Your experiences of the Lobby Chatroom

[Ju****]

  3 minutes ago, Shirt-n-Tie-Boy said:

I have a thick skin and can take a bit of banter and even some unwarranted or unprovoked attack. When you join a chat and your getting launched into within seconds having not even spoke a word or had opportunity to, then you know a line has been crossed and the chatroom is untenable for you.

No regrets going public here. Enjoying the forum side of the site more, which for me is more stimulating and interesting.

What I should stress for purposes of balance and fairness really is I acknowledge there are many lovely regulars on the chat. I encountered many whom were nothing other than welcoming and friendly, and a sheer pleasure to communicate with 🙂🔆. I also met a nice lady via the lobby chatroom who has been very patient with me, while wanting to meet me in person. So on further reflection and balance while there is an undeniable core of "toxicity" as others stated, that rules and can sometimes overwhelm, there is also lots of WARMTH☀️, LOVE❤ and NICENESS 🙂 under that surface, if you can find it, that is there 

@Finally_Jensome constructive suggestions and solutions offered! 👍 I'd like to think things can be improved for all, and maybe I and any others who have felt banished or ***d out can give it a go again one day.

One of my own offered solution suggestions on another post where chatroom came up was: more chat rooms to cater for different personalities, types, attitudes etc. Even have an "old-timers" room and a "newbies" room perhaps.

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Believe me the toxicity hasn't gone unnoticed. Truth will be seen by all one day. 

In the meantime block the bullies. Ignore them and any cliquey comments, join in with the conversation, bring topics and banter and things will soon smooth over and people will get bored and (sadly) move on to someone else. 

 

As I've said a few times, there are so many good honest and decent people in there. Once you find them, the lobby is so much more enjoyable.

I am glad to hear you've found a potential interest in there too. Not everyone is bad, and please know not every lobby regular is as bad as the select few. 

Positivity and education and understanding is the way forward. 

Sadly I don't believe seperate rooms for that are all that good an idea. Sometimes new people would strengthen new peoples education and safety, and sadly having seperate rooms would only encourage cliques and divide the community, which isn't what bdsm lifestyle should be. 

Support, learning, safety, friendship all very important on here. 

Next time you feel anything has been aimed or said to provoke, perhaps just screenshot and send to a mod, who doesn't regular the lobby, for fresh eyes and opinions as they can look back on chat and see what's going on. 

 

It should be a safe and welcoming environment for all, and if everyone decides to be a good decent human being, the world and community would be a better place. 

I think that's the one thing everyone can take from this. 

New people are just that. New. And should have a chance, even a second chance. And while it can get busy and heated at times, most people on there don't make an intent to ignore new people, but as someone mentioned above, a lot of trolls and bots do come in, and people soon get fed up and can assume fast every newbie is the same. It's simply not the case so perhaps more patience is required. 

 

Regardless of how you've been made to feel by a select few, stand your ground. Go in, socialise and learn. Be you and if someone doesn't like you or vice versa, block. Happy all around then. 😁

[Ju****]

  5 minutes ago, Crawlex said:

I'll give it another crack soon, there is definitely more to this that lurking behind a keypad! Maybe there's also an element of insecurity, speaking for myself anyway. I assume that apps like these are male dominated, so I feel there's a bit of competition especially in a live chat, or I somehow need to prove myself like 'who's this guy butting in on our turf' 😂 Very nice of you to say though, much appreciated. Think it's just a confidence issue and self-worth in shorter terms.

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Well it's sad that you seen it as turf. But I can understand your POV. 

Room can be challenging and fast, but please know that the lobby has it's rules. 

And the comment you made there, "competition"... that shouldnt come into it. 

There is no competition between any males for anything. It'sa general chat. No seeking and the women (or other members aren't prizes to be won). 

So if you want good banter a fresh outlook on diff kink and bdsm topics, (along with cock tits and food) then lobbys the place 🤣😗

[Th****]

My experience of the lobby has been pretty much. a good one, thee are nice people to chat with, and the occasional muppet to destroy (such fun), love seeing the subs take down wannabe Doms.

I have been around for over 2 years now, and like others tend to lurk, until there's a subject that takes my interest.

I dont think there's a lot you could change in the main lobby chat room, its a general chat thats open to all, and should remain that way.

[Wo****]

Ive been on here nearly four years now and I used to chat a fair bit in Lobby and BDSM Lovers. I agree that chat can, sometimes, be cliquey but I've also found it welcoming and made a lot of friends through chat.

 

Block is really useful, as my ever expanding block list is pit into use.

I think a better choice of moderation for chat. I have actually blocked a chatter who then contacted me under his mod name to ask why I blocked him. That said, not had a problem with any of the other mods.

 

It can be frustrating in chat, there are, or were, a LOT of newbies that would come in looking to hook up, swap pictures, or demand whoever it is fulfil their every desire because they're whatever... or newbies posting contact details, or scammers offering pics for sale, or newbies saying "I want this.. who'll be my Domme, sub, owner..."

 

I use chat rarely now, in fact I don't post as much now. Too many entitled folk that think that because this is a (kink positive COMMUNITY as well as a)  kinky dating site that it's like some kind of takeaway menu that you can just order whatever you like and get it delivered to your door.

[ol****]

I tend not to use chat. I find it does not really develop any conversation. I think the forums are better. Generally much more considered discussions.

[sm****]

Not sorry this is going to be a long one.  Not a go but just what many of people have noted over the past. 

As a now ex chatroom user over the years, I stopped frequenting it over a year ago. 

I’ll say this now before all the negativity floods out “the chatrooms” can be fun and informative and good friendships made and experience and knowledge passed on, but they have issues, All chatrooms on any medium have the same not just here.  For us oldies we can remember the hissy fits and drama’s on the old Mirc BDSM rooms lol it’s not unique.

It started off very good, it was a way for newbie’s and regulars to the scene to chat openly, it had its off days like everything else, but on the whole it was welcoming, informative and fun.  I made many friends I still talk to on other platforms or meet up in the real world.  The real sad thing was as the main lobby became popular a few things changed and not for the good in many cases.

There were good friendship groups, already established, but these take time and effort to establish, many new people don’t get the grasps of this/or find it extremely hard to establish themselves in an ongoing conversation, that and once it was changed in to a fet dating app it became a free for all with many wanting a quick pick up or not realising it takes a long time to establish trust, get to know people and get invited to events and the like.  A great number of regulars just didn’t have the time to keep meeting and greeting the huge influx as they were already concentrating on another conversation, it’s also exhausting to keep on doing it when you feel like you have to be ***d to greet most who pop in, the room soon floods with “hi, hi hi suck and such and few dozen times”

As numbers grew there were quite a few toxic traits appearing and a cult of personality, where small groups of regular individuals and especially new people got drowned out and made it next to impossible for them to join in any meaningful communication.  It made the room flow fast and next to impossible to follow and I can understand frustrations from new people.

The chatroom can flood very easily and hard to follow for those not used to it.  There is the block feature that I used on a few occasions just to stop seeing the same banality and gif flooding that made it hard to answer someone else’s questions posed in the room or follow another conversation.  It got to the stage for many it just was a waste of time and left.  That and its block to stop dramas unfolding and spoiling other people’s enjoyment of the facilities.

Then you have the openly antagonistic regulars who came on just to cause problems and complain because things didn’t go their way.

I’ve seen long established regulars ***d off because the atmosphere and feel of the room stopped being for all, people making it next to impossible for any questions to be asked openly for *** it “triggered” people. The lobby especially became a treading on eggshells experience. 

 There were quite a few openly hostile arguments over this, and in the end loads of really good regulars just thought nah not worth our time and stopped contributing, which was a sad thing to see and a great loss of experience that the room lost.

Another thing that was mentioned and people plainly scared to call out was “impartiality”, it’s mega hard to constantly monitor a live chat stream unless you have had to do it you do not realise the time effort and thankless job it can be, but there were favourites and it did show back then, can’t say for how it is now, but yes there  was a notable lack of impartiality in some cases and people.

Lurking as many of us especially me done on a regular basis was a bit frustrating as after 10 to 20 mins you got bounced off for non participation, I can truly understand why this happens, as rooms soon get full of non participating people and quickly die off.

On the whole this may come across as a mega negative answer, but the vast majority of the time it can be a fun open happy experience, many friendships can be made but it takes time and some people need to real it in a bit and not jump on the newbie’s because they tried to join in.   I do think the whole chatroom side needs to be reviewed a bit on a site owner level.  On the whole, most regulars and newbies are spot on, but when you have a host of experience just getting fed up and leaving it needs to be reviewed a tad, especially to make it a better experience for new people who will hopefully become regulars. 

[Deleted Member]

The lobby chat is kind of difficult because. First you have to ask yourself what's the point? Is it to discuss kink or to be a general chat room? If it's to discuss kink how do you do that? The forum is better. Is it to socialize? Ok - but you're so far away from everyone there's about zero chance of ever meeting a person. 

There's definite regulars that engage in-group talk but I personally realized I don't really care that much about it since I'm never going to be with anyone there. I don't really take internet friends too seriously. 

[Deleted Member]

I feel more content since quitting the chat.

Forum is not perfect by any means, but it feels more accountable with the comments stamped. While there is quite a bit of click bait aimed at men, it's easy to just roll your eyes and walk past it. I'm not sure how long I will last, giving it a chance.

[Cr****]

Been back and forth in the chat myself, most of the time saying hello and goodbye to people, feel like a doorman😂 But there have been some nice and accomodating people barring names! I have a more positive outlook on it after having tried, but I think for myself it's more of a case that I can't actually relate with, like I'm a bit out of my depth. Especially when there is a crowd, never do well in large groups... but I think boiling it down you just got to find what's comfortable and maneagable, so I will probs avoid peak times... Personally I like that the chat disappears. Don't half say stupid shit, would rather not leave any evidence and let it fade away ¬_¬

[Sa****]

I have used the chat for 2 yrs. Use to be a regular but now I just pop in every once in awhile. I have to say I miss how it was when I first started but it got messy and a lot of people left for one reason or another, but we are adults and try to work it out. I have to say I have never not felt like I couldn’t chat but at times it’s boring but that’s not the lobby fault that’s on me. Tonight I had a wonderful time chatting. So I think it depends on if you Connect with the people that are in there at that specific time. I have to say it seems like Kink talk is mostly gone but it could just be the times I show up. I think if they make ppl verify themselves before allowing them to use the chat would help alot with filtering out the trolls. It can be confusing for newbies and a little intimidating for them to jump in because sometimes the chat moves so fast Plus there are etiquette that they don’t know about and if they make a mistake instead of just telling them some people get nasty with them. I don’t know if it’s feasible to see if they can slow down the chat, so 10 chats don’t pop up at once in a blink of a eye. We see so many people come and go that it can take awhile for others to open up cause they talk to someone and feel like they could be a good person, but then they never come back. It would be nice if they could make you profile pop up if someone try’s to message you the first time and have a box that has to be checked that you read it…lol I don’t even know if that’s possible. One thing someone said was at times it can be annoying when newbies ask the same questions over and over again, maybe they can put something that is linked to the chat that someone can ask questions and if someone is in the mood they can answer it. It can be wiped out every 24 hours. 🤗 I did get into it with someone once and called them a name and Finally_Jen didn’t let me live that one down for months 🤣🤣🤣🤗🤗

[Wi****]

Ive been using chat for a number of years now and it had definitely changed alot. I now feel because of the high volume of people coming through chat its much more difficult to get topics going for people to learn as mentioned on an earlier comment kink  isn't talked about often but again that can depend whos in the chat. I must say that when i first came i found it a very understanding, welcoming place with compassionate people. I lurked a little asked questions it helped me grow as s person and helped me understand who i was. Dont get me wrong ive made mistakes and learned from them but the chat at that time was i feel more tolerant than it is now, that tho i think is more a reflection on the shear volume of seekers, scammers and trolls that come in chat now. I also agree the chat SEEM clique but its usually just people who have made connections from being on here for a while and/or have met in real life. I understand to new peoplethe lobby can seem intimidating especially if they make mistakes there is a tendancy for them  to get jumped on and not given a second chance, which is unwelcoming and i dislike. Everyone makes mistakes when new people come in they maybe unaware of the ettiquette in kink/bdsm as there not mentioned in the rules which is understandle but i feel should be mentioned under guidelines, im not making excuses for people with a lack of manners i just think it might help. I digress. Instead i feel new people should be educated (which some of the regulars do try to do) not chastised, if they repeatedly offend then block or report. It all revolves around respecting your fellow human. Yes respect is earnt its a two way thing which is often forgotten.

Also IMHO there are alot of regulars and members who have been here a long time that complain about manners, protocols not being followed, being pm'd or whispered without being asked first, but they don't do it themselves (myself included) usually as the people there pming or whispering are friends etc. We should tho because it sets an example to the new people who come into chat of how to approach people and address people in the lobby etc. I feel as long term member of fetish and regular of the lobby we should be taking some responsibility for educating new people in the lobby by how we act. The Mods can't do everything if we as regulars want to improve the lobby then we need to accept some of the responsibility. The lobby should be IMHO 

1. A welcoming place to come to, no one knows what someone is going through be kind.

2. A safe place. 

3 A place to learn and grown 

It can be all those things, it was when I first joined it was my sanctuary. My only place I could be me. I'm sure there are many people like that out there. 

Be kind 

 

[Ky****]

for me willow it still is in general a sanctuary, that's why I stay with it its a gr8 place to be me, I still find its a place to learn as well, there are some gr8 ppl on there for advice.  That said I have become more choosy in who I will spend time with on chat, not bcos I'm having problems but bcos I'm a little wary if I don't recognise anyone on there