Confused need advice...

[Deleted Member]

Not sure how to put this in words but i met this person at my uni we started chatting (only about acedmic stuff) and i started catching feeling for her therefore i confessed and we agreed on going out...BUT whenever i text her she doesnt reply all the time and sometimes her text are super dry and short but when i talk to her face to face she seems normal and intrested in me. Im confused if shes into me or not?

[ey****]

the fact things seem fine in a face to face setting suggests things are ok

that she isn't replying your messages, or is slow, or are short could be 100 different reasons - and one big problem in modern society is the notion people have to always be available.  Happen she is just busy or doesn't like using text to communicate.  Remember there's no tone in text messages.

[ch****]

If she likes you, she will respond immediately (when she has time) and will probably apologise for the late reply. You will know when a girl is interested in you. There's no secret.

It sounds like she's keeping her options open. Message me if you need more help.

Cheers.

[cj****]

Sounds like you’re coming on waaaaay too strong, you’ve mentioned you’ve caught feelings… doesn’t mean she has feelings, or even feels the same way as you do about her. You see eachother I’d assume most days due to what? maybe being in the same lectures? She might see you as a friend and the texts are suffocating “if constant” (I guess at constant) as you’ve already shown concern that she’s not messaging you back right away or giving as much detail or attention to the replies (which is another sign that she might not be into you the way you are with her).

Am just going off what you’ve wrote, but you confessed and you went out, what if she “felt” like she had to, but didn’t really want to? Go out that it is? The lack of texting could be linked to her just not being into you like you are with her. Tough, but not everyone is meant for eachother. If it’s meant to be, it’ll develop in its own time and not when rushed or pressured

[PR****]

She’s just looking for something casual. Her being “normal and interested” while face to face says she interested in you. She’s just keeping emotional energy for other projects and people. I wouldn’t stress it too much. Just plan the next date on current dates, and don’t spend emotional energy on texts.

[Ja****]

Yea communicating through text can be tricky. Some people really just don’t spend a lot of time texting and might just hit you with a “totally” or “sounds good” and we can interpret that as they’re over it and we’re bugging them. Really they just might not like texting, or like the above comment says, they may be short on time. I’ve had to remind myself of this in these situations.

[Da****]

Texting for some people can be very impersonal and we as the reader put our own interpretation on what is typed. We read into things that may ot may not be there. To me the face to face is way more important...

[Qw****]

Honestly, I would tell her what you said above and just straight up ask her if she’s interested. Nothing wrong with being direct! You don’t deserve to be strung along if she is in fact not interested.

[Deleted Member]

You are stringing yourself along just ask her directly, get your answer and move on.

[ge****]

There's a heck of a lot of sweeping assumptions in some of the responses here OP.
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Simple truth is she's agreed to go out with you - if the *only* concern is her responses via text then I'd disregard it, as others have said some people just aren't that into or comfortable with text interactions - one of my best friends of 20 odd years is very limited when it comes to text conversations and things are kept to short and straight answers to whatever is being discussed, in person it's totally different - and he's not the only one.
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Try not to stress it if that's really is your only concern - focus on the time spent in the real world and try not to worry about how she interacts in the virtual one.

[An****]

Leave bait but don’t throw all your bait at her. Girls want what they can’t have (I think)

[Zela]

You can make all kinds of assumptions but at the end of the day, you won’t know until you flat out ask her and you talk about your feelings and establish what kind of relationship you both want.

[Deleted Member]

Mate, some people are interested but they do not want that to get into their personal space. I would wait for several dates and observe, most likely you will understand how she communicates. Do not forget that women are bombarded by attention from us. It doesn't happen the other way round. Be yourself, throw away that self doubt and enjoy the moments you have with her.

[Ow****]

Give up on the texting, other than replying if she texts you. Text is a really bad way of communicating tone or humour and often open to misinterpretation.

[Ma****]

She might not be a texting person. Don't chase don't message her for one day and see if she messages. But don't rush don't push it's unattractive

[ey****]

the other day I ended up upsetting a friend and - basically she started messaging me and... in one of my first messages I did mention I was both (a) at work (b) very busy at work
However of course, she was messaging me - and - being a friend - I wanted to try to respond : but she then got ***y that I was being quite short and blunt and lacking tone.

Truth of the matter was - I was busy but wanted to reply.  Perhaps the best thing would have been for me NOT to reply until I was less busy - but then that would have probably been into the evening, or even the next day, which *had I done that* would have been going long periods without responding

 

I think a problem with text messages, DMs, etc. is we often confuse someone as being online, or read message, or whatever as being presently available

[Deleted Member]

If you want to know how she feels about you, then set up an exact date and time for a meeting. If she likes you then she will let you know the exact time, even 1 month ahead if she is so busy. If she says she does not know, then give her about 2/3 weeks time. Ask her again. If she does the same things, then let her go. If this happens, she does not have the same feelings, and used "busy" to gently distance herself from you. Remember, it's not her fault if shes does not have the same feelings, and don't take it as a rejection either. Why? This is about nature, and nobody can do anything about this.

[Li****]

4 hours ago, kiseu said:

If you want to know how she feels about you, then set up an exact date and time for a meeting. If she likes you then she will let you know the exact time, even 1 month ahead if she is so busy. If she says she does not know, then give her about 2/3 weeks time. Ask her again. If she does the same things, then let her go. If this happens, she does not have the same feelings, and used "busy" to gently distance herself from you. Remember, it's not her fault if shes does not have the same feelings, and don't take it as a rejection either. Why? This is about nature, and nobody can do anything about this.

Top response.
People love to assume the worst.

OP- Reality is, not everyone has the availability, even want to text, video call and so on.
This doesn't make her a bad or leading on person for one minute if she genuinely is busy and/or not much of a texter.
I myself hate texting all of the time, feel very awkward with videocalls and voice notes but I'm totally different in real life! There's many, many reasons a person can come across short, I'd not think much into it. If you assume or are worried/anxious she's off, sometimes it's best to ask, instead of assume. Asking nicely/respectfully is important. Tone and accusing words may just bring a defensive response.
Hope this helps.🤞🏼

[Deleted Member]

Some people find communication is easy in person then text

[xc****]

any updates, OP? so curious to know what happened after this

[Deleted Member]

Sunday at 07:04 PM, cacoethes said:

any updates, OP? so curious to know what happened after this

So heres an update i went out with this person today and i kind of felt used altho it can also be a miss understanding but here what happened at the time if the meeting she texted she was already at starbucks with a family member after that she came to meet me and we just explored the city center after 2 hours she then tells me she have to meet up with this family member again and go pick up his brother from school...so i kind of felt like she only hang out with me cos she had free time slot and didnt knew what to do as she was already with this person(also if its not clear the family person wasnt with us all the time it was just me and her) i also tried to ask her if i could hold her hand while walkimg and her reply was a "no and she explained shes not a touchy person" which i respect some people are built that way lol.
Let me know what u guys think

[xc****]

aw, that’s a bummer to hear.. it kinda sounds that way. there could be some truth to not being a touchy feely person but if the feelings were there from
her side, i would think she would “want” to touch you in some way shape or form. i would let this one go and put effort elsewhere..

[ey****]

it feels a little that whatever the truth of this matter is - she is not the one for you

so for example you were deeply unhappy to how she responds to texts.

and she made/had some time to meet you in her free time and you're already finding ways to feel like this wasn't how you wanted it

I don't necessarily think she is doing anything wrong; but you're not happy here so - time to move on

 

[ge****]

8 hours ago, fife685 said:

So heres an update i went out with this person today and i kind of felt used altho it can also be a miss understanding but here what happened at the time if the meeting she texted she was already at starbucks with a family member after that she came to meet me and we just explored the city center after 2 hours she then tells me she have to meet up with this family member again and go pick up his brother from school...so i kind of felt like she only hang out with me cos she had free time slot and didnt knew what to do as she was already with this person(also if its not clear the family person wasnt with us all the time it was just me and her) i also tried to ask her if i could hold her hand while walkimg and her reply was a "no and she explained shes not a touchy person" which i respect some people are built that way lol.
Let me know what u guys think

It's very true some people aren't into or comfortable with public displays of affection (PDA) which can include things like hand holding.
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What you have to ask yourself and get your head round is the bigger picture rather than focusing on individual specifics - did you have a good time in general terms? Did she? How regularly do you see each other and how often does she initiate it? Is she more relaxed and affectionate in private places?
.
Being honest reading your posts you seem very naive and it strikes me that a lot of this may be very one way and she sees you more as a friend than a boyfriend - but that could be me reading incorrectly between the lines.
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Have you talked to her and asked her how she sees you? Because that would be the thing to do, and at least you know where you stand having done so.

[Deleted Member]

13 hours ago, gemini_man said:

It's very true some people aren't into or comfortable with public displays of affection (PDA) which can include things like hand holding.
.
What you have to ask yourself and get your head round is the bigger picture rather than focusing on individual specifics - did you have a good time in general terms? Did she? How regularly do you see each other and how often does she initiate it? Is she more relaxed and affectionate in private places?
.
Being honest reading your posts you seem very naive and it strikes me that a lot of this may be very one way and she sees you more as a friend than a boyfriend - but that could be me reading incorrectly between the lines.
.
Have you talked to her and asked her how she sees you? Because that would be the thing to do, and at least you know where you stand having done so.

Well i did confess my feelings to her and we decided that we would like to get to know each other...but people change too lol