Jokey posts and sad female/male connections

[Ar****]

10 hours ago, Aeonova said:

Like great girls, great guys aren't single long.

This has to be one of the most ridiculous claims I have ever read here, and it is astonishingly sweeping from somebody who elsewhere seems to recognise and state that not everybody's experiences are the same.

Are you genuinely saying that you don't know ANY great people who haven't ever been single for long? If so that's plain sad. I know plenty of amazing and frankly inspirational long-term single people, and I'd wager I'm not alone in that amongst members. That is to say nothing of the great people who have no interest in relationships and don't validate themselves by these standards you're setting for them. Your black-and-white argument implies that none of us can be great if we aren't in or ready for our next relationship; I think that cheapens humanity.

4 hours ago, Aeonova said:

Regarding being in abusive relationships - yeah you're not a catch until you get over the mental burdens that led you into the relationship. When you can draw strong boundaries, identity toxic people and are also simultaneously able to be *** and trusting with careful selection - you're a catch. Your one of those great people. Until then, you need to do some more personal growth.

And what the heck kind of ignorant and victim-blaming diatribe is this? 😳 I'm going to say this one time not as a point for discussion or debate because clearly somebody has to - being in an abusive relationship equates ON NO LEVEL with having "mental burdens that led you into the relationship."

You dismiss as being "a catch" or "great person" any survivor who hasn't moved forward the way you expect them to, when you wouldn't know the slightest other thing about them which might make them - and I'll use parentheses again - "great". You don't even seem to recognise that people can have strong boundaries etc and still suffer abusive relationships. 

You have a system which works for you and that's great but different people value different things in one another; you may - or may not, you seem happy enough with your choices - wish to step back and consider whether you want to be someone who comes across as heavy-handed and inflexible in pushing their personal views and values on others.

[ey****]

I think there are a few things with jokes in general to remember.

Punching up is satire, punching down is bullying.  It's important any jokes are either punching upwards or a kinda take-***-out-of-self.

[ge****]

18 minutes ago, Aranhis said:

And what the heck kind of ignorant and victim-blaming diatribe is this? 😳 I'm going to say this one time not as a point for discussion or debate because clearly somebody has to - being in an abusive relationship equates ON NO LEVEL with having "mental burdens that led you into the relationship."

You dismiss as being "a catch" or "great person" any survivor who hasn't moved forward the way you expect them to, when you wouldn't know the slightest other thing about them which might make them - and I'll use parentheses again - "great". You don't even seem to recognise that people can have strong boundaries etc and still suffer abusive relationships. 

You have a system which works for you and that's great but different people value different things in one another; you may - or may not, you seem happy enough with your choices - wish to step back and consider whether you want to be someone who comes across as heavy-handed and inflexible in pushing their personal views and values on others.

Bravo 👏 👏

Had much the same thoughts just couldn't verbalise them.

I know plenty of "great" people who have problems finding the connection they want, and plenty of "shitty" people who seem to meander without care from one person to the next - being "great" doesn't necessarily equate to "success" on sites like this....being able to find an approach and attitude that works for you the individual is the key.

[Deleted Member]

21 minutes ago, Aranhis said:

And what the heck kind of ignorant and victim-blaming diatribe is this? 😳 I'm going to say this one time not as a point for discussion or debate because clearly somebody has to - being in an abusive relationship equates ON NO LEVEL with having "mental burdens that led you into the relationship."

You dismiss as being "a catch" or "great person" any survivor who hasn't moved forward the way you expect them to, when you wouldn't know the slightest other thing about them which might make them - and I'll use parentheses again - "great". You don't even seem to recognise that people can have strong boundaries etc and still suffer abusive relationships. 

You have a system which works for you and that's great but different people value different things in one another; you may - or may not, you seem happy enough with your choices - wish to step back and consider whether you want to be someone who comes across as heavy-handed and inflexible in pushing their personal views and values on others.

I've seen the OP post many times before and comment on other threads. I haven't seen any sign that he is misogynist or mansplains as he has been accused of (not by you, Aranhis). I think this particular subject is emotive - any of us who have experienced *** of any kind may find our reactions coloured. I include myself in that group. Some of the points here from the OP need more clarification but I don't believe he is victim blaming. I found it quite difficult to hear that problems in the way I approached relationships (which weren't my fault) meant that I was open to predators. But it's true, and true for many. That's not blaming victims. It's recognising that in order to move on from being a victim - we have to do the work. Establish boundaries and all of the rest. That is my take from what has been said. I think language is a little clumsy in places but I cannot see any ill will or victim blaming.

[Deleted Member]

6 hours ago, tazzy said:

Before I comment: With this I am not participating in a personal discussion between two people, the following is a general observation I have made on many different threads. 

When I first joined I was naive and paid for it. Honestly, I didn't know better, had hardly any experience with online dating and I had to learn to laugh at predators and to move on fast. So it is not as easy as you say:

May I add, unfortunately it is not as easy as this and at times being a newbie can make you a victim.

However, just like this is a generalisation, I have seen many generalisations in other posts. But as you say, it is in these generalisations that we could see the potential for discussions. And here is the reason for me commenting: What I have observed a bit too often is that when someone contradicts an OP (and again, this is NOT about one specific person, this is a "trend" I've seen), this contradiction is not seen as a counterargument or a different perspective, but as an aggressive act. By doing this, a potentially fruitful discussion is stopped by insisting on being right. But what do we win through this? How brilliant would it be if we could have dialogues and through these dialogues learn to understand what the other side is thinking. With openness to other opinions and perspectives, we can either learn or find ways to change someone's mind. Because when we know why they think what they think we can tailor our own counterarguments. The word "mansplaining" exists for a reason, no doubt about that. But if it is used to shut down conversations then we're losing out on a culture of discussion. And now I brace myself as well, but this has been working in me for a while now and I have to let it out. 

I thoroughly agree. Ego all too often gets on the way of more open discussion. I've been guilty of that. But if I just pose a question and see what others make of it - I've learnt so much from the ways that others reframe thoughts and situations.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, MzJax said:

Slightly off track, forgive me I'm focusing on the jokey,...and I think there is Definitely a place for it and fun posts, and comments, depending how you're defining jokey (for clarity I mean humorous, laughing with not at, not ***taking)..the constant diatribes, proclamations, and this is wrong this is right posts, however well intentioned, end up creating a hostile atmosphere alongside the "all x are this", "all y are that", the worst tempered with a "if you don't recognise this you're the problem" and a slew of resentments can quickly and easily develop, particularly when only once voice, one opinion or one viewpoint is tolerated,  opinions are often presented as facts yet are still just opinions however much the posters feel otherwise, the content as well as the way its presented absolutely doesn't allow for free expression, diversity of thought, debate or discussion let alone humour..the forums don't feel as welcoming or inviting as a result, lately they've felt more like a personal blog than forums..but of course that's only my opinion.

There is absolutely a need for posts that can help educate and keep us A/all safe, but kink is fucking fun, surely that should also be reflected in the forums and the comments made on them?

Hello my friend, it's good to see you back here 🤗. With a well-expressed comment too.

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, MzJax said:

Slightly off track, forgive me I'm focusing on the jokey,...and I think there is Definitely a place for it and fun posts, and comments, depending how you're defining jokey (for clarity I mean humorous, laughing with not at, not ***taking)..the constant diatribes, proclamations, and this is wrong this is right posts, however well intentioned, end up creating a hostile atmosphere alongside the "all x are this", "all y are that", the worst tempered with a "if you don't recognise this you're the problem" and a slew of resentments can quickly and easily develop, particularly when only once voice, one opinion or one viewpoint is tolerated,  opinions are often presented as facts yet are still just opinions however much the posters feel otherwise, the content as well as the way its presented absolutely doesn't allow for free expression, diversity of thought, debate or discussion let alone humour..the forums don't feel as welcoming or inviting as a result, lately they've felt more like a personal blog than forums..but of course that's only my opinion.

There is absolutely a need for posts that can help educate and keep us A/all safe, but kink is fucking fun, surely that should also be reflected in the forums and the comments made on them?

This is so well said. This place resembles a school playground at times. There are those ones who are loud, strong and prolific, and unafraid to express their thoughts until the majority is either brainwashed or afraid to express an opinion, in case it goes against the established order. I don’t know how it always happens like that , that the few speak for the majority. We are all so different here, on our own journeys and that’s to be celebrated. And as you’ve rightly pointed out, kink is super fun - let’s talk about that more often. Let’s talk about the highs, and the endorphins, and how freaking amazing it is to trust someone so much as to literally put your safety in their hands. There is so much diversity here - bulldozing over it feels so wrong. 

[Ae****]

1 hour ago, Aranhis said:

And what the heck kind of ignorant and victim-blaming diatribe is this? 😳 I'm going to say this one time not as a point for discussion or debate because clearly somebody has to - being in an abusive relationship equates ON NO LEVEL with having "mental burdens that led you into the relationship."

You dismiss as being "a catch" or "great person" any survivor who hasn't moved forward the way you expect them to, when you wouldn't know the slightest other thing about them which might make them - and I'll use parentheses again - "great". You don't even seem to recognise that people can have strong boundaries etc and still suffer abusive relationships. 

You have a system which works for you and that's great but different people value different things in one another; you may - or may not, you seem happy enough with your choices - wish to step back and consider whether you want to be someone who comes across as heavy-handed and inflexible in pushing their personal views and values on others.

Complex ideas and psychology are hard to talk about here in a concise way. This format makes it *very* difficult to not write mini essays to get across ideas where topics are sensitive. A lot of people see that and go 😴 boooorrringggg. That's what i assume.

So if my language is clumsy, or I don't explain everything thoroughly 1st time, seek clarification 1st please, before announcing what I am, in your, possibly wildly incorrect, view 😶 be great if you toned down your responses, but hey, you do you 🤷🏻‍♂️

And i think this info is all in my posts and comments - but it's very easy to assume the worst when it's emotional and a raw trigger issue for so many. But there is nothing in my messages actually saying anything malicious regarding victims. Its tempting to rush into defence even though there may not be anything to defend against when it's complex stuff. It isn't a surprise that people start seeing victim blaming here, it's predictable, so please slow down and let me see if what I say next explains the idea further 😐 yh maybe you'll still think I'm a bad guy at the end and if so, oh well. Maybe your right.

Not saying this because i care about what anyone here thinks of me - but because the ideas have merit and if you get upset over this part, you'll be blind to the rest of it 🤷🏻‍♂️

So the idea can start here - people who get caught in an abusive relationships are not to blame for their situation. That's true in one way, but not totally true in another.

Now there are other people who never have problems like that. They spot predators, bad people, a mile off. And when the person starts their attack, gas lighting, whatever, these people see it for what it is. And can't be convinced otherwise. And tell the person to stop, very very firmly. If the person manages to get anywhere near them in the 1st place, which is unlikely.

Sadly people who *do* fall into relationships with ***rs or whatever, they don't have these skills and traits. They were never taught them, and likely have deep subconscious psychological issues that make it difficult to be assertive, to easily spot manipulation, to not be convinced of falsehoods, to stand up to people, to ID bad people fast and easy. They have a weakness in their boundaries, confidence, assertion, self belief, independence etc etc. Somewhere. And that is where a bad person will get in. And if a victim has had a bad childhood, they're also very prone to subconsciously seeking bad people to repeat the experience with. They're not aware of it, it's subconscious. These are indeed issues. They are mental burdens. So please withhold your all caps accusations 🙄

That's awful. And not their fault. Because of course every sane person would want these abilities, so if they could have them, they would.

Now they can be great in many many ways. Super smart. Successful financially. Kind. Fit. Generous. Etc etc etc. But if they aren't self confident as well. And assertive. And aware of healthy, strong boundaries. And emotionally independent. Etc etc. Well - those are some areas where they are not so great.

They are still good, great people in many ways - but they have some very human weaknesses. We all have them. Some more than others, through no fault of their own.

And, actually, no! - strong boundaries by definition would not allow you to get into an abusive relationship. I'm quite confused by why you'd say otherwise. When a bad person started to be abusive, which would necessitate crossing boundaries, they would obviously, logically, immediately be kicked to the kerb because of the strong boundaries their would-be victim possessed 🧐

I'm afraid i don't quite understand the rest of what you're saying. This is psychology. Dealing with things like boundary setting, self confidence, assertiveness, etc. All humans operate with these things affecting them. You will either suffer because you don't have a handle on them, or enjoy life and relationships because you are lucky enough to have these skills and traits. It's not a personal system that's worked for me. Everyone exists with this system.

If you don't have these traits yet, that's awful and sad. Not your fault.

BUT you can gain them. Find out why you don't have them. And then set on developing them.

Victims attract predators, surely that's not something that needs to explained. They are attracted to and then exploit weaknesses, if you have them. Simultaneously if you don't have these weaknesses, predators never touch you. And when they do cross your path you immediately tell them to take a hike.

So it's not a victim's fault they are in a situation. But if they are lucky, they can gain skills that mean they never get into such a situation again. There are things about them, about the victim, which led them to or which keep them in a bad place. If they can get the space and time, and are open and able to do the work, they can grow into people who are not only smart, kind, funny etc etc etc, but also street smart, people smart, and who can easily spot bad people.

So in *that* particular way they are responsible for their situation. They have the burdens in their minds that got them there. Or keep them there. They didn't ask for the burdens, but nonetheless, they have them. That's the nuance.

[Ae****]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I think there are a few things with jokes in general to remember.

Punching up is satire, punching down is bullying.  It's important any jokes are either punching upwards or a kinda take-***-out-of-self.

This! so much!

[Ae****]

1 hour ago, Dragonflylover said:

I've seen the OP post many times before and comment on other threads. I haven't seen any sign that he is misogynist or mansplains as he has been accused of (not by you, Aranhis). I think this particular subject is emotive - any of us who have experienced *** of any kind may find our reactions coloured. I include myself in that group. Some of the points here from the OP need more clarification but I don't believe he is victim blaming. I found it quite difficult to hear that problems in the way I approached relationships (which weren't my fault) meant that I was open to predators. But it's true, and true for many. That's not blaming victims. It's recognising that in order to move on from being a victim - we have to do the work. Establish boundaries and all of the rest. That is my take from what has been said. I think language is a little clumsy in places but I cannot see any ill will or victim blaming.

Thank you for the benefit of the doubt. Yeah it's hard to say such things in a nice way. It's a hard idea to begin with, saying it over relatively short text messages, where there's no non verbal communication, makes it even harder to convey well and gently.

[ey****]

A slight thing.

Sometimes bad people(tm) show signs they will be bad people early in the relationship and this can then be something the other person can spot and either leave or view to nip in the bud.  But certainly early warning signs (which can begin with an inappropriate message) offer little indication things will get better.

But : sometimes, it can take a long time for things to manifest.

It might not even be that the person set out to do things deliberately and they certainly wouldn't see themselves as being bad people.   

 

[ge****]

12 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

A slight thing.

Sometimes bad people(tm) show signs they will be bad people early in the relationship and this can then be something the other person can spot and either leave or view to nip in the bud.  But certainly early warning signs (which can begin with an inappropriate message) offer little indication things will get better.

But : sometimes, it can take a long time for things to manifest.

It might not even be that the person set out to do things deliberately and they certainly wouldn't see themselves as being bad people.   

 

Agree with this and was having a similar conversation with someone last night - sometimes at the start of a relationship the positive things about a person and the newness and excitement of that relationship can dazzle and outshine the negative aspects of a person, it's only over time that the dazzle starts to fade and the negatives become more apparent.

So it's not always as simple as being able to see the warning signs and deal with them accordingly no matter how "great" or not you are.

[Ae****]

14 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

A slight thing.

Sometimes bad people(tm) show signs they will be bad people early in the relationship and this can then be something the other person can spot and either leave or view to nip in the bud.  But certainly early warning signs (which can begin with an inappropriate message) offer little indication things will get better.

But : sometimes, it can take a long time for things to manifest.

It might not even be that the person set out to do things deliberately and they certainly wouldn't see themselves as being bad people.   

 

This is accounted for already. Because there are subconscious communications. They're not all big neon red flag signs that a bad person is putting out, like a messy inappropriate text message. That's easy to spot for most people. We're not talking about that.

Someone with burdens, which are subconscious in nature, does not pick up on the subconscious signals being put out to them. They're blind to them. That's how you can get a smart, sensible person being tricked. This has nothing to do with your intelligent conscious. That part of your brain is bypassed and does not know it's own blind spots, which exist because of the subconscious burdens a mind that a mind may be suffering from, so your intelligence, experience etc, is irrelevant.

So one individual can seem like an angel to a victim who's blind to all the subconsciously cues that they are putting out - while the exact same person will give someone else a feeling of unease and repulsion.

Nice messages will only keep a bad person hidden for so long with a person who's solid. They can't hide behind the facade, can't keep it up. It crumbles very fast. And certainly will collapse on meeting, when non verbal communication becomes another big factor.

Meanwhile a victim will be asking their solid friend, "Hey, why don't you like that guy/that girl??? I don't get your problem with them."

... And their solid friend will say, "Look, that person is off. You can't see it? Stay away. Just leave them alone. I would if I was you."

[Ae****]

9 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Agree with this and was having a similar conversation with someone last night - sometimes at the start of a relationship the positive things about a person and the newness and excitement of that relationship can dazzle and outshine the negative aspects of a person, it's only over time that the dazzle starts to fade and the negatives become more apparent.

So it's not always as simple as being able to see the warning signs and deal with them accordingly no matter how "great" or not you are.

My contention is that it is actually indeed as simple as this, for the reasons given above 👆
Newness, dazzle, excitement -they don't stop a person who can see clearly from spotting someone who's bad news. Ever.
But a victim's burdens cloud their judgment and blind them to to the predator. They are *** to being taken in by all the excitement etc.

[ge****]

15 minutes ago, Aeonova said:

My contention is that it is actually indeed as simple as this, for the reasons given above 👆
Newness, dazzle, excitement -they don't stop a person who can see clearly from spotting someone who's bad news. Ever.
But a victim's burdens cloud their judgment and blind them to to the predator. They are *** to being taken in by all the excitement etc.

I disagree with the contention that "they don't stop a person who can see clearly from spotting someone who's bad news. Ever." - for the simple reason that it's not possible for *anyone* to know another completely initially to be able to have that ability to see clearly - it may take weeks, months or even longer for some traits to truly show themselves clearly, by which point you may already be committed, no matter how clearly someone can see.

I do agree that for *some* that sight may be more clouded than others for a variety of reasons and not just because of "burdens" or "vulnerability" either.

Personally I think you're over simplifying a very complex thing and trying to bracket it into two distinct camps, when the variety of individual circumstance, personality, character and more besides all play their part in how clearly we see things at any given time.

[Ae****]

34 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

I disagree with the contention that "they don't stop a person who can see clearly from spotting someone who's bad news. Ever." - for the simple reason that it's not possible for *anyone* to know another completely initially to be able to have that ability to see clearly - it may take weeks, months or even longer for some traits to truly show themselves clearly, by which point you may already be committed, no matter how clearly someone can see.

I do agree that for *some* that sight may be more clouded than others for a variety of reasons and not just because of "burdens" or "vulnerability" either.

Personally I think you're over simplifying a very complex thing and trying to bracket it into two distinct camps, when the variety of individual circumstance, personality, character and more besides all play their part in how clearly we see things at any given time.

Ok. Well I've explained it as best I can. Subconscious signs and subconscious non-verbal communication is constantly flowing between everyone. I don't need to know you very long at all to *feel* whether I want to hang out with you any longer. One meeting, half hour, is plenty. My warning system is constantly scanning, everyone's is. I don't need to know your life, you hobbies. I just need to watch how you act, your voice, interact with you. And all that is info flooding in for my conscience and subconscious sensors to pick up. And depending on how much awareness and knowledge I have, I may be able to consciously point out exactly why a person is someone to avoid.
I think it does matter how clearly a person can see. And there are lots of people enjoying clarity and problem free lives because they have this ability. To say they don't exist is bold. I'm claiming they do. I claim I know them. Most of them had these problems in the past, recognised it, developed, worked on their minds and understanding and are now in***. And happy etc. A very few never had them. They're very rare. Everyone else has to do the work.

This seems like it's pretty complicated to me. The distinct you mention mention work, there's no reason they can't. Because they take account for all the individual circumstances a person might have. There's no logical clash i can see, it all fits.

And for appeal to authority (which is bad logical arguing, as the info itself should be sufficient) these are not, obviously, personal theories. This is clinical psychology. I'm simply passing, trying to pass along, the knowledge we've gained from modern psychology.

This thread is long, and I think I'm slightly bored with it. Maybe a lot of people are.

Anyone who wants to ask further my views, please PM me, anyone is very welcome. I don't intend to give long answers here anymore, I may respond, but I'm not going to take the time to give a long clear, detailed response. I'm having to repeat the same info, it's not that fun. So FYI, there will then be plenty of scope for misunderstanding etc if there are more comments from me, and if that happens, I'm not gonna to bother correcting it. So it's not that i don't have an answer, I'm just a bit over this thread atm :) taking a break from long answers for a bit.

:D 😋

[ey****]

A couple of years ago, a friend split up from her long term partner.   He ***ed her, that's what led to the split.

In the 9 years there'd been together beforehand there were no real obvious signs this would happen.

This also came as quite a shock to anyone who knew him - there was no one waiting in the wings going "I knew this would happen" and, even if there was, there'd been nothing to really suspect this would happen.

I mean, sure, there were people who thought he was an arse or didn't like him - but - no matter who we are or what we do there'll be people who think we're an arse or don't like us.

Of course, I could probably understand his side of the story - shouldn't have done it, one-off temper snap, a lot of pressures boiling up : but that doesn't excuse the end result.

I'm potentially going a little bit leftfield - but there's a lot of things which aren't obvious from the start and a lot of things change.

[Ae****]

*distinct camps

[ey****]

For a more direct reference.   

Some people put pre-requisites in their profile both in terms of preference and because they have potentially had bad experiences with certain demographics.

So, whether we feel some of these a ridiculous, unrealistic or reduce the persons chances - it's still their boundary, at least for the time being, so attempt to ignore these, or ridicule barriers people put up for their own protection, might in itself be seen as a red flag.

[ge****]

1 hour ago, Aeonova said:

Ok. Well I've explained it as best I can. Subconscious signs and subconscious non-verbal communication is constantly flowing between everyone. I don't need to know you very long at all to *feel* whether I want to hang out with you any longer. One meeting, half hour, is plenty. My warning system is constantly scanning, everyone's is. I don't need to know your life, you hobbies. I just need to watch how you act, your voice, interact with you. And all that is info flooding in for my conscience and subconscious sensors to pick up. And depending on how much awareness and knowledge I have, I may be able to consciously point out exactly why a person is someone to avoid.
I think it does matter how clearly a person can see. And there are lots of people enjoying clarity and problem free lives because they have this ability. To say they don't exist is bold. I'm claiming they do. I claim I know them. Most of them had these problems in the past, recognised it, developed, worked on their minds and understanding and are now in***. And happy etc. A very few never had them. They're very rare. Everyone else has to do the work.

This seems like it's pretty complicated to me. The distinct you mention mention work, there's no reason they can't. Because they take account for all the individual circumstances a person might have. There's no logical clash i can see, it all fits.

And for appeal to authority (which is bad logical arguing, as the info itself should be sufficient) these are not, obviously, personal theories. This is clinical psychology. I'm simply passing, trying to pass along, the knowledge we've gained from modern psychology.

This thread is long, and I think I'm slightly bored with it. Maybe a lot of people are.

Anyone who wants to ask further my views, please PM me, anyone is very welcome. I don't intend to give long answers here anymore, I may respond, but I'm not going to take the time to give a long clear, detailed response. I'm having to repeat the same info, it's not that fun. So FYI, there will then be plenty of scope for misunderstanding etc if there are more comments from me, and if that happens, I'm not gonna to bother correcting it. So it's not that i don't have an answer, I'm just a bit over this thread atm :) taking a break from long answers for a bit.

:D 😋

Think we'll have to agree to disagree and probably is the sensible route given you're "slightly bored" with it - however much as you can quote subconscious signals and psychology 101, I do think you're over simplifying and have missed some very valid points - yes you can get an "idea" of someone within a very short space of time of meeting them, we all do that, some people we immediately click with, others we want nothing to do with precisely *because* of those snap judgements we make, and sometimes those gut instincts play out - however there are also those people that are in the middle where it takes time, and those instances where we make the snap judgement and it proves to be wrong in the long term - one of my best friends when I first met him I thought was very stand offish towards me and as a result I didn't immediately warm to him, and yet having got to know him better we're as close as can be.

The point being whilst you can get a perception of someone straight away, no matter how switched on you are, you can never truly 100% *know* either way how things will turn out.

[Deleted Member]

23 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Think we'll have to agree to disagree and probably is the sensible route given you're "slightly bored" with it - however much as you can quote subconscious signals and psychology 101, I do think you're over simplifying and have missed some very valid points - yes you can get an "idea" of someone within a very short space of time of meeting them, we all do that, some people we immediately click with, others we want nothing to do with precisely *because* of those snap judgements we make, and sometimes those gut instincts play out - however there are also those people that are in the middle where it takes time, and those instances where we make the snap judgement and it proves to be wrong in the long term - one of my best friends when I first met him I thought was very stand offish towards me and as a result I didn't immediately warm to him, and yet having got to know him better we're as close as can be.

The point being whilst you can get a perception of someone straight away, no matter how switched on you are, you can never truly 100% *know* either way how things will turn out.

It's nice to see disagreement with out any personal attacks from either side. Healthy, I'd call it 🤗

[Ae****]

I'm interested in PM's :) more personal and less boring for other people who may look at this thread. And feels like the person wants to talk to *me* about the ideas. And I don't want to feel like I'm hogging or perceived as hogging a public convo with my thoughts, views etc. I assume that not everyone cares about this convo at this point, probably long before it, actually. So will def respond to PMs 😁

So if you're interested in what I'd say to this, or any thing else, please do PM. If it's not that important to you to do that, that's totally cool 👍😁🎅🎅🎅

[Ae****]

25 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Think we'll have to agree to disagree and probably is the sensible route given you're "slightly bored" with it - however much as you can quote subconscious signals and psychology 101, I do think you're over simplifying and have missed some very valid points - yes you can get an "idea" of someone within a very short space of time of meeting them, we all do that, some people we immediately click with, others we want nothing to do with precisely *because* of those snap judgements we make, and sometimes those gut instincts play out - however there are also those people that are in the middle where it takes time, and those instances where we make the snap judgement and it proves to be wrong in the long term - one of my best friends when I first met him I thought was very stand offish towards me and as a result I didn't immediately warm to him, and yet having got to know him better we're as close as can be.

The point being whilst you can get a perception of someone straight away, no matter how switched on you are, you can never truly 100% *know* either way how things will turn out.

👆 My response to this comment :)

[Ae****]

It's also 1000% easier to have a real convo 1 to 1 than discussing multiple topics with people chipping in here and there, derailing conversations and trains of thought. Genuine interest to me is displayed in a PM, where it's not to an on-looking audience. This is why misunderstanding is so rife here. And it's so hard to get ideas across. Any real interest in what i think about anything in this thread, I'm highly interested in discussing with anyone 1 to1 in PMs.

The thread of what I'm bored with. Talking to multiple people at once above difficult ideas is... difficult! 😭😭😭

[Ae****]

*The thread *is* what I'm bored with. Talking to multiple people at once about difficult ideas is... difficult 😭😭😭

PM's though - I'm interested in that and they are welcome 👍