Majority after kinky sexual experiences?

[ey****]

1 hour ago, mistressdelightful said:

What is demisexual?

someone who needs an emotional connection with someone to be attracted to them 

[or****]

1 hour ago, mistressdelightful said:

What is demisexual?

As I understand it, a demisexual requires an emotional attraction to feel a sexual or physical attraction. They're not really interested in something short term or hooking up. They want a solid emotional foundation before anything more intimate is possible.

If I'm wrong, please set me straight.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, gemini_man said:

Yes but just because we lay out our stall with our pics and our profile details in a way to attract others - doesn't mean we want to be told from the off precisely what an unknown stranger wants to do to us either.
.
Think of it like visiting an Ann Summers shop - you go in, you look at the pretty underwear, and the toys - all of which are overtly sexual, but you don't immediately get naked and playing with the toys and putting the underwear on - you wait for an appropriate time.

Not completely sure what you mean. Do you mean it's better to say less on a profile and leave people guessing?

[Deleted Member]

20 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

someone who needs an emotional connection with someone to be attracted to them 

Aaaahhhh. So that's what it means! Thanks for explaining that.

[Th****]

6 hours ago, jinxieotk697 said:

It's interesting... For me, messaging someone else for the first time, I've generally gone for the say what's compelled me to message, say a bit about me, ask a couple of questions to show I've read the profile, and offer to chat approach ... ... cue rolling tumbleweeds and the occasional block. Whatever, I suspect my age and sexual preferences just don't work for most people, and the algorithm is still insisting on trying to match me with straight men whereas I'm into gay men and straight women for the most part.

Having said all that, I actually don't mind if someone wades in with a sexual one-liner; I'm very happy to flirt, though it's nice then to ease into chatting. What bothers me more is two lines into a chat the other person is demanding my phone number and wanting to talk on WhatsApp instead of answering a simple question like, tell me some bands you like.

I get a lot of this too. I also get ghosted and shamed a lot because I have a disability. ( Nothing even crazy. My foot is messed up and I walk with a cane. Whoo*** lol) I just had to report 2 people today for that. I too find that the algorithm doesn't always listen to my preferences lol. But as far as opening messages go, there's a difference between being flirtatious and being vulgar, and there are far too many people who cannot distinguish between the two. I find that incredibly disheartening in a community that's supposed to put respect and acceptance first. And demanding your phone number or a conversation elsewhere, or begging for more pics in my opinion just comes off as arrogant and thirsty. And God forbid you say no, that's when the bullying starts. Even if we aren't the majority, there are plenty of people here looking for real connections with people they'd like to share their lives with. I know on my profile I make it very clear what I'm looking for, what I expect, and what I absolutely will not accept. Therefore I see no reason not to call out bad behavior. I won't be blatantly disrespectful, but I will absolutely match energy.

[Th****]

1 hour ago, gemini_man said:

Yes but just because we lay out our stall with our pics and our profile details in a way to attract others - doesn't mean we want to be told from the off precisely what an unknown stranger wants to do to us either.
.
Think of it like visiting an Ann Summers shop - you go in, you look at the pretty underwear, and the toys - all of which are overtly sexual, but you don't immediately get naked and playing with the toys and putting the underwear on - you wait for an appropriate time.

Louder for the people in the back please!! Lol

[OD****]

I really enjoyed this post... you should have attraction with not only a sexual feeling, but mental, emotional, even spiritual.. but to be honest that's too much for some, but that's OK cause then I know who I can and cannot f#$k with. But that's just me!

[mi****]

Yes I down with vib before sex

[ge****]

6 hours ago, jinxieotk697 said:

Not completely sure what you mean. Do you mean it's better to say less on a profile and leave people guessing?

No, I mean quite the opposite - that we should be free to post whatever we like on our profiles but people shouldn't take it as a sign to immediately dive in with crude and vulgar (and worse) messages without actually knowing the person behind the shopfront

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, gemini_man said:

No, I mean quite the opposite - that we should be free to post whatever we like on our profiles but people shouldn't take it as a sign to immediately dive in with crude and vulgar (and worse) messages without actually knowing the person behind the shopfront

Aaah, ok. Cool. Thanks for clarifying! Personally I find at least a bit of description helps when choosing who to reach out to. It makes me a bit nervous when there's just a pic and a couple of lines, what is there to talk about when messaging? Mind you, I can't say my win-a-reply conversion rate is any good, even when carefully reading a bio and reacting to it! Hey ho, keep Tiggering on I guess 😅

[qu****]

17 hours ago, gemini_man said:

Yes but just because we lay out our stall with our pics and our profile details in a way to attract others - doesn't mean we want to be told from the off precisely what an unknown stranger wants to do to us either.
.
Think of it like visiting an Ann Summers shop - you go in, you look at the pretty underwear, and the toys - all of which are overtly sexual, but you don't immediately get naked and playing with the toys and putting the underwear on - you wait for an appropriate time.

Yessss 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[Deleted Member]

Yesterday at 01:59 AM, Skyye_Salvatore said:

I have to say, I’ve met a few guys off of this site. One is just beautiful. I’m a switch new to Domming. He’s young and experienced as a sub to some degree (much more than what I expected!). He’s sweet and shy and not what I’d call a femboy or a sissy. He’s certainly masculine in a lot of ways, which I absolutely love, but very shy, which makes for an amazing time (at least from my perspective as well as his).

We’ve shared 3 scenes together, each escalating a little further. When we’ve gotten together, we’ve conversed and enjoyed casual time. Enough to find a level of both comfort and attraction. I honestly can’t complain. At least not about him or another guy I’ve only met for lunch, but experienced decent chemistry with.

Yes. There have been a fair share of guys that I’ve turned down and visa versa. It is what it is and everyone is free to decline someone who approaches any dynamic distastefully. There are a lot of people I’d consider rather vanilla and just looking for sex on this app. People want sex. This app affords that in all shapes and forms. We still have to vette. Sometimes I feel like I’m conducting a job interview (which honestly doesn’t bother me, btw). I know my kinks and what I want. I certainly want to cut to the chase and figure out if our kinks are compatible before spending time investing in the person. My time is valuable, and I know what I’m looking for. I’m goal-directed in that way. All of the other details can be worked out once compatibility is established. If they suck as a person, I honestly don’t care how sexually/kinkily compatible we are, and usually, by engaging in discussions about our compatibility, I can also get a glimpse of the type of person that are and can derive compatibility from there based on communication, writing tone, patterns of s***ch, grammar, degree of listening and recollecting what I’ve shared with them, fluidity of conversation, degrees of controlling behavior, criticism, disrespectfulness, etc.

All in all, it’s a dating app. We have to vette to find what we’re looking for. Diligence and responsibility is absolutely necessary if we want to find a compatible partner. Yeah. The process can be daunting, but it’s necessary. I really don’t find much of a difference between here and irl. The only thing about here is that people are more willing to be authentic about their character and creepiness right out of the starting gate than they are irl, so in the grand scheme of things, there’s an up-side! 😂

Just keep swimming!

I loved reading this! I do quite like the fact it's really making me try harder to not only think about how to converse, and yes, it is a bit like a job interview! But it's also making me think about what I value most and what's important to me and about me too, which sounds self involved but I think helps figure out who I want to get to know and how we might converse. Like actually yes, taking more time to get to know someone and asking for it. I realised that I prefer the idea of someone knowing me and vice versa; it would surely add to the emotion of the moment if we eventually got to a meet and shared an experience. It's nice to realise I'm still capable of evolving!

[BruiseWayne]

Honestly I've just taken to straight up asking people if they wanna spend time getting to know each other first, skip past all that and get freaky, or a little bit of both, and it's worked surprisingly well.

 

Mind you I do it with a little more finesse and tact than that and I wouldn't recommend everyone trying that approach, but yeah...

[ge****]

3 hours ago, BruiseWayne said:

Honestly I've just taken to straight up asking people if they wanna spend time getting to know each other first, skip past all that and get freaky, or a little bit of both, and it's worked surprisingly well.

 

Mind you I do it with a little more finesse and tact than that and I wouldn't recommend everyone trying that approach, but yeah...

And I applaud you for it - the difference between that approach and the kind of thing the OP is talking about is "choice" - your way gives the recipient the option to pick according to their preference.
.
What the OP is talking about takes that choice away from the recipient and ***s the sender's choice on them.

[BruiseWayne]

3 hours ago, gemini_man said:

And I applaud you for it - the difference between that approach and the kind of thing the OP is talking about is "choice" - your way gives the recipient the option to pick according to their preference.
.
What the OP is talking about takes that choice away from the recipient and ***s the sender's choice on them.

Yeah I mean obviously I'm not implying anyone should dive right in with the thirsty, panting, serial creeper energy either, just adding my experience into the mix.

Edited August 23, 2022 by BruiseWayne

[ch****]

I’m with @gemini_man… I have been on receiving end of inyoface “I want this “. Not cool and EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE. It all starts with comfort trust and by degrees arriving at what works for both (or multiple?) participants. As a male on further side of 50, with wisdom and perspective I can see and understand a Lady’s apprehension and withdrawal when confronted thusly. My apologies to any and all on behalf of my male gender.

[Du****]

Sunday at 11:26 PM, Diggz said:

I can say as a guy on a dating app it feels like there are legions of us often all vying for a lot less women. There can be a sense of trying to get to the point and stand out. If you know the woman has literally hundreds or thousands of messages in her inbox, writing out a massive introduction gets exhausting after a while. Most are never seen. So you end up just cutting to the chase for better or worse. But doesn’t mean we don’t want those other aspects too.

From reading the replies here, it seems “Cutting to the chase” is a sure-fire path to failure. The way to stand out is the opposite - hold back and be polite. It’s reassuring to see so many others agree that a meeting of minds makes for a more satisfying connection.

[Deleted Member]

Very good point! Years ago I was just after kink kink n more kink but I’ve had more that my fair share of pushing my limits and achieving self satisfaction but now I’m bored with it and yearn for some sort of intellectual correspondence of understanding and life outside the box, I crave deep meaningful conversation and open minded views on every aspect of life….but with a humourous adventurous spark…..I dunno perhaps I’m just asking to much 

[co****]

58 minutes ago, BRiii said:

Very good point! Years ago I was just after kink kink n more kink but I’ve had more that my fair share of pushing my limits and achieving self satisfaction but now I’m bored with it and yearn for some sort of intellectual correspondence of understanding and life outside the box, I crave deep meaningful conversation and open minded views on every aspect of life….but with a humourous adventurous spark…..I dunno perhaps I’m just asking to much 

Honestly pretty much the same way

[EmpathicPlay]

It seems that the eagerness of my youth has been replaced by a need for more connection. That's not a bad thing. I derive great pleasure from interesting conversations and getting to know new friends.

[Deleted Member]

This is a cake *and* eat it situation for me. Whilst I don’t condone overtly crass intro messages relating to (questionable?) selfish needs and desires, I do believe in selective anonymous encounters.
Chemistry starts in presence. Before that, we are at the mercy of expectation and imagination which whilst powerful, remain an idea.
The dynamic requires nurture and growth in both physical and mental form. Sometimes it needs (too) much sustenance, other times it becomes self sustaining yet ultimately, the body follows the mind.

[MasterDarcy1979]

I have a profile, a pretty well written and extensive one, if I do say so myself.

If a person can't be bothered reading my profile and reaching me on an emotional level as well as a cerebral level, and instead, cutting to sex and sex related talk... it's a pass from me.

I'm a demisexual, so I require an emotional bond. I'm also a sapiosexual, so intelligence is key.

I've never been into instant gratification.

If a submissive wrote me an explicit initial message I would simply ignore it. Same if a submissive sent me one of those weird new conversation starters things.