How to turn her on

[Shay123]

Hello I am new to BDSM and would like to know how to turn my girlfriend on. She says vanilla ways just don't do it for her. So I was just wondering if any of you could help me and give me some tips or advice ? 

Thanks in advance

[Superfreaky-4193]

Cheapest and most common start is handcuffs and work up from there

[Superfreaky-4193]

Hair pulling, biting, have her sit on your face all kinda ways man eat that good good.

[ey****]

Ask. Her.

because women are not the borg and each have different likes and interests.

[Quinny-9308]

The biggest turn on is to ask your gf how you can please her...

[Deleted Member]

Just thought I'd throw in my own experience. Quinny and eyemblacksheep have pretty much hit the nail on the head. I've been in relationships with different girls and while each is a sub and they have some common likes each is different in how they like to experience their fetishes. The best way to start is having an honest discussion. Yes ask her what she likes but rather than putting her on the spot you can start by telling her what you like and she'll feel more able to be open and honest with you. Go online shop for toys, she'll tell you if she thinks something looks fun (the prospect of buying fun new toys and planning what you'll soon do to each other can also be a turn on in itself). Research dom/sub play online, the education and shared experience will strengthen your bond and you'll learn so much about her and yourself.

[ey****]

I guess another point - Superfreaky above has made an assumption that the gf is a sub - and whilst that would probably have been my first instinct - it's still an assumption.  

But - I think Masterkc has put things more eloquently.   Don't just suddenly pull her hair or slap her in cuffs or anything like that - nor suddenly come in with a scary ass cane or flogger.  There will become a point when you know each others interests when something like that would be a great idea.

My wife loves breathe play - but for the love of fuck don't suddenly *** your gf.

But the world of kink is so varied and doing the wrong thing helps neither of you.  The other thing, of course, is to make sure you're happy with your own participation - I've seen couples where one has announced they want to be beaten (for example) and the other has accommodated at first and then found they don't like to see their partner like that.  There will be a lot of learning to do together here which is more than an ambiguous question on an internet forum.

[Shay123]

Hello,

 

Sorry for the delay in reply. My girlfriend is the sub. However I have asked what she likes and get refused to be told apparently it's a turn off her telling me how to have sex. 

 

I know what she likes when we get going. But my problem is actually turning her on. Vanilla ways like kissing her neck or gentle fondling is boring. How would I turn her on ? 

 

Thanks

 

Shay

[ey****]

Buy a violet wand and zap with her

Beat her with a long bullwhip

Tie her down and strap her to a Doxy.

I don't know - she's your girlfriend.

[Superfreaky-4193]

It sounds like she just wants you to surprise her in bed..... just pick something.... it’s most likely the unexpected that will turn her on the most.

[Deleted Member]

you dont ask a sub what she likes! you just know how to do it. learn her body reaction, slap her and tell her she is  a dirty slut and she need to make you hard in 10 seconds

[Deleted Member]

  4 hours ago, FabSeverus said:

you dont ask a sub what she likes! you just know how to do it. learn her body reaction, slap her and tell her she is  a dirty slut and she need to make you hard in 10 seconds

Expand  

How do you know if you don't ask? 

@Shay123  I commend your instinct to ask, that's a fab place to start. If she doesn't want to tell you precisely what to do, then maybe ask her what she fantasies about. It's important for both of you that you know any hard limits though, so you don't do something she really doesn't want.  

[saphy]

I'm trying to put myself in Your girlfriends shoes here....but also with the understanding that what turns us subs on persay, can differ quite dramatically...but considering the subdued and tame approach....

😊prep her for play. 

Lay her down comfortably, (assuming she's naked)...blindfold her, limit her senses so she can attune herself to Your touch then gently and slowly run your hands across her body. This isnt sexual intent. This is relaxing her and allowing her body to yield. Watch carefully for her reactions...her soft moans, her form arching...biting her lip....gripping the sheets...but DO NOT at this point, give her relief. Watch her breathing change and falter....let her NEED You.

From this point You can introduce the tails of a flogger instead of Your hands...stroke her meticulously but controlled. Know where those tails are serving a purpose...run them over her clit and up to her breasts...a gentle twist of the wrist will deliver just enough of a sting that will send her mind into overdrive...

Work Your way up to slipping a hand around her throat...whisper in her ear....above all else.... (personally speaking here btw...) NOTHING turns me on more at this point than being able to decipher and recognise the excitement and hunger in His voice!...those growls are something that sends us subs right over the edge 😈😈

Happy playing!

Ultimately though. As her Dominant other You NEED to make sure she's communicating clearly with You throughout play. Being vigilant in what she likes and what she doesn't. You're a Dominant but quite clearly, You're NOT psychic. 

What with already being in a relationship, one would assume Y/you both had already discussed limits and so forth. If this isn't the case....I'd encourage You to do so. It's a fundamental step of any BDSM relationship and equally a great way of knowing firsthand what's gonna drive her to be insatiable in Your hands and what's gonna instantly turn her off.....but, regardless of everything else, enjoy the intimate time Y/you both share. 😊

Edited October 27, 2018 by saphy