Trust

[lolli-leigh]

Trust 

A recent post got me thinking, dangerous I know lol. Bdsm lifestyle is built on trust, often we express that we either have difficulties being trusted or trusting others so I thought I would try and explain my thought and help other think about their growth.

 

 To me Trust is built over time, with open communication,listening without judgement, understanding and empathy for your partners needs and through reflection on your own feelings. Trust grows with both of you working together, sharing your vulnerabilities and knowing that your partner will keep you safe. 

 

*top tips and only my opinion so don't shot me 

1. if you struggle to trust, identify what it is you need from someone to trust them. 

2. if you feel that a person is struggling with trusting you, ask them what they need from you. 

3. if a person is not trusting you identify why, it may be their issue, it maybe yours. 

4. be open and empathetic

5.Understand it takes time and we all move at different paces. 

5. if after open discussion, trust is not given or changes are not made to help build the trust, move on, you are not right for each other. 

 

 

 

[ge****]

Great post with some really good points - as well as being built over time I think it's very much a "layered" thing too - where you gradually build up levels of trust with an individual or group - the s***d at which those layers are achieved will vary from person to person too - some people it may be instantaneous, others, particularly notable on sites like this, if will take longer.
.
Just as it can be built though, it can be knocked down, and often in an instant - and it's then that the work begins to see if it can be rebuilt.
.
I often think I trust far too easily, but struggle with re-establishing it once it has been lost - but I'm a classic overthinker which probably plays into that for the latter part.

[Cu****]

Trust is the pinnacle of what we should strive for, so that there’s a potential for progressing further to meeting in person. Those tendencies that you already mention, are parts of the building blocks to create the trusting connection. As you so rightly say, if something doesn’t seem right within what’s developing, then politely questioning, or reflecting on your own judgement of yourself and the other person, is hugely important.
Accepting the opinions, and talking about them in detail, show great strength within the connection. Being patient, honest, focused, having an ability to cooperate, being respectful, being interested in the actual people and not the thoughts of what else might be achievable, are so important and therefore having a multitracked mind, that operates on many different levels, rather than a one tracked version, are what helps toward developing further attraction, and hopefully personal satisfaction. It’s what’s inside your head, your emotions and thought processes, that hopefully bring the eventual rewards, satisfactions…and the trust.

[Ricky4you]

But it's so hard to trust what you can't see. And really hard to trust anyone on-line

[ge****]

57 minutes ago, Ricky4you said:

But it's so hard to trust what you can't see. And really hard to trust anyone on-line

It is possible though - but comes through open and honest communication on both parts - in fact I'd say my trust has been broken more often by people I've met in an offline setting than those I've met after getting to know them on-line.
.
The key, for me anyway, is taking time and not rushing into things - establishing for yourself and in your head that there is a connection and chemistry there that will likely transfer to face to face.
.
It also comes back to those layers I mentioned in my previous post and slowly building them and of course earning them from the other person, rather than giving too much too soon - for example giving someone my actual name or revealing my face might be the first level of trust, and gradually building that to more details about me.
.
Gut instinct, and acting on it, plays a huge part in it too - if something doesn't feel right it often isn't right, so I never place too much trust until I feel that it is right.
.
Now I know I said I'm too quick to trust sometimes, and I am, but I also know when to be guarded - and bizarrely I am better at doing that on-line than I am off - which is probably the thinking time on-line interaction allows playing its part rather than the impulsive nature that face to face can lead to.

[Cu****]

You’re quite right. If something is worth pursuing though, you give the other person your time. Nothing comes easy. If it does, it needs further consideration from you. If it doesn’t seem real, then it probably isn’t.

Read carefully what the person you’re contacting writes, react to what’s been written, show interest, ask the right kind of questions to help you gauge their sincerity and to clarify things that might not appear correct. Within a short space of time, you can work out who’s real, and who isn’t.
 

On this site, read everything written in the profile, including the side panels that give you clues to realistic physical details too, just so you can weigh up in your mind if what’s written, is realistic. If there are images, see if what’s written, matches what you can see. If your time is repaid by regular (a flexible term that seems reasonable) replies, and appears genuinely progressive, then you might begin to see a slow connection. 

Trust, the OP, online is built on those areas already identified. Being patient, polite and unhurried, shows lack of desperation, which shows that you’re real. If things don’t work out, then look again. Time, is what you need in most kinds of relationships and in any kind of learning.  

[lolli-leigh]

10 hours ago, gemini_man said:

Great post with some really good points - as well as being built over time I think it's very much a "layered" thing too - where you gradually build up levels of trust with an individual or group - the s***d at which those layers are achieved will vary from person to person too - some people it may be instantaneous, others, particularly notable on sites like this, if will take longer.
.
Just as it can be built though, it can be knocked down, and often in an instant - and it's then that the work begins to see if it can be rebuilt.
.
I often think I trust far too easily, but struggle with re-establishing it once it has been lost - but I'm a classic overthinker which probably plays into that for the latter part.

absolutely agree building trust after it has been broken, takes alot but can be done x I am with you on over thinking and trusting to quick. 

[lolli-leigh]

5 hours ago, CumbriaLeather said:

You’re quite right. If something is worth pursuing though, you give the other person your time. Nothing comes easy. If it does, it needs further consideration from you. If it doesn’t seem real, then it probably isn’t.

Read carefully what the person you’re contacting writes, react to what’s been written, show interest, ask the right kind of questions to help you gauge their sincerity and to clarify things that might not appear correct. Within a short space of time, you can work out who’s real, and who isn’t.
 

On this site, read everything written in the profile, including the side panels that give you clues to realistic physical details too, just so you can weigh up in your mind if what’s written, is realistic. If there are images, see if what’s written, matches what you can see. If your time is repaid by regular (a flexible term that seems reasonable) replies, and appears genuinely progressive, then you might begin to see a slow connection. 

Trust, the OP, online is built on those areas already identified. Being patient, polite and unhurried, shows lack of desperation, which shows that you’re real. If things don’t work out, then look again. Time, is what you need in most kinds of relationships and in any kind of learning.  

great tips thanks for you contrubution x

[lolli-leigh]

6 hours ago, Ricky4you said:

But it's so hard to trust what you can't see. And really hard to trust anyone on-line

absolutely agree that online can be more difficult. However same things apply to online as in RL @gemini_manhas written it well x

[sm****]

it constantly amazes me how superficial a lot of people's actions i see show up their lack of real understanding of the word and meaning.  Well said post.

Trust takes a long time to gain and especially earn.  Online is just so open to *** and hidden agendas and false impressions. 

people can be and portray themselves as anyone, it takes observation, communication verbally and physical communication over a long period of time to gain.

Remember once lost you never get it back.  It can and does affect your outlook on new possible relationships.

 

 

[Charms]

Trust is a big thing for me for different reasons.

 

I do trust my master 100%. 

I know alot of  subs will go so do I qn other people will go you shouldn't trust your master totally. 

 

Master an I have known each other for 29 years.  But that's not why I trust him.

He as been my rock threw all sorts of things.

⁷

Before he became my master I was extremely drunk an I was with him. 

 

He refused every advance I threw at him an I basically offerd him sex on a plate q few times.

 

He refused an said no I was drunk an he'd never do things with me till I was sober. We cuddled an talked an that was it. He was the perfect gentleman. 

 

There was another time when I was sedated at the dentist and needed a shaparon as I'd be out of it when I left the dentist.

 

I don't rember anything that day after the dentist.

 

Master coverd the pillows in towels so I didn't get *** on them an took my shoes of an put me to bed. None of this I rember.

He also checked on me constantly. 

He could of done anything to me but he did not because I knew he would not.

 

He is not just my master he his my best freind.

 

Although I do push him sometimes 

[Deleted Member]

I 100% agree with this. I feel no matter how kind and respectful I am online people keep pushing boundaries. It's very frustrating and they end up getting blocked

[lolli-leigh]

3 hours ago, Charms said:

Trust is a big thing for me for different reasons.

 

I do trust my master 100%. 

I know alot of  subs will go so do I qn other people will go you shouldn't trust your master totally. 

 

Master an I have known each other for 29 years.  But that's not why I trust him.

He as been my rock threw all sorts of things.

⁷

Before he became my master I was extremely drunk an I was with him. 

 

He refused every advance I threw at him an I basically offerd him sex on a plate q few times.

 

He refused an said no I was drunk an he'd never do things with me till I was sober. We cuddled an talked an that was it. He was the perfect gentleman. 

 

There was another time when I was sedated at the dentist and needed a shaparon as I'd be out of it when I left the dentist.

 

I don't rember anything that day after the dentist.

 

Master coverd the pillows in towels so I didn't get *** on them an took my shoes of an put me to bed. None of this I rember.

He also checked on me constantly. 

He could of done anything to me but he did not because I knew he would not.

 

He is not just my master he his my best freind.

 

Although I do push him sometimes 

awww your a wonderful couple and as you point out Trust develops from lots of things xx 

[lolli-leigh]

3 hours ago, Sw33tGirl247 said:

I 100% agree with this. I feel no matter how kind and respectful I am online people keep pushing boundaries. It's very frustrating and they end up getting blocked

Sorry to hear this, keep in mind though as I highlight in my original post about it is important to tell people that they are over stepping boundries. Some people don't know if not told directly. Of course if you tell them and they disrespect this then blocking is the best option 

[Ar****]

This is a great post. Thank you for writing it. 

 

As an untrusting person myself, it takes a lot of time and effort to get me to open up. I dont share face pics that easily, I don't give my real number out and its a lot for some people. When asked about why I don't trust them, its always that I don't know them well enough. Then I am told that I should be brave and all the bs. 

 

I am just happy to know that there are more people like me out there. 

 

[lolli-leigh]

8 minutes ago, Arcues said:

This is a great post. Thank you for writing it. 

 

As an untrusting person myself, it takes a lot of time and effort to get me to open up. I dont share face pics that easily, I don't give my real number out and its a lot for some people. When asked about why I don't trust them, its always that I don't know them well enough. Then I am told that I should be brave and all the bs. 

 

I am just happy to know that there are more people like me out there. 

 

I am glad it has helped :) 

[Charms]

9 hours ago, lolli-leigh said:

awww your a wonderful couple and as you point out Trust develops from lots of things xx 

Ty so much.  Master an I have been  to hell an back with things we've had to deal with in our personal lives.

At 1 point master asked if we could stop with the kink stuff an I said yes I didn't even have to think about it. Because he was an still is more to me than kink.

 

Although we stopped doing kink things an master left here I stayed on here with his knowledge because I'd made a few amazing freinds