Did I over react? Left after I was surprised with another sub on our first meeting.

[Deleted Member]

Uh, yeah, that’s f**king weird. Typically unless that came up and you consented, that’s a *** esp first meet up, but even if it wasn’t, still to keep you outta the loop is a red flag, unless you’re into that

[Za****]

He's not a Dom and that was selfish and dangerous of him to put you in that situation.

[Deleted Member]

You didn't consent, so it shouldn't have happened. I always think of the 'Tea and consent' video on YouTube. I'd recommend anyone to watch it. It's very humorous but also absolutely nails the subject of consent.

Edited July 18, 2022 by Deleted Member
Grammar correction

[Th****]

At best, it was an incredibly poor decision on his part. Especially the first time you had played. Those early sessions, for me, should be about building trust and learning your partner. What he did is somewhere between fucked up and potentially terrifying. You did make it both out of that situation and home safely, I hope.

[ma****]

Saturday at 07:23 AM, Creampie201 said:

You must not know very many people, huh? A surprise is not exclusive to having known individuals well enough. I myself (in both social and private life) have had and been given surprises by 3rd party participants. Lack of communication on both parties.Your own morbid take on this topic has now become null. Congratulations.

The possibility for the surprise to have been a success stands without correction. Again, lack of communication. Congratulations.

I've had many subs and many experiences similar to this. "Very lucky" and "knew the other person well enough" are both things you, again, are incapable of knowing. And your wager was wrong. Lack of communication. Congratulations.

"Based on what we know" when applied to only hearing one side of a person's experience is the equivalent to a court trial with one party absent entirely. Please, I urge you... don't go into law. You're unqualified.

Wow, wow...

Being a Dom doesn't mean being an ***r. Anything done without the other person's consent is ***, not "surprise".

[ma****]

Saturday at 11:47 AM, sweetness2022xx said:

I appreciate everyone’s input on the matter. As I stated earlier I don’t believe this was done with bad intentions. And it is a valid point to say we do not have both perspectives of this story, as the post was based solely on my feelings and perspective. I am holding myself accountable for my “blame” here. Could I have said something that gave him the impression I would love this “surprise”? It’s possible. Could I have misjudged the situation? 100%. Should there have been better communication? Most certainly. It is a lesson I learned on where my comfort level is with this particular situation. This post was to get honest opinions, not to blame or shame anyone. My issue was not with the surprise itself. I was more uncomfortable with the fact that it was never mentioned as a possibility that I might be blindfolded and someone else join without any acknowledgement that they were there until I peaked out of the bottom of my blindfold. It would have been different had this person been brought in while I could see and acknowledge they were there. There was no conversation about me being exposed without my knowledge to gauge my comfort level. Being the first time we are meeting, him having more experience and control, I believe it was a bad judgement call on his part to have me unknowingly participating without clear consent and communication to what was happening. It was omitted and that’s where I feel the trust was broken. And I do believe it was prearranged and I was the only participant unaware it was happening until after I was in it for who knows how long. I’m not saying this man is an evil manipulator. I’m simply inquiring how other would feel if they perceived things in the same manner as I did. I appreciate all of the constructive inputs on both sides, as it has helped me to think through the situation and my feelings. 💖

He blindfolded you and brought another person? It is obvious his reasons were to hide the third person... who knows? They might have even taken videos or photos of you if you had continued the scene. There are many people using the title "Dom" to *** others. There are many people capable of awful things.

If he had been experienced, he should have known not to bring another person into the scene without your consent. I don't see it just as a mistake from his side, but as ***.

[ma****]

Saturday at 07:14 PM, subbieJ said:

You DID NOT overreact. These are the types of Doms that need to be exposed and are dangerous. Not only did this man undermine you, he put you in a risky situation and completely shattered any trust that was built. I’m upset for you and deeply apologetic. Not ok. You did the right thing by leaving asap.

I totally agree with that!

[Mz****]

That is a complete red flag. No true Dom would do that. You didn't overreact at all. Such a *** of trust. Imagine what other things they would violate. You were smart to get out.

[an****]

I know this is an old subject, but it’s a good point of discussion. Obviously, the blindfold is a tool. The blindfold is intended to block your vision in an effort to enhance the experience. In this case it was simply used for deception. That’s not cool and not part of the TPE contract.

[Deleted Member]

Ooooh my god!! That’s such a huge ***!! Just imagine the reverse without genders and you won’t question your decision. He took away your ability to consent. Giant red flag. It would only get worse.

[Deleted Member]

Report, block, and run

[Su****]

That’s betrayal u did nothing wrong. My Dom wants to bring another female into the bedroom to play n I have no problem with that cause I like girls to but as long as it’s someone who we both agree too not someone that he decides.

[La****]

Totally agree with all your replies. That was not okay and totally unacceptable! Don’t walk away. Run !

[Deleted Member]

That now becomes non consensual sex. 

[Deleted Member]

Wow I just read that whole thing and you are absolutely not overreacting. It is completely unfair to spring things on you and especially during kink, let alone a normal sexual experience. I’m so sorry that happened to you

[mi****]

You are so kind.You should have done something with that *** so that he can no longer dominate someone😒

[sm****]

Being dominant is about trust. Abusing that is gross and some serious small dick energy

[Deleted Member]

Definitely way out of line! It is all about trust in one another. People don't know or care how something like that can damage your trust or kill something you love

[AnnieArcher]

Oh wow, I don’t think you over reacted and the betrayal here is terrible, especially as trust can be so hard to give. 
I am mid planning my first meet and have so many worries, it had crossed my mind what if he brought someone, but i told myself i was been silly.  Reading your experience i now will ensure i communicate with him that my consent for our meet is just for him and i.

take care x

 

 

 

[ro****]

I am so very sorry that happened. Your response is so entirely valid. Please don't try to convince yourself otherwise. Similarly, I can appreciate open mindedness and wanting to understand the other person, but you do not need to (and imo very much should not) justify their actions.
Please take the time to look after yourself. Give yourself a place of safety, mentally and physically. Seek further outside help (fet members, friends, family, even professional) if needed.
Sending much love and comfort. I hope you have been able to constructively move past this, and it has come to have it's place.

[Th****]

Unless it's been discussed there should be only you and him

[Deleted Member]

You did NOTHING wrong! Absolutely blatant lack of respect and TRUST