When You Become Involved with a Pseudo Dom/me

[CopperKnob]

They'll dictate your dynamic to you like every True Dom/me does. That conversation will not mention safe words. It will not mention limits. It will not mention your needs and wellbeing. But, a Dom without a list of requirements is hardly a Dom/me at all, are they?

You'll be new to kink, so sub frenzy will lead you astray. You'll trust their judgement more than you do your own.

And this is how you’ll throw away all the things anyone ever told you about safety, together with a handful of dignity and six tons of self-worth. “I’m lucky they're even bothering with my inexperience at all,” you’ll think, and then you’ll go out shopping for a Ted Baker dress, lacy lingerie, heels and perfume. Remember that shopping trip. It will be the last time you do anything without their knowledge.

Months will pass. They’ll obliterate your psyche and then demand you behave like a whole person. One evening at dusk you’ll look out at the black, black sky and realise you lost yourself somewhere between your ignored safe words and disintegrated sense of self.

Your self-respect will be buried underneath a growing pile of demands. You’ll know you’ve hidden your strength under there somewhere, but you won’t remember where. They’ll blame inferior submission. They'll blame your infernal dignity. They'll blame your inability to follow basic commands. You’ll believe them because they've been kinky for 23 years...

... or so they'll say.

You’ll try every trick you can think of to become more deferential—therapy… self-help books… sheer, brazen hard work, but it will escape their notice.

You’ll leave, at last, but then your self-hatred and the chaotic world you now live in, without rules and structure, will lead you back to them. You no longer know how to make any decisions at all and what you know seems safer. They’ll swear to change. They’ll swear it on their life. They'll go to therapy. They swear it.

They won’t go to therapy.
They won’t change, and you'll find a thousand ways to blame yourself for that.

They'll discard you in the end. You’ll beg them to stay, not because they love you, but because you’ve forgotten how to see yourself as anything but damaged. Broken people need people, even the cruel ones.

You’ll think you’ve reached the end of this story, but you’ll be wrong. Your burgeoning loneliness will remind you of how much better it was when they were destroying you from inside your relationship. At least then you were not alone.

Eventually, you'll lose the strength to care what anyone thinks. You’ll go to therapy. You’ll get yourself the first new dress you’ve bought in a long time. After six months of visits to psychiatry you’ll realise you’ll never be the same as you were before you met.

You will be right.

You will become more than you were before them. You'll become more powerful than you've ever been.

One bright day, a new Dom/me will attract your interest, but they'll dictate your dynamic to you like a pseudo dominant does. That conversation will not mention safe words. It will not mention limits. It will not mention a damn thing about your needs and wellbeing.

And so you’ll reject them. And you do so because there are Ted Baker shops to visit. There is dignity to nurture. There is the blue, blue sky. And you deserve it all.

[PJ****]

Fuck yea 💪

[Go****]

Your writing is always perfection. Aside from the 'dOm' part, this sounds as though you've just written some of my life story.

[Deleted Member]

Some call it a learning curve, other's call it a lesson... Sadly, that's the way it is... It shouldn't be but. (The older we get, the sooner we realise people ruin everything). Very well said and even better well explained. 💜👌

[Deleted Member]

😒

[CopperKnob]

27 minutes ago, GoodGirlBetterBrat said:

Your writing is always perfection. Aside from the 'dOm' part, this sounds as though you've just written some of my life story.

A 'story' i know only too well but, we live and learn and are stronger for it

[Go****]

25 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

A 'story' i know only too well but, we live and learn and are stronger for it

Indeed we are, these experiences we weather are invaluable 

[Dancingbear225]

As soon as they try and isolate you from your friends and family, be very wary, they're not a Dom/me they're an ***r.

 

 

[ol****]

@CopperKnob very well said and well written as usual.

[Vi****]

Copper I felt so sad reading your experiences here but then I felt your strength and power to overcome all the darkness and I'm so glad you found that sunshine again. Your fabulous to share this with us and I am uplifted by your courage. Much love to you xxx

[Deleted Member]

I'm sorry you have had such fd up experiences. I've written extensively on this topic. Safe words, boundaries, limits, taboos, and desires must all be discussed in a proper negotiation. Yes, any "Dom" that neglects it is either new to it or one of the "nouveau kinksters" that get on my damn nerves. They have an entitlement mentality.

[Erotika]

I can relate all too well to the emotions/*** that come with experiencing this...