rest, if I'm honest. I've been massively triggered and its probably so irrational too. (Not by anything anyone has said on this post).

I think I need to just lock myself away and just try to destress for a while because I will end up making things worse for myself if I don't. Its not a nice place to be. But maybe one day in the future I will try to look into other methods. I just can't focus right now whilst in this mindset 

[Deleted Member]

  5 minutes ago, JenniferTP said:

Thanks. I was feeling better about it but now I'm back to square one with self loathing/doubt/abadonment/anxiety and all the rest, if I'm honest. I've been massively triggered and its probably so irrational too. (Not by anything anyone has said on this post).

I think I need to just lock myself away and just try to destress for a while because I will end up making things worse for myself if I don't. Its not a nice place to be. But maybe one day in the future I will try to look into other methods. I just can't focus right now whilst in this mindset 

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Look at how far you have come Jen that’s amazing, you must be stronger than you give yourself credit for, try not to internally bash yourself….. you are not the problem xx 

(I can’t understand your past trauma/triggers as it is personal to you and no one else) work through things in your own time no one else’s as that is a stress you don’t need xx

[Ju****]

  Just now, FitGirl said:

Look at how far you have come Jen that’s amazing, you must be stronger than you give yourself credit for, try not to internally bash yourself….. you are not the problem xx 

(I can’t understand your past trauma/triggers as it is personal to you and no one else) work through things in your own time no one else’s as that is a stress you don’t need xx

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I'll get there, one day at a time. Thank you. Sorry for moaning, wasn't my initial intent x

[Deleted Member]

  3 minutes ago, JenniferTP said:

I'll get there, one day at a time. Thank you. Sorry for moaning, wasn't my initial intent x

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It’s not moaning it’s venting and if you don’t do that you will explode x

[Deleted Member]

Doing things that are good for your soul/wellbeing and making the best decisions for yourself and those close to you in each moment. It is okay to put yourself first 🙂

[Deleted Member]

  1 hour ago, JenniferTP said:

Thanks. I was feeling better about it but now I'm back to square one with self loathing/doubt/abadonment/anxiety and all the rest, if I'm honest. I've been massively triggered and its probably so irrational too. (Not by anything anyone has said on this post).

I think I need to just lock myself away and just try to destress for a while because I will end up making things worse for myself if I don't. Its not a nice place to be. But maybe one day in the future I will try to look into other methods. I just can't focus right now whilst in this mindset 

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Realising when you need to rest and stop is an important part of self care. Good for you. You just do what you can when you can. Just look after you, forget expectations, just keep fed and watered to keep your strength up. Thinking is exhausting stuff. 😉

[Charms]

I'm not poly as we have discussed before jen.

But like you I have traumer  from past things in my life. I'm glad your person is helping you.

I did not find my master on here but have known him for years. 

 

Master as been amazing helping me deal with my past an helping me deal with things iv been threw. 

 

Even though I serve my master an have given him control with in our boundaries. Iv had more fredom an suport with my master than I had fredom or suport with my x vanila partner.

 

[MaddieShires]

Interesting topic. Found myself in a very difficult situation last Friday as per my post: Sadly had a terrible experience yesterday. Even at 50 mistakes can be made. Cuppa and a suckle was planned but not what happened. I left my home having prepared cooked food for my poorly mum to meet someone who had chatted on the telephone, text, kik only to be used and told to go in less than 1 hour. Guy seemed lovely, not a youngsters so understood what he was doing. He took what he wanted and treated me like trash. Beware and be safe. A man at 63 on here for one purpose.