Honorifics

[CopperKnob]

So, in conversation the topic of honorifics came up and I commented that I'm not happy to use Sir, Daddy or Master in a dynamic.

Let me explain.

Lets start with the term D/s. The D capitalised, the s lower case. The D is assumed to have been given the power/authority while the s is assumed to be giving the power

Point being - the capitalisation has a meaning.

And, in extension, honorifics have meaning.

It's a subtle way of telling a partner that they're still engaging in the dynamic.  It a special secret and yet sometimes, also a public and obvious love note between two people.

With those names there is an implied trust and power exchanged. An implied history of protecting it. Protecting each other. For me it's more than a nickname.

Honorifics, for me, (like many?), are meant to show and tell that person that they aren’t just anybody. They are worthy of my submission.

And yet, to know that someone else has called MY Dom Sir, Daddy, Master personally, well it makes me cringe. Because, before, at some point, they were someone elses Sir, Daddy, Master and those honorifics belong to that dynamic, not mine.

For me, a honorific isn't something that can be borrowed or can be transferred from one dynamic to another

Thoughts?

[Goober-9862]

I honestly do not have an opinion because I've never been a scenario where it would matter.
But in general, I believe that if the relationship is at that level, I think I agree.
Also your conviction and tone on the matter, makes me want to side with you :-).

Interested to see what this topic brings.

[ge****]

Whilst I can see, understand and respect your point totally CK, I guess it comes down to how "personal" you view that type of honorific - personally I just see them as generic terms that are applied and used by individuals as a form of address.

That said I won't use them liberally and only to someone I am being submissive to - but would have no issue transferring them from one dynamic to another and finding other terms of endearment specific to that dynamic, but that's just me and my own personal take and respect yours just as much.

[Deleted Member]

So if you're a Dom you can never use a title you've previously used in a previous relationship? That just sounds silly. Yes the dynamic has to be made and title earned but I'm still calling someone babygirl if they've been someone else's before. THEY'RE MINE NOW.

[Deleted Member]

Just as I am theirs, respectfully...

[CopperKnob]

21 minutes ago, DaddyStoryteller said:

So if you're a Dom you can never use a title you've previously used in a previous relationship? That just sounds silly. Yes the dynamic has to be made and title earned but I'm still calling someone babygirl if they've been someone else's before. THEY'RE MINE NOW.

I personally wouldn't appreciate it

[CopperKnob]

57 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Whilst I can see, understand and respect your point totally CK, I guess it comes down to how "personal" you view that type of honorific - personally I just see them as generic terms that are applied and used by individuals as a form of address.

That said I won't use them liberally and only to someone I am being submissive to - but would have no issue transferring them from one dynamic to another and finding other terms of endearment specific to that dynamic, but that's just me and my own personal take and respect yours just as much.

I think thats my issue, they're generic as opposed to personalised. I've nothing against other using the same honorifics if they're comfortable with them, its personal choice, but for me? It gives me the ick
I just wanted to know others considered thoughts

[ge****]

8 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

I think thats my issue, they're generic as opposed to personalised. I've nothing against other using the same honorifics if they're comfortable with them, its personal choice, but for me? It gives me the ick
I just wanted to know others considered thoughts

Like most things it comes down to personal choice I guess but like I said I can totally understand where you're coming from - I guess an ideal for me would be somewhere in between where the generic is purely a term or device but something more meaningful and individual also applies and would probably take the priority.

[Deleted Member]

I have no problem with a partner calling me by my name. It has always transpired that a nickname develops in a dynamic that lasts, something that only you two understand and use. That makes it more personal. I like that. The honorifics are unnecessary once you reach a certain point...you both know who you are and what you stand for.

[Goober-9862]

Silly question, maybe slightly off topic, is it common in a D/s relationship that the D moves through s's or vice versa?

I think of that is the case does that cause more of an issue with the topic at hand?

[BigPolly]

It’s 4:50am & I’m staring at my phone after reading this thinking ‘what a ***y good question’
For me honourifics have always been needed either because of where I was Domme’ing or when I changed over, because the Dom’s were all so throwaway, it was a case of ‘talk through things, walk in, honourifics start & then so does play cementing each person into their role’
Now my play is within a long term journey the honourifics don’t seem a necessity. If I’m being honest, old habits die hard so not using honourifics can sometimes still feel a bit strange but the tone in his voice sets our roles very clearly.
I guess it’s the same as collaring, does a sub need to be collared as part of her Dom’s claim? But what if he’s collared a sub before?!
For me collaring is far deeper than honourifics, it’s a true moment of roles not just via words but a physical item that lays claim (I know you’re hating me using the word claim lol) but again that has only happened over short term play so the commitment value has been 0 which makes it ok 😂
Everybody has a past & personally I don’t think you can hold someone accountable for that. We all carry habits from one to another be that via honourifics or via play.
What we do with someone or what we call them isn’t a reflection of what they had with the people before us but equally it’s not a necessity it’s about both simply being comfortable so that nothing stands in the way of fun. 😊

[CopperKnob]

3 hours ago, Goober-9862 said:

Silly question, maybe slightly off topic, is it common in a D/s relationship that the D moves through s's or vice versa?

I think of that is the case does that cause more of an issue with the topic at hand?

I think its maybe a personal thing, im not one who think all relationships last forever, stats evidence that, although i want my fairytale ending

[BigPolly]

2 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

I think its maybe a personal thing, im not one who think all relationships last forever, stats evidence that, although i want my fairytale ending

I hate the word ‘relationship’ (bare with me, it isn’t because you’ve just used it 😂) because I feel that once you state the word ‘relationship’ it comes with a firm set of rules which have been used over & over & for me that’s scary heavy repetitive dull commitment.
If I can avoid the word ‘relationship’ yet head into something along those lines with our own rules which then run alongside eachother (which is what I’m currently doing) then that feels ok, it doesn’t feel caged or unnecessary, it feels easier to navigate in my own head & easier to just be more relaxed about. (I have noooooo idea how people even consider marriage when I struggle so badly with a ‘relationship’ 😂)

I guess that’s the same kind of thing with your honourifics?! The rules are too set but they are the same rules that have been set several times before.

Drop the rules, honourifics, straight repetitive lines etc & just be ‘ourselves’ then we’re all winning 😊

[CopperKnob]

1 hour ago, BigPolly said:

It’s 4:50am & I’m staring at my phone after reading this thinking ‘what a ***y good question’
For me honourifics have always been needed either because of where I was Domme’ing or when I changed over, because the Dom’s were all so throwaway, it was a case of ‘talk through things, walk in, honourifics start & then so does play cementing each person into their role’
Now my play is within a long term journey the honourifics don’t seem a necessity. If I’m being honest, old habits die hard so not using honourifics can sometimes still feel a bit strange but the tone in his voice sets our roles very clearly.
I guess it’s the same as collaring, does a sub need to be collared as part of her Dom’s claim? But what if he’s collared a sub before?!
For me collaring is far deeper than honourifics, it’s a true moment of roles not just via words but a physical item that lays claim (I know you’re hating me using the word claim lol) but again that has only happened over short term play so the commitment value has been 0 which makes it ok 😂
Everybody has a past & personally I don’t think you can hold someone accountable for that. We all carry habits from one to another be that via honourifics or via play.
What we do with someone or what we call them isn’t a reflection of what they had with the people before us but equally it’s not a necessity it’s about both simply being comfortable so that nothing stands in the way of fun. 😊

Its now 6amish and im trying to figure out how many points there are here to think about...🤔 so immediate reactions rather than toying around with it
It comes back to the type of dynamic and the individuals within it it?
Roleplay dynamic, not something i'd entertain but for me probably acceptable to use standard honorifics because id be acting out a part.
Long term dynamic, likely to evolve to using
them but after a while they drop off, so how 'important' are they?
I like honorifics for the above reasons, to me they are important
Maybe there is an aspect of it thats laying 'claim' (ugh!!) (Its just a word, but I'll go with 'belonging' 😂)
I hadn't likened it to collaring and the D collaring previous subs and i guess, for me its about the meaning of the collar. But, im not going to appreciate a used collar just as, in the vanilla world I wouldn't appreciate an engagement ring that someone else had been given previously but yep, everyone has a past/previous relationships
D/s, for me is intense and special, being called something that all subs before me have been called doesn't strike me as special
Maybe all it is is jealously 💩

[CopperKnob]

Just now, CopperKnob said:

Its now 6amish and im trying to figure out how many points there are here to think about...🤔 so immediate reactions rather than toying around with it
It comes back to the type of dynamic and the individuals within it it?
Roleplay dynamic, not something i'd entertain but for me probably acceptable to use standard honorifics because id be acting out a part.
Long term dynamic, likely to evolve to using
them but after a while they drop off, so how 'important' are they?
I like honorifics for the above reasons, to me they are important
Maybe there is an aspect of it thats laying 'claim' (ugh!!) (Its just a word, but I'll go with 'belonging' 😂)
I hadn't likened it to collaring and the D collaring previous subs and i guess, for me its about the meaning of the collar. But, im not going to appreciate a used collar just as, in the vanilla world I wouldn't appreciate an engagement ring that someone else had been given previously but yep, everyone has a past/previous relationships
D/s, for me is intense and special, being called something that all subs before me have been called doesn't strike me as special
Maybe all it is is jealously 💩

Well that wasn't the right emoji!!

[CopperKnob]

5 minutes ago, BigPolly said:

I hate the word ‘relationship’ (bare with me, it isn’t because you’ve just used it 😂) because I feel that once you state the word ‘relationship’ it comes with a firm set of rules which have been used over & over & for me that’s scary heavy repetitive dull commitment.
If I can avoid the word ‘relationship’ yet head into something along those lines with our own rules which then run alongside eachother (which is what I’m currently doing) then that feels ok, it doesn’t feel caged or unnecessary, it feels easier to navigate in my own head & easier to just be more relaxed about. (I have noooooo idea how people even consider marriage when I struggle so badly with a ‘relationship’ 😂)

I guess that’s the same kind of thing with your honourifics?! The rules are too set but they are the same rules that have been set several times before.

Drop the rules, honourifics, straight repetitive lines etc & just be ‘ourselves’ then we’re all winning 😊

Nail on the head, 'dating' is another one. Im the worlds worst dater, may as well call it ***, id rather skip to the point where we can be in a da da daaaa, relationship, but don't call it that because I'll bail 😂

[BigPolly]

5 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Well that wasn't the right emoji!!

😂😂😂 there’s always room for that emoji!  💩 

Ewwww no, not using someone else’s collar that’s completely weird & definitely a no-no. 
I knew you’d hate the word ‘claim’ 😂 I quite like it in the right play/primal setting, but not as a general term.

I love dating but my nerves hate it & they take over but I’d happy have many dates knowing there’d be no end result. In fact if I thought it was likely to lead anywhere I’d probably be less likely to date …. Jeez I’m backwards aren’t I 🙄😂 my (neurodiverse) brain sees the world a little differently which can be great at times as I go through a whole different set of rules to other people, it’s great.

I don’t think I get jealous but I do get uncomfortable about certain situations, more so current situations rather than past. In fact I find people incredibly interesting & their past is part of that tapestry. 
However like you say, a D/s situation is intense & therefore YOUR rules & boundaries are important, not just a general set of rules  

It’s all a huge learning curve, we never stop learning. Even after 25-30yrs the things I’m learning is mindblowing. 
But it’s also questions like this/yours that feeds the brain further 

 

[Sp****]

I normally find myself agreeing with a lot of what you say on most subjects Copperknob but not on this occasion. I think those honourifics are hugely important to most people in the kink scene. I think they are the chosen names because even just the use of them is a huge turn on to a lot of people. Slave slut Babygirl Master Sir or Daddy hold huge importance whether you’re saying it or having it said to you invokes the whole scene and why a lot of people start to have kink feelings and investigate the scene further. To me it’s just the same as using hun babe darling etc in the vanilla world. Certain ones work for certain people and others don’t but I can see why a used collar would give most people the Ick and agree with that one being a no no but I think you could be right when you mentioned perhaps it’s jealousy that makes you feel that way. The green eyed monster is never a good look on copper we don’t want you going all rusty now do we!!

[CopperKnob]

1 minute ago, Spanksy said:

I normally find myself agreeing with a lot of what you say on most subjects Copperknob but not on this occasion. I think those honourifics are hugely important to most people in the kink scene. I think they are the chosen names because even just the use of them is a huge turn on to a lot of people. Slave slut Babygirl Master Sir or Daddy hold huge importance whether you’re saying it or having it said to you invokes the whole scene and why a lot of people start to have kink feelings and investigate the scene further. To me it’s just the same as using hun babe darling etc in the vanilla world. Certain ones work for certain people and others don’t but I can see why a used collar would give most people the Ick and agree with that one being a no no but I think you could be right when you mentioned perhaps it’s jealousy that makes you feel that way. The green eyed monster is never a good look on copper we don’t want you going all rusty now do we!!

Red and green should never be seen? Or is that blue and green? 🤔

[Deleted Member]

This is a very interesting subject. My immediate thoughts were that I would never re-use anything that has been used by another. I even give the other person a nickname that no one has ever called them before. My feelings are very similar when it comes to the use of Sir/Daddy/Master. However, this is a matter of ego as far as I am concerned. Not saying that’s what’s going on in your case, but for me, it’s about being unique and the only one. Feeling like this dynamic is more than there has ever been before. But say, you meet your Holy Grail, your everything, and he NEEDS you to call him Sir/Daddy/Master or else he couldn’t be. Would you not drop your preference to not re-use honorifics and in doing so, would you not show him what he truly is to you? I think I would, under those circumstances.

[CopperKnob]

3 minutes ago, Sub-lime said:

This is a very interesting subject. My immediate thoughts were that I would never re-use anything that has been used by another. I even give the other person a nickname that no one has ever called them before. My feelings are very similar when it comes to the use of Sir/Daddy/Master. However, this is a matter of ego as far as I am concerned. Not saying that’s what’s going on in your case, but for me, it’s about being unique and the only one. Feeling like this dynamic is more than there has ever been before. But say, you meet your Holy Grail, your everything, and he NEEDS you to call him Sir/Daddy/Master or else he couldn’t be. Would you not drop your preference to not re-use honorifics and in doing so, would you not show him what he truly is to you? I think I would, under those circumstances.

In a nutshell this is where my head is at over it, just worded it better than I did and I honestly don't know. My immediate reaction is, no, I'll never use any of those three honorifics, but, its definitely a discussion isn't it

[Deleted Member]

4 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:My immediate reaction is, no, I'll never use any of those three honorifics, but, its definitely a discussion isn't it

I reckon you will be surprised what you are prepared to do for the right person. Because, until he enters your life, everything is theoretical and your ego is the only resident at play. It might, in a twisted way, even show you who your person is, when you suddenly realise that you will cross some lines you previously thought impossible 

[Deleted Member]

Perfect question and at the right time. As my understanding grows and my needs change, I have started to question the use of these specific words as well. Like @TheScribe has said, the 'right' nickname will come with time, but where does that leave us in the meantime? I used to love the sound of Master or Sir, but by now they seem hollow and perhaps even a bit artificial. Yet to get my beginner's head into the right mindset they might be a good tool, just like a collar could be. As a means of introduction then, but not in the long run, because in an ideal scenario a dynamic isn't about re-enacting but developing a unique experience in my personal theory. 

 

Oh, and Daddy just really doesn't work for me. As in not at all. That makes me cringe.. 

[Deleted Member]

6 hours ago, BigPolly said:

I have noooooo idea how people even consider marriage when I struggle so badly with a ‘relationship’ 😂)

Show me the ones who actually considered anything about marriage before they entered it. From experience: people fall into marriages, because that's what you do, right? If anyone under the sun actually considered it with all its societal meanings and expectations, they'd run for their life! Literally! 🤣

[Deleted Member]

20 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

So, in conversation the topic of honorifics came up 

And yet, to know that someone else has called MY Dom Sir, Daddy, Master personally, well it makes me cringe. Because, before, at some point, they were someone elses Sir, Daddy, Master and those honorifics belong to that dynamic, not mine.

 

All carry baggage...a past, accepting that is part and parcel of being a grown up....and part of playing the "dating game." To expect any different is unreasonable and a little weird. If one was to worry about names given to others from the past....its not really a great way to start something new, and straight away can cause issues. As another member has pointed out for the right person anything is possible and can fit quite nicely.....if they are the right "fit."