What is Kink?

[Deleted Member]

 

Kink should be this, or kink should be that. A Dominant should behave a certain way, and a submissive the same?

 

When I first started reading literature about the community, a few years ago, I was led to believe there were shall we say certain ways depending on individual labels, ome should behave. Certain protocols, rules or structures we should adhere to, depending again on our perceived roles or labels. Now after a couple of years Interacting with real people I can see the folly of that, as with those interactions be they online or irl, comes the clear realisation that everyone is so so different, unique, and with that so can be the connections one makes. 

 

Kink? It's a choice between fully informed, and consenting adults, to be what the hell they choose to be. It can be a dynamic, or a deeply affectionate relationship. It can be whatever turns you on, physically, spiritually or emotionally. It can be sexual, or none sexual. It's anything and everything, we, as unique souls desire, with fully informed consent, a duty of care, and an open mind. Sure, there are those who choose strict protocols and there are those who don't, neither is right, and neither is wrong. There is only you, your partner and your desires, nothing more. 

 

For me, Kink is not Domination or submission, kink is not foot worship or impact. Kink is your mind and heart. Kink is you, your partner and your choices, whatever they may be. Sometimes someone may say you're doing it wrong, but what they actually mean is you're not doing it the way they would choose, but it's far from wrong, merely a different choice or perception, they as unique individuals may have, just like you 😊.

[Ch****]

Absofrickenlutely 👌, im tired of hearing im not being how i should be, not acting how my 'label' says i should act, no im not acting, im just being me. I follow who shares the same outlook, who shares things in common, not some written word explaining the rules on how it should be done, not some stranger in my inbox who says "well you're not being very sub are you saying no to me"
X x x

[ge****]

Totally agree - the only *slight* counter I'd add is that even with "fully informed consent" there are still some *ways* to kink that might be ill advised at one end of the scale or illegal at the other end but beyond that it is what it is to two (or more) individuals who go into it with open and knowledgeable, consenting minds.

[DLDaddy1285]

A kink is a person's personal preference to what ever gets you going. "What ever" it is.

[lolli-leigh]

absolutely agree. :)

[Deleted Member]

I agree. Though I think it’s rare to find someone who’s ideas entirely mean with yours. I’ve found, being a new submissive, my tendency to demure to experience and to people-please has led to other ideas of how things should be having dominance over mine.
 

It’s really necessary to have confidence that your way of being is right for you, be assertive about your needs and develop good negotiating skills to find a compromise that works. 

[Deleted Member]

Kink is any form of romantic, sexual or similar relationship or activity between two or more consenting people that does not fit the arbitrary criteria that society had set for something to be considered "proper" or "normal" Sex, love or intimacy.
That's in in my book. Just a deviation from the norm because society sadly still doesn't want to understand that we're all individuals.

[SwitchD42]

Kink feels like a connection to my deepest humanity, and soothes my soul.

[SwitchD42]

Beautifully written post 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[Wo****]

"KINK.....merely another language of human interactions,embracing many perceptive senses..." a bold observation, big love Donny🙏😘🙏

[Deleted Member]

  8 hours ago, Cheekysub247 said:

 "well you're not being very sub are you saying no to me"
 

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Sadly that's the entitlement that some feel.......that from a self appointed title they are somehow owed something......would be laughable if it wasnt so upsetting for some. You keep being you and you cant go wrong 😊😊

[Deleted Member]

  6 hours ago, Lockfairy said:

 

It’s really necessary to have confidence that your way of being is right for you

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A vitally important point......as we evolve and explore who we and others are I like to think eventually that does become clear.......although it can take time and lots of patience 😊

[Ch****]

Oh i am me, very blunt me 😂😂

Maybe thats why im 'not being very sub' 🤣

X x x

  27 minutes ago, Donny-kinksters said:

Sadly that's the entitlement that some feel.......that from a self appointed title they are somehow owed something......would be laughable if it wasnt so upsetting for some. You keep being you and you cant go wrong 😊😊

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[Squirrel9577]

Have come across many different definitions or should I say explanations thus far. I have to agree with yours the best. The very best and well articulated. Bravo baby girl

[Deleted Member]

  2 hours ago, Squirrel9577 said:

Have come across many different definitions or should I say explanations thus far. I have to agree with yours the best. The very best and well articulated. Bravo baby girl

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Thank you.......but it was I,  the Dominant who posted this, and I dont often get called "babygirl." As it seems from your words you're learning as we all had to at one time or another, it should be pointed out it's not good form and some could say disrespectful/rude/entitled to call one you do not know by the name babygirl......all a learning curve.....have a good day.

[MissTakenDeep]

  Saturday at 04:19 PM, Donny-kinksters said:

Thank you.......but it was I,  the Dominant who posted this, and I dont often get called "babygirl." As it seems from your words you're learning as we all had to at one time or another, it should be pointed out it's not good form and some could say disrespectful/rude/entitled to call one you do not know by the name babygirl......all a learning curve.....have a good day.

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Love this reply almost as much as your original post 🙌🏼 I’d take offence to a random bloke calling me baby girl, so Thankyou for speaking up on behalf of us women 😂

I also think ‘kink’ is something very personal and individualistic, I don’t role too well with the titles and dynamics can and do often change with me in a sexual and romantic context.

Kink for me is finding someone with mutual trust, mutual attraction and a mutual sense of fun and adventure to explore with, it’s taking each-other to the heights of intimacy and sexual pleasure while pushing boundaries and enjoying each-other. D/S expectations can actually ruin that for me personally tbh. It definitely depends on how someone else views the dynamics and I think too often in this community there are expectations with both D types and S types that make it difficult.