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How to know the difference between a true Dom and a fake dom


Yu****

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Posted
A lot can depend on what you expect from a Dom/me too. Personally, I'm more of a soft Daddy Dom rather than a sadist Dom. I'm more in to sensation play with a partner than beating them (although I do enjoy spanking!) A natural Dom will be easily identifiable as the sub will feel compulsion to just obey from the Doms persona, the way they speak, hold themselves, dress, the look they can shoot across a room.

It starts with an open and genuine conversation about both sides expectations.
Posted
2 hours ago, NewToThis65 said:

Perfectly put and exactly right…reminds me of a conversation I had recently.

😂

Posted
A fake Dom is only in it for their own satisfaction regardless of the subs feelings and needs
Imo Clear communication, trust and respect is required
Regardless of the D/s dynamic, a real Dom knows it’s the sub that holds the power as they are the ones who offer us the gift of submission
I’m sure there will be differing opinions but this is how I and many others see it
Posted
Skill has nothing to do with being a true Dom. Respecting and enforcing clearly talked about and agreed to boundaries is what makes a true Dom. Fake doms bark orders at random or on a whim without getting the comfort, consent, and understanding from those involved first.
Posted
Good question, one that concerns many here. Not only subs have that question about D types, also D types have that question about s types. There is no conclusive answer to this question. Many good indicators have already been given here, but it is not an exact science. Here too, as with so many things in life, you do not get a guarantee.
Lord_Talion
Posted
The fakes will demand submission from everyone that fits their criteria or everyone in general. The fakes are in it for the *** and want to only please themselves regaurdless of your needs cause you don't matter to them.
Posted
They're all fake true dom's are doing life in prison.
Posted
They also don't know the difference from domineering and being Dominant. A fake will come at you immediately asking to be called Sir, Master or Daddy. Demand things from a sub immediately or turn everything sexual right away. A true good Dom should be vetting you as hard as your vetting them. Lots of questions to get to know you before anything happens play related. Negotiations are a huge part and if they are doing that then they are inexperienced or fake.
Posted

for me the things to watch out for

- that they seem too good to be true 

this doesn't mean there's a problem but if they're somehow everything you wished for... why you? what are they getting out of this arrangement?

- that they try to isolate you from finding other views

this could be "let's go chat on hangouts" but could also be anyone trying to keep you away from websites or local kink communities where you might query what you are being told

there's nothing wrong with a Dominant going "this is how I do things" and you then choosing if that works for you or not.  There is something wrong with them saying "this is how it is done" and you not being able to go "my Dominant says... what do you think"

- punishments as a starting point

if one of the first things your Dominant wants to discuss is how they will punish you if you act up, in ways you will dislike, then there's every chance they will find excuses to say you're acting up in order to say you've consented

- pushing to sign a contract or pushing for a lot in writing

while contracts aren't binding or recognised by a court, a lot of subs don't know this.  But, also, it can be used as a way that someone can push you to do something in a "you said..." kinda way.

(there are times when having things in writing has it's benefits for both of you - but it shouldn't be used as a "you said we would do this - therefore you cannot change your mind")

- if they make the first move... but then start asking ***

I don't see the whole concepts of tributes and pros as a red flag (but no one has to go down this route if they do not wish) but someone you don't know wouldn't approach you to ask for ***

(context applies - I might sometimes have a Domme contact me and say "wanna film - this is the contribution I'd need from you" and it's then up to me to establish if this is real or not, but it's not usually going to be a stranger)

Posted
That’s true. As an experienced Dom I can say that as a Man it’s up to you to guide and lead. Your sexual gratification is important but chemistry is everything just like oil and water don’t mix certain playmates aren’t for everyone. You have to be true to you and what you like everything else will follow.
Posted
Some very basic easy peasy Dom rules... does he take control, or is he given control? A true Dom is given submission and control. A real Dom strives every day to be the person you WANT to submit to. A Dom is a person you freely give your submission to weather it's just in the bedroom or you truly want them to lead you in life. Notice I didn't say control your life. They should be able to influence your existence not take over and control your existence. I hope this helps
Posted
A dominant is someone who has a leading personality, someone willing to push instead of being pushed. Most dom’s know how the dynamics works because its a give and take relationship. Those who get too aggressive are just that aggressive, they might be dominant and forecful but they aren’t a dom. The dom’s priority is the sub’s wellness, if a dom isn’t doing that then they are still not quite there as real alphas/doms
Posted
Discussions of kinks, limits, aftercare, drop and desired effect.
Posted
Honestly depends on if you’re referring to 24/7 doms or just bedroom doms, the roles are the roles but despite what most may think, the sub actually has all the control, because it is the nature of a dom to respect and adhere to the subs limits
Posted
in my experience a real dom doesnt insight *** in a sub. if you are afraid then likely somethings not right. if a dom is only the one setting the rules thats a give away he/she/they/the person is likely their for less then ideal desires. a dom can set rules if first the dom and sub agree that the dom sets the rules/play/scene. oh also if theres no way to get out of a situation ie no safeword, quick way exist then something can not be right. though with in real in person play im
not sure how realistic it is that all toys/accessories have a backdoor so to speak if there’s trouble. also a way to find out is tell them no for something if they get adnormaly mad thats a give away. thats one of my i things, i want my dom to know that i have limits and i will speak if theyre without consented touched/crossed etc. thats a work a in progress unfortunately with me. also in the pre play or discussing whats wanted needed, change your mind. if the dom says no changing minds that might be a give away. basically its about trust if a sub doesn’t trust a dom likely neither will succeed. i word it like that because the sub is the one one way or another having less control/power/say. trust is important in the kink community.
Posted
Yesterday at 07:17 AM, CopperKnob said:

"I am an old school traditional Dom"
There is one twue way and we won't be negotiating.
.
"I only play no limits and no safe words..."
I'll do what I like and only stop when I want to
.
"I have over X years of experience..."
Online
.
"I run my own local BDSM group..."
Because I fell out with all the community leaders locally
.
"Lets chat on (whatever messaging app they prefer)"
Because often those apps don't keep a record of the whole chat so you can't refer back to it. Some will also link to your other socials providing info about you that you haven't intentionally shared.
.
"You don't need to be part of the community and go to munches/events"
Because you'll suddenly realise everything we do together is wrong.
.
"I only speak in all CAPS to submissives on line"
Because that's how I show my authority.
.
"You will call me Sir/Master"
To prove how Dominant I am
.
"I don't use condoms for safe sex or birth control... you must trust me"
I have no concern for your health, my own or for the potential life we'll create together.
.
"I have a preference for young or new to the scene females..."
Because they lack life/kink experience and are typically more pliable so I can easily manipulate them
.
"I am a (insert title here), I am all about protocols, and I have strict ways you will do things and you WILL do them MY way"
.
"I teach classes, so I know things and you should listen to me"
.
"You won't need a safe word, trust me"
I'll decide when you've had enough. It'll be when I've had enough
.
They have "funny stories" about abusing and over riding consent, but it "ended well, so it's ok, they didn't mind later"
.
"I want you to do this thing you said is a  limit"
.
"I only want a slave, but you can be my submissive"
Then treats you like a slave
.
Complains about false *** accusations that they've faced.
As opposed to considering that consent was not explicitly given or that they misinterpreted the situation.
.
"It's my job to push you past your limits in your exploration"
Limits are simply a checklist to tick off.

As an older dom myself this list should be a pinned article.

Posted
Saturday at 04:09 AM, jacobstl said:
A true Dom enjoys being dominant simple as that, it doesn't mean they're a good Dom, ethical, or genuine in all they say.

Not TRUE... there is so much more to a "True" Dom than just being Dominant.. They need to care about the sub and understand the subs needs and so much more... if you have read any of the other threads in the forum you would know that

Posted
Saturday at 06:54 AM, chainsandcanes said:
A fake Dom is only in it for their own satisfaction regardless of the subs feelings and needs
Imo Clear communication, trust and respect is required
Regardless of the D/s dynamic, a real Dom knows it’s the sub that holds the power as they are the ones who offer us the gift of submission
I’m sure there will be differing opinions but this is how I and many others see it

I couldn't agree more..

  • 2 weeks later...
Posted
Sighs! True Dom/Fake Dom?? Perhaps we are forgetting this is predominantly sexual. Men/Women who are naturally dominant and kinky sexually can do that in their own way. This idea of what a dominant should or shouldn't be is getting prescriptive in itself and almost becoming a parody of itself! Come on ! This is kinky sexy FUN! Lighten up!🤪
Posted
There is no way to telling what is a true dom or a fake dom because the term being a dom is a made up word from its origins anyway. It's a label created and attached to a characteristic in a person and that characteristic can include a role playing attribute. Many of the dominants in the bdsm community role play being dominant and are seen as true dominants so there actually isn't anyway of defining a fake or a real one. However there is ways of defining fake ppl
Posted
19 minutes ago, cagedheart said:

There is no way to telling what is a true dom or a fake dom because the term being a dom is a made up word from its origins anyway. It's a label created and attached to a characteristic in a person and that characteristic can include a role playing attribute. Many of the dominants in the bdsm community role play being dominant and are seen as true dominants so there actually isn't anyway of defining a fake or a real one. However there is ways of defining fake ppl

All words are made up. Their meanings grow around them. I know what people mean when they talk about Doms and I know what they mean when they talk about fake Doms, so it’s not meaningless at all.

Posted
36 minutes ago, Lockfairy said:

All words are made up. Their meanings grow around them. I know what people mean when they talk about Doms and I know what they mean when they talk about fake Doms, so it’s not meaningless at all.

What are you talking about, I never said anything was meaningless i said there is no way of telling. Considering the word is open to variables of fakeness. Consider your pure sexual driven dom only ( bedroom play ) or those profiteering using a dominant role, would you class those as " fake " yet the community considers those to be true doms. To many variables to balance and to many already contredict a susscessful way to say someone is a fake or true dom.

Posted
17 minutes ago, cagedheart said:

What are you talking about, I never said anything was meaningless i said there is no way of telling. Considering the word is open to variables of fakeness. Consider your pure sexual driven dom only ( bedroom play ) or those profiteering using a dominant role, would you class those as " fake " yet the community considers those to be true doms. To many variables to balance and to many already contredict a susscessful way to say someone is a fake or true dom.

I don't think that the words 'true' and 'fake' are particularly helpful but I do think what Lockfairy is suggesting and what the OP is asking is, how to determine what traits should be considered that may be helpful to determine a 'good' or 'genuine' D type as opposed to one that may not be and again, you are correct in that this is very subjective given different wants/needs/dynamics but, we're all well aware of those that claim to be Dominant when the reality is that they have ulterior motives and that it is easier for them to hide behind the D/s dynamic online than it is in real life.

BruiseWayne
Posted
On 7/23/2022 at 4:14 AM, YuriSub said:

“I require a tribute of 100 dollars to be your Dom”

Hey if it makes you feel any better I'm a Dom and one time this girl tried to tell me I needed to buy a 'Dom license', so it's not just you subs that they try and scam too, lol. :joy:

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