Munch Notes/Agenda - Misconceptions in BDSM - 28th January 2021

[PixieDust]

Munch Notes/Agenda - Misconceptions in BDSM -  28th January 2021

Host: @Willow75

 

Content: @Willow75  @lil-monster  @PixieDust

 

As long as BDSM has been around there have many misconceptions about BDSM ranging from the good, the funny, the bad and the ugly.  Tonight we plan to discuss many of them and look forward to your input.

 

1.   What are some of the common misconceptions surrounding BDSM you can think of?

• BDSM relationships are unhealthy
• People are kinky because they were ***d
• BDSM is always about sex and having lots of it
• BDSM requires a lot of equipment
• People who practice BDSM don’t respect consent
• BDSM is sexist and all about men getting off
• The Dominant partner has all the power
• Subs have all power
• People who like BDSM are sexual deviants and freaks
• People think BDSM is gender specific
• *** is intrinsic to BDSM
• Submissives are submissive all the time and/or with everyone
• Submission is a gift
• You are a sex slave 24-7, chained, no life, no say, back in the dark ages etc
• As a Dom/me, you have a harem of men/women under you

 

2.  Do you think many BDSM misconceptions have come from films/tv shows/books etc?

• Bonding – TV show Netflix
• 50 shades franchise - movie/book/merchandise
• The Secretary – movie
• Preaching to the Perverted - movie

 

3. Why do you think many people have misconceptions about BDSM?

• Frightening
• The *** of the unknown

 

4. Do you think people don’t do proper research into BDSM and therefore get these misconceptions?

 

5. Is there a misconception that BDSM is the same for everyone?

• Men are Dominant and not submissive
• Or Females are only submissive and not Dominant

 

6. Do kinksters who practice BDSM have their own misconceptions about BDSM?

• Submission is a gift
• Misunderstand the 4 Pillars
• A Dom/me has no limits
• Don’t believe aftercare is a thing
• Don’t believe in Dom/sub drops
• Don’t believe in negation – my way or the highway for example
• Real D/s Dynamics are 24/7

 

7. What ways can the BDSM community change these misconceptions?

• Further education
• Being more vocal and open

 

8. Did you have any of your own misconceptions about BDSM when you first started out?

 

 

9.  Any further thoughts on misconceptions in BDSM?

 

[Pe****]

2021 or 2022?

[ey****]

  On 11/10/2021 at 1:56 PM, PerthS said:

2021 or 2022?

Expand  

these are old notes

it can't be notes from 2022 as we've not been there yet

[RosesHaveThorns75]

Not eXactly an expert but I'd think that most of what you've listed is pretty likely to be correct  my gut tells me 🤔 I don't know what ***ps prejudices/stereotypes are towards S&M  personally as I'm not gonna tell anyone I'm into it 💀😬💀 espically as I have medical stuff related to trauma so it's a giant guilt trip/conflict of interest already 🙊 being a trans-female and a heavy metal fan since early ***s I'm kinda used to "stereotype central" and having so much shit from all sides because I'm not conforming to what most ***ps into heavy metal the dominant-supremacist 💀  kingpin-guys think my role should be (unpaid prostitute) and then suspicion/hate from straight women who just wonder wth I guess?!? 💀🔥🔥🔥💀 So I'm kinda vibing that as fetish is central to my identity but supressed  that it's got even worse issues to deal with than my other lifestyle stuff stereotypes are humourous until you realise ***ps are using it to control others and to control societal expectations them it's worrying and not funny 😬 without this site I'd have even less of a moral-compass as most s&m stuff I've collected is related to or depicted as fantasy so how would I know what's what and my previous experiences are outdated now?!? Despite dating punky/metaly guys noone picked up on or took an interest in my hidden-aspects which dosnt really make much sense to me?!? Image is just image and imagination sometimes & stereotypes again 🎃 and the wrong type of guys obviously so conflicting with many issues and not much light at the end of the tunnel 

Btw I wasn't aware that this was a thing occuring at munches?!? 💀🤔 that you do topics or like workshops on issues that are related (bar the practical advice I'd imagine)?!? I'd love to take part in that kinda thing.....🤩

[BradReapur]

I really like that you've called out the "BDSM is sexist and all about men getting off". For me personally I LOVE getting people off and allowing them the space to just enjoy the experience without the societally induced "obligation" to return the favour.