Welcome New Subs

[CopperKnob]

Welcome to the lifestyle. I know, I know. Everything is so shiny and new. So exciting. The bling is blinding, yet so seductive. You just want to reach out and touch it all, taste it all. You are ready to do so. Blindly. Reactively. Without *** of the consequences. Nothing can go wrong, right?

Stop. Take a deep breath. I know, everything right now is so alluring. The world is at your fingertips. You can literally touch your desires and bring your fantasies to life.

This exact moment is when you need to stop and smell the roses. New Kink Energy is intoxicating, spellbinding and overwhelming. It’s similar to its distant cousin New Relationship Energy but so much more addictive. And for some, it can be and often is, dangerous.

Many get caught up in the allure and the promise of discovery. To find the kink partner of their dreams that can deliver their wildest fantasies to them. That person who can lead them into the kink arena and slay all of those wild beasts like a *** lust driven gladiator. That person that will become their hero and knight in shining armour.

You reach out in excitement. You reach out to many people. Dozens or even tens of dozens. Quite a few respond. Positively and willingly. This is great. A new world of kink that appears to be filled with only friendly people.

"So what’s the problem then? I have needs They can deliver on my needs. What? Of course they can deliver. They told me so. They're so in tune with me. They seem to know me so well".

"Agenda? What agenda? They don’t have an agenda. No way. Maybe with others, but not with me. What? Why would you think they want to take advantage of me? They aren’t just some inexperienced person on the other end of the keyboard, their 🍆 getting hard at my positive response to their sexual prompts. Surely not?"

"They seem to truly know me, understand me and get me. They seem to be able to guide me and know what I need, even before I seem to know it. They explain my needs to me and that resonates with me so much. They make me feel special. We have a connection".

Predators know what bait to lay. They know what to look for. They hunt the new. The bright eyed. The susceptible. The easy targets. They know how to lure them in. Promising the world. Promising to teach, to guide, to mentor. They will make you feel like they know you in ways that no other ever has or ever could. They get you. You truly believe that. Because that right now is what your subconscious needs. You feel like if you don’t respond the way they need you to, then you will lose ability to connect.

Stop. Right now. This is your unique journey. Not theirs. Take your time to learn about kinks. Take your time to learn about you. Alone. Your kinks will change as you evolve and grow. Without a shadow of a doubt. What you think you like right now, will become a mere shadow of what you like, want and need to discover as you grow and evolve in yourself and your kink.

Take your time to discover what you want, but more importantly what you don’t want or simply don’t feel comfortable with. Learn to set safe words.
Learn to set limits.
Learn that it’s okay to say no to anything that you don’t feel comfortable with, no matter how exciting the other person makes it feel.
Learn to trust your gut and let that intuition rule your choices.

Take your time and discover yourself first, before you reach out to others. In order to share yourself, you need to successfully understand yourself, your needs, your desires and your limits. Take your time on your journey. It’s your journey and yours alone. Others are simply passengers, who you occasionally allow to drive.

Your journey.
Your evolution.
Your growth.
Your timeframe.

Be smart.
Be safe.
Stay grounded.
Stay secure

[Deleted Member]

Great post with some good advice for new subs - and beautifully written as always.

[Deviant_Ric]

So beautifully and succinctly put CopperKnob. Reflective and insightful as ever, but this message is so important, and so often sadly not heeded.
We can all get caught up in the whirlwind of excitement, irrespective of age or relationships experience. And it can be highly intoxicating and compulsion inducing addictive.
If I may quote you “take your time and discover yourself first”

[CopperKnob]

  4 minutes ago, Nastycuntspanker said:

So beautifully and succinctly put CopperKnob. Reflective and insightful as ever, but this message is so important, and so often sadly not heeded.
We can all get caught up in the whirlwind of excitement, irrespective of age or relationships experience. And it can be highly intoxicating and compulsion inducing addictive.
If I may quote you “take your time and discover yourself first”

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It's the one that I completely missed and lived to regret

[TheBookCollector]

Hear, heat. Well said.

I try and point newbies to the forums to read articles like this, and tell them to research common red flags and find their local community.

[ge****]

Spot on and something valuable for all to take heed of - in fact with a few tweaks this could equally be aimed at dominants

Beautifully written as ever CK 😊

[Deleted Member]

Your soooo right, thank you sooooo much

[Deleted Member]

Thank you very much. Perfect timing. I really needed this check-in right now.

[Deleted Member]

You've done your best, you can't do more than this. Yet entire herds will learn how not to do it the hard way.

[Se****]

Once again your words resonate. In hindsight I did exactly this. I hope never to repeat my previous mistakes x

[Deviant_Ric]

  3 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

It's the one that I completely missed and lived to regret

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Same here. Although many years ago, I still feel it.

[Vi****]

Thank you Copper, your posts are always wonderful filled with great advice, all newbies should read this. I do see a worryingly number of posts where subs are litrally agreeing to anything there dom is asking, irrespective of there reservations, because that's what they think being a sub is. 🤔 

I still class myself as new to this community, and I couldn't agree more with working out what you need for yourself first. 

 

Edited June 12, 2022 by Vic1077

[Th****]

Absolutely bang on the ***. Lots of Dom's advertising themselves as very experienced. Yet only 25 years Old!!! IM LIKE WTF!!😂😂

[CopperKnob]

  4 hours ago, Vic1077 said:

Thank you Copper, your posts are always wonderful filled with great advice, all newbies should read this. I do see a worryingly number of posts where subs are litrally agreeing to anything there dom is asking, irrespective of there reservations, because that's what they think being a sub is. 🤔 

I still class myself as new to this community, and I couldn't agree more with working out what you need for yourself first. 

 

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It was me, I was that person. Well, not agreeable to everything but, I definitely felt I should and guilty when I wasn't as agreeable.
Learnt the lesson the hard way but we grow from it

[CopperKnob]

  1 hour ago, ShropshireDom70 said:

Absolutely bang on the ***. Lots of Dom's advertising themselves as very experienced. Yet only 25 years Old!!! IM LIKE WTF!!😂😂

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They may have experience though, but yes, sometimes I wonder how much and whether, as a consequence, they think they have nothing more to learn. I know I was pretty cocky/confident about things when I was younger but I also think as we age, we realise how small (not the right word) we are and we aren't as invincible as we thought

[Deleted Member]

Great post! Learning to say No and not feeling guilty for doing so was a good moment for me.

[Th****]

  28 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

They may have experience though, but yes, sometimes I wonder how much and whether, as a consequence, they think they have nothing more to learn. I know I was pretty cocky/confident about things when I was younger but I also think as we age, we realise how small (not the right word) we are and we aren't as invincible as we thought

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Experience goes hand in hand with age. Hence Dd/LG. There are now more and more Female Submissive's. Who are in a D/S relationship with Older Dom's than ever.

[CopperKnob]

  28 minutes ago, ShropshireDom70 said:

Experience goes hand in hand with age. Hence Dd/LG. There are now more and more Female Submissive's. Who are in a D/S relationship with Older Dom's than ever.

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I think yes and no, that as well as age, it's about what you've been exposed to in the formative years. I know that I sometimes work with 18/19yr olds who, after I leave I sit in the car and think to myself, christ, they were so mature in how they behaved, expressed themselves and were able to reflect on different points and I compare that to my very sheltered upbring and theres a really significant difference between them and I when I were their age. I'm not convinced that life experience is purely dependent upon a chronological age factor

[ey****]

  3 hours ago, ShropshireDom70 said:

Absolutely bang on the ***. Lots of Dom's advertising themselves as very experienced. Yet only 25 years Old!!! IM LIKE WTF!!😂😂

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I've played with people who were 25 who have had more experience than someone who is 40.   It's not linear. 

[TheBookCollector]

  1 hour ago, ShropshireDom70 said:

Experience goes hand in hand with age. Hence Dd/LG. There are now more and more Female Submissive's. Who are in a D/S relationship with Older Dom's than ever.

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Age does not mean experience im 52 and have been involved in the lifestyle since my mid 30 so about 15 years. Consider that against someone who is 40 but has been involved since the age of 20.

Who has more experience?

Also there are people that go months or years between partners, and the last 2 years of pandemic severely hampered those with out partnersdue to lockdown rules.

[Li****]

Just like to add a quick comment here regarding age and experience......

Experience...? Its widely accepted that it is better to have "experience" and therefore "experienced" Doms are all rich in knowledge and good practice......   

Uuuuum!?  NO! Don't fall into that trap is my advise to first time submissives. Just because a person has been active with their kinks for 10 years, does not mean they actually follow "safe"  "sane" and "consensual" guidelines.  In fact people can become stuck in their ways and resistant to possibilities.  Follow your instincts, if it feels right for you, and you find a connection with a person go with that and don't think for one minute that ALL older "experienced " dominants are  a safe place......just saying!!!

[ey****]

yep I file age and experience as one of the myths that won't die.

Aside from what was, effectively, dabbling, in my private life I've been active on the local kink community for nearly 9 years and there is a lot of experience I have picked up but assorted activities I have limited experience in for one reason or another.

Over this time there were people who were 'about' then who haven't really shown growth or increased knowledge or experience in that time - so despite them being both older and active longer - I am more experienced than them.

Similarly, there are people who have accelerated and are probably more experienced than me in many areas.  Despite them being younger and not active as long.

I can't do shibari rope suspensions - but I've met 22 year olds who can.

And... similar again... there are folk who had used their longevity in a "I know best" kinda way - often to pave over that what they were doing wasn't entirely consensual : these are often those who would talk up what things were "traditionally" like despite either not being there, shunned from that group, or being one of only a few older folk in the community with a claim of being active "back then" so not really having anyone to call them out 

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I think ultimately while some experience can sound desirable, folk should vet anyway.

 

[Urbitch2servepU]

I need to communicate my needs...I'm a experienced masochist slave who lives for countless lashes from a beautiful Mistress most sadistic corporal impact implements that makes her 👂 content

[ve****]

Seem to be very wise words )), thank you for taking the time to think about and write this up, can help so many people avoid bad situations

[to****]

Not sure if this was stated: A submissive grants her submission to a Dominant or Master. A sub has every right to revoke her submission for any reason. Doms and Masters need to understand this basic concept.

No legal ownership over another person exists in western society. (Guardianship and parenthood are completely different and still don’t result in ownership).