Aftercare

[Wi****]

Hi I was reading an article on here about finding your limits and it mentioned moving into your aftercare routine if you discover a new limit. I would like to know what's is ment by an aftercare routine, I'm assuming it's very intimate time between dom/domme and sub for reassurance etc.

[Deleted Member]

Hi there! That's a good question. Aftercare varies but can include hugs, cuddles and being close. It can involve eating and drinking sweet things,being wrapped in a blanket or even just sitting and discussing a scene. 

 

[StarrLabs]

It varies from person to person but my sub enjoys cuddles and watching a movie or show

[Deleted Member]

My sub and I cuddle and I rein*** what went wrong to cause her punishment, I never push her limits unless she want to try, after subspace we talk, cuddle and enjoy each other

 

[amy-black]

For me I just need a few minutes of almost silent "come down", bit like a jet engine when it winds down.

My female kink buddy likes hugs and to just be held.

Guess like most kink, different for all.

 

[Deleted Member]

Helps to snuggle with them or just reassure them if trying new limits as you don’t wanna scare them I normally let them cum with out holding or with ease if they are trying new limits 

[Deleted Member]

For me it’s a chance for both my sub and myself to centre ourselves and come back down to Earth. My after care has included making my sub tea and toast, chatting, watching tv. And after one session in which I had marked his body with words written in my lipstick, I gently washed it off. It was a quiet, sensual moment. I value my sub, I respect him immensely and aftercare is an opportunity for him to be reaffirmed of that. 

[RosesHaveThorns75]

Can someone tell me what the symptoms are of "subdrop"?!?

Is this fatigue or a downer after S&M activity's?!?

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, YingYangRose said:

Can someone tell me what the symptoms are of "subdrop"?!?

Is this fatigue or a downer after S&M activity's?!?

It's different from sub to sub but it often includes fatigue, sadness, upset, tears, feeling down, weakness.  Generally it can be counteracted with self care and if possible some cuddles/reassurance from the Dom/top.  It can strike within minutes, hours or sometimes even days. It really is different for everyone. 

[Deleted Member]

Wow really informative thread! Thanks guys. I haven't experienced sub space yet so no aftercare either. It all sounds so lovely and sweet. If you respect and care for each other after care would be a natural extension of that love and respect. I Dan imagine that these kind of acts really bring each other closer on another level. 

[ey****]

just on that - you don't need subspace to need aftercare.   It can be that more is needed after subspace (the bigger the high, the bigger the drop) 

But, while there's obvious physical impacts.

Think of it like this, nobody really likes to go to work on a Monday after a weekend - especially so if it's been a really good weekend : maybe saw lots of friends, went to a cool gig or club or whatever - and there is obviously a 'high' associated with this and returning to work conflates the low, but none of these people had subspace.     Obviously, we kinda know when we're sat at our desks with mounting work thinking "ugh, I wish I was still at the gig" we can kinda do our own little aftercare maybe by sharing with friends what a good time it was and that we can't wait to do it again or having something else to look forward to. 

I'm not sure if my analogy makes full sense - but what I'm describing above is a fairly minute version of drop.   So regular weekend, sucks to be back to normality - exciting weekend, really sucks to be back to normality - above that....

In saying that, everyone's aftercare needs differ. 

[Phoenyx]

Ah yes, "The Crash".  (I know this is an old thread, but it brings back memories).  So many things could happen, once the sub reached their crescendo.  The mood swings could be gargantuan.  One moment, they're begging, pleading. and prostrating themselves, just for the sweet release from the *** of ecstasy.  And the next, it's "What am I doing here?  I'm not that person!"

Aftercare has always seemed more of a reaction, than a planned event.  I remember giving hugs, as a sub shivered uncontrollably.  She had grown pale, as the *** drained from her extremities, down to her nether regions of pleasure.  I was at a venue not my own.  I found myself calling to the host, to bring a blanket.  Where was my head?  Why had I not prepared for this?

Or, there were times, when I simply sat in front of them, holding their hands---grasping them tightly.  I would stare deeply into their eyes, hoping that my gaze would help them to reestablish their center.

Of course, who could forget the endorphin high.  For the sub, the scene had been like a trip through the star gate.  They now found themselves on some distant world in another galaxy.  The might start to wander aimlessly.  I would have to guide them to a chair, for their own safety.  Perhaps, a bit of exaggeration.  But, an image that has stuck in my mind.

Still, there were those who had become too jaded, from far too many sessions.  The experience no longer fazed them.  They had been reduced to "chasing the dragon"---trying to find a high as good as the first.  Such sessions would end with just a simple hug, a "Thank You", and any requisite transactions.  Suddenly, I was the one in need of aftercare.  Sessions were always so emotionally draining.  Was I losing my touch?

[Wo****]

My current Dom always includes aftercare and checks in with how I'm feeling. He will hold me quietly or stroke my back or allow me space if I need it. I am extremely lucky that he is perceptive and observant, knows my body and me to a point he picks up on my emotions easily.

I've experienced sub space and sub drop a lot. I ride it out. My Dom or a couple of close friends are always just a message away.

As for  "Sessions were always so emotionally draining.  Was I losing my touch?" When you give everything you have to something, which it sounds like you do, then you reach a point you have nothing left. You need aftercare too.

[Phoenyx]

Quote

My current Dom always includes aftercare and checks in with how I'm feeling. He will hold me quietly or stroke my back or allow me space if I need it. I am extremely lucky that he is perceptive and observant, knows my body and me to a point he picks up on my emotions easily.

Class, take note.  Underline or highlight this in your syllabus.

Thank you Lazy Pirate's Bounty, for your message of support.  For me, the aftercare may have come years after the fact.  But, thanks to you, it finally did come.  As for the "losing my touch" quandary, that was merely one of the rhetorical questions that went though my head---part of the ambiance of the story.

[micheal31]

On 9/30/2018 at 7:23 AM, Deleted profile said:

My sub and I cuddle and I rein*** what went wrong to cause her punishment, I never push her limits unless she want to try, after subspace we talk, cuddle and enjoy each other

 

 

[Deleted Member]

Don't have a sub to aftercare for haha

[ca****]

I need aftercare as much as the sub does. I want to feel less of a "monster" post-play and feel she's had fun and enjoyed herself through chatting about the scene and some banter and laughter. Cuddles are important for the same reason. Just spending time away from any play is always a good thing for all involved.

[typhoon2]

My definition of aftercare is the attention required by the submissive or bottom following a play session. There is no fixed regime, because everyone is different. A cup of tea and a jaffa cake immediately afterwards works for one playmate. Another needs assurance for several days afterwards, exchanging texts and calls. Even the same person's needs might vary, depending on how intense the play was or their mood at the time. It's always discussed prior to play commencing but as a minimum a hug during warm down, chocloate and a hot drink available and I check in the next day. Their needs govern my efforts.

[Deleted Member]

I’m cool with cuddles. Kisses and being showered.

[th****]

Praise and affection
Removal of ropes/restraints/blindfold
Usually water (if required)
Blanket
Cuddles until ready to be verbal again
Praise and reassurance
Snacks (if required)
Laughing
Deconstruction / feedback from scene

[Si****]

Touching tells everything

[Da****]

J

[SH****]

Im that Dom/Primal/Bull that does not and will not do aftercare

[So****]

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Edited November 18, 2022 by Soraiyaprincess
Accidentally posted

[So****]

9 minutes ago, SHONDARBY said:

Im that Dom/Primal/Bull that does not and will not do aftercare

 

Im curious-  do you mean you don't yourself need aftercare? Or you don't provide aftercare for any subs you play with? 

And my second question is why? 😊