New sub with vanilla Dom FWB: How?

[LouiseC]

So after a loooong dry spell I, F28, decided to contact an old classmate, M27, to ask if he would be my FWB. We sat up 15 rules and talked about what we wanted sexually.

The problem is that we underestimated my sexual drive and how much I get off on being dominated. He thought he was the kinky one, but last time he told me I am outdoing him, which made me nervous that I am being too much. I LOVE everything that he does to me, but I feel like I am receiving more than I am giving.

So my question is, as a bratty sub how do I proactively pleasure a vanilla man with slightly Dom tendensies, when I like being told what to do? Hope it makes sense.

[ge****]

Communication, communication and more communication - talk to him openly and honestly - ask him if he's happy with how things are, if there's anything he'd like to try etc.
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Only he can provide you with the answers you seek ultimately.
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It's not uncommon though for submissives to have the kind of concerns you do - because it can "seem" to us that we're the ones doing all the receiving and not giving in return - but often there is plenty being given, it may not be physically (depending on the dynamic) but mentally.
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As I said though, the only way to truly know is to talk to your partner and listen to him.

[Deleted Member]

And even more communication. Can't emphasize that enough

[LouiseC]

I can see, I have to ask again. I've asked before if there was anything I could do for him. Anything he wanted me to do. His reply was that he was a simple man (not really an answer).

Thank you for your replies!

[ge****]

  21 minutes ago, LouiseC said:

I can see, I have to ask again. I've asked before if there was anything I could do for him. Anything he wanted me to do. His reply was that he was a simple man (not really an answer).

Thank you for your replies!

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And maybe it is as simple as he's happy with how things are and you don't need to worry.
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If he's "doing it" for you, and you him, that is all that matters really.
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If you're looking for ideas for how to develop things though - I would recommend seeking out one of the on-line BDSM questionnaires, the ones that list (in some instances hundreds of) elements of BDSM and has you rank them in terms of interest - both of you complete them independently and then get together to compare notes - it's both a great way to get to know yourself, and each other, but also a great way of finding common interests and exploring them together.

[DarkArts1066]

Hello LouiseC, it seems you’ve found yourself in a bit of a dilemma.

You have obviously known this guy for a while - am I right ?
Without knowing the rules that you’ve put in place, it’s a trifle difficult to know exactly where his actual limits lie .. and exactly how to trigger (I use the term in a positive way here …!) the Dom in him to greater effect, however if I were you… and you believe that you can bring out more Dom to his vanilla, then as a ‘bratty sub’ I would be looking to find the little things that change him up a gear… maybe enhancing your bratty a little - instead of focusing on your own sub?

Us Doms are peculiar folk. Largely we remain in control… able to manage misdemeanours effectively, but every so often a sub will do something which scratches a little deeper.

For example I had a live in sub for a while who spent most of her days working from home, while I was working away.

If she wanted to ‘fire me up’, she would lay the table for dinner - but put the cutlery the wrong way round.
Sounds small and silly.. a simple ‘mistake’ - but it’s something that has always wound me up in a vanilla environment - knowing basic life skills like that should be a simple task.
That would be my trigger point, and she would begin to escalate her brattiness from there.
She would do that deliberately if she wanted a response from me.
Do you see where I am going with this ?
It became a (predictable) game. My bratty sub doing something deliberately to test my control and resolve. Sometimes she got what she wanted out of it - and sometimes she didn’t.
Consider finding your ‘vanilla Doms’ ‘ trigger point(s) - and unleash a little more of the Dom.

[Pe****]

Rather than topping from the bottom, given that your FWB is vanilla I would highly recommend to introduce him to bdsm by gifting him a set of good books on it. The more he is self-educated in our lifestyle choice, the more he can appease your appetite without you having to top from the bottom.

[Rob2519]

So Louise that sounds alot like my situation lol. If likes both then spend a hold night turning him on. Don't let him cum until the very last moment. Tease him. Get him wet by making him pre cum. Get ur self wet in front of him and make wet but your wetness licturly u wet him up by your wet. If you Fancy talking sometime that would be cool Louise x