Help me…

[Herbrat]

My wife has a dark side. She has been into bdsm for years (she’s 56 I’m 37). But I’m struggling to get her to open up to me. She said she “hung up her dark” to be w me…but I want to experience this…idk what to do. It’s very frustrating. We’ve been together almost 6 years married 4 and we have a 3 year old daughter. Our sex life is suffering and it’s weighing down our marriage because of it.  

[Deleted Member]

Communication. You have to talk to her, be 100 percent honest about how you are feeling, what you want, what you need. And you may find that she isn’t wanting to go back. You may need to talk about being in an open relationship, whatever the case, you need to communicate and have an honest, open conversation about your needs, wants be her needs and wants.

[ey****]

I'd strongly suspect this ended negatively for her - and - for some people introducing kink into a relationship *can* do more harm than good and she might be afraid of that.

It might be worth an angle of asking her why she doesn't want to do this again, that you do, and what her reservations would be 

[sh****]

If you love your wife and she loves you you sit there and talk to her and tell her how you really really feel and if she loves you she will do something about it just be very very honest with her and respect her

[Herbrat]

Thank you guys. I’ve been trying to talk to her. She’s opened up a bit about it but she says “it’s not a here and there thing. It’s a lifestyle.” She treats me like a queen I’m VERY spoiled and I have no qualms about that, but I’m a very independent person raised three kids alone for 8 years after their father passed away and I’m a dominant personality in the real world (I’m a management nurse one step down from the building director) and ve always had that personality. She frequently refers to me as a Brat and I’m ok with that. But I feel like she only sees the dom/sub thing as one black or white thing. There’s no grey area. Is that true?

[ey****]

I think there is more in general than how she appears to see things

BUT

that doesn't mean she wouldn't be happy there.  Which is fair.

 

[ma****]

12 hours ago, Herbrat said:

Thank you guys. I’ve been trying to talk to her. She’s opened up a bit about it but she says “it’s not a here and there thing. It’s a lifestyle.” She treats me like a queen I’m VERY spoiled and I have no qualms about that, but I’m a very independent person raised three kids alone for 8 years after their father passed away and I’m a dominant personality in the real world (I’m a management nurse one step down from the building director) and ve always had that personality. She frequently refers to me as a Brat and I’m ok with that. But I feel like she only sees the dom/sub thing as one black or white thing. There’s no grey area. Is that true?

I see the Dom/sub dynamics as just black and white... as a lifestyle (not kink or sex, as many confuses these). She is right to feel/see that way too. Being a Dom and sub is about power exchange. What is her role?

[so****]

"hung up her dark" hopefully means innocent BDSM & not anything more concerning. My best friend got caught up with a "pro-domme" who quit doing her findom shit to have a family with him. Only for her to go absolutely bat shit off the rails crazy 3 years later, ultimately abandoning & leaving both him AND their 2 kids. I help him out all I can but she completely destroyed him & his faith in women. Now he's the single father of 2 little girls, & an empty shell of his former self. I use this as a cautionary tale. Be careful of who you date & marry. Be even more careful of who you have kids with. I hope your situation isn't this bad, but I have a good understanding of what can go wrong. Good luck & be safe🌹

[Herbrat]

11 hours ago, maryioni said:

I see the Dom/sub dynamics as just black and white... as a lifestyle (not kink or sex, as many confuses these). She is right to feel/see that way too. Being a Dom and sub is about power exchange. What is her role?

She would be dom. But she feels I can’t handle it.

[Herbrat]

9 hours ago, sonofthunder777 said:

"hung up her dark" hopefully means innocent BDSM & not anything more concerning. My best friend got caught up with a "pro-domme" who quit doing her findom shit to have a family with him. Only for her to go absolutely bat shit off the rails crazy 3 years later, ultimately abandoning & leaving both him AND their 2 kids. I help him out all I can but she completely destroyed him & his faith in women. Now he's the single father of 2 little girls, & an empty shell of his former self. I use this as a cautionary tale. Be careful of who you date & marry. Be even more careful of who you have kids with. I hope your situation isn't this bad, but I have a good understanding of what can go wrong. Good luck & be safe🌹

That’s horrible. For us she def has unmet needs she isn’t saying and it shows at times which is what has caused some of our issues :(

[ma****]

8 hours ago, Herbrat said:

She would be dom. But she feels I can’t handle it.

Why does she feel like you can't handle it? What is her reasoning?

[Herbrat]

5 hours ago, maryioni said:

Why does she feel like you can't handle it? What is her reasoning?

This was her response “You didn't understand the roles. Or my position I should say. It's easier to leave the dark than to get someone to understand or live it”

[Deleted Member]

Well sounds like you are trying to learn so I guess that’s good. I know for me, I often kind of go in and out of the lifestyle sometimes. I’m sure having a kid can do that.

Keep learning and don’t give up … that said don’t push her ….

[sh****]

Just tell your wife how you feel and don't be afraid to tell her because you should be able to tell your partner anything and everything unconditionally I'm willingly and if she can't help you

[wildfire810]

Get on your knees and be thankful for such an amazing woman x embrace the dark xx

[Herbrat]

3 hours ago, wildfire810 said:

Get on your knees and be thankful for such an amazing woman x embrace the dark xx

I’m trying..:she’s the one struggles with it….

[Ri****]

First question before advice. Is she a Dom, Sub or Switch?

[Slavedave79]

Im new to bdsm and need know little more need some help