New

[Jay657]

Me and the wife are new on here and are really looking into starting bdsm and all that comes with it but don’t really no where to start or how to go about it, any help is much appreciated. We are in LINCOLN uk 

[Lugnut-4292]

Well, you are in a good position to start as you have a play mate you can trust. Make sure you understand what safe, sane and consentual means, it applies to married couples as much as anybody else. Discuss what interests you and what you are both interested in trying. Either of you can change your mind at any time so this is just for starters. Your interests will mature over time so there is no rush. I would start lightly and work up over time. Good communication is key throughout, don't be shy of saying what you like and what you don't. Discuss what you are going to do before each session so nobody gets a nasty surprise. Do some research before trying something new, the forums here would be a good start. For example there are safe ways to flog somebody and unsafe ways. Kink and BDSM is a broad church. Not every kink will do it for you, that is fine, just move alone politely. Some people think everything is about *** but that is certainly not true, lots of people enjoy mind games, role play etc. At some point you may find you fall into wanting to be submissive or dominant or are happy to switch. One potential issue is you might both find you are submissive for example. That can be tricky.

L

[Deleted Member]

Do plenty of background reading to gen up on what it's all about. Good book to both read is "SM101" by Jay Wiseman. He was a paramedic and now a legal professional and writes knowledgeable and sensibly about bdsm. It's available through Amazon.