Deleted Member Posted July 5, 2022 Posted July 5, 2022 Is it just me or is there an extraordinary disproportionate amount of posts on here about men suck/men are inappropriate/male behaviour etc, etc, etc. I'm quite good at walking past male click bait, however some of it is particularly hard to stomach, especially when its the same crowd or the 'look at my giant massive sweeping brush that I describe, define and summarise males as being like' posting which can be quite offensive, upsetting and even disturbing to read. Discuss?...
TxFrank Posted July 5, 2022 Posted July 5, 2022 If it bothers you, congratulations. You're probably the target audience.
Tt**** Posted July 5, 2022 Posted July 5, 2022 I've often felt the same though having listened to a lot of women's experiences both here and in the real world, I can totally get why some women might lose faith in us! Even people who'd you think are nice guys can often turn out to have done bad stuff. I get that it's frustrating for those men who try hard not to be, but I think the best way to tackle it is to tackle the worryingly huge number of men who do suck or are abusive.
ey**** Posted July 5, 2022 Posted July 5, 2022 Honestly; over time there's been plenty of negative threads about women. Some fairer than others. (Main complaints being "she stopped replying", "she hit ignore without giving me a reason", "she said she was a Domme but won't Domme me - clearly a fake", "She said she's a sub but blocked me when I said 'hey slut' - clearly a fake) and even stuff like the new 'rejection' thread is seemingly fair (being rejected IS hard) but has potential for a bunch of the usual "wouldn't worry mate - fakes and scammers" type comments When I first joined a fetish site for the first time I spent about 3 months people watching. This was seeing the types of things women were posting about - behaviours they found off-putting - and also seeing what guys were doing that clearly wasn't working and I took time to learn from that. These women don't hate men. They hate certain behaviours. If you do not exhibit these behaviours, good. They don't hate you. If you DO exhibit those behaviours you can look and think "a lot of women do not like this, can I learn from this?" and see if you need to change anything or not. This isn't to say women are all perfect, flawless, people - of course not! But it's the men trying to attract them....
Ar**** Posted July 5, 2022 Posted July 5, 2022 I've never felt that in my what, three (?) years of being here. Tongue-in-cheek satire, sure. Calling out of SOME men and their toxic/inappropriate behaviour, yes and rightly so. Generic male-bashing such as you describe? Nope. If it did occur, the team would clamp down on the offending parties, remove relevant posts/comments, and restrict - potentially even delete - accounts. I can think of very few instances where I have seen it take place (the last several months ago), and the mod team has been swift to act the same as they regularly do with other matters when members do not behave appropriately. I don't think it's just you that feels that way though no;@TxFrank probably put it best.
Pl**** Posted July 5, 2022 Posted July 5, 2022 I mean, there is a disproportionate amount of inappropriate behavior by men, so it would make sense that there is a disproportionate number of posts about it. I think if these posts bother you, your best option is to avoid being the kind of man these women are complaining about, and not try to dismiss the actual experiences of women, virtually all of whom have experienced various levels of rudeness/***/etc. from men.
Deleted Member Posted July 5, 2022 Author Posted July 5, 2022 (edited) 31 minutes ago, TxFrank said: If it bothers you, congratulations. You're probably the target audience. So it's ok to ***t about men with broad strokes, because if it bothers you, you're the target audience. Ok. So if I flip the board and say the same thing about women, how fast will I be cancelled/banned/deleted? Is that not also 'only for the target audience'? Edited July 5, 2022 by Deleted Member
ey**** Posted July 5, 2022 Posted July 5, 2022 it depends on the broad strokes Most of the "men suck" esque threads it's clear it's not all men Whereas men will literally write "they're all fakes and scammers" and somehow don't get "cancelled"
Deleted Member Posted July 5, 2022 Author Posted July 5, 2022 2 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said: it depends on the broad strokes Most of the "men suck" esque threads it's clear it's not all men Whereas men will literally write "they're all fakes and scammers" and somehow don't get "cancelled" "Men will literally write" So is it clear here that not all men will literally write that? What % of men will write that 'literally all women' and what % of women will write 'literally all men'? Eh, you know what, I'm out. This conversation is pointless. I've had it before and I'm just sad at this point.
Strix Posted July 5, 2022 Posted July 5, 2022 Well that escalated quickly lol. I wasn't gonna comment on this thread as I think it's pointless to. There are men that don't know how to talk to the opposite sex and we as men do, "majority of us", make mistakes both sexes do. However, we have somehow lost our ability to communicate with each other. We need learn that skill to ensure we treat each with the respect we both deserve.
TxFrank Posted July 5, 2022 Posted July 5, 2022 26 minutes ago, Barney_CM said: So it's ok to ***t about men with broad strokes, because if it bothers you, you're the target audience. Ok. So if I flip the board and say the same thing about women, how fast will I be cancelled/banned/deleted? Is that not also 'only for the target audience'? Yes, it's completely fine to use those broad strokes on men. If you "flip the board" I seriously doubt most women will give 2 shits about it. They are accustomed to being blamed for men's insecurities, delusions and unhealthy attitudes.
Ar**** Posted July 5, 2022 Posted July 5, 2022 31 minutes ago, Barney_CM said: "Men will literally write" So is it clear here that not all men will literally write that? Of course it is clear. Eyem doesn't say nor does he imply all men, to suggest otherwise is either i) something to be personally inferred, which says everything about the person doing the inferring and absolutely nothing about anybody else, or ii) simply spoiling for a fight. It sure as hell isn't the women who write that all women are fakes and scammers, ergo it is men who do. Simple grammar; the addition of the word "some" is enhancing but unnecessary. 36 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said: Whereas men will literally write "they're all fakes and scammers" and somehow don't get "cancelled" We can all see the word all in this example, right? That's the operative word, missing in what has been quoted above.
ey**** Posted July 5, 2022 Posted July 5, 2022 I would be interested in a woman's input - but - a kinda vibe when a man starts posting the whole "fakes and scammers", "unrealistic standards", "shallow golddiggers" whatever that (most) women don't go "you know what, yeah, I am going to settle for anyone that will have me - even if they're financially reckless and I don't find them attractive" but instead kinda just find the attitude off-putting which is often counter productive. We had this elsewhere where someone literally said she will look at a guys activities feed and that could attract or put her off. when a woman starts posting "oh, I had some right shitty messages" or "I got really tired of carrying this guy through smalltalk hell" or whatever - then it is up to men how they feel about this. Just like the (not all) women in the first example found (some) men's moaning to be off-putting - there are some men who would find it offputting a woman has spoken about negative behaviour towards her. That's understandable. Like. They're worried they'll be in her next anecdote or something. And then there are other men who might think "these are a set of behaviours I must try to avoid if I want to attract people" and - dating is hard - but - a lot of these men now have a better chance of getting their desired outcome even if they don't get it straight away. And perhaps there are others who have done those behaviours and are on the defensive. Like... folks.... it's ok to have made mistakes in the past and grow from them. It's what most humans do.
TheDeathRictus Posted July 5, 2022 Posted July 5, 2022 37 minutes ago, TxFrank said: Yes, it's completely fine to use those broad strokes on men. If you "flip the board" I seriously doubt most women will give 2 shits about it. They are accustomed to being blamed for men's insecurities, delusions and unhealthy attitudes. Have to disagree here, I'm an egalitarian and I think true equality is treating people the same irregardless of their gender or other characteristics....am I wrong in this regard? And I wouldn't generalise women in that way myself, and if I was to everyone would be in uproar. The double standard is sometimes understandable, but upsetting nonetheless and hardly something to encourage. Encourage open discussion about the flaws of men and women, but at least try and be aware enough to balance your argument and clarify the good qualities you have seen and would like to see again. Give people some hope for humanity fgs
Deleted Member Posted July 5, 2022 Author Posted July 5, 2022 Of course, women are in demand here so they can complain more and men rush in to get good boy points in hopes of getting something. Different setting you get different behavior.
ge**** Posted July 5, 2022 Posted July 5, 2022 To answer the OP - I don't think there are a disproportionate amount of posts of that ilk at all - yes there are posts bemoaning the attitude, incorrectly set expectations and approaches of a large subset of men that use sites like this - and you know what? . That's because there is a large subset of men who do have the wrong attitude, incorrectly set expectations or the wrong approach to sites like this - the ones who send abusive messages when they get rejected, the ones who send crude sex talk as a first message telling someone they've never interacted with precisely what they're going to "do with them" and far worse. . It's not a minority either, it may not be a majority but having been around sites like this for many years, it's a large enough proportion to merit the kind of threads the OP is talking about. . Will those threads change a thing? Probably not, but if just one person reads it and adapts their behaviour accordingly then there's a point to them. . You've made it very clear in your various posts OP that you are quite inexperienced at sites like this - as someone with a little more experience across numerous sites, the kind of threads/posts you are referring to are a common thing not because people are out to "man bash" but because they do suffer the kind of behaviour they call out from that subset of men. . Do I, as a man, get offended by it when people call it out? Not in the slightest, because I *know* without a shadow of a doubt that they're not referring to me, and understand why they call the abusive kind of behaviour (that many have to put up with on a daily basis) - if you can do the same, then you shouldn't be offended by it, or even question it, because you *know* it's not about you.
Ar**** Posted July 5, 2022 Posted July 5, 2022 9 minutes ago, Mathbro said: Of course, women are in demand here so they can complain more and men rush in to get good boy points in hopes of getting something. A very tiresome, very old argument that always comes from the same quarters. Such men do exist, but a lot just speak up because - shock horror - it's the right thing to do, the same way that people speak up against other prejudices, injustices, and bigotry. Besides, I'm too fecking knacked to do any skirt-chasing or want to "get something" at the moment 😂
ge**** Posted July 6, 2022 Posted July 6, 2022 4 minutes ago, Aranhis said: A very tiresome, very old argument that always comes from the same quarters. Such men do exist, but a lot just speak up because - shock horror - it's the right thing to do, the same way that people speak up against other prejudices, injustices, and bigotry. Besides, I'm too fecking knacked to do any skirt-chasing or want to "get something" at the moment 😂 Do you want to borrow my trusty steed for a while - the armour needs a bit of a polish but you're welcome to that too 🤣😂
Deleted Member Posted July 6, 2022 Author Posted July 6, 2022 (edited) A pervasive fallacy that accompanies this behavior is the position that if you have poor interactions it must be because you did something wrong. Goes along with the simping/women-do-no-wrong attitude. Some men send poor messages, this doesn't mean women are great. Edited July 6, 2022 by Deleted Member
ge**** Posted July 6, 2022 Posted July 6, 2022 12 minutes ago, Mathbro said: A pervasive fallacy that accompanies this behavior is the position that if you have poor interactions it must be because you did something wrong. Goes along with the simping/women-do-no-wrong attitude. Some men send poor messages, this doesn't mean women are great. I don't think anyone has said "women are great" - it's undeniable that people of all genders have their faults, regardless of their "success" on sites like this (I know I have a shit tonne of them). . Invariably though, when men complain of a lack of interaction on sites like this it's not necessarily something they have done "wrong" per se, not deliberately so anyway (although it can be) but because of a lack of understanding about how to approach sites like this - more often than not when a guy posts "I never get replies to messages" or similar - it will come down to one of a few things - their approach, their attitude, their expectations, their profile and pics - all of which are within their control - but which for whatever reason they've got set incorrectly, not because they are wrong as such, but because they don't know or want to know. . Setting them better won't of course guarantee a thing, but will make for a better perception and understanding of sites like this. . Trouble is many of them look for something else to "blame" rather than addressing and adapting themselves, even when the things they have missed are pointed out to them with advice from people who "get" how these sites work.
Deleted Member Posted July 6, 2022 Author Posted July 6, 2022 2 minutes ago, gemini_man said: I don't think anyone has said "women are great" - it's undeniable that people of all genders have their faults, regardless of their "success" on sites like this (I know I have a shit tonne of them). . Invariably though, when men complain of a lack of interaction on sites like this it's not necessarily something they have done "wrong" per se, not deliberately so anyway (although it can be) but because of a lack of understanding about how to approach sites like this - more often than not when a guy posts "I never get replies to messages" or similar - it will come down to one of a few things - their approach, their attitude, their expectations, their profile and pics - all of which are within their control - but which for whatever reason they've got set incorrectly, not because they are wrong as such, but because they don't know or want to know. . Setting them better won't of course guarantee a thing, but will make for a better perception and understanding of sites like this. . Trouble is many of them look for something else to "blame" rather than addressing and adapting themselves, even when the things they have missed are pointed out to them with advice from people who "get" how these sites work. This is a supply and demand issue, nothing more. If all men did this there would be some other criteria women selected for. If you switch the sex ratios the opposite would be happening. Which is why when men complain about this or OLD in general the premise that it's their fault is fundamentally flawed - it's like saying everyone can reach the top %20, it's simply not possible.
Ar**** Posted July 6, 2022 Posted July 6, 2022 48 minutes ago, gemini_man said: Do you want to borrow my trusty steed for a while - the armour needs a bit of a polish but you're welcome to that too 🤣😂 Well now, how could I refuse the best offer I've had in... a while anyway! 🤣🤣 I promise to keep it well fed. Certainly plenty of exercise to be had at the moment so no need to worry on that front 😉
Ar**** Posted July 6, 2022 Posted July 6, 2022 31 minutes ago, Mathbro said: This is a supply and demand issue, nothing more. If all men did this there would be some other criteria women selected for. If you switch the sex ratios the opposite would be happening. Speculative at best, and therefore not a very worthwhile contribution other than as an opinion. 31 minutes ago, Mathbro said: Which is why when men complain about this or OLD in general the premise that it's their fault is fundamentally flawed - it's like saying everyone can reach the top %20, it's simply not possible. Some genuine questions now, I'm curious to make some headway. Do you believe that there are no men who are to blame for the predicament they find themselves in which we are discussing? If you were to give a ball park percentage as to the amount of men who feel this way, in that they (feel they) have valid complaints about women in OLD, what would that percentage be?
TxFrank Posted July 6, 2022 Posted July 6, 2022 1 hour ago, NineInchNailsYou said: Have to disagree here, I'm an egalitarian and I think true equality is treating people the same irregardless of their gender or other characteristics....am I wrong in this regard? And I wouldn't generalise women in that way myself, and if I was to everyone would be in uproar. The double standard is sometimes understandable, but upsetting nonetheless and hardly something to encourage. Encourage open discussion about the flaws of men and women, but at least try and be aware enough to balance your argument and clarify the good qualities you have seen and would like to see again. Give people some hope for humanity fgs Are you wrong in this regard? Yes. Quit trying to be that "one good guy" and admit that most of the world's ***s, ***s, and general *** of others falls in the lap that has testicles. Open discussion can occur when men realize the biggest part of the inequality is due to their entitlement issues.
Deleted Member Posted July 6, 2022 Author Posted July 6, 2022 8 minutes ago, Aranhis said: Speculative at best, and therefore not a very worthwhile contribution other than as an opinion. Some genuine questions now, I'm curious to make some headway. Do you believe that there are no men who are to blame for the predicament they find themselves in which we are discussing? If you were to give a ball park percentage as to the amount of men who feel this way, in that they (feel they) have valid complaints about women in OLD, what would that percentage be? I think there are a lot of OK men who are not successful with OLD but would pair up with the same woman if they met in person instead of the heavily sex-skewed online platform(and we aren't even getting into the issue of women being realistic about if the hot guy is going to want to LTR them or not). Some men do shitty things, I don't debate this - but I don't think it's the majority nor do I think it's the cause of most mens lack of success on these platforms. If tinder is any indication, I think at least 60-70% of the men on in it are not happy.
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