FWB

[Ne****]

Do you think it only leads to people getting hurt or do you think it can be beneficial to both parties if done correctly?

Often we see one person developing feelings for the other person and they end up being hurt because those feelings aren't reciprocated. In all honesty it's something I am dealing with myself.

How might I be able to navigate this without being hurt further by our arrangement? I feel keeping those feelings and thoughts to myself to be a better option. I would rather have a little bit of my partner in my life than not at all. I don't want to ruin my dynamic with him. It's a good arrangement.

[Deleted Member]

For ne I need emotional connection to f**k someone so fwb is perfect for me

[Synister_X]

TBH you're just setting yourself up to get hurt worse later, unless the person has feelings or develops them in the future but I guess that's the risk we all take. I just had a playmate who got really butthurt because I wouldn't reciprocate her feelings but I told her upfront that wasn't going to happen and really the more we hung out the more I knew that wasn't going to happen. Unfortunately, we haven't spoken for a few weeks now because she got angry over her feelings and I don't put up with being treated badly when I haven't done anything wrong. Didn't mean to get into my shit but just thought of it as an example how it can go bad. I try to keep it honest and real...

[Deleted Member]

I would say it’s a case by case basis. I’ve had some FWB’s in the past that I got in great with and even years later when the dynamics have changed, we are still great friends, so it’s entirely possible. But the important thing is to be upfront and honest about intentions and wants.

[Ne****]

4 minutes ago, Synister_X said:

TBH you're just setting yourself up to get hurt worse later, unless the person has feelings or develops them in the future but I guess that's the risk we all take. I just had a playmate who got really butthurt because I wouldn't reciprocate her feelings but I told her upfront that wasn't going to happen and really the more we hung out the more I knew that wasn't going to happen. Unfortunately, we haven't spoken for a few weeks now because she got angry over her feelings and I don't put up with being treated badly when I haven't done anything wrong. Didn't mean to get into my shit but just thought of it as an example how it can go bad. I try to keep it honest and real...

You're not wrong. I'm not angry with my fwb. I'm upset he hasn't reached out to me in a couple days even in casual conversation with him. I have reason to believe that he wants to reciprocate but he's afraid to let me down and doesn't want to commit.

It's just a hard situation over all.

[ey****]

I think a lot comes to case by case and also making sure that you're still friends even when the "benefits" aren't there

having some form of exit strategy helps - you both have to be comfortable with a scenario of "I don't want to do this any more", "OK, you still want to go for lunch?" and going back to being friends 

[Deleted Member]

I wish you good luck Nerdling

[Th****]

Most people aren't emotionally mature enough to handle these situations and think they are synonymous with casual sex on tap. They often forget about the "friend" part, which is not surprising since friendships among adults are tricky to cultivate. I think people just like to use cute words to make their empty sex feel less empty. True fwb where both people are happy is super rare.

[eu****]

It's usually not fair to one of the two not in my experience or it's mutal and a relationship wanted or not grows

[Po****]

Well I’ll just put in my 2 cents… one of my FWB led to marriage. He started to develop feelings and I told him if he wanted me, he would have to actually date me. Sure I knew what the sex was like— wonderful, but we only knew surface level things about each other. In the past, I would run away from a FWB who wanted more no matter how good the sex was, but the feeling was actually mutual this time lol. A few months of actual dating later and we were in a relationship because I wanted to be. From my experience, I liked that I was given a choice. I couldn’t imagine him not expressing himself and then getting hurt in the process because I would have eventually moved on. I won’t say it wouldn’t be the end of the world if he doesn’t feel the same way, but at least you will know where you stand. If it is not enough to be with him as is now, it can only get worse if you continue like nothing is happening…

[Wa****]

That’s the only relationship I’m willing to have at this point. As long as everyone is honesty, it should work out beautifully. But if the feelings get overwhelming, I’d get out.

[E6****]

Thats a bit difficult, everyone relationship starts like a book intro, plot, conflict and resolution, I personally believe that it's unavoidable to develop feelings by the time ur over it the other person will start because we all function differently, but it would help to visualize it different, instead of the person as a fwb, visualize it as a trive, something a bit more primordial where veryones needs are meet at this point ut on the conflict slope of emotions let them flourish, acknowledge them and feed them into the right direction the emotions will mature adapt and learn and you will be stronger. Instead of starting over and go to the same issue and fall over and again and again.

[79****]

I think you need to be honest with yourself, guys in the FWB title can keep feelings out of it, it’s sex for them and they are getting satisfied. I think women have a harder time with that. So going into the relationship you need to ask if there is ever a chance of him feeling something. If not keep your options open use him to scratch your itch but keep looking

[mm****]

Beneficial to both parties yes when done correctly

[Deleted Member]

I wouldn’t date someone without knowing if they were good in bed or not first so. Lol also sometimes it takes a month or three for the crazy to come out

[fo****]

Yes

[Deleted Member]

fwb.. simple benefits... period.

[co****]

Communication is key, express your feelings and go from there. It's better to know and deal with it than remain silent with a chance of getting hurt down the road

[ge****]

It's a difficult one for sure and maintaining that "distance" can be a minefield, particularly if one person has feelings and the other doesn't.
.
Honestly, as the previous poster said, I think by keeping it to yourself, you're setting yourself up for a fall - because the more you see this person, the more feelings have a chance to further develop and cause you more hurt if they're not reciprocated, and on top of that they are bound at some point to pick up on things too.
.
Your options really are just two:
.
(1) Talk to this person openly and honestly and tell them you're developing feelings - you never know, they may actually feel the same and be suppressing them themselves. Worst case is they'll walk away, but they'd possibly do that if they found out another way so at least this way you'd be saving yourself potentially double the hurt. Middle ground is potentially a compromise could be found.
.
(2) You end it - which would probably mean explaining why anyway
.
Before you do either of those things though - do some thinking about what it is you'd really like from this? A monogamous relationship? Something more committed but not all in? Or perhaps something else? Either way it may help you get your head around which road to take and how you explain it.
.
It's not easy I know and it's a very narrow line to tread between FWB and keeping things compartmentalised and developing feelings etc

[ma****]

Connection is important to me but I think the important thing is not having unrealistic expectations if the other person has been honest from the outset. On the other hand I do think its a bit sus if one party strings the other along just to get their rocks off when they know that person is hurting about it. That's not a good friend.

[Matttster]

As with most anything, I think it depends upon the people. Regardless of how open are regarding not looking for a relationship beyond friends, I think it is not uncommon for feelings to change once intimacy is added to a friendship. This has happened to me and it can unfortunately cause issues with friendships.

I am still getting used to being single after a twenty year relationship and am not ready to enter into a relationship more commuted than friends at this time. And like mellowmellow I want an emotional connection before intimacy, so fwb is my approach to intimacy and play. So, although I have had a few “hiccups” in general it has worked well for me.

The important thing I think is to be very open and honest.

[sk****]

Communication and transparency is the base of any relationship, even if it’s a fwb one.
In my opinion if you decide not to share your real feelings you have basically 3 options. 1) with time your feelings for him vanish and you will again ok with fwb 2) with time he will also have feelings for you 3) with time your feelings for him will get stronger and he might always stay in the fwb zone.
Only you know which option is more probable to happen

[79****]

When you get into to that type of relationship you need to know what they are thinking going in. If it’s just sex for them then use them to scratch your itch and keep looking for your one.

[Deleted Member]

I give up ith trying to find someone I honestly believe there is no one out there for me no matter how hard I've tried so instead I've Decided to enjoy myself and get drunk as much as possible thay say drinking is bad for you but so is the stress of a relationship

[Do****]

Depends on the person. Unfortunately the person getting hurt the most normally is the women. During sex their brain releases hormones that increase attachment. For men it's just the happiness hormones. The longer it goes on in most cases the worse the woman will get hurt. I have seen the reverse happen as well though, and the true outliers... The ones where both parties are fine. Once again it depends on the people.