Sire_Osiris Posted October 19, 2022 Posted October 19, 2022 I've been in the lifestyle for years. I discovered this lifestyle and was fortunate to learn through the attention and care of some well meaning people. As I get to know others I find so many people who lack social skills. So little charm, lacking etiquette or repulsive demeanor tend to be common characteristics of a great number of folks. I chalk it up to just social conditioning as some people never learned manners. Now how does this relate to being Dominant? One aspect of being dominant is being assertive. Which brings me to the point. I have noticed time and time again that some of the rudest people I know describe themselves as assertive. But after a few years in the corporate world and after many more years in the military, I've met some amazing leaders who are very assertive but so few of them are rude. Being a Dom requires being assertive, but being assertive does not mean being rude. So to all you rude people who lack social grace, I say please know that being rude is not a characteristic of being assertive. Being rude is just an abrasive way to rub people the wrong way. Thanks for reading.
ge**** Posted October 19, 2022 Posted October 19, 2022 Whilst I agree with what you are saying in very general terms, I do think that often on sites like this rudeness can be a very subjective thing and often people are called out as being rude simply for offering up a different opinion, or challenging what someone else has said - in those instances it's not rudeness, nor is it a display of assertiveness, it's simply a different view. . You've not provided any examples of the specifics to which you are referring, so it's difficult to comment further, but as I said in very high level generalised terms I agree that rudeness does not equal assertiveness - but do think it important to distinguish what is actually rudeness and what is a different opinion.
DeviantInside Posted October 19, 2022 Posted October 19, 2022 Whilst, as gemini_man states, perception of rudeness can be subjective, I do agree with this in principle. In fact I deal with this semi regularly professionally, helping people with confidence and assertiveness; that assertive does not equate to aggressive, loud or overbearing. It’s the same for being dominant. I have always said that Dominance isn’t making someone submit, it’s making them want to submit to you. By being that person and earning it.
Submissy Posted October 19, 2022 Posted October 19, 2022 Fair play. Being assertive as a dom is a pretty natural trait as to me you Kind of have to be If I'm giving up my control to you. And as a whole I don't know if covid had a play in the axiety of socialising issues but I too suffer with communication issues so it's helpful to have an assertive person to push you in the right direction.
DeviantInside Posted October 19, 2022 Posted October 19, 2022 6 minutes ago, Submissy said: Fair play. Being assertive as a dom is a pretty natural trait as to me you Kind of have to be If I'm giving up my control to you. And as a whole I don't know if covid had a play in the axiety of socialising issues but I too suffer with communication issues so it's helpful to have an assertive person to push you in the right direction. Again speaking professionally covid/lockdown and a whole host of other recent things had a massive impact on anxiety. Though I agree that assertiveness by and large goes hand in hand with Doninance (I’m sure there are exceptions, because… well, there’s always exceptions and people work in infinitely different, weird and wonderful ways). But how that assertiveness manifests can be in a myriad of ways… but you can be assertive without being rude or aggressive.
Deleted Member Posted October 19, 2022 Posted October 19, 2022 People being rude is subjective to things like your morals & values & what you interperate as being rude, may not be interperated by others as being rude & often pecieving someone as rude is placing your values upon them & expecting them to abide by your values & your definition of rudeness
Sire_Osiris Posted October 19, 2022 Author Posted October 19, 2022 Thank you for all the comments. I appreciate them all thus far.
Deleted Member Posted October 20, 2022 Posted October 20, 2022 Agree, let's also include the female half of the population in this discussion because they are no stranger to this attitude either
ma**** Posted October 30, 2022 Posted October 30, 2022 Are you saying that you have found people in the lifestyle to be particularly rude? Also, some examples would be helpful.
Deleted Member Posted October 30, 2022 Posted October 30, 2022 An assertive person has the ability to listen, hear new ideas, make new life changes upon new information. A rude person doesn’t listen and is often more argumentative - unfortunately more often than not I come in contact with the second group. Disclaimer at points in my life I have fallen in the second group but have made changes as per the first, so hopefully I have improved as a human being
Koby Posted October 31, 2022 Posted October 31, 2022 I think there is clear difference between rudeness via assertiveness and just being assertiveness. Foisting your Dominance (via being assertive) on someone is rude, this is more to do with the ego and the belief your title gives you the freedom to treat all subs as your subordinate.
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