What is this thing?

[Deleted Member]

I have not been this kink and fetish thing very long. Since just before last Christmas to be honest. I am trying to get with the programme. Making huge gaffes and mistakes. 

 I have known that I am kinky or even depraved as I have been told in the past, since my ***s. 

 I will put this out there.... I have no clue what I am doing! 

I have realised that kink is many different things to different people. It is a far more complex beast than I thought. 

 It can be a total lifestyle. Just used to get dirty sex. Quite a few use it to gain income. For freedom to explore themselves. It seems to be quite an extensive list. 

I cannot seem to connect, to fit in. What am I missing? Is my attitude totally unfit for this world? Am I not right for it. 

 Any thoughts?

[ey****]

one of the most common things people are missing is.... patience

Fitting in can be difficult because it is quite a melting pot.   I guess questions are in what have you already done?  This is your first forum post, great, hopefully first of many - but more posts increases how known you become.    Have you tried the chat? (though I know that can be daunting, I don't bother with it) or have you tried any munches or events?

Some things can take time because there is sometimes a little excitement and wariness around new folk.  You seem to have already done some research which is GREAT but other people might not automatically know that.   There's new folk come and go - some because they expected things to be easier than it is, or they want a lot of people's time or emotional labour.   

 

[Deleted Member]

You won’t fit in, because there isn't anything to fit into. Everyone is unique. The world would be a rather boring place otherwise. Placement is an illusion. Humans like to label and categorise everything. It’s you’re own choice to identify or not, regardless of other people's opinions too. There is nothing wrong with you. You belong in a ‘kink world’ if you let yourself. Try not to focus so broadly, step back and look solely at your niche likes x

[Cimky]

Thats the beauty of the lifestyle you dont need to fit in any shape pre-made box you build your own box, boat or whatever tickles your fancy. But you need to learn patience as already said. Give yourself time, chat too as many people as you can, from both sides of the slash as well as all kinds of kinks and dynamics, ask questions till you feel you understand the answer, allow yourself to make mistakes, as your sure will do, know your limits and allow yourself to grow, understanding that your limits might or not change as you grow and thats ok.
You found your village in a sense now slowly look around till you find your home.

[Ar****]

We're all only human. Making gaffes and mistakes are a part of that. What matters is how we handle and grow from them.

You aren't alone in feeling like you don't know what you're doing, but it's sadly all too rare that somebody holds their hand up to say so. It speaks volumes about you, and most genuine people will recognise that. People would typically prefer to spend time with an inexperienced partner who is open about it and willing to learn and grow together than with somebody who blogs and tries to "wing it", because the latter is both dishonest and dangerous.

As Susie has already said, there isn't anything to try to fit into. Some people need labels or such, many don't. All that matters in what works for you and the people you are involved with, within boundaries such as respect and freedom from judgement.

You and I butted heads earlier on the sapiosexual thread. That's regrettable, because I would never have known the person I was engaging with there was the same person who started this hope-inducing thread. Suffice it to say I felt that you wrote inappropriate and distasteful things which needed challenging, and you perhaps felt similarly about my replies to you. All I can suggest is that we don't get far without understanding and communication. This is a community built on trust, openness, and respect, which applies to the things which aren't for us as much as the things which are.

Keep talking to people, keep honest, keep an open mind, have opinions about kinks without being dismissive of them, and you'll get there. Good luck, sincerely.

[Deleted Member]

I would say to join the chatroom lobby and make friends with people in there. They're a friendly bunch and they're happy to educate you further about the fetish world. I've been on here since November and I've learnt a lot from people in the chat and I still have tonnes to learn about the lifestyle. I kind of wish I'd discovered this world years ago as vanilla lifestyle to me just feels like relationships without communication, where as this in the kink/fet world, communication seems to be the best part about it. Good luck anyway.

[Deleted Member]

Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts and advice. You have given me plenty to think about.

[RAMB]

I am mostly vanilla but have kinks spankjing and i love the. WOMANS ARSE LICKING IT AND OTHER,BUT THE BDSM TEST SAYS 75%SUBMISSIVE?I TRY TO BE AND WANT TO BE RESPECTFUL,AND I HOPE THAT I AM,I HAD BEEN WARNED ONCE BUT DIDNT KNKW WHAT I DID,STILL DO NOT,BUT I AM LEARNING ABOUT THE BDSM LIFE STYLE.

[Cimky]

8 minutes ago, RAMB said:

I am mostly vanilla but have kinks spankjing and i love the. WOMANS ARSE LICKING IT AND OTHER,BUT THE BDSM TEST SAYS 75%SUBMISSIVE?I TRY TO BE AND WANT TO BE RESPECTFUL,AND I HOPE THAT I AM,I HAD BEEN WARNED ONCE BUT DIDNT KNKW WHAT I DID,STILL DO NOT,BUT I AM LEARNING ABOUT THE BDSM LIFE STYLE.

Learn basic protocols and you might have an understanding of what you do wrong. In every community might that be business personal or kink there is a certain protocol to follow of what is acceptable behavior you would not walk into a business meeting dressed in pajamas and slirp your cereal at the desk, you will not talk to your boss like he is your drinking buddy, same as you would not walk into a public bar to the 1st woman you see and tell her you want to lick her ass its just not acceptable same with kink while we are open-minded and welcoming it does not mean there is no structure and protocol learn those and you might find what you do wrong