Submission Is Strength

[CopperKnob]

Everyone who stomped on my heart told me who they were right from the get go. The one who wouldn’t have known what a boundary was if it walked up to him with a flashing neon sign was already accused of consent ***s of a greater degree. The one whose words seemed strangely empty ended up being nothing more than a liar. The one whose life was constantly full of chaos ended up being the one who created any and all catastrophes

I’d rather avoid that pile of 💩 but in the realm of D/s, it’s a little more complicated to spot the flags than in vanilla settings. Especially when new.

This past year I’ve learned how risky D/s is to your identity. Submit too soon and you lose the ability to see those first signs of who your partner actually is.
Give it all before you discover whether your dynamic has equal measures of give, as it does take, and your life may be reduced to tatters.
Offer submission to the wrong person and you will loose yourself

D/s is not for immature relationships. Maturity must be established first. Power exchange can follow, but I never intend to let it lead again.

The vast majority of relationships end. That is a statistical fact. The numbers aren’t pretty, they aren't made of glitter or sparkles. The facts are all we’ve got. I don’t need to prepare for the loss of vanilla partners before they end, but I most definitely do in a D/s relationship. I am more backwards than most in that regard because my self-esteem is underdeveloped. I’m sure there are strong subs in this community who can get through a lost dynamic without losing their self. I am not one of them right now.

Subs should not be like water that evaporates when it’s spilled. We should be more like knicker elastic, have the ability to bounce back, return to our former shape if we’re to outlast what dominance brings. If you arrived in this world with that strength, you’re nothing like me. You're the lucky ones. Given unsafe and destructive dominance, I don’t return to my original shape. I'm more like that pair of old faithfuls you've had for years and years which you just can't throw out. You love them but you can't wear them without feeling like Norah Batty each time you need to hoik them up. I am the water that evaporates.

There is nothing more beautiful than D/s under the right conditions. Those conditions demand an enormous amount of strength and integrity from a sub. Getting lost in power exchange without those traits hurts nobody more than ourselves.

[YesMaster]

Love this.. Well written!

[Deleted Member]

Patience is everything, CK, never underestimate the power in waiting. You will find your place x

[Damon68]

Well written and being able to express it with such feeling and *** is a strength in itself. Emotional resilience is something you may not see in yourself but I see it in your writing.As TheScribe says patience is everything. Give yourself time and space and the knicker elastic will bounce back and find it's shape again x

[na****]

Fantastic as always 💖

[Deleted Member]

Beautiful! When all said and done, we are all Human.

[Deleted Member]

I am 100% with you on this. The one very difficult experience with a Dom I had here and the subsequent end to the short lived dynamic almost broke me completely. 

Twice now I thought I was completely over it, that I was back to my old form, just wiser and stronger. Turns out I am not. Possibly absolutely non-threatening and well-intended comments from other men can suddenly make me question their motivation and remind me of my own vulnerability. 

I don't have a solution yet. Roll with the punches? Patience? (But what exactly am I waiting for? The man who will never say anything that triggers something? That might be a wish out of a fairy tale..) No risk, no fun? For now there is a very stable wall in place that I don't intend to let down any time soon, unless I feel the necessary maturity and strength is present in both myself and a Dom. Because like you said CK:

12 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

Getting lost in power exchange without those traits hurts nobody more than ourselves.

 

[CopperKnob]

8 minutes ago, tazzy said:

I am 100% with you on this. The one very difficult experience with a Dom I had here and the subsequent end to the short lived dynamic almost broke me completely. 

Twice now I thought I was completely over it, that I was back to my old form, just wiser and stronger. Turns out I am not. Possibly absolutely non-threatening and well-intended comments from other men can suddenly make me question their motivation and remind me of my own vulnerability. 

I don't have a solution yet. Roll with the punches? Patience? (But what exactly am I waiting for? The man who will never say anything that triggers something? That might be a wish out of a fairy tale..) No risk, no fun? For now there is a very stable wall in place that I don't intend to let down any time soon, unless I feel the necessary maturity and strength is present in both myself and a Dom. Because like you said CK:

 

First there was sub frenzy, now theres the overthinking/questioning. People say kinky dating is no different to vanilla dating and to an extent I agree but you have to be so much more careful with emotions and that brick wall in the vanilla world is one made of carbon steel here in the world of kink. I get it, it makes me sad that to protect ourselves we have to have that wall because it gets misconstrued with 'topping from the bottom' and who knows what we may be missing out on

[Ae****]

I'm really sorry about whatever happened before :/ Relationships, dealing with each other, can be really hard sometimes. Especially when we have to protect ourselves because of past experiences :( definitely have plenty of my own baggage that ends up hurting myself and others until the time comes when I've worked through it :/ I think - we're all human, constantly doing our best, failing, taking needed rest, and hopefully, eventually, feeling strong enough to risk again. Not easy :/

[Deleted Member]

I always enjoy the sheer honesty of your posts. It feels refreshing to read them and stimulates me, both in terms of emotions as well as thoughts.
I am so sorry to feel the ***ful experiences. I can empathise. Sadness and *** hits equally all humans, subs or Doms, so long aren't cynical heartless scumbags!
EVERY RELATIONSHIP HAS RISKS AND HOPES THAT MIGHT BE QUASHED! The *** that follows for those of us that where TRULY INVESTED in the relationship.....oh God!!!

Pardon my authoritarian way of articulating, it's my weakness!
Facts are ONLY TO BE USED TO HELP US NAVIGATE TO GET TO OUR TARGET!! NOT TO BE DEFEATED FROM THE START
I am a researcher, I create NEW facts and inventions. I gather information from attempts of others who FAILED, process it, understand what caused the failures to inform my approach. Then I go at my target and have often succeed!!
Sure in science events are governed by the SIMPLE TO FOLLOW laws of physics, chemistry, biology and statistics! Unlike human relationships that are influenced by our COMPLICATED PERSONALITIES, impulsive reactions, selfishness, self-limiting belief, and destructive self-fulfilling prophecies!

Sure relationships end and the numbers/facts are suggesting it is very likely that your relationship will end. SO WHAT? I decided to NOT ACCEPT IT AND FIGHT FOR IT!
D/s or not it must be a RELATIONSHIP. In relationships you must take your time to SPEAK with and LISTEN to your partner about your ***s, your worries.
LISTEN to and TRUST YOURSELF, you know how you are being treated and what that makes you feel.
What your partner says to you after putting things RESPECTFULLY to their attention?
If it walks like a duck and quarks like a duck.....IT IS A DUCK🤣🤣🤣🤣
MOVE ON AND START AGAIN.
Before moving on, is always good to check if driven out of *** you haven't become a duck yourself. That's what I feel compelled to do anyhow. I learned over the years that can be a tough cookie so I do this always.
For the avoidance of doubt, Duck here is the metaphor for a very difficult partner that is damaging the relationship irreprebly! Not a cynical bastard (D or s) taking you for a ride!

Many thanks for a stimulating topic!

HAVE A LOVELY DAY EVERYBODY ❤!