Educational recommendations for a relatively vanilla spouse that is enthusiastic to explore?

February 15, 2022

I will start this off by saying that my wife and I have been very happily married for over a decade. Constantly looking for new adventures and hobbies to explore together, we really just love doing and expreriencing new things with eachother. Great vanilla sex life so far. I've always had various kinks, always wanted to explore them more but it always kind of took a backseat to everything else going on in my life. Fast forward some decades, 40's are here, starting to wonder where all of that time went, and now I have so much I would like to explore and potentially experience before we get too old and achy to enjoy it.

For the longest time I always thought I simply had an obsession with women's butts(and doing various things to them). Yet the more I think about it and based on my cursory research, the more i'm coming to terms with the fact that I may simply be into whats known as ass worship. I also carry this irrational embarresment and shame over it, but that itself seems to be part of the turn on. Almost like I want her to make fun of me for it or something, like literally tease me and make fun of me as if we are in school again while she is waving it right in my face, but then take it away and shame me for wanting to touch it and stare at it, maybe even make me do various to "earn" it back. I also think the idea of sexual objectification play excites me, almost as if I'm a sex toy that's there just for her to use for her pleasure? Oh and her sitting on my face too, that idea drives me aboslutely nuts, not suffocating me or anything though. It's weird and I don't really know how to explain it all lol.

Normally i'm the more dominant one in the bedroom but not in an official sense or anything, I just kind of naturally take over and she likes to be tossed around and put into positions etc. However, it's the complete opposite when I start thinking about this specific stuff. I guess that would technicaly make me a switch?

She obviously knows I'm obsessed with her butt and the good news is that she likes having it played with quite a bit. Once in a while we do a post sex check in to see if we both are enjoying everything. This latest time I mentioned that the idea of being objectified and used got me excited, also that the idea of face sitting really excites me. She even said she would be happy to explore these things with me further, "tell me or show me what you want me to do to you and I would be happy to give it a try!"

I'm sure some are wondering what the problem is exactly? That's part of the problem right there, the element of surpise is completely removed and that seems to make it not very exciting for me. When I mentioned I would like her to sit on my face, she had no clue what I meant, I tried to explain it but she wound up almost falling off of me and the bed while trying to get into the possition I was describing, we had a good laugh. She said she is willing to do research, but i've also hit a bit of a roadblock when it comes to research material. She doesn't really like hardcore/graphic porn or seeing images of people who look like they are in ***. The few times she has tried to research anything relating to kink or BDSM on the internet, bam, tons graphic images from hardcore porn, girls with tears streaming down their faces, images of people tied up with welts looking like they aren't having fun. She knows it's consentual and they personally having fun themselves, but instant turn off for her when she sees it. I also went ahead and did some searches for stuff related ass worship, and I can almost 100% guaruntee that images I saw of gaping assholes will make her nope out immediately too.

So after that wall of text, does anyone have any ideas for the best way to proceed? Any recomendation for relatively tame resources I could share with her for inspiration relating to roleplay/ass worship/shaming/sexual objectification? Sites that aren't covered in graphic images and are perhaps even mostly text based, blogs/books written Domme's/Dominatrix's to help give her ideas for what to do or what I might like? She also doesn't necessarily have an aversion to all porn, it's just the graphic close up stuff she doesn't like. Oldschool HBO/Cinemax style porn is right up her alley, the stuff where they make you use your imagination more. oh and she does admittedly love reading trashy romance novels! However she said 50 shades of gray was just horribly written so she couldn't get very far. Does anything else like that exist for these sort of topics?

I do realize this just may not be in her personality, if that's the case I can accept that completely and still live my life happily with her. However, I consider myself extremely lucky that she has signaled she is open to explore and I would be a fool not to at least give it a try!

February 15, 2022

While not exactly what you're looking for, I'd recommend Dom-sub living. It's very straightforward with giving you information without all the hardcore stuff. It's a blog by a woman who was struggling in her marriage until she found kink and talked to her husband about. She says that it potentially saved her marriage and now they live it 24/7 in a way that goes against some 24/7 stereotypes.
Sub-shop dot com is primarily an american based shop but also has a blog. It has a lighthearted playful attitude to it.
There is also FetLife, which is more of a forum. You can search for groups related to your interests. Most of the time, their sticky posts cover the basics of the topic.

February 15, 2022

Good advice from KinkyKy above - as another thought, why not search out images depicting the kind of thing you are talking about yourself, download them and save them to a folder on your phone, tablet, PC etc?
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That way you get to filter out the things you *know* she won't like, and give her an idea of the kind of things you mean into the bargain.
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Could also try searches for blogs and similar based on your interests - again search them out yourself and point her in the direction of the ones you think are appropriate.
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The key though is that not only can you talk about it but laugh about it when it doesn't go quite how you'd imagined - so long as you can keep on doing both those things you're on the right lines.

February 15, 2022

Thanks for the suggestions KinkyKy. That dom-sub living blog looks like it could be very helpful, I'll check it out more for sure. I definitely don't want to give her the impression I'm unhappy or the marriage is failing or anything like that, just want add another dimension if that makes sense? I'm pretty sure she understood that when we talked, but now that you mention it, I will make sure I communicate that to her again next time we talk so I'm sure we are on the same page. Even though i'm new to this, I can definitely see that potential misscomunication could be a big pitfall!

Edited February 15, 2022 by Deleted Member

February 15, 2022

12 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

The key though is that not only can you talk about it but laugh about it when it doesn't go quite how you'd imagined - so long as you can keep on doing both those things you're on the right lines.

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Yes! Last time we played we had a blast. We didn't do much out of the ordinary, but that was after I had mentioned I really like having her pull my hair when i'm downtown and really pulling me into her ***ly, almost her forcing my face into her. It was a bit awkward at first and we laughed a bunch but then she got the hang of it and it was amazing.

Thank for your suggestions too, good ideas.

Edited February 15, 2022 by Deleted Member
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