But...Fet Is A Sex Site!

[Charms]

I thought the foundation of fetish was for me to got paddled an flogged.

 

Jokeing aside if they want to get laid there's fuck.com fetish.com other site

[CopperKnob]

4 hours ago, LouLou_xx said:

I’ve had people insult me for being on here, they also said stuff like “why are you on here if you don’t want sex??” and “that I had to fix myself because I didn’t want sex”. A few people have had the nerve to say that I can’t be a submissive because BDSM is exclusively for sex or that the foundation of BDSM is sex. Not to mention that unsolicited dick pictures, dirty messages and insults/degrading comments, especially when we’ve barely spoken for less than 10 minutes. More often than not the first thing someone messages me is either rude, disrespectful or sexual.

Honest to god, yesterday I had 'have you been a good girl today?' I mean, in comparison to some its pretty tame, but you're a stranger, you don't get to call me, suggest i'm or ask if i'm a good girl.
But it's also I may or may not be wanting sex, but I definitely do not want random sex with some random stranger off the internet. If you wanna get off with randoms, there's website for that, this is not it.
And yeah, challenge them and 'you aren't a submissive', okay Norman, crack on love just not with me 🙄

[CopperKnob]

8 hours ago, ForbiddenTaboos said:

Men should never send woman dick pics, it takes away the mystery and they’ve seen millions of them anyway lol. Also it’s rude to just send someone a dirty pic without them asking. Some men just don’t understand this unfortunately.

I must see a couple of cocks each week at work, that's more than enough for me 👍🏻

[CopperKnob]

5 hours ago, Leisa said:

I’ve not once gotten one of these dick pics y’all talk about though I have gotten messages from dicks.

Are you bragging or disappointed 🤔😂

[Deleted Member]

If ever l sent a dick pic all it would get is a recommendation for drastic cosmetic surgery.

[Leisa]

2 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

Are you bragging or disappointed 🤔😂

😂😂😂

[Tig82]

Yep, not something I do, it's kinda creepy. If I got unsolicited vagina pics without much of a conversation I'd be a bit uncomfortable about it. As for seeing plenty of cocks at work, I can't say I do but with the amount of a$$holes I work with you'd think I was a proctologist 

[Tig82]

19 hours ago, LouLou_xx said:

I’ve had people insult me for being on here, they also said stuff like “why are you on here if you don’t want sex??” and “that I had to fix myself because I didn’t want sex”. A few people have had the nerve to say that I can’t be a submissive because BDSM is exclusively for sex or that the foundation of BDSM is sex. Not to mention that unsolicited dick pictures, dirty messages and insults/degrading comments, especially when we’ve barely spoken for less than 10 minutes. More often than not the first thing someone messages me is either rude, disrespectful or sexual.

Always thought this site was for like minded folk to get to know each other etc. Some folk have got the wrong end of the stick and like to think they're bdsm deity, Sod them, I've been told similar as I'm still exploring and learning that I have no place being here as I'm not a fully licensed dom or sub

[Je****]

1 hour ago, Tig82 said:

Always thought this site was for like minded folk to get to know each other etc. Some folk have got the wrong end of the stick and like to think they're bdsm deity, Sod them, I've been told similar as I'm still exploring and learning that I have no place being here as I'm not a fully licensed dom or sub

I wrote a forum post relating to the last bit here. 

You DO have a place here, this site is not solely for Dominants and Submissives. Some people just like kink, fetishes and bdsm in general. You don't need a 'role' to enjoy and benefit from this site. However most peoples flawed perception of here does in fact make them think you're (in general) a fake / wannabe because of lack of title. People need to break this thinking. 

I switch, but I am not A Switch. I just enjoy myself and the learning that comes with, but some people try to speak to me the first thing they always ask is "Are you dominant or submissive?" I say neither and they're left confused. Says it all really haha

[ey****]

I always think there's a double-edge on inclusion and welcoming.  

So. Imagine you're going to a pub - and I dunno it's either a music pub or a sports bar or whatever where everyone there is "like minded" (like minded is a very weird term because if for example this pub is a rock bar, there are a lot of varying tastes and ideas on rock music.   Equally if it's a football bar, it might be the only thing people *actually* have in common is the football team) 

If someone arrives and behaves like a dick - people aren't really going to want to interact with them.    If someone arrives and wants to talk to someone and decides to make a beeline for the first lady who looks like she's sat on her own (walking past 3 men who are sat on their own and a large group with 2 clearly empty seats) then it becomes a question of if the person really was interested in chatting to likeminded folk or just hit on the women.

Everyone was new once and everyone has different likes and it is all valid.  However, again, you wouldn't sit next to a stranger in a bar and then ask them to tell you everything they know on a subject that interests you.

(incidentally... I do think too many people get stuck up about 'sub' and 'Dom' and I've said before that the vast majority people who have some form of kink in their relationship do no subscribe to D/s or Protocol) 

[Deleted Member]

This 💯

[SexxyMoeFoe]

I have had this same "what do you expect on a sex site" response when I say I am not looking for a sex partner. 

1) At least I know those people are not what I am looking for within 1 or 2 messages. Block and done

2) Even if this WAS a sex site, it's probably 75% other guys looking for sex so - aggressive / harassing language and/or dick pics doesn't make you stand out.  It literally makes you like every other guy. 

Like @eyemblacksheep said, if this was a bar - who would you approach and how would you approach them? It doesn't matter where you are - if you act like an ass you aren't going to get what you want. Are you really looking for like-mined kinksters?  Not that I am saying that you shouldn't look for partners for sex... feel free... but understand that's not what this site is

[Arti]

Sadly no matter where you go there will be Jerks! What kills me on the sites is people that are straight up fakes stealing images  of other people . Now if they plan to meet that would be awkward! Or they are here as a catfish or scammer. I seem to find many more of them. Phone calls and better yet zoom cals are great but carry other security issues. What do you find the best way to get over it?

[CopperKnob]

19 minutes ago, Arti said:

Sadly no matter where you go there will be Jerks! What kills me on the sites is people that are straight up fakes stealing images  of other people . Now if they plan to meet that would be awkward! Or they are here as a catfish or scammer. I seem to find many more of them. Phone calls and better yet zoom cals are great but carry other security issues. What do you find the best way to get over it?

Accepting it for what it is plus, rein***d iron clad walls

[RAMB]

Treating people like people is the best way to put it that is exactly it

[DaddyDom101]

Well, it’s best you establish a connection and use your head and gut feeling because most time we tend to play down that’s flight or fight feeling when we come across a profile.

[Sophie58]

Hey CK! Been away for awhile, nice to see another great post from you. For me, this is been such a great community to help me get comfortable with who I am, make friends and yes partners to play with. But it’s soooo much more then just sex, it’s about knowing ourselves, feeling safe in a community and having fun. I’m grateful for the great people here and do my best to ignore the rest. And for the record, agree with everything you said. Makes it easy for me to know who to ignore.

[CopperKnob]

11 hours ago, Sophie58 said:

Hey CK! Been away for awhile, nice to see another great post from you. For me, this is been such a great community to help me get comfortable with who I am, make friends and yes partners to play with. But it’s soooo much more then just sex, it’s about knowing ourselves, feeling safe in a community and having fun. I’m grateful for the great people here and do my best to ignore the rest. And for the record, agree with everything you said. Makes it easy for me to know who to ignore.

Its definitely much more than the physical. Glad you're enjoying yourself

[Deleted Member]

I haven’t been into this lifestyle for long and when I joined FET I had no idea what to expect. My kinks are definitely
coming into their own now I am meeting up and chatting with like minded people in the community. If this was a sex site I’d be demanding a refund! The reality is many people outside of this lifestyle (I haven’t for all my life) wouldn’t understand I feel more myself being tied up and having someone *** on me than having a vanilla sex life. And the pleasure that gives me.

[CamiBami]

I am honestly confused by unsolicited DP … even if it looks delicious…. it does not mean he isn’t a 2 pump chump… Anyways, if we want to see it… we will ask 

[Ae****]

Some people do use it as a sex site. If you're not into that, that's ok - don't engage with, pay attention to or worry about the people who are. If people are bugging you despite you not saying anything to them, just delete the chats, block etc. Life is easier and more pleasant when we focus on the good parts and don't spend our attention/time/energy/emotions on the bad.

[Va****]

You have the right to follow your wishes and who you are as a individual but remember your responsible for your actions...don't do anything you are not interested and if someone harm's you, hopefully it's dealt in a legal way, don't do what you don't want to happen to yourself!

[Deleted Member]

Been treating it same as Tinder or POF but I may be naive. I.e. would like to meet for a vanilla coffee date or whatever, sure can talk about BDSM etc but can also not talk about. More about is their attraction, do we connect and click.

[Du****]

Absolutely. Common sense, please, you fellows: “Can you give me a sex show while I watch and masturbate” is not - repeat, NOT - a good way to introduce yourself. It’s just not. Ever.
So, stop it.

[Gidorra]

I do not have a Science article to back this up, but came across a poll of sorts, that claimed that walking up to a lady in a bar and ask her straight up for sex works like 1 in 10 times. That is not bad for making no effort at all, and this here seems like the online version of it, isn't it? You don't have to be as bold as in RL either, and there is no risk of getting a beer in your face