DeviantInside Posted May 16, 2022 Posted May 16, 2022 2 hours ago, LustAndLogic said: Well put. Being dominant doesn't mean being an asshole or a crybaby. I am one of those so-called "new Doms" and always frank about my own lack of experience when it comes to BDSM. Yes, this does scare away many subs, since most of them are looking for an experienced partner. It's extremely frustrating at times but that's just how it is and there is also a good reason for it. I am not entitled to anything but I know that the right person will not care about my level of experience because they like me as the person I am and for the potential of development I have. And most importantly, she will understand that I do have a very clear idea of where I want to go and that I am willing to make all the necessary efforts to get there, which to me is the true essence of dominance. Here's the other side of that. I have had the fortuity of building up a lot of experience. Was fortunate enough to be introduced on the London scene in my early 20's to an amazing crowd of people, people with a wealth of experience to learn from, that ran some of the clubs, that ran workshops on various things, pro Dommes, all sorts of everything. And genuinely some of the most grounded, welcoming and open people I have ever met. Even before that I had been learning and reading about everything since mid ***s. There's very little that I haven't explored at least on some level... But here's the thing... none of that makes me any more suitable or right for anyone than anyone else. It doesn't entitle me to anything. What I have found is that whilst that experience can be a great thing to explore and share with the right person, if the trust and connection (on many levels) aren't there then none of that means anything.
cautiousswitch Posted May 19, 2022 Posted May 19, 2022 This brings up a variant of the concept of "good" dominant and "bad" dominant. In many ways, dominant and submissive are personality types. They don't have to involve kink or BDSM. Within the kink community there are standards (consent etc.), which are sometimes used to label someone as a fake dom/me. In other words, we filter out day-to-day dominance and focus on kink play dominance. There are dominant people in normal life who are jerks. They would still be dominant if they practiced kink; being a jerk would just make them a bad dominant rather than a fake dominant. What seems to be described in the original post are people who may have dominant personality types but lack experience. They think that asking for training from a more experienced dom/me would make them submissive so would rather learn from trial and error. This doesn't make them non-dominant but rather bad or dangerous dominants.
Deleted Member Posted May 20, 2022 Posted May 20, 2022 This is highly dependent upon what you're doing. Assuming you trust the person they don't need experience assuming it's inherently a safe activity. Ex, I'm a "dom" but I would be fine being tied spreadeagle and fucked by a girl who never did it before assuming I trusted her. On the otherhand(besides no interest) I would not be OK wither her doing severe canning. BDSM relationships like any relationship involve incremental trust building, if you're into immediately tying up a chick and beating on her I understand her apprehension but I think denying a relationship prospect because someone hadn't done something is stupid.
CopperKnob Posted May 26, 2022 Author Posted May 26, 2022 May 20, Mathbro said: This is highly dependent upon what you're doing. Assuming you trust the person they don't need experience assuming it's inherently a safe activity. Ex, I'm a "dom" but I would be fine being tied spreadeagle and fucked by a girl who never did it before assuming I trusted her. On the otherhand(besides no interest) I would not be OK wither her doing severe canning. BDSM relationships like any relationship involve incremental trust building, if you're into immediately tying up a chick and beating on her I understand her apprehension but I think denying a relationship prospect because someone hadn't done something is stupid. I agree with what you're saying but that really wasn't the point of the post.
Mafya Posted May 28, 2022 Posted May 28, 2022 I have never tried my sadistic desires before, but I searched for a community similar to me for two main reasons, the most important of which is to learn the right ways so as not to become scary, and the second reason is to find a suitable girl for her. your article is really wonderful and very important Thank you 💐
Deleted Member Posted May 31, 2022 Posted May 31, 2022 (edited) On 5/26/2022 at 11:53 AM, CopperKnob said: I agree with what you're saying but that really wasn't the point of the post. I'm just trying to point out the idea that you MUST be experienced and "vetted" by the community or else you are unsafe is flawed and often the people pushing it have their own agenda. I fully support dating someone for a long time before playing BDSM with them so I'm not advocating for rushing into anything. Just don't let someones kink community status dictate who they are to you. Edited May 31, 2022 by Deleted Member
ey**** Posted May 31, 2022 Posted May 31, 2022 3 hours ago, Mathbro said: I'm just trying to point out the idea that you MUST be experienced and "vetted" by the community or else you are unsafe is flawed and often the people pushing it have their own agenda Careful, you'll anger the old guard hahah But, yeah. I think there are advantages to community but nothing is a substitution for your own vetting. This is something I can go wildly off-topic about - but for example we have someone up here who has numerous allegations against him but is only barred from 1 or 2 munches and on a 'time out' from some others but still freely attends the rest. Do I believe his is a 'safe' person to play with - absolutely not. But you come along and see someone who seems otherwise charming and can cite his bans on other events to either a vendetta or "I had been drinking too much" while making a show of waving his soft drink to show he is 'making amends' - and it's easy to think he's not that bad. Or, maybe those who have shoved him out are wrong for not giving him enough chances and someone's own vetting can make them feel confident that this time it'll be different. But then equally there are people who are known and respected and... that can give confidence, but, still no substitute for your own due dilligence.
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