Communication 101. Back to the basics

[Deleted Member]

4 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

it's a fairly weak argument

how often have you seen anyone standing in the middle of the street holding up a sign stating this?  

LoL, I did not mean it literally...

[do****]

1 hour ago, Banger-Mash69 said:

No, they need not reply. But if you walked up to someone in the street and said " Hello, how are you?" And they just ignored you, how would you feel ? I will leave that there.

I understand what you're saying but it's a different situation. You're looking st apple's and dragon fruit. Yes they're both ways to communicate but one it's a direct person to person, and the other you're at a crowded bar trying to use hand signals to talk to someone across the bar that you see. Like I said I understand but I think you just need to look at it from a different view than in-person interactions.

[do****]

11 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

it's a fairly weak argument

how often have you seen anyone standing in the middle of the street holding up a sign stating this?  

I'm just picturing the physical embodiment of the internet on the streets with signs "dom looking for sub" "do you need a daddy" "brats wanted" 🤣 they'd be more prevalent than the homeless in NYC

[Cu****]

I just found this site after some horror shows on a different app filled with Snapchat/google chat financial dommes. I enjoy the more personal dynamic here in my early experience but I do have one frustration relating to the recent discussions from the other side. I had an early match with a seemingly experienced and attractive localish domme who I messaged and introduced myself and what I was doing here. Instant unmatch. This advice goes both ways and I would have much appreciated a simple no thanks and/or some reasoning why I was unappealing to that domme. I will certainly live, haha. Was just a bit rude in my opinion. I was under the impression that this is a pretty welcoming environment/lifestyle. One encounter certainly does not indict the environment/app/lifestyle. We are all different people, etc. Just wanted to share for others who maybe had the same experience but it affected them more emotionally.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Banger-Mash69 said:

I want to end my participation by saying; If someone stood in the street with a sign stating: Looking for friends , long term relationship etc, and I walked over to say hi and they point blank ignored me, I would take it personally. Possibly good old fashioned manners don't matter anymore. But this is just my personal opinion.

But we are not here standing with a sign waiting for you (and hundreds others). We have LIVES. Maybe you don't realise how many texts we get, especially when a profile is new, we are talking hundreds. If I had to reply to each one, I would do that 24/7. No, you are not owed our time. Our time belongs to us.

[PJ****]

50 minutes ago, doggydaddy said:

I'm just picturing the physical embodiment of the internet on the streets with signs "dom looking for sub" "do you need a daddy" "brats wanted" 🤣 they'd be more prevalent than the homeless in NYC

I'm trying this next time I go into town 😂😂 'where's the subs at!' #domlife 😂 I probably definitely wont get arrested.. probably 🤔😂

[Keelow]

Honorifics is a big hotbed of discussion especially being misused in attempt to drum up views ,shares or interaction of any type ....inturn triggering half of the internet...

[Se****]

3 hours ago, Banger-Mash69 said:

No, they need not reply. But if you walked up to someone in the street and said " Hello, how are you?" And they just ignored you, how would you feel ? I will leave that there.

Depending on my mood and the “look” of them (and by that I don’t mean if I’m attracted to them) I may mumble hi and continue what I was doing or completely ignore them - I think I would find it odd for a complete stranger to walk up and speak to me in the street. And I have most definitely ignored people irl who have “tried it on” in bars etc. 

But, and here’s the crucial thing, online and irl are 2 very different things. If you need further clarification about lots of peoples opinions on this see a (big) thread I posted about this earlier this year. 

[CopperKnob]

1 hour ago, PJ3000 said:

I'm trying this next time I go into town 😂😂 'where's the subs at!' #domlife 😂 I probably definitely wont get arrested.. probably 🤔😂

I heard you did do this and that's how you and @Gemini_man met culminating in you offering to collar him with your spangly recently 🤷‍♀️🤣

[ey****]

to tie some of the above bits on communication

and a 101 in itself

different mediums have different forms of ways of communicating

a phone call you can hear someone's tone of voice and can have spontaneous responses

in person you can observe their appearance and body language

some online chats is short and to the point

DMs have more time to think over

but a lot of on-screen text lacks the tone and body language so how it is interpreted there is less control

the "rules" in a in-person situation differ widely to other mediums 

and that's a general rule to kinda everything communication wise

--

using an example above - there is kinda a reason why people don't stand on the street with a sign saying "I am looking to date" and partially, if this was a guy a lot of people would eyeroll - although it would probably garn attention even if didn't end in a date.  But to be honest if some lady comes him to him and goes "OK then" and they go for lunch and she decide that's it - would she then be accused of just taking a lunch? People would say it was taking advantage of someone clearly lonely!  And so to that degree it creates a form of entrapment

if on the other hand - it was a woman stood on a street with a sign saying she was looking to date.  You can be fairly sure she'd get a lot of attention.  But what is she supposed to do?  Say yes to everyone to "give them a chance?" or the first person to say hi?   But equally while she has some comfort of being in a public space - if a guy comes up to her and she says "no" and he won't take a "no" for an answer - "while why you out here with a sign if you won't date me?" and the whole "give me a chance" and any form of accusations it's not a safe and pleasant environment.

Compared to an online dating site where you.... can simply.... not respond.  It's a different game.    

[PJ****]

15 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

I heard you did do this and that's how you and @Gemini_man met culminating in you offering to collar him with your spangly recently 🤷‍♀️🤣

You really must learn to differentiate reality from your fantasies 😜 and besides.. i was just being nice because I fancied making another collar... but he obviously doesn't want my spangly 😂😭

[CopperKnob]

6 minutes ago, PJ3000 said:

You really must learn to differentiate reality from your fantasies 😜 and besides.. i was just being nice because I fancied making another collar... but he obviously doesn't want my spangly 😂😭

See, my point is proven, Sadists ARE really softies with huge emotions just hiding behind a hard tough exterior

[Ar****]

5 hours ago, Banger-Mash69 said:

No, they need not reply. But if you walked up to someone in the street and said " Hello, how are you?" And they just ignored you, how would you feel ? I will leave that there.

i) Why would I walk up to a stranger in the street and say that?

ii) If someone did that to me, you can bet your ass that I'd - probably - ignore the weirdo with no sense of boundaries.

[TheSpicyCleaner]

I will admit I do try to reply to every message, simply out of politeness. I thank them for the message and either engage in conversation or ask if they noticed certain parts of my profile. 

However

I have at times wished I simply blocked them to begin with. 

I've had all sorts of horrible messages and occasionally need to step back and know it's a "them" problem not a "me" problem. 

[ch****]

I’ve had this happen alot in the few days I’ve had this app. I’ve politely told them I wouldn’t use honorifics since I didn’t know them and they got rude and demanded it or called me rude names so I had to block them

[Su****]

7 hours ago, Banger-Mash69 said:

I agree. I guess we could go around in circles all day about this, I think when profiles are written the author understands what they are writing, the reader may however misunderstand. Or crucial information omitted, such as age preference etc. End of the day, I think just simple manners in general are what is missing.

Someone else used this analogy and I will just reiterate it, just because I have a mailing address doesn’t mean that I respond to all mail I receive, such as the local estate agents, I don’t drop them a letter back saying, thanks for the leaflet, yes I do have a letterbox and I do own a home, but I’m not looking for your services right now…..

 

[Su****]

And in response to the actual topic started…..don’t message with an opener of ‘do you have a handler?’

That is one of the opening messages I have received today. Not the most offensive ever, by a long shot but still, not the greatest chance of getting a response 🤣🤣

 

[PJ****]

4 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

See, my point is proven, Sadists ARE really softies with huge emotions just hiding behind a hard tough exterior

No need for insults, jealousy does not become you 😉

[Deleted Member]

I was accused of being "scary" because a man crossed my boundaries and I corrected him. I always try to be polite and considerate even when I have to assert myself. So I think a BIG red flag is when folks don't take ownership of their behavior. I'm allowed to say "no" without being ridiculed/shamed.

[thatmauiguy]

11 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

it's a fairly weak argument

how often have you seen anyone standing in the middle of the street holding up a sign stating this?  

How do you go from hearing an example of the mans (@Banger-Mash69) point~
'If you say hi to sum1s face and they ignore you its rude was the point but how do go from the example given to asking about people in the street? you dont follow the conversation to know there was absolutely nothing literal about it to asking how often ppl stand in the street.
What?
You alright man?
Need some water or something?
Or you just like to argue?

Or...
Um... Ya...
Anyway,

It is a very valid and real point.. But maybe only people with manners see it that way..

[ey****]

4 hours ago, thatmauiguy said:

It is a very valid and real point.. But maybe only people with manners see it that way..

I think you were only being selective in what you read

He had a post about someone standing with a sign in the middle of the street - and that was what I was referencing.

I also had a point in another post about the difference in communication via different mediums.

But equally - if you are in the street and a stranger says "Hi" then most humans are going to stop to say hello, for sure.  I say 'most' a lot is in the context here - we as men are most often going to be stopped in the street if someone is asking the time, directions, or for change - we're unlikely to be sat next to be guy who we find threatening who is hitting on us and won't take "leave me alone" for an answer.

But still.  The whole "it's manners to reply to messages" discourse is tired.  It's not. It's entitlement it's, "you owe me a response else I'm going to label as you as rude" - even if someone is on a dating site, even if someone is marked as single as looking.  Every night you come home you're hungry and want something to eat - but if you get home and there's a pizza menu on your mat then hey, you're hungry - there's a pizza menu - and hey, you might want pizza so you give them a call - but you know, you might just put it in the cupboard for when you're in the mood.  You might put it straight in the bin without reading - what you wouldn't do is phone the pizza shop and say "Hey, thanks for the menu - but I don't want pizza" cos that would be absurd!  

When someone doesn't reply your message then either their busy right now, and have put you in the cupboard for later - or - you are the pizza menu they put in the bin cos they're not interested and that's all it needs.

[ey****]

to head back on topic and get some actual advice and etiquette

- Particularly online there is no tone, so something you think you're saying in a certain way might not be picked up that way

- Before posting a new thread. do a little search to see if anything similar has been discussed recently

- if someone asks a question on a forum, answer on the forum - do not either DM them or ask them to DM you.  They've asked for answers publicly and so require them publicly.  This is also a way where others can scrutinise your answers

- It's easier to DM someone you have rapport with on the forums or in chat - you already have something to talk about.  

- If DMing someone who is a stranger, that you're going in cold : a lot of short messages often come across like they're lazy, or sent to everyone, rather than you're actually interested in them.  Longer messages can be overly tiring to read (and a lot of effort on your part) - the best advice is to keep messages like this brief, but make it count.

- Men generally have different standards to women.  A lot of this comes from different experiences.  Just because you would accept a certain message as means of contact, doesn't mean everyone else would

- Non-Response should be treat as a "not interested" - it also may mean "I am busy right now, I will reply later", or "I need to think about this" 

- Equally, ugh, how to phrase this.  Someone who says 'no' today might not always be a no.  And when I say how to phrase this I don't mean neg people, or persist, or try to change someone's mind.  Or put yourself through false hope.  But if you disrespect the no, it will definitely always be a no.

- In a disagreement, there's a big difference between attacking someone's views or comments and attacking the person.  (though, there are those will try to goad you into attacking them as a person - say, using inflammatory language) 

- it is usually a little better to listen to those who are getting the results you want, than to mope with those who are not

- In discussions : remember someone who is 25 with 5 years experience may have more to add then someone who is 52 with 2 years experience.

 

[Ki****]

What is a good book to read on communication I’m always looking for something to read more about so I can learn Termanology in the proper way to live this lifestyle

[do****]

50 minutes ago, Mistresskimber469ing said:

What is a good book to read on communication I’m always looking for something to read more about so I can learn Termanology in the proper way to live this lifestyle

Favorite communication books (from a marketing professional so take it with a grain of salt)..... likenomics by rohit bhargava.....the culture map by erin meyer.....12 rules for life by jordan peterson

[thatmauiguy]

14 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I think you were only being selective in what you read

He had a post about someone standing with a sign in the middle of the street - and that was what I was referencing.

I also had a point in another post about the difference in communication via different mediums.

But equally - if you are in the street and a stranger says "Hi" then most humans are going to stop to say hello, for sure.  I say 'most' a lot is in the context here - we as men are most often going to be stopped in the street if someone is asking the time, directions, or for change - we're unlikely to be sat next to be guy who we find threatening who is hitting on us and won't take "leave me alone" for an answer.

But still.  The whole "it's manners to reply to messages" discourse is tired.  It's not. It's entitlement it's, "you owe me a response else I'm going to label as you as rude" - even if someone is on a dating site, even if someone is marked as single as looking.  Every night you come home you're hungry and want something to eat - but if you get home and there's a pizza menu on your mat then hey, you're hungry - there's a pizza menu - and hey, you might want pizza so you give them a call - but you know, you might just put it in the cupboard for when you're in the mood.  You might put it straight in the bin without reading - what you wouldn't do is phone the pizza shop and say "Hey, thanks for the menu - but I don't want pizza" cos that would be absurd!  

When someone doesn't reply your message then either their busy right now, and have put you in the cupboard for later - or - you are the pizza menu they put in the bin cos they're not interested and that's all it needs.

Appreciate the input and the discussion... Thanks... I see both sides and as far as politeness goes its still the internet where a msg has no physical presence. Some people try to be polite as commented above👆@thespicycleaner.
Some people get way too many msgs to even try.