New to all this

[Deleted Member]

So I’m new to this lifestyle. I started experimenting with some stuff a few years ago. I started seeing a Dom who slowly introduced me to his lifestyle. Now it’s getting to the serious part of things where the contract comes in. For the first time in a year I started to trust him and communicating likes and dislikes that I knew of. I’m super shy with my desires because of past experiences. I’ve researched some stuff and continue reading thru random forums. But I’m one that would rather hear other experiences because what you can find online isn’t always everything. What do I need to know to effectively make this work? My mind constantly races, so it makes everything a mess at times.

[Dreamaway]

You need to identify exactly what you want from this, can you trust your feelings when a little potential passion might be involved after your period of seclusion and shyness. Make sure you only give what you want to give and receive what you hope to receive. He sounds like a decent guy so try conquer you're shyness and explain where you see your connection heading. Be prepared for a potentially tough time going from talk to anything physical, perhaps explain your position relating to being shy. Hopefully he'll respect your situation and not try and push you beyond where you're comfortable.

[ol****]

There does not have to be a contract. 

It's fine if you are ready for it but it is totally up to you.

The key thing to remember is that it symbolic. It holds no emotional, let alone legal weight.

You probsbly guessed I don't like them and consider them needless.

[DarkArts1066]

First things first -
Take a breath.

Remember, if you are at the point of making a contract with someone, you need to make sure that it works 100% - for both of you.

You will both have to be ***fully honest about what you both need from this
(Notice how many times I use the word “both” here ?)

Don’t expect the contract to be drawn up in an evening…. There will (there SHOULD) be discussions, possibly a bit of negotiation and a bit of compromise and capitulation.

This is not an opportunity for your Dom to be a Dom… this is an opportunity (requirement?) for your Dom to carefully consider your needs ahead of theirs.

You say that for the first time in a year, you are trusting him - in my view, - and it is only my personal opinion… it may be too early to be talking contracts.
You need to ‘trust’ them implicitly, unquestionably even, and perhaps bask in that for a while, before you take further steps and commitments ?

Questions I would ask myself …

Am I in a 24/7 lifestyle relationship with this person ?…
Do I therefore want to live the lifestyle 24/7 - or does my vanilla life have an external part to play (day job perhaps ?)

Do I live with this person ? - or do I have my own place, my own friends, my own life outside of my D/s relationship … and, do I want that to continue ?

Is my Dom accepting of that ?

If one of us breaks the terms of the contract, what are the consequences of this ?

This is not a “fifty shades” moment … there are layers to consider in a contracted relationship.

May I ask, who brought up the subject of contracts ?

DarkArts.

[Deleted Member]

Mouth wet reading this

[DLDaddy1285]

I understand that 100% I'm a DL. In life. Girls don't get it or understand it. Neither do alot of other people. My life style has brought me good times and bad times. So for me to attempt to give ant advice. All I can say is. Experience is key
Be slow. Be straight forward. People are either going to except you. Or they aren't.
My life has had some difficult times behind what I do.
But "no one" can change who you are.. Be proud of who you are and never let anyone take that from you .

[Deleted Member]

I totally agree with DarkArts1066, take it slow.
The fact that you're just beginning to trust him is a major red flag for me for such a commitment.
And you absolutely NEED to be able to talk about your desires and boundaries. You need to be able to set them and you need to be 100% sure your Dom absolutely sticks to them.
And HE has to show you that. He has to prove he is worthy of your trust and respect.
If you can't do that, whether because of trauma or your personality or because he is not the right person, stay out of it. At least for now.
And most importantly, of course, you both need to actually truly want this out of your own desire and free will and the desire to make both yourself and your partner happier.
You don't ever have to get a contract. A contract doesn't have to make anything any more or less serious.
Being a sub is not an RPG where you advanced level by level. It's not a sports league where you have to "get serious" and win the championship.
It's always about fun. It's always about joy. And especially in a BDSM relationship you NEED to know what that joy is for you and how to experience it safely. For everybody involved.
If you found a dynamic you like it is absolutely okay to stick to that. No respon to go any further.

And the same goes for him and everybody else involved.
Figure out what you want. Learn how to be confident about yourself and your wants. Not just when it comes to sex and bdsm.
And then you can see if that setup with that person is something you really want to try.
Don't rush into anything. Don't make decisions out of ***, shame etc. Don't let others make decisions for you unless you are absolutely certain you want them to have that kind of authority and can with certainty trust them to act in your interest.