Offended by requesting STD testing?

[Deleted Member]

Anyone else experience a potential partner getting offended when requesting testing? I usually take tests before entering any relationship and require the same in return.

[Deleted Member]

I would feel a little offended but I can fully understand. If it was asked for, yeah I would go for it.

[Deleted Member]

People sometimes react in a very mysterious way. There's nothing you can do about that, and this isn't the last time you'll run into a mystery in your life.

[CopperKnob]

If person A is offended by person B taking their health seriously, and if person B doesn't take their own health that seriously are they the right person to be taking that risk with?

[Oo****]

In this day and age you have to. If they are offended, that is on them. They arent immune.

[Deleted Member]

To me that's relative to time. If your 3 months into a relationship, or if your 3 years into a relationship, that's a different question. You would think after a longer period considerable trust, commitment, faithfulness has been established. Unlikely to have that after 3 months.

[ri****]

Yeah you can't be too safe out here, unless they have recent results it's never a bad idea. I don't understand the logic of people not wanting to get tested, it's peace of mind for everybody

[Go****]

Of the few I've needed to ask, I haven't yet come across someone thats offended by it. That said, I have noticed that it has always been me that brings that question up, it never seems to be something that is either openly discussed, or offered without prompting*.

*I'm talking about those I'm far enough into getting to know them that the question needs to be asked.

[ge****]

I sometimes think it's the way the question is asked that doesn't help - as it can come across as accusatory. Not saying that's the case with you OP but have seen examples given where I can understand offence being taken because of the way it was asked.
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Doesn't mean it's not right if someone doesn't take their sexual health seriously though.
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Though it's also worth pointing out that just because someone has tested negative, it doesn't actually mean anything unless you are 100% sure that person hasn't had sex for at least four weeks prior to the test and between having the test and having sex with you. All getting tested actually proves is that they have been tested, nothing more.

[Deleted Member]

This is know as a hard limit. And the only thing you need. Regardless of your role. Is a partner who will respect this and other hard limits. Their motives or reasons don’t matter as this is YOUR limit. I’ve walked from plenty of prospective subs cause they couldn’t meet a hard limit I set for their protection and my own. And that’s ok.

[Deleted Member]

I suggested it to a potential Dom and he got so offended that he said I needed to learn to trust if I wanted to be his sub... Yeah I blocked him with the quickness 😂😂😂

[na****]

I can’t personally understand why. Surely it’s no different to your eye, physical, mental health…it’s certainly nothing to be ashamed of and most definitely shouldn’t be a taboo 🤷🏼‍♀️ Sensible no?

[cu****]

If they guilt you about that, they have zero regard for your safety and theirs, don't walk...RUN

[Lo****]

I wouldn’t trust any one that would get offended. It’s a very valid and I ho as far as to say necessary when entering a dynamic with a new partner

[Deleted Member]

I haven't had many sexual partners. I'm uninformed and perhaps naive about how the STD discussion follow up action happens in principle. Can someone please enlighten me. Is a trip to Docs together? A trip to a clinic together. A sharing of a certificate. A bought chemist STD test taken together.

Personally I'd not be offended, and I have nothing to hide either.

[ge****]

13 minutes ago, Shirt-n-Tie-Boy said:

I haven't had many sexual partners. I'm uninformed and perhaps naive about how the STD discussion follow up action happens in principle. Can someone please enlighten me. Is a trip to Docs together? A trip to a clinic together. A sharing of a certificate. A bought chemist STD test taken together.

Personally I'd not be offended, and I have nothing to hide either.

I'd recommend Googling SH:24 which is an excellent UK site through which you can order home test kits for free if it covers your area - but is also an excellent resource to get informed about the various STIs and start to build a picture of what if any risks you are willing to take - for example there is a risk of contracting most of them (to a greater or lesser extent) through oral - are you prepared to accept that risk or would you want to use a condom.
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Sexual health testing is freely available on the NHS in the UK at either clinics or via home testing.
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As for "vetting" potential partners - if it looks like we're heading to a point where a meet for sexual contact is likely I usually drop into conversation casually that I've ordered a test kit for myself and see how they react - invariably the response comes back either that they'll do the same, or that they recently tested - I would never insist they had one, but may back away if it becomes clear they don't regularly test.
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I'd also never insist on seeing someone's results - they're virtually meaningless anyway for the reasons I stated further up.
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I simply assess my own risks and act accordingly

[ey****]

13 minutes ago, Shirt-n-Tie-Boy said:

I haven't had many sexual partners. I'm uninformed and perhaps naive about how the STD discussion follow up action happens in principle. Can someone please enlighten me. Is a trip to Docs together? A trip to a clinic together. A sharing of a certificate. A bought chemist STD test taken together.

it would depend on the partner.  certificates aren't usually issued outside of the sex industry - but - a lot here depends on your levels of trust and how you'd prefer to play it

if a partner does ask you to get tested then by extension you'd want the same of them and so going to a walk in or clinic together might be a good idea

in the UK it is currently a little difficult to get tests in some areas if you do not have symptoms - a lot of resources are stretched.  But a basic test at a GP surgery might suffice you both.  

One thing of course also for both to consider is when you both last had any form of other sex before each other as some STIs have long incubation periods.    HIV has a 3 month incubation period. 

[ey****]

For me.  

I wouldn't be offended but I get tested regularly.  As I film I have to get done frequently and it has to be at a clinic (so not a GP surgery or home kit) and depending on which clinic I've been to, some will email results, some I pick up paper based - so I have a whole bunch of print outs in my bag and of course access to emails on my phone.

I wouldn't necessarily ask a prospective partner to get tested though.  I am being done regularly - but - a lot depends on application of common sense and context - but also elements of trust.   I'm probably not going to stick my dick into someone I don't trust. 

[Deleted Member]

7 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

it would depend on the partner.  certificates aren't usually issued outside of the sex industry - but - a lot here depends on your 

One thing of course also for both to consider is when you both last had any form of other sex before each other as some STIs have long incubation periods.    HIV has a 3 month incubation period. 

This could perhaps open a mutual a 3 month chastity pants wearing commitment discussion. Is it mutual? Is it manageable? Show your desire for me? Etc. Lots of discussion points there. An interesting way to start a relationship in itself.

[Ar****]

8 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

In the UK it is currently a little difficult to get tests in some areas if you do not have symptoms - a lot of resources are stretched.

This is something I encountered a goodly while ago. I had a long term partner who had HSV-2. She had not presented with any symptoms for a considerable time before meeting me, but was upfront about it and suffice it to say precautions were taken. However when we parted ways I contacted my local clinic once the appropriate window of time had passed to arrange for testing as a precaution, in anticipation of having other partners in the future and not wanting to put them at risk. I was gobsmacked to learn that although I could obtain a test for "the big four", they would not test me for HSV despite having had a partner with it for several months because I did not present with any symptoms; the policy was to assume no transmission had occurred in cases of HSV without symptoms, which struck me as somewhat like closing the stable door after the horse had bolted - can you imagine what state we would be in if that was the attitude we took to all STDs? Suffice it to say I never developed symptoms either, but that was quite an eye-opener.

[Deleted Member]

I understand HIPAA and the right to privacy but if you're sharing your bodies I think it should be a respectful requirement.

[ge****]

12 minutes ago, Aranhis said:

This is something I encountered a goodly while ago. I had a long term partner who had HSV-2. She had not presented with any symptoms for a considerable time before meeting me, but was upfront about it and suffice it to say precautions were taken. However when we parted ways I contacted my local clinic once the appropriate window of time had passed to arrange for testing as a precaution, in anticipation of having other partners in the future and not wanting to put them at risk. I was gobsmacked to learn that although I could obtain a test for "the big four", they would not test me for HSV despite having had a partner with it for several months because I did not present with any symptoms; the policy was to assume no transmission had occurred in cases of HSV without symptoms, which struck me as somewhat like closing the stable door after the horse had bolted - can you imagine what state we would be in if that was the attitude we took to all STDs? Suffice it to say I never developed symptoms either, but that was quite an eye-opener.

If you read the NHS website about HSV-2 testing is only possible if you present with symptoms as in the blisters that present and ideally when they have burst - not sure if it's a funding issue or technical reasons or possibly even the prevalence of HSV, though I did read on Superdrug's website (I think) that they offer *** tests for it for a fee.

[Deleted Member]

Why can't events and munches include some testing provisions?

[ey****]

5 minutes ago, Shirt-n-Tie-Boy said:

Why can't events and munches include some testing provisions?

how ? in what way? what do you propose?

[ge****]

8 minutes ago, Shirt-n-Tie-Boy said:

Why can't events and munches include some testing provisions?

Some do - the Bi Night I used to attend at a club regularly had the Terrence Higgins Trust in attendance to test - am aware of other clubs/events that have had similar too.
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Thing is though you don't get results there and then, they need to be analysed and usually take a week to ten days to come through. So while it was nice to have them there, it served no immediate purpose.