Majority after kinky sexual experiences?

[CopperKnob]

6 hours ago, pinky773 said:

There are also a lot of people on here or other sites that just want you to get to the point. As man you only have a couple of sentences to catch some ones eye. At least these people are getting to the point. I have dealt with so many people that small chat you up then try and scam you. Sometimes better to fail fast

Not true, messages can be as short/long as you want.

[Je****]

Whenever I message people, I usually ask them about their life outside of kink stuff however a lot of the time the message just gets ignored 🤷‍♂️

[ey****]

7 hours ago, pinky773 said:

There are also a lot of people on here or other sites that just want you to get to the point. As man you only have a couple of sentences to catch some ones eye. At least these people are getting to the point. I have dealt with so many people that small chat you up then try and scam you. Sometimes better to fail fast

The kinda problem is their 'getting to the point' is very "I want to do x, y and z" with you and not "I haven't just messaged 100 profiles with the same sh*t, I found you interesting for reasons a, b and c" 

[qu****]

2 hours ago, gemini_man said:

The problem is that a large majority of men (and yes shamefully it *is* mostly men) see "sex site" on sites like this one, and immediately think their wildest fantasies will be lived out, and lose sight of reality and the "norms" of attraction, connection, chemistry, respect and consideration etc and start thinking with their small brain rather than their big one.
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They think because it's a sex site that's all anyone is looking for and that it will be readily on tap - so they send messages full of those wild fantasies (most of which have been derived from porn) in the vain hope of having them fulfilled, forgetting that on the other side is a person, a person who may have their own wants and needs, a person who has the right to say no, and the right to expect respect and consideration and more, and who needs attraction and connection etc.
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Sadly it will always be thus - the only positive is guys that have that attitude are easy to spot and rule out - though seeing the wood for the trees can be tricky at times.

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[qu****]

1 hour ago, AndiBoi said:

I just had a good convo with a female dom. without bringing up anything explicit or asking each other for anything. It was very satisfying to me. I also get a lot of people im my inbox that dont even ask how i am before telling me they want me to do this or that. Its such a turnoff. I do occasionally have some luck and get a message from a gentlemen/lady and it honestly goes a long way. I dont usually send messages first but I would never be so disrespectful!! Im sorry you have to deal with that.

If you ever just want to shoot the breeze my inbox is open!!

Appreciated. ☺️

[sa****]

Oh hell yes. So much better to get to know each other and evolve

[jo****]

I'd love to get to know a dom woman, I'm new to this all and I'm also looking for something long term so getting to know the person on more of a level than just sex is the dream

[Deleted Member]

As a switch looking to explore my submissive side it’s been so hard to find the right dominant partner . Well mostly end up in scams asking for *** and the rest just want immediate submission and don’t know how it works . Really tired of it now but trying to hang on to find the dominant partner

[Deleted Member]

Gonna say that it's a bit of a sweeping statement. Yes, this is a fetish site, but not all of us are just after the one thing. Just like not all of us guys are after the sub/dom thing.
Now, if a woman has on their profile that they're only after no strings or kinky connections, you could pose the question why would someone spend time to get to know them more intimately?
If that's not what someone is looking for, then why not get down to the nitty gritty?

[ge****]

30 minutes ago, southerncharm said:

Gonna say that it's a bit of a sweeping statement. Yes, this is a fetish site, but not all of us are just after the one thing. Just like not all of us guys are after the sub/dom thing.
Now, if a woman has on their profile that they're only after no strings or kinky connections, you could pose the question why would someone spend time to get to know them more intimately?
If that's not what someone is looking for, then why not get down to the nitty gritty?

I think, respectfully, you've missed the point - the OP is not so much talking about how fast people move to meet, more how fast they move to the "nitty gritty" as you put it with initial messages.
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The kind of opening message that goes into graphic detail about what the sender wants to do to someone or have done to them - rather than waiting and establishing a line of conversation first and only then and only if appropriate moving to discuss things more sexually related.
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As a bisexual man I get elements of it - other men contacting me who invariably within 3 messages have tried to move things to a sexual level.
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How soon you move to meet is immaterial, how soon is appropriate to move to discussing sexual fantasies is another matter however, and certainly in an opening message is not it, not for me, or for the majority of women.

[ey****]

38 minutes ago, southerncharm said:

Now, if a woman has on their profile that they're only after no strings or kinky connections, you could pose the question why would someone spend time to get to know them more intimately?
If that's not what someone is looking for, then why not get down to the nitty gritty?

Because NSA does not mean "no standards" nor "I will play with anyone who asks"

and particularly in fetish - NSA does not necessarily equate "I want sex" it can just as easy be "I want casual kink play" which certainly requires at least a little bit trust.

Even sites for hook-up sex, like say Fabswingers, there is still degrees of vetting goes on.  

[ge****]

59 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Even sites for hook-up sex, like say Fabswingers, there is still degrees of vetting goes on.  

Having spent 6 years on Fab I can confirm that all of the "problems" aired on this site are aired there too - and yes while it is more about hook up sex there - the vast majority of women that use the site have a level of vetting and don't automatically jump into bed with just anyone

[or****]

Vetting can only happen if folks talk. My experience is that it doesn't happen. Could be my approach, could be a setting I've set wrong, or any number of other factors. I don't understand how anyone expects to make a connection without replying to their messages. Especially for the folks listed as wanting to make friends! I'm probably third in line for King of Socially Awkward, but I know I have to talk to people to make any kind of connection before even thinking of something more intimate.

[ey****]

23 minutes ago, original703 said:

Vetting can only happen if folks talk. My experience is that it doesn't happen.

Believe it or not.  No. Someone doesn't have to talk to you to vet you.

There are many other threads where women will say some of the things they do to vet people.

Here is a little summary of common things that come up

If you have messaged them, your message is part of the vetting.  Like at it's simplest if she reads your message and goes "not interested" regardless of it's contents, that is vetting.  She doesn't need to reply *just in case*

But, let us say your message is ok - your profile is part of vetting, is that appealing - how long have you been here, how many messages have you sent out - if it's a lot, then it feels like a ***tergun rather than you were actually interested

forum post history becomes part of vetting, hell your activity in general.  This is all basic vetting.

 

[Th****]

I feel the exact same way. Coming at me and immediately expressing all the filthy things you'd like to do to me without even saying hello or asking my name is a 100 percent surefire way to give off Ted Bundy vibes and send me running for the hills. And they REALLY don't like it when you call them out on it. "You're on a kink site! What did you expect?!" What I expect is basic manners and cordiality if you'd like me to respond positively. I make it very clear in my bio that I'm not into f*cking randoms so if that's what you're after you should seek it elsewhere. My bio also states that I'm very shy, so how in the hell would anyone think that's an acceptable way to approach a shy person, no matter where you met them? The things we are here to experience require absolute trust and respect. Those things need to be worked at for the safety and satisfaction of everyone involved. Personally I think approaching someone with that sort of immediate vulgarity and disrespect is a sign of a clueless amateur who needs to rethink their reasons for being here.

[or****]

Talking about a person is different than talking to a person. Just seems like a difficult needle to thread if there's no expectation of conversation, but also getting to know each other is the foundation of any relationship--intimate or otherwise. Certainly, nobody has an obligation to reply to every message, but if it's a demerit against someone sending a lot of messages and that builds into the groupthink that they're just ***tershotting, what are they supposed to do in the absence of replies? Everyone here is here wanting to communicate at some level.

There's no place for the aggressive, creepy, threatening, etc. opening messages I'm sure are out there and it's worth ignoring those if it's not how you want to play. My myopic sense is that the majority of messages don't get a reply, the few replies that come in don't really invite followup, and that's disheartening.

[ey****]

31 minutes ago, original703 said:

There's no place for the aggressive, creepy, threatening, etc. opening messages I'm sure are out there and it's worth ignoring those if it's not how you want to play. My myopic sense is that the majority of messages don't get a reply, the few replies that come in don't really invite followup, and that's disheartening.

there's something which possibly ties a couple of things together in general.  If someone receives a threatening message then it's actually really easy. They may feel distressed, of course, understandably - but - they end the conversation, they block, they report.

Creepy, maybe difficult to report but same, block and ignore.

But; there is no onus to give someone the benefit of the doubt. If someone does not interest you there is ZERO obligation to get involved in a chat waiting for them to get creepy or threatening.

I mean, hell, if you're not interested is even opening up conversation here inadvertently stringing them along.

Like if you're recruiting for a job and you get a CV which is pretty poor and not what you are looking for, you don't waste their time and yours inviting them *in case* they're just bad at writing CVs

But also; we know threatening and creepy is bad and wrong and it's very easy open and closed (though there are already people on this thread defending the overtly creepy)

but there are those who are draining who insist on or push for emotional labour.  The "But I wrote to you, I want you to write and tell me you're not interested", or the "But why not me?" and this is also situations people don't want to be in either.

This seems to have steered into off-topic and the usually "But why don't people reply my messages" instead of the initial point of "why do people feel treating folk like fetish dispensers is appropriate?"

[Deleted Member]

It's interesting... For me, messaging someone else for the first time, I've generally gone for the say what's compelled me to message, say a bit about me, ask a couple of questions to show I've read the profile, and offer to chat approach ... ... cue rolling tumbleweeds and the occasional block. Whatever, I suspect my age and sexual preferences just don't work for most people, and the algorithm is still insisting on trying to match me with straight men whereas I'm into gay men and straight women for the most part.

Having said all that, I actually don't mind if someone wades in with a sexual one-liner; I'm very happy to flirt, though it's nice then to ease into chatting. What bothers me more is two lines into a chat the other person is demanding my phone number and wanting to talk on WhatsApp instead of answering a simple question like, tell me some bands you like.

[Deleted Member]

6 hours ago, MHB225 said:

As a switch looking to explore my submissive side it’s been so hard to find the right dominant partner . Well mostly end up in scams asking for *** and the rest just want immediate submission and don’t know how it works . Really tired of it now but trying to hang on to find the dominant partner

Right with you on that one!!!

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, original703 said:

Vetting can only happen if folks talk. My experience is that it doesn't happen. Could be my approach, could be a setting I've set wrong, or any number of other factors. I don't understand how anyone expects to make a connection without replying to their messages. Especially for the folks listed as wanting to make friends! I'm probably third in line for King of Socially Awkward, but I know I have to talk to people to make any kind of connection before even thinking of something more intimate.

Yes, I feel the same way. I generally try to talk to anyone who messages. I guess the trickiest ones for me are the messages that are just Hi, how r u? What do you say to that other than, ok, ta. You? Even a dick pic gives us something to talk about, even if it's good lord, what did you do to make it that colour?!?!!

[Deleted Member]

5 hours ago, gemini_man said:

I think, respectfully, you've missed the point - the OP is not so much talking about how fast people move to meet, more how fast they move to the "nitty gritty" as you put it with initial messages.
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The kind of opening message that goes into graphic detail about what the sender wants to do to someone or have done to them - rather than waiting and establishing a line of conversation first and only then and only if appropriate moving to discuss things more sexually related.
.
As a bisexual man I get elements of it - other men contacting me who invariably within 3 messages have tried to move things to a sexual level.
.
How soon you move to meet is immaterial, how soon is appropriate to move to discussing sexual fantasies is another matter however, and certainly in an opening message is not it, not for me, or for the majority of women.

I get what you're saying, and yes, it's not how I'd do it. I guess I might give folks the benefit of the doubt seeing as with some pretty cute sights around people are already going to have sex on their minds. Definitely a couple of cute shots on your profile for sure! Maybe we should all tone it down with shots of library shelves and rolling hills instead? 😁

[ge****]

2 hours ago, original703 said:

Talking about a person is different than talking to a person. Just seems like a difficult needle to thread if there's no expectation of conversation, but also getting to know each other is the foundation of any relationship--intimate or otherwise. Certainly, nobody has an obligation to reply to every message, but if it's a demerit against someone sending a lot of messages and that builds into the groupthink that they're just ***tershotting, what are they supposed to do in the absence of replies? Everyone here is here wanting to communicate at some level.

There's no place for the aggressive, creepy, threatening, etc. opening messages I'm sure are out there and it's worth ignoring those if it's not how you want to play. My myopic sense is that the majority of messages don't get a reply, the few replies that come in don't really invite followup, and that's disheartening.

Pretty much all of my messages get a reply to be honest - but then I don't make my aim of using the site meeting people, if that develops out of the interactions I have then it's a very pleasant bonus but it's not my primary focus.
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The key though, whatever your intent, is to make yourself as attractive and appealing to others that you can in an on-line format - I don't necessarily mean physically, though that comes into it of course, but through your interactions with the site, your profile, your forum posts and more - show that you're someone worth knowing not by saying you are, but by your actions.

[Du****]

Omg. Thank you for this! I'm Demisexual so I absolutely have to get to know someone before I am sexually attracted to someone! I was feeling quite isolated by everyone seemingly hooking up on these apps, leaving no room for people like me.

[mi****]

What is demisexual?

[ge****]

4 hours ago, jinxieotk697 said:

I get what you're saying, and yes, it's not how I'd do it. I guess I might give folks the benefit of the doubt seeing as with some pretty cute sights around people are already going to have sex on their minds. Definitely a couple of cute shots on your profile for sure! Maybe we should all tone it down with shots of library shelves and rolling hills instead? 😁

Yes but just because we lay out our stall with our pics and our profile details in a way to attract others - doesn't mean we want to be told from the off precisely what an unknown stranger wants to do to us either.
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Think of it like visiting an Ann Summers shop - you go in, you look at the pretty underwear, and the toys - all of which are overtly sexual, but you don't immediately get naked and playing with the toys and putting the underwear on - you wait for an appropriate time.