Only Poly?

[Deleted Member]

So I'm new to BDSM and everything that comes with it. I know I'm kinky and I've always liked things that aren't "normal" by a lot of people's standards. But who cares what they think lol. But like, I mostly just see Poly relationships on the different BDSM pages. Do monogamous relationships not exist in BDSM? Sorry if that's a stupid question. Like I personally want a traditional relationship just with someone kinky like me. That's one thing I was hoping to find here because I don't want to go through the whole dating process just to be like "by the way, I like this, this, and this in bed" and then everything gets ruined because they're judgemental and stop talking to me.

[WP****]

There is monogamy, just be clear about what your looking for when you vet someone. Chin up, it happens more often than you may think.

[CamiBami]

BDSM does not have to mean sex and that goes the same for poly relationships. And relationships can go beyond typical romantic intimacy and labels. I am in somewhat the same boat, but I hope to find someone for the long haul someday. In the meantime, I am going to explore and find what I truly desire and want in a relationship.

[Deleted Member]

Kink is actually very common with some studies putting 40 percent of us as liking some form of kink. We are also very diverse. My advice is to put in your profile what you are seeking. Many of my D/s relationships are poly. And end when my partner wants to be monogamous with someone. I myself don’t want to have one partner right now as I am dealing with personal issues and couldn’t give someone the attention they need for an exclusive relationship. But they do happen and it’s quite common. Honesty is the most important thing in these relationship. Don’t do something hoping you might grow to like it later. More often than not you won’t. Of course exploration is part of the fun. Good luck on your search and remember to be open and honest about your needs and desires.

[go****]

Welcome to the community!

I understand your concerns. A couple of guys have done that to me. They like the way I f**k, but they think I have some kind of internalized misogyny for wanting to be tied up.

Yes, there are many monogamous relationships out there. I myself am in one. My Dom owns me. He'll gladly lend me to other people, but I am his.

I can't speak for the poly people here. I just know that with one deviance such as BDSM, comes many others, such as polyamory.

You'll find though that those you click with, whether on this app or IRL, might share the same kinks as you.

Feel free to message me any time. Best wishes.

[Deleted Member]

38 minutes ago, WPBrat said:

There is monogamy, just be clear about what your looking for when you vet someone. Chin up, it happens more often than you may think.

Okay that's really good to know! And I will try to keep my chin up. It's just kinda hard. But I will try

[Deleted Member]

19 minutes ago, CamiBami said:

BDSM does not have to mean sex and that goes the same for poly relationships. And relationships can go beyond typical romantic intimacy and labels. I am in somewhat the same boat, but I hope to find someone for the long haul someday. In the meantime, I am going to explore and find what I truly desire and want in a relationship.

That's good to know too honestly. And situations like ours are really difficult. My ex constantly told me and made sure I felt like a freak just because I was kinky. I hope I can find someone for the long haul too. I hope we both can find that special person! I'm not sure if I want to explore like that or not. Maybe.

[Cheekysub247]

Its also possible to be both, im looking for a couple or im looking for just one gentleman.
So i guess i could be labelled poly as its an option, but not the fullstop.
People who are not really into kink mostly do turn away when talking about it, because they dont understand it. A few of my close friends know im 'kinky' but dont know all of it, i think even they would shy away from me if they did lol, but dont let anyone make you feel bad or wrong for things you feel you need, it can take some time to admit to yourself some things.
Have fun and explore with one person, then maybe another and then another. When the times right look for that special one person 😊

[Deleted Member]

16 minutes ago, Cheekysub247 said:

Its also possible to be both, im looking for a couple or im looking for just one gentleman.
So i guess i could be labelled poly as its an option, but not the fullstop.
People who are not really into kink mostly do turn away when talking about it, because they dont understand it. A few of my close friends know im 'kinky' but dont know all of it, i think even they would shy away from me if they did lol, but dont let anyone make you feel bad or wrong for things you feel you need, it can take some time to admit to yourself some things.
Have fun and explore with one person, then maybe another and then another. When the times right look for that special one person 😊

I definitely understand. There's such a huge stigma with kinks for some reason. I will try not to let anyone make me feel bad about it. My ex wife ***d me constantly before she knew about my kinks. And then it was so much worse when she found out. Nobody should have to go through the mental, verbal, and emotional *** that she put me through and I really don't want to go through it again. I'm not really the hookup kind of guy. I might be open to it with the right person but I'm just not really into that idea :/

[Cheekysub247]

Im not a hook up person either, i simply meant while you are explpring all the new things it can be good to try different things with different people, you might find it doesnt feel right with one person but its amazing with another and it would be sad if you thought 'oh i tried it but didnt like it" simply because its not how you thought because of that one person.

It doesnt have to be sexual, you might find someone to simply 'practice and learn skills' 

Have some fun with it while you are learning 😊

 

40 minutes ago, gamermadison96 said:

I definitely understand. There's such a huge stigma with kinks for some reason. I will try not to let anyone make me feel bad about it. My ex wife ***d me constantly before she knew about my kinks. And then it was so much worse when she found out. Nobody should have to go through the mental, verbal, and emotional *** that she put me through and I really don't want to go through it again. I'm not really the hookup kind of guy. I might be open to it with the right person but I'm just not really into that idea :/

 

[ey****]

there was a similar-ish thread recently and....

I think monogamy is still in the majority even within the kink scene - but - as the kink scene has become a big melting pot of different ideas and dynamics that don't always fit in "within society" that it's not just D/s or BDSM but also general fetish, pet play, age play, other dynamics, "kinksters", switches, fetishists etc etc. but also this is a space where those who are poly can communicate this more than in regular society so it often feels louder or more prevalent than we are used to.

 

[An****]

Speaking for myself I can say that I’m seaking monogamy and to share D/s only with my partner (of maybe invite someone one day), but that it’s a relationship where you find a way to mix love, partnership, BDSM and everything else that comes with it.

[Deleted Member]

Thanks everyone for the advice and for helping me. Yall have kinda eased my mind. There's nothing wrong with Poly relationships and I won't judge anyone who is in one but that's just not for me. I will keep looking for my kinky soulmate lol

[Deleted Member]

@eyemblacksheep said there was recently a similar forum . The forum title was "BDSM and monogamy/exclusivity". Please look this up, and read. If you have problems finding it, please ask the Greeters for help. They know alot things, and are very helpful! Before making your own conclusions, try to look at it at both sides, and really listen to all the helpful people's opinions and experiences. Lastly, this is my third time writing this... I know over a handful of couples who have met here, and most couples are NOT... NOT going to announce on Newsfeed "We met here".

[Deleted Member]

Oops... I guess too late, but good to hear.🙈😁

[Deleted Member]

Haha. You're good Kiseu! Thanks for the tip! :)

[Deleted Member]

45 minutes ago, gamermadison96 said:

Haha. You're good Kiseu! Thanks for the tip!

Thank you.🤗❤

[pi****]

I'm totally monogamous and demi sexual. I like kink, bdsm, bondage etc but I want one man who will fulfill more than just my sexual needs 🤷‍♀️

[Deleted Member]

Keep in mind too that a lot of people might list themselves as polly or open, but might have varying definitions for those things. Some people want multiple relatioships, others have a primary partner and just want people to play with. It’s not always immediately obvious which is which.

[J-****]

Then you just haven’t found the right partner

[ey****]

5 hours ago, Willwolf said:

Keep in mind too that a lot of people might list themselves as polly or open, but might have varying definitions for those things.

oh god yes

there's a chart does the round which just shows how many different shades of non-mono there are - this is such a shread

And there are probably people who are like "I couldn't do it" but actually there's a lot of stuff on there that they could do (i.e. you meet someone who is a primary partner but they have friends in kink they will occasionally do platonic play with)

[sW****]

June 9, Willwolf said:

Keep in mind too that a lot of people might list themselves as polly or open, but might have varying definitions for those things. Some people want multiple relatioships, others have a primary partner and just want people to play with. It’s not always immediately obvious which is which.

Yep. I am Poly even when I don't have a partner of any kind. I may be looking for playmates, life partners, paramours. Regardless, I remain Poly.

[ma****]

Monogamous relationships still exist in BDSM. There is nothing wrong with being monogamous as much as there is nothing wrong with being poly. Be honest (from the beginning) with everyone in regards of who you are and what kind of relationship you want.

Other aspects to consider are that people can be ambiamorous (they have no preference in being into monogamous relationship or poly ones) and that there can be different types of poly relationships (triads - closed or not; V relationships; hierarchical relationships etc). Also, polyamory is not to be confused with ethical non-monogamy (ENM). Polyamory is part of ENM, but not all ENM relationships are polyamorous.