The new guy...

[Master0011]

Afternoon fellow kinks.  

I'm an unhappy guy.  

Fair that's a negative way to start, but it's true.  Frustrated and struggling in Wrexham with no outlet.    I've tried the dating scene, and it's been quite successful.  I've met a few girls, even had a few sleep overs.  I just wasn't into it though.  Vanilla can be fun for a quicky but sometimes I need to make an entire day out of it.     None of them were into the things I am.  It's a real struggle meeting a submissive who wants an exclusive long term relationship.  

So, does any one have any advice?  How do I find the girl I need?  How do I approach the subject of BDSM?  How do I make it last? Any thoughts? 

 

[ey****]

there was something in the paper this week which suggested if you already have desires beyond vanilla, it'd be good to raise around the 6th date.

some of that might seem after a while - but by that point it opens up options on if you wish to continue the relationship before things get too deep.  That raising this too quickly can be off-putting - and raising this too late - well - there's a lot of people who raise it late and find their partners aren't interested but have kids or some form of other investment and they neither want to go without kink or without them

another point is to look within BDSM circles - whether there's munches or events in your locality or reasonable travelling distance 

[Deleted Member]

Having come out of a 15 year vanilla relationship in June my advice is be as honest as you can if you meet a non kink inclined person. Like most kink inclined people, kink is an integral part of who I am and not satisfying me in that respect lead to me feeling very empty, amongst other things. I tried and tried for years to get him into kink with no success, so I’d also say don’t hold your breath thinking you can eventually make someone like kink if they’re not into it. I really don’t know how I managed 15 years to be honest. It’s obviously easier chatting to kink inclined people to start with if you’re looking for a LTR, so kink sites like this are obviously better. Though like vanilla sites you’ll find non genuine kinksters and wannabes. I’ve had mixed responses from vanillas I’ve chatted to on non kink dating sites: I’m honest from the beginning as I know that I need to be in kink based relationship when I date.

[LittlePeri]

Im in the same boat. I have dated a lot of vanillas too and it seems no one is ever down for getting kinky and eventually leaves you wanting more.

[Mi****]

I seem to find myself saying this quite a lot but it really is true. If you want to meet kinky people then you have to go where they are and that is kinky events and munches

[ey****]

yep

"I can't find any kinky people"

"Where have you looked"

"I opened my eyes and expected them to fall in my lap"

"Have you tried going out to where these people are?"

"No - insert excuse here"

"Then, just give up...."