New sub….is my dom asking too much of me?

[CopperKnob]

1 minute ago, SubS39 said:

Any advice on how to let him know this isn’t for me? Without getting *** back from him xx

Just block him on all social media's and your phone. In this instance, I would not he having any kind of conversation with them for safety.
In all honesty, he'll be expecting it at some point, you won't have been the first and sadly not the last

[Deleted Member]

9 minutes ago, SubS39 said:

Hi thanks where do I find the greeters please? X

@lil-monster is a "Greeter". Maybe she can recommend other Greeters as well. They are here to help members!👍

[Je****]

1 minute ago, SubS39 said:

Any advice on how to let him know this isn’t for me? Without getting *** back from him xx

What hes doing to you... he doesn't deserve an explanation other than  ..

I recognise a fake abusive "dom" when i see you. Bye. 

And block. 

 

Id also suggest as kind as people are for offering dm's, things like this are better openly and publicly discussed for more opinions and advice back and so readers coming across this can be informed also. Safety can and quite often does come from posts like this ❤

[Th****]

News flash, hes no dominant, hes one of the many wannabe dominants that pop up every day, destroy the trust and wellbeing of the subordinates that cross his path, I see this time and time again. You should be asking question, and if you doubt anything that is being said to you research it.
There is a multitude of information available on the internet, and the site chat room you will find a broad range of dominants and submissives that will be more than happy to answer any questions you are not sure about.
You will find that the old school dominants will not do much messaging, as text can be misunderstood, and misinterpreted, these types of dominant will want to meet up, and discuss things in a face to face environment that you the submissive are comfortable in, they may give you their phone number as an assurance of trust, together with a firm of identity, for you to pass to a friend.
But this is all about asking questions, the dominant will have questions for the submissive and the submissive should have questions for the dominant. Do your research, if you dont you open yourself up to *** in one form or another, and if you never meet, and only text, how do you know you are not talking to a 13 year old, with the horn on, please be smart people, it only takes a couple of really thought out questions to revile the fakers.

[cinnamonpup]

No, this is not normal behavior. D/S relationships are all about communication and mutual trust. If you were comfortable with his expectations and everything, this would be normal, but it sounds like he's taking advantage of you because you're newer to the scene.
I fully recommend talking to him about this and making it clear what you are and aren't comfortable with, and if he disregards those, I suggest breaking off the relationship. Your comfort and happiness also matter.

[CopperKnob]

Sometimes, when you're new to kink, particulary D/s, specifically (not exclusively)as an s-type, there can be two things happen
1. You've just come across something that you're relating to.
2. You experience sub frenzy as soon as someone presenting themselves as a Dom whose saying all the 'right' things
It's then really really difficult to shut off emotions/hormones because you want to please and you want to experience 'all the things'
I've posted about this a few times.
I think that what I would maybe ask others to be mindful of is, that when situations like this happens, you realise it for what it is, not only is there a sense of embarassment but there are often emotional connections with these type of predators/manipulators/***rs call them what you will and I think if we can keep this in mind when we're commenting with anger that theres 'another one' that there's a human behind the post whose likely going through those emotions and/or others

[Deleted Member]

46 minutes ago, kiseu said:

@lil-monster is a "Greeter". Maybe she can recommend other Greeters as well. They are here to help members!👍

Update: Here is the Link for "ALL The Greeters"! Got this from a Greeter @PixieDust

https://www.fetish.com/team/

[Deleted Member]

I'd definitely agree that this isn't normal, I'd have some concerns

[Bathblonde]

Gonna echo the rest here and say massive red flag. One piece of advice given to me that rings out all the time now is “Your a Sub not a doormat” trust ur gut lovely 😊 

[fenyxrising]

As everyone else has stated in this chat, getting major red flags from this Dom and his lack of care towards you. If you guys have yet to have a discussion on boundaries, limits, safe words, expectations, wants/needs, and anything else related to kink, now is definitely the time. My Daddy and I have a rule in place that states tolerance is not tolerated, meaning I can’t and won’t do anything I hate simply because he wants it. My concerns lead to an open conversation with mutual respect. If your Dom at the very least can’t give you that? Leave, because you deserve way better.

[Ea****]

I think you need to get away from that one lovely 🚩🚩🚩

[Deleted Member]

5 hours ago, TeeJay_98 said:

The fact your asking shows.. Deep down you know its not right. Bin him. You deserve to be treated like a human. Not am object for his selfish gratification

🗑 Total disrespect, punishments should be administered them move on, setting you up to fail, total *** of your naivety as you are new.

[Dr****]

As the sub, you set limits, boundaries and such. You have the power. The Dom only can tell you what to do after all negotiations are done. Your limits must be met, and should not do anything you uncomfortable with that has not been negotiated.
If they are a true Dom, they will abide by what is set. Will not deviate, and will respect your limits (hard and soft)
If you are not into demoralizing things and you are told to do things you haven't agreed to, then you should cut them off immediately.

You pick your Dom. They don't pick you. Only when you decide if you want them to be your Dom, do they decide to accept or deny. But that must be negotiated.
Not told or ***d upon you

[Fu****]

If it feels wrong, it’s wrong. If you done enjoy being treated the way you are, then you already know you have the answer. Get away, and its easier because it’s online. Block, block, block.

[Koby]

 

Question is.... do you have the space to discuss your concerns? Do you have the space to negotiate?

Sometimes.....Dom's develop the perception that Sub's need do what they are told, no question.A further question to reflect on is.....what is the purpose of a D/s relationship?

[Deleted Member]

Sounds like a narcissist to me.

Run! Run now! Run faster! Keep running!

Best wishes 🤗

[Dy****]

This sounds like you're being trafficked.

[ma****]

Before being a submissive, you are a human being. There are many red flags there and it looks like he uses the fact that you are new to *** you or take advantage of you. A D/s dynamic is meant to be enjoyable, empowering, fulfilling and freeing for the Dom and the sub as well. What you describe there is someone using the Dominant title to *** others.

[jo****]

Hey there is a lot wrong here. A Dom also has a duty to care for their subs they are lacking of these. And you describe a lot of red flags. Your dob isn't just asking too much they also don't act with a mutual respect to you.

[Th****]

having followed this thread with a interest, I have decided to add the following as a guide of sorts:-

1, There has to be a relationship before any D/s relationship/dynamic can occur.

2. Have a list of questions you would like answered, and ask them about similar situations they have experienced or done with others.

3. Research them, ask others if they know them personally, do a bit of internet research on them, were not saying full blown investigation into their past, but it will show up other accounts like twitter, Facebook, ect. 

4. be aware of people on BDSM sites selling their supposed knowledge, most of these have their own opinions however toxic to the BDSM community on how to do things, which are not always correct, so take advice with a pinch of salt, Opinions are like assholes everyones got one. 

5. set up a face to face meet, be sure to exchange credentials as a show of trust.

6. when you are both comfortable discuss what you are both looking for in the relationship, and D/s relationship/dynamic.

7. elect a safe word, and set limits and boundaries. write them down and make sure that both have a copy.

8. HAVE FUN.....BDSM is about having fun, if its not fun DONT DO IT!

9. if something looks wrong, it more than likely is, so STOP, and ask questions, if you dont like or dont get the answers to your questions, DONT DO IT!, if the other party in the relationship persists, bin them and move on.

 

These are just some well known simple rules that most of us know but seem to forget when picking dominants or submissive to enter into a relationship with.

Disclamer

The above is my opinion it is not the be all and end all of how to do things, its simply a guide for you to incorporate into how YOU do things, when looking for a partner. Remember Opinions are like assholes everyone has one.

[CopperKnob]

11 minutes ago, TheBodyguard said:

having followed this thread with a interest, I have decided to add the following as a guide of sorts:-

1, There has to be a relationship before any D/s relationship/dynamic can occur.

2. Have a list of questions you would like answered, and ask them about similar situations they have experienced or done with others.

3. Research them, ask others if they know them personally, do a bit of internet research on them, were not saying full blown investigation into their past, but it will show up other accounts like twitter, Facebook, ect. 

4. be aware of people on BDSM sites selling their supposed knowledge, most of these have their own opinions however toxic to the BDSM community on how to do things, which are not always correct, so take advice with a pinch of salt, Opinions are like assholes everyones got one. 

5. set up a face to face meet, be sure to exchange credentials as a show of trust.

6. when you are both comfortable discuss what you are both looking for in the relationship, and D/s relationship/dynamic.

7. elect a safe word, and set limits and boundaries. write them down and make sure that both have a copy.

8. HAVE FUN.....BDSM is about having fun, if its not fun DONT DO IT!

9. if something looks wrong, it more than likely is, so STOP, and ask questions, if you dont like or dont get the answers to your questions, DONT DO IT!, if the other party in the relationship persists, bin them and move on.

 

These are just some well known simple rules that most of us know but seem to forget when picking dominants or submissive to enter into a relationship with.

Disclamer

The above is my opinion it is not the be all and end all of how to do things, its simply a guide for you to incorporate into how YOU do things, when looking for a partner. Remember Opinions are like assholes everyone has one.

I'm gonna be that arsehole and just add a different viewpoint on a couple of points
4. I think it's helpful to have an understanding as to other peoples perspectives. It's just one way how I form my views. Of course, it's wise to research the source of said info and to be able to balance/reflect upon what they've shared
5. Pick what credentials you're willing to share. There's no need to share everything, a name and contact number should suffice as an s-type prior to a first meeting. No need to give DOB, address, job etc

[ma****]

10 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

I'm gonna be that arsehole and just add a different viewpoint on a couple of points
4. I think it's helpful to have an understanding as to other peoples perspectives. It's just one way how I form my views. Of course, it's wise to research the source of said info and to be able to balance/reflect upon what they've shared
5. Pick what credentials you're willing to share. There's no need to share everything, a name and contact number should suffice as an s-type prior to a first meeting. No need to give DOB, address, job etc

If people want a D/s relationship, then such information (full name, address, job etc) should be shared. I won't start a D/s dynamic without vetting them and not having those things from them.

[ma****]

25 minutes ago, TheBodyguard said:

having followed this thread with a interest, I have decided to add the following as a guide of sorts:-

1, There has to be a relationship before any D/s relationship/dynamic can occur.

2. Have a list of questions you would like answered, and ask them about similar situations they have experienced or done with others.

3. Research them, ask others if they know them personally, do a bit of internet research on them, were not saying full blown investigation into their past, but it will show up other accounts like twitter, Facebook, ect. 

4. be aware of people on BDSM sites selling their supposed knowledge, most of these have their own opinions however toxic to the BDSM community on how to do things, which are not always correct, so take advice with a pinch of salt, Opinions are like assholes everyones got one. 

5. set up a face to face meet, be sure to exchange credentials as a show of trust.

6. when you are both comfortable discuss what you are both looking for in the relationship, and D/s relationship/dynamic.

7. elect a safe word, and set limits and boundaries. write them down and make sure that both have a copy.

8. HAVE FUN.....BDSM is about having fun, if its not fun DONT DO IT!

9. if something looks wrong, it more than likely is, so STOP, and ask questions, if you dont like or dont get the answers to your questions, DONT DO IT!, if the other party in the relationship persists, bin them and move on.

 

These are just some well known simple rules that most of us know but seem to forget when picking dominants or submissive to enter into a relationship with.

Disclamer

The above is my opinion it is not the be all and end all of how to do things, its simply a guide for you to incorporate into how YOU do things, when looking for a partner. Remember Opinions are like assholes everyone has one.

1. Could you, please, clarify what exactly you mean by "there has to be a relationship"? Do you mean a romantic relationship or what? Not all D/s dynamics are relationships.

[CopperKnob]

17 minutes ago, maryioni said:

If people want a D/s relationship, then such information (full name, address, job etc) should be shared. I won't start a D/s dynamic without vetting them and not having those things from them.

I'm speaking in relation to first meets, any form of relationship thereafter then yes, I agree. A first meet for me is very different and comes after phone/video chats. Sharing full info is only for when both parties are wanting to move towards something. Obviously if you're chatting to someone for a while, things will come up in conversation so sometimes additional info will be shared naturally. Again, it's just my take given my situation.

[Th****]

sorry I will clarify point 1.

as an old school dominant, I always look at the primary relationship, that being one that is based on attraction, and compatibility, not sex, not how many toys they have, not what BDSM activities they like, this is all pre D/s relationship, if there's no connection, then the D/s will generally fail..

Disclaimer

My opinion as I only have mono relationships