I'm new to this please help

[Bluerose]

Hi I'm 25 and iv always had a inner need for something more then normal as I'm getting older it's getting stronger all I want is to submit in every way I dream of being punished (spanked,whipped and tied up) iv never dun any of it before and the man I'm with really isn't in to it when it comes to sex we really don't work I don't know why I want and need this I need help understanding this side of myself 

[ki****]

@Bluerose There are some really good beginner articles in the magazine you should read. But mainly it's all about communication! Talk with your partner. Be willing to start out small and work up to your dreams. And if he's totally not into it and unwilling to try then perhaps you need to move on or open your relationship or brainstorm on another solution - there's always a way! And again talk to people here! Lots of people are probably in a similar boat and can offer more advice.

But the main thing is talking about it. Write it down so you're organized in what you want to say.

[da****]

@Bluerose My partner and I started out by purchasing a cheap bondage starter kit with underbed restraints. To be honest you can easily get out of them but it was a good and cheap introduction. You could perhaps wear a blindfold whilst restrained, that way he can look at your body without the feeling of being watched, especially if he feels uncomfortable in the first place. Sensual play was a good starting block for me too using ice, feather and even flavoured sauces to lick off. When you are blindfolded and restrained the feelings can be quite intense. You could even start off with some simple hand cuffs if restraints are too far from his comfort zone. 

[Bluerose]

Thank you for your replies me and him had a talk and we ended it I want something he can't give me hopefully I will find someone who can 

[da****]

@Bluerose It's such a shame that you couldn't come to compromise or meet somewhere in the middle. I hope that you can find someone that can make you feel whole. 

[Bluerose]

It was a new relationship so I think it was to much for him I really hope so I just want to find what's right for me 

[Robustlove]

On 18/07/2017 at 5:22 PM, Bluerose said:

Hi I'm 25 and iv always had a inner need for something more then normal as I'm getting older it's getting stronger all I want is to submit in every way I dream of being punished (spanked,whipped and tied up) iv never dun any of it before and the man I'm with really isn't in to it when it comes to sex we really don't work I don't know why I want and need this I need help understanding this side of myself 

Hi bluerose, your message really spoke to me and reminded me of how I felt before getting into the BDSM and fetish world. That feeling of an inner need to express yourself in a way that most vanilla people have  a really hard time understanding can be really hard not only to articulate, but also to deal with when your not sure what to do about it or how to go about expressing it. I was lucky enough to meet a mature and very friendly dominant master who also allowed me to communicate with two of his submissive slaves which helped me to understand my own needs and the needs of those who would help me express them. I think were are also slightly similar in that I would find in almost impossible to be a in a relationship with anyone who I couldn't express my dom/master side with and I have tried.

 

As previous posters have already recommended the best thing you can do right now is to talk to and communicate with people who have experience of the scene and who are willing to help or possibly even mentor you in the process of finding someone you can share and express yourself with.

 

I am sorry to hear your latest relationship didn't work out, but I can understand why you broke up without condemning or condoning. This site is a great resource for anyone new to the scene and I would also recommend checking out the Fetlife site as it caters for a near endless variety of people living kink or fetish lifestyles.    

[Charlie71]

Hi, I can totally understand what you mean as I'm the same hence why I joined this site. For me it's giving as well as receiving & just love trying different things. I'm into piercings at the moment & have pierced my own cock which I love the feel of!

[queen2please]

Goddess is a talented squirter, should you be lucky enough to be showered in my orgasm nectar, things get pretty wet and make for a memory never to forget. Imagine being tied to my bed and teased, ***ed and driven wild with desire as I masturbate and squirt all over you. The most enjoyable (or ***ful!) experience is garaunteed, I have no inhibitions and always dress impeccably.

[Deleted Member]

I've only had one partner who's been into BDSM and the likes, the rest were all strictly dom/sub only relationships. With the exception of the one girl I was with who was into this, everyone I have been in a relationship has seen it as abusive and violent, and saw that as a reflection of who I am as a person... probably one of the biggest misconceptions of bdsm!

[MadameZ]

Some people are really not into kin, while others really are. So, though you might feel a bit sad about having split up with your last partner, it was probably the best thing to do, because you would have ended up making each other unhappy.,

When it comes to exploring your kinky side, the first lesson is: don't bellieve everything you read online. You may well get given some TERRIB|LE advice as well as some useful information.  The best advice I can give you (after nearly 30 years on the kink scene) is: There is no 'right way' to be kinky. Find what you like, don't feel you have to do anything that you don't like, and remember you can say no to anyone or anything, at any time.

If you are near somewhere that holds fetish markets or fairs (like the BBB or the LAM) these are a good place to start. Some people will recommend you go to your nearest munch, and you might want to try that (I loathe munches, and some other people find them either tedious or unfriendly). What you want, as a beginner, if to make friends. If you are or identify as female/submissive, you need sub female friends. They will give you much better support/advice than creepy dominant men who slime up and offer to be your 'protector.'

 

Always remember, kink is supposed to be FUN. If you're not enjoying something, there's no reason to do it. Good luck.

[Deleted Member]

I agree with MadameZ - it's meant to be fun, so keep that in mind. It can be really overwhelming at first. I'd say go to events with the aim to make friends and chat, get to know some folks on your local scene before going into finding a play partner. It takes the pressure off a bit for your first events and also gives you friends to talk to about kink stuff which is really important! 

[Midlands_Dom]

On 18/07/2017 at 5:22 PM, Bluerose said:

Hi I'm 25 and iv always had a inner need for something more then normal as I'm getting older it's getting stronger all I want is to submit in every way I dream of being punished (spanked,whipped and tied up) iv never dun any of it before and the man I'm with really isn't in to it when it comes to sex we really don't work I don't know why I want and need this I need help understanding this side of myself 

Hi Bluerose, 

My sub is also 25, when we first connected she was in a very similar position to yourself, if you'd like to chat pm me. I may even connect you both as it may help if you're still in the same place.