What are people's experiences with switches?

December 4, 2021

Either as a switch or having a switch as a partner.

I'm very aware that I am a switch myself, though I lean more towards the submissive side. But I'm still trying to figure out this part of me. I'm worried that I'll have difficulty sticking to a role even if I want to.

So I was wondering what other people's experiences have been with switches so I might get a better understanding of them in general and maybe understand myself a bit better.

December 5, 2021

I think it varies on the person. Ive played with a few switches, 2 of them lifestyle and 1 bedroom only. One of the lifestyle he kept his sub side completely hidden from me (as in i didnt see it, not kept a secret) his mind stayed on track.
The second lifestyle his mind fluttered, although he kept in the right 'role' it was confusing for me as i didnt always know where his mind was at.
The bedroom only (and i generally dont date bedroom only for this reason) was a bit 'dom' then would try to get me to 'domme' subtly, then there would be no 'role' from him, this was the worst for me as im not 'domme' in any form and just made it awkward.
I think it will also depend on who you are with and if they switch, you both need to agree from the start on the arrangements and bring up any feelings as you build the relationship. A switch generally fits a switch or one person will end up not having a part of them fulfilled (or bring others into the relationship to take care of that side). Just my thoughts and experience 😊

December 5, 2021

I am a Switch. It is known from the beginning. I do not talk about it until the appropriate time. There is no confusion, unless they change.

December 5, 2021

So - I'm a switch, as is my wife

I tend to be the more Dominant - unless - it's on camera.

With others I've played with or been in relationships with it is usually one or the other. I think there is literally only one other person I've switched with.

But this honestly suits me.

December 5, 2021

12 hours ago, Cheekysub247 said:

I think it varies on the person. Ive played with a few switches, 2 of them lifestyle and 1 bedroom only. One of the lifestyle he kept his sub side completely hidden from me (as in i didnt see it, not kept a secret) his mind stayed on track.
The second lifestyle his mind fluttered, although he kept in the right 'role' it was confusing for me as i didnt always know where his mind was at.
The bedroom only (and i generally dont date bedroom only for this reason) was a bit 'dom' then would try to get me to 'domme' subtly, then there would be no 'role' from him, this was the worst for me as im not 'domme' in any form and just made it awkward.
I think it will also depend on who you are with and if they switch, you both need to agree from the start on the arrangements and bring up any feelings as you build the relationship. A switch generally fits a switch or one person will end up not having a part of them fulfilled (or bring others into the relationship to take care of that side). Just my thoughts and experience 😊

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As a switch, I am very flexible with what my partner desires but in the course of a long relationship, I do feel the need for changing things up a bit. I agree with @Cheekysub247 that in the long run switches can end up not being satisfied but if the partner is willing to experiment, maybe that can be taken care of.

December 5, 2021

I guess the person has to be inclined to be able to experiment with both sides of the coin for that to happen which is understandable.

Personally i cant experiment with both sides as its just not in me, im hard wired 'sub'. Many have said try it you might like it but i know its not for me lol

58 minutes ago, Arcues said:

As a switch, I am very flexible with what my partner desires but in the course of a long relationship, I do feel the need for changing things up a bit. I agree with @Cheekysub247 that in the long run switches can end up not being satisfied but if the partner is willing to experiment, maybe that can be taken care of.

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December 5, 2021

5 minutes ago, Cheekysub247 said:

I guess the person has to be inclined to be able to experiment with both sides of the coin for that to happen which is understandable

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Thats true.

5 minutes ago, Cheekysub247 said:

Personally i cant experiment with both sides as its just not in me, im hard wired 'sub'. Many have said try it you might like it but i know its not for me lol

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It might seem like you are 'missing out' to other people I guess, but if you are not into something then you are just avoiding a headache lol.

December 5, 2021

I know there are lots of lovely people but the connection has to be correct for me, knowing i cant give someone what they need would eat away at me so i stay with 'dom' types x

17 minutes ago, Arcues said:

Thats true.

It might seem like you are 'missing out' to other people I guess, but if you are not into something then you are just avoiding a headache lol.

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December 5, 2021

Just now, Cheekysub247 said:

I know there are lots of lovely people but the connection has to be correct for me, knowing i cant give someone what they need would eat away at me so i stay with 'dom' types x

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Thats actually a smart thing for both people involved. If it were me, I would be horrified if I made my partner suffer like that.

December 5, 2021

Maybe i always think long term about things these days as im looking for something more committed. All of my preferences are tailored for long term now, switches are fun for playing but not personally for me long term 😊

December 7, 2021

I am a switch too and it goes without saying switches have difficulty in finding switch partners.
I'm not a selfish lover but love to give and receive. Most people see it as a gray area preferring either a dominant or submissive partner.
Alot of my friends into bdsm refer to switches as "filthy switches" who are undecided in life, bit are we. Is it not possible to have the best of both worlds? No its not but its not an easy task. I'm proud of being switch and no preference on either being more dominant or submissive with the right person. More people should try it and have the best of both worlds

December 7, 2021

I do think some of the problems switches run into are perception

either explicit or implicit

So for example "This person switches and I am only submissive/Dominant - will I be enough for them?" is an implicit - as is "will they try to pressure me into doing/trying something I don't want to do"

Explicit would be "more people should try"

There's more examples such as Dominants feeling their style is being judged by a switch bottom. A common trope is also that of a bottom in a switch situation who gets bored and then wants to take over.

December 7, 2021

I had no idea it can be complicated! With me... never had any problems. It could be, because I am easy going, woman, or luck.

December 7, 2021

3 hours ago, kiseu said:

I had no idea it can be complicated! With me... never had any problems. It could be, because I am easy going, woman, or luck.

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I wouldn't say I've had no problems - but - in the shape of things, it's rarely been a stumbling block

December 7, 2021

Perception, Perception... when Corona started, people REALLY walked around me!! The ***s and grandmothers/grandfathers were the only ones not afraid of me.😁

December 9, 2021

I have thought about the situation with someone who is a switch. I think the dynamic works best for them in a Poly type dynamic. I Invision them functioning as a beta to the alpha in the group. The leaders right hand person. The second in command that is content and happy to follow the alpha and to manage the gammas in the group. That fulfills their need to be both Dom and sub. Just my thoughts on the discussion.

December 9, 2021

I'm a switch and my ex boyfriend was too.

We'd switch when we played together, if I played with him he'd be sub mainly and if he played with me I'd be sub, it worked quite well, we'd swap all the time but there was no confusion as we'd just talk like Sub/Dom when we wanted to be.

I am more Sub though and he's more Dom so worked pretty well

Edited December 9, 2021 by Deleted Member

December 9, 2021

I like to refer to myself as a "switchy Dom". In numerical terms, I'm something like 90%-95% Dominant & 5%-10% submissive. I only submit on those truly rare occasions when I run into a mistress who's worthy enough to earn my submission. But the VAST majority of the time, I will dominate. This has changed as I got older. I used to be more submissive & my profile reflects that. I really do need to update it lol the older I get, the more dominant I become, & the harder it is to find a mistress whos up for the challenge. But I also prefer 24/7 tpe dynamics. I dont pay to play & never will. That's just my 2cent lol so I guess I'm "technically" a switch, but not really lol

December 27, 2021

I'm switch and I find im quite fluid, some days i lean towards more dom and sub others. But I can also switch in the middle of play with the fella, we tend to duke it out. He physically ***s me to submit or i get his head into knots and he submits. Dont feel like u have to stick to a role for a set time, be urself.