Autism and BDSM

[Firefox_]

I originally wrote this piece for another site but I thought it was worth a share here too. 

Daddy asked me to write up a journal weekly if I could, so I thought this would be a good one to cover. - Apologies but its LONG.

In January I got my official diagnosis of Autism (and referral for ADHD assessment). This explains a lot of my quirky and fun ways but also impacts a lot in my life including sexual encounters/relationships etc.

Some people still assume there is a high functioning and low functioning scale, which is pretty insulting as it's more of a colourful wheel of differences. Assuming one seems more capable because of their seemed intelligence is classed as ableism. For me, for instance, I'm very talkative (sometimes too much... OK a lot of the time, thanks ADHD) so people assume that I couldn't possibly be autistic; or that I must be a "high functioning type". While yes I can speak and verbally communicate, when I'm in over whelming situations - I can become very quiet and shut off. There is also some of this babying towards some autistic adults as if we are still mentally aged 5, don't be so condensing. Yes I do enjoy DDlg but I'm more than aware if its too cold to put a coat on.
I also struggle with sensory processing disorder which is relatively common in autistic's, my ability to understand and work out touch/sound/smell/taste etc goes a bit haywire, meaning it takes longer to understand or my brain looses the information while in transit. Also effects my spatial awareness, which makes me extra clumsy! XD I can be also very black and white and rigid on somethings, which can make trying new anything hard work. I hate lying, to the point of saying "I maybe able to" do something if I remotely think I can't because I see that as being deceitful, or rounding up numbers because it's wrong.

So this gives a snippet insight into how my brain reacts to new sensations, actions, feelings etc.
How it effects BDSM..
Well, A lot of BDSM comes with communication, trust and the ability to willingly give over your body and senses to someone else. Which; when you can't always trust your own senses, can be even more scary than usual.
Also I struggle to read peoples facial ques and body signals which mixed with my naivety has lead me into uncomfortable past sexual trauma.

Personally I am very tactile, I need touch and deep pressure to feel safe and grounded. I crave intimacy which with my need for touch has equaled a very high sex drive or actually more of a sensory seeking behaviour.
I'm lucky enough to have found someone I completely trust with my body, but it's still reading my body's signals/feelings that can be hard. Sometimes I'm asked what feels nicer... or where to move to, but my brain cannot decipher what physical information its being given to know what to answer (this does also leave me frustrated/annoyed with myself because you'd think I'd know with it being my body!). Other times I'm so overwhelmed by the sensation that I cannot speak, this is also an issue if I become uncomfortable and cannot express it for whatever reason. Daddy is good at reading me and regularly checks in to make sure I'm OK. When I'm going into zone out mode, my body shuts down most senses - mainly hearing, I can hear noise but my brain has no idea whats being said or where its coming from, which gets frustrating at having to break the scene/mood to ask to repeat it a few times while my brain works it out. Edging is something I have a love/hate relationship with, but sometimes the feelings and signals get so blurred that I'm not always sure at what point I'm at. That being said I am getting better with daddy's teaching.

Also coming up with new scenes/ideas can be scary, after-all, you grow up being told "god; you're weird" or "you're a bit too much" you then question if your fantasy is going to be too "weird" to be able to bring up to your partner. Or if they're think less of you for something new you want to try or had in your mind, even when it's not even that extreme or crazy.

I think I've rambled on for long enough, so I'll end it with this conclusion.
There is no reason why a consenting autistic adult cannot be involved in BDSM, as long as their partner understands them and can make allowances. A lot of us are more than capable of mentally and physically choosing BDSM/kink as a lifestyle, and shouldn't be dismissed due to our neurodivergents.
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

[As****]

Thanks for sharing. I also have ASD and struggled with how I viewed myself in the wake of my diagnosis. I recently joined the BDSM community and have found it’s members open and accepting of me for who I am. In a way I’m happier now than I’ve ever been since being open about not just my kinks but my neurodivergence as well.

[Re****]

I absolutely agree that Functional Labels are whack! There are so many factors to Neorodivergence, and as much diversity of need.. I am a fierce advocate for this stuff.. Autistic / ADHD / PDA myself, and parent to a child the same.. I totally understand SPD too.. Kink has always been a big part of my life, but I don’t think I really integrated until I understood my own neurodivergence; like the ***d social expectations swamped my mind, trapping me behind masks.. what I love about the kink/bdsm community is the acceptance and clarity of process; demystifying taboo, speaking plainly, =inclusion= .. and I love that more and more are understanding neurodiversity.. 💜💚🖤

[Deleted Member]

I'm not diagnosed but I definitely have some sperg traits. Fortunately I don't experience the more difficult ones(except perhaps being chronically anti-social lol). It manifests itself in terms of my pursuit of perfection and nitpicking which I'm sure contributes to my metal/leather bondage kink. 

Edited June 18, 2022 by Deleted Member

[Re****]

47 minutes ago, Mathbro said:

I'm not diagnosed but I definitely have some sperg traits. Fortunately I don't experience the more difficult ones(except perhaps being chronically anti-social lol). It manifests itself in terms of my pursuit of perfection and nitpicking which I'm sure contributes to my metal/leather bondage kink. 

“Sperg”?! ew!! Short form of an Eponymous and Functional term for a guy who systematically ***d Autists? Please use “Autism”, the other term is outdated and offensive to the Autistic community.

[Deleted Member]

Just now, Remi_Nice said:

“Sperg”?! ew!! Short form of an Eponymous and Functional term for a guy who systematically ***d Autists? Please use “Autism”, the other term is outdated and offensive to the Autistic community.

It's short for aspergian and I don't consider it derogatory. 

[Re****]

14 minutes ago, Mathbro said:

It's short for aspergian and I don't consider it derogatory. 

I’m not going to argue this point on someone else’s thread. You ignored my points and dare say you haven’t a clue what I’m talking about.

[Firefox_]

Clinicians have removed term Asperger's as a label as it gives an incorrect view of more or less able when it's not a linear disability. Some GPS are still catching up with this admittedly but yeah I don't like people trying to use it as a way to act like they're a more able form of me/other auts 

[Deleted Member]

As someone with autism whose trying to get into this lifestyle these kind of facts are very important and I try to bring up as early as I can.

[Li****]

Hey hey, another sub with autism here! I share quite a few of your struggles 😊

[Lo****]

Diagnosed ADHD and borderline autism here. Thanks for writing this. It’s good to get it out there and talked about.

[jameswhat]

Thank you for the wonderful insight and providing a chance to learn something. 

[Deleted Member]

Hi , cool post. I was recently diagnosed with autism and have been struggling to fit in. Just come out of a 16 year relationship and trying to figure myself out. Would love to hear more or chat to anyone else with autism :)

[Phoenyx]

Very interesting discussion.  I have HFA (High Functioning Autism) and I have discovered some interesting facts about it.  The general assumption is that folks with HFA can't read people.  It has been said the we can't pick up "non-verbal cues", like facial expressions, voice inflections, body language, etc...

My experience in the BDSM Scene has taught me that nothing could be farther from the truth.  Consider another oft-quoted truism---that those with HFA have a laser-like focus.  It is this focus that allows those with HFA to see right through people.  The apparent "inability" to read people, comes from seeing multiple conflicting layers at once.  This can be very confusing, and may be dismissed as just "noise".  Those with HFA often avoid eye-contact, because it can be "information overload".  Imagine a person's entire life story being suddenly downloaded into your brain---too quickly to process.  That much info, that fast, can actually be ***ful.  Ironically, it was the training and discipline of BDSM, that allowed me to process all of this, and have some perspective of the multiple layers that I was seeing.

[ve****]

I love this write up, It explains a whole lot of things and situations I have experienced , I have autism, very much like you I get overwhelmed easy, I am very shy as a result,

[to****]

Firefox: One quick caveat to your article. One must be careful with anyone that has autism or something related. The individual must be competent and capable of making decisions on their own.

I bring this up because both my parents have or had dementia. While my father was not as affected, my mother ended up in the room of another dementia patient, committing minor sexual acts. My mom was deemed incompetent by the court a few years ago.

I am not suggesting you are in this situation, Firefox, but wanted others to be aware of the legal risks.