I need help

[NewDaddyDom]

I'm looking for somebody who can help me. My new girlfeiend is into BDSM and she is a submissive. She has several years of experience of being in service.

 

I have years of bad infrequent vanilla sex under my belt and want to try something new.

 

My problem is I'm unsure of my role. I'm often accused of being too nice and not overly assertive. I can be when I want to be, but my general nature is laid back.

 

I had one BDSM experience that I participated in, but it did not go well because it was being done for the wrong reasons.

 

Lastly because of the bad experiences I don't know what my needs or wants are other than wanting to give my girlfriend what she needs.

 

We have to text a lot because we are currently long distance. I feel I'm already having difficulties because she pushes boundaries that I can't reign in on.

 

I want to be a good dom, but I am starting from 1 bad expwriwnce almost a year ago.

 

Please help.

[Charms]

Try watching evie loopine think her name is on youbtube. Aldo whats the safe word. They have grwat infornative vlogs

[Mi****]

You need to read and research as much as possible, there are many good books out there. One that comes to mind is The New Topping Manual.

Long distance relationships are always harder for the new dom but you could try talking with your sub, explain the difficulties you are having and ask do they really want you to take control, if the answer is yes then ask them to give you some leeway while you learn. We were all new once and had to learn the basics, your sub could help you with this

[NewDaddyDom]

On 11/19/2018 at 1:24 AM, Charms said:

Try watching evie loopine think her name is on youbtube. Aldo whats the safe word. They have grwat infornative vlogs

I watched some of her things.  I need to find time to watch more 

[Charms]

36 minutes ago, NewDaddyDom said:

I watched some of her things.  I need to find time to watch more 

Shes really good

[ey****]

needs are two ways.  Over the years there's a couple of common trends I see.

Men : I want my wife/partner to be into BDSM but she says no... help.

Answer : you shouldn't coerce someone into something she doesn't want to do.

also men : my wife/partner wants me to be into BDSM but I'm really not sure this is for me... help.

Answer : see my first example and see how this works on the other foot.

-

If you are interesting in trying then this is to consider that this is not an overnight thing; there's no manual (albeit lots of resources out there) and it will take a lot of time, a lot of emotional investment, a lot of research, potentially a lot of *** (BDSM can be done on a budget, for sure, one of the best tools for many types of the play side of things is your hands... but, toys, clothes, workshops, events, depending on where you explore can be costly)

I'm not trying to put you off, I'm trying to present that this is going to take a lot out of you both.  However, I guess, if it helps if she can also accept you're not going to be the finished product overnight then your current position doesn't matter as this is a journey you can do together.

So, take that as reassurance.

But, because of everything you do need to put into this - it is good to consider if you do, ultimately, want the end point. 

[NewDaddyDom]

37 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

needs are two ways.  Over the years there's a couple of common trends I see.

Men : I want my wife/partner to be into BDSM but she says no... help.

Answer : you shouldn't coerce someone into something she doesn't want to do.

also men : my wife/partner wants me to be into BDSM but I'm really not sure this is for me... help.

Answer : see my first example and see how this works on the other foot.

-

If you are interesting in trying then this is to consider that this is not an overnight thing; there's no manual (albeit lots of resources out there) and it will take a lot of time, a lot of emotional investment, a lot of research, potentially a lot of *** (BDSM can be done on a budget, for sure, one of the best tools for many types of the play side of things is your hands... but, toys, clothes, workshops, events, depending on where you explore can be costly)

I'm not trying to put you off, I'm trying to present that this is going to take a lot out of you both.  However, I guess, if it helps if she can also accept you're not going to be the finished product overnight then your current position doesn't matter as this is a journey you can do together.

So, take that as reassurance.

But, because of everything you do need to put into this - it is good to consider if you do, ultimately, want the end point. 

Thank you for this. This isn't something I'm just toying with.  It's somerhing I'm interested in.  She just has more experience than I.  Every relationship for her vs 1 night.  It's a little intimidating.  I appreciate your answer.

[ey****]

brill - well if this is definitely something you're interested in then you know which parts of the above to ignore ;) If she has more experience she can hopefully also appreciate things may take a while, but there's a lot you can learn also from her as in where might first be worth exploring :)

[Deleted Member]

Why am experienced sub would take on someone who doesn’t have a clue what to do? 

Not being rude but I am just puzzled by that one? She’s your girlfriend but she live long distance ? 

[ey****]

I can understand an experienced person taking on someone inexperienced, albeit a little less so over distance.