My dom asked me to report…

[Th****]

18 hours ago, Rosgasm said:

From a Dom perspective wouldn't find this odd, but of course this level of communication has to be previously agreed (you are also including information about your partner's intimacy). If you or your partner are not comfortable with this, then tell him this is out of limits and should be the end of the story.

Now, to try and answer your question, the rationale behind this can vary and I'll talk from my perspective: Maybe he wants to do some "sex deprivation" games where you can't/shouldn't have any stimulation so when you're with him, you are "starving"... I've done this with poly partners, where if they have sex with their main partners or masturbate, they are punished (also part of the game). But again this should be agreed upon and even if you agreed to it previously, and you're not feeling comfortable with it anymore, then tell him and should be the end of the story.

If he gets pushy, annoyed or angry I'd consider it a serious red flag.

this is not simply an agreement between a dom and a sub, Poly relationships are kept separate unless all involved are agreeable. most dominants would see interference from another dominant in their D/s as unacceptable 

[Deleted Member]

In this kind of situation, I agree with others to keep seperate the two relationships, because this is more bad energy.

[Ro****]

Hope this helps you Ljwlf

FAKE
DOM
1- Try to control Sub's
privacy.
2- Try to Dominate
you right away.
3- Take benefit of
VS your trust.
4- Don't care about
consent, boundaries
& safe words.
5- Make it all about
themselves.
6- Implement their
orders on your life,
work & relation.

Vs

REAL
DOM
1- Respect Sub's
privacy.
2- Invests Time to
know you.
3- Dont want any
benefits from you.
4- Talk to you about
consent, boundaries
& safe words.
5- Knows that its not
all about them
6- Cares about their
subs opinions for life,
work & relationship.

[Deleted Member]

To each one his own. As far as it concerns me, I simply wouldn’t get into a relationship - even less a D/s one - with someone who has another partner, whether married or not. The kind of bonding between d and s can only be exclusive, in my opinion. Note: this is my vision, no intention of pushing it on others. On the other hand, I smile when I read sentences like “don’t judge” etc. Our whole life is made of choices, and choices presume the ability of making (duh?) judgments. One likes fish, the other one prefers meat, you decide, you judge. Sheesh, this freaking “politically correct at all costs” is killing me.

[Th****]

5 hours ago, RopesAndBallgag said:

To each one his own. As far as it concerns me, I simply wouldn’t get into a relationship - even less a D/s one - with someone who has another partner, whether married or not. The kind of bonding between d and s can only be exclusive, in my opinion. Note: this is my vision, no intention of pushing it on others. On the other hand, I smile when I read sentences like “don’t judge” etc. Our whole life is made of choices, and choices presume the ability of making (duh?) judgments. One likes fish, the other one prefers meat, you decide, you judge. Sheesh, this freaking “politically correct at all costs” is killing me.

I fail to see where this comment has any resemblance with the topic, the question is dose the dom have the right to intercede between her husband and herself, and the answer is only if all parties agree before hand, anything else is a breach of trust and protocol.

[Chloebear]

12 hours ago, RopesAndBallgag said:

To each one his own. As far as it concerns me, I simply wouldn’t get into a relationship - even less a D/s one - with someone who has another partner, whether married or not. The kind of bonding between d and s can only be exclusive, in my opinion. Note: this is my vision, no intention of pushing it on others. On the other hand, I smile when I read sentences like “don’t judge” etc. Our whole life is made of choices, and choices presume the ability of making (duh?) judgments. One likes fish, the other one prefers meat, you decide, you judge. Sheesh, this freaking “politically correct at all costs” is killing me.

I think this could be a slight subtlety lost in translation. ‘Judging’ here refers not to making a judgement as in weighing up a decision, but being judgemental- that is to form and state a negative and biased opinion of someone based on your own morals. One is objective, the other subjective, but also usually condemning on a moral basis.

As a community, we aim to avoid moral condemnation, hence, ‘no judgement’ is fair enough to ask for, and it’s also why judgemental answers are called out. It’s not a get out of jail free card though - you could still highlight safety concerns etc, without bringing your personal moral judgement on someone’s choices. It’s nothing to do with being PC IMO.

[Da****]

18 hours ago, RopesAndBallgag said:

To each one his own. As far as it concerns me, I simply wouldn’t get into a relationship - even less a D/s one - with someone who has another partner, whether married or not. The kind of bonding between d and s can only be exclusive, in my opinion. Note: this is my vision, no intention of pushing it on others. On the other hand, I smile when I read sentences like “don’t judge” etc. Our whole life is made of choices, and choices presume the ability of making (duh?) judgments. One likes fish, the other one prefers meat, you decide, you judge. Sheesh, this freaking “politically correct at all costs” is killing me.

As a Dom who has had multiple subs at one time, each of them knowing about the other, I would have to discuss agree with you. I respect your opinion.. but disagree. Each D/s dynamic is different and we get different things from different people

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, Daddy-n-Paddy said:

As a Dom who has had multiple subs at one time, each of them knowing about the other, I would have to discuss agree with you. I respect your opinion.. but disagree. Each D/s dynamic is different and we get different things from different people

Did I write “it’s my vision”? Did I even place a note, stating that I’m not trying to push my opinion on others? Right. Last - superfluous - question: am I entitled to my own opinions? It’s three “yes”. Nobody says that what I write must make everyone happy. And still, I’m entitled to speak my mind. Cheers.

[Da****]

33 minutes ago, RopesAndBallgag said:

Did I write “it’s my vision”? Did I even place a note, stating that I’m not trying to push my opinion on others? Right. Last - superfluous - question: am I entitled to my own opinions? It’s three “yes”. Nobody says that what I write must make everyone happy. And still, I’m entitled to speak my mind. Cheers.

And you you point, I even said I respected your opinion but dis agreed.. not that it was wrong or that you were even pushing it on anyone. We have different opinions and that's ok.. it wasn't personal, just a discussion. I never said you weren't entitled to speak your mind..

[Th****]

45 minutes ago, RopesAndBallgag said:

Did I write “it’s my vision”? Did I even place a note, stating that I’m not trying to push my opinion on others? Right. Last - superfluous - question: am I entitled to my own opinions? It’s three “yes”. Nobody says that what I write must make everyone happy. And still, I’m entitled to speak my mind. Cheers.

I give up, what is the point of people asking for advice, when it just ends up a slag fest about opinions. try re-reading the initial question asked by the OP, and giving a constructive helpful answer, or is that too much to ask.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, TheBodyguard said:

I give up, what is the point of people asking for advice, when it just ends up a slag fest about opinions. try re-reading the initial question asked by the OP, and giving a constructive helpful answer, or is that too much to ask.

Next time I’ll send you my opinion in advance in order to get your approval, before I post a comment… bah

[Da****]

1 minute ago, RopesAndBallgag said:

Next time I’ll send you my opinion in advance in order to get your approval, before I post a comment… bah

Did you even read what I wrote or are you just crying to cry about it..

[Da****]

3 minutes ago, RopesAndBallgag said:

Next time I’ll send you my opinion in advance in order to get your approval, before I post a comment… bah

I was very respectful about you opinion..but you are the one who got all snippy about it...

[Chloebear]

4 hours ago, RopesAndBallgag said:

Next time I’ll send you my opinion in advance in order to get your approval, before I post a comment… bah

Please try to stick to the main points of the OP’s topic, as well as staying friendly - it’s fine to have different opinions, and have a discussion. Don’t disrespect the topic by dissolving it into a tit for tat squabble.

[Da****]

19 minutes ago, Chloebear said:

Please try to stick to the main points of the OP’s topic, as well as staying friendly - it’s fine to have different opinions, and have a discussion. Don’t disrespect the topic by dissolving it into a tit for tat squabble.

Agreed..

[Da****]

My apologies to the thread...for the tit for tat...

[Deleted Member]

Yesterday at 12:21 AM, Daddy-n-Paddy said:

I was very respectful about you opinion..but you are the one who got all snippy about it...

You probably didn’t notice my second comment was not addressed to you. I have read what you wrote and have nothing to say about it. It’s cleared, at least on my part. Cheers

[GspotGuru]

In my 30 years of experience, it is not uncommon for a DOM to negotiate authority and rules over a sub’s masterbation as an extension of orgasm control and can be a protocol. This consent is typically an agreement of what the sub does individually , and any masterbation with someone or directed by someone else beyond the DOM requesting authority must be disclosed, discussed and considered by and with sub if there are other relationships or poly and open agreements pre-existing,   to maintain consent and that can become complicated.  
 

In this scenario, the sub definitely needs to ask for the rationale for reporting on sex with her husband to this DOM and determine if this is a hard limit that  is unnecessarily degrading an established bond and is invasive or something that is agreeable such as in a cuckold relationship. Good questions!
 

[Koby]

Rules needs justification. As a Sub, do not be afraid to seek justification. I always have two questions regarding rules.

What is the purpose/why is it introduced? Who does it benefit? Also think.....where can this lead to?

Sometimes rules are introduced without a clear purpose, sometimes they are insidious and sometimes they have a positive impact. What is important for me and my relationships is harmony between the 'Nilla and kink aspects of my  relationships. One aspects can't impinge on the other. 

For me boundaries are important, it's not for one individual to set the boundaries - it needs to be set bilaterally.

[Deleted Member]

To begin with, BDSM is consensus, we hope that all parties are duly informed of this 3-way relationship, then if so, that the dom orders to have knowledge when you have intimate relations with your husband, if it is agreed by all parties, that's fine, BDSM is easier to explain and understand than you think, you just have to expose the idea with questions like "Have I agreed to it?", "I'm not under duress?", "Can I use the safe word to avoid something that I don't I want and is it a limit? Everything that is not consensual is an ***, if we base on the fact that BDSM is also communication, it is necessary to have discussed all this properly with the parties involved and to have reached a consensus.

-This is my point of view, it is neither the absolute truth nor is it a written rule-