I got ghosted by my dom

[se****]

I got ghosted by my first ever dom. We had a 24/7 Master-slave relationship which I was absolutely in love with. How do I even begin to heal? Even masterbating feels weird now

[Go****]

Oh I am so sorry to hear that 🥺 that was definitely not okay on your doms part I don’t have an answer for how to heal it’s different for everyone but I do wish you the best and send healing and love your way❤️

[Ch****]

Totally with you....devastating...
Happened to me with my sub a few years ago.
It was really out of the blue....
Though I have to admit that she had some psychological issues which we were dealing with

[Ol****]

Time will help , it always . I don't know your situation but you shouldn't feel sad for someone who ghost and don't even say goodbye proprely , I know those moments are ***fully but you certainly gonna find someone who respect you enough for don't disappeared. Sorry for you .

[br****]

That's horrible the best thing I can tell u to do is just look for a new one? Hey did u know buffalo NY is only 50 mi from Toronto? I think ull find one there's a lot around u

[Da****]

That really sucks and is a sh*t thing to do. Take it slow and easy for a bit and focus on some self-care before jumping into anything.

[Wo****]

Going to victim shame here a little….perhaps not put yourself in a 24/7 TPE that is online….vet better, avoid frenzy…

TPE 24/7 should be face to face

[Deleted Member]

Remember to be with friends. If you are alone your mind will wander. Distractions are a good thing. Try and find a hobby you are passionate about. Make sure you establish trust and vet the next person you meet.

[Na****]

I’m sorry for what you’re going through right now. I was also recently ghosted by someone I had very strong sexual feelings for, and it’s the reason I’m lying awake right now and can’t sleep. Time does seem to be helping slowly. And it’s important to remember this is more a reflection of them and not anything you did wrong. But it will get easier.

[All3n]

I think all of us hate being ghosted whither we are Dom or sub. It hurts, it stops hurting when it stops hurting everyone heals at different s***ds. But if you ever need some one to chat with just to let off steam my in box is always open. I do hope you begin to fell better soon.

[Do****]

That's terrible, I hope you heal up as soon as possible. If I may add, are you sure he ghosted on purpose and doesn't have an irl problem thats hindering the conversation? (Although I still think he should communicate even if that's the case but it's still worth considering)

[Deleted Member]

Yeah that’s not cool. I’ve had it happen before too. Everything was going well. Took a day to spend with my kids and by the morning I was blocked on all outlets of communication. In my mind it’s their loss but my kids will always come first.

[Deleted Member]

I went thru this too. 10 months 24/7 obsession then ghosted. Devastating. In time I saw I had lost myself in it, my identity. He chose to leave, that’s the only reality i needed (once i healed)

[fr****]

That is not cool. We (every good and loyal Dom out here) apologise to you, that Dom did you wrong!

[CopperKnob]

3 hours ago, breezzz said:

That's horrible the best thing I can tell u to do is just look for a new one? Hey did u know buffalo NY is only 50 mi from Toronto? I think ull find one there's a lot around u

Let me guess, you're in either Buffalo or Toronto? Completely inappropriate comment.

[CopperKnob]

From my perspective, deal with it as you would any other loss.
You need time, your friends and family, set yourself a daily routine and use whatever your self care tools are. They will all help you find your former self and heal. Don't mope about, keep busy. Block him on whatever sites you were using to communicate with him so you don't feel the urge to contact him and delete all chats you've had with him from your phone because, if he has ended things without so much as a hint that that was what was hoping to happen, he's not for you despite what you're feeling right now.

[Pr****]

Sorry to hear. For now self care is most important. Do you have some vanilla things you enjoy doing? If so do them.

Then when you feel ready sit down and write some “rules” about what you want from a Dom. What you need.

Let these be your red lines when you feel able to find another Dom.

[am****]

Im here if u need to talk it happens to me all the time to hun. Just remember u r beautiful and amazing ❤❤

[ma****]

I went through the same thing with mine he was my first and showed me everything he decided he was gonna ghost me for the second time so after a month I went off on him I felt better but then was sad bc knew he wasn’t coming back. and he ended up blocking me. The healing process is slow and hard I understand what your going through. I hope you feel better

[Deleted Member]

So sorry this happened you....it happened to me too. Best advice I can give is step away from the life style and heal. For me it was like suffering withdrawal from an addiction. Its does get better tho and be assured that no real Dominant would do that to you.

[Sire_Osiris]

I've been ghosted by subs. Just know it is likely a character flaw within them or a lack of maturity on their part. Consider the departure a blessing in disguise. These people reveal their true nature's before too much of your time, energy, *** and family are invested.
I like to think that the people who leave our lives are making room for those who truly want to be here.

[Deleted Member]

37 minutes ago, Sire_Osiris said:

I've been ghosted by subs. Just know it is likely a character flaw within them or a lack of maturity on their part. Consider the departure a blessing in disguise. These people reveal their true nature's before too much of your time, energy, *** and family are invested.
I like to think that the people who leave our lives are making room for those who truly want to be here.

This right here.

[Deleted Member]

That person should have never ghosted you. Take time to heal.

[DeviantInside]

There is some great advice here.

One thing people often don’t consider is that grief isn’t just from bereavement. It’s also from the loss of any expected or desired future or outcome, splitting from a partner, loss of a job, having a holiday cancelled, missing out on promotion. The brain treats it all the same way, obviously the more invested we are personally the more it will impact us, similarly the less warning and explanation we have the more this causes our primitive mind to take over and obsess. And grief is a very personal thing, we’ve all heard of things like the “7 stages of grief” etc (bargaining, denial, anger etc etc) but the reality is any individual may experience one, several, repeat some and not feel the others, fluctuate between some. There is no right or wrong way just how it effects you. I do caveat that with if you personally feel it is going on too long then maybe seek professional health.

There are some things that can help (many of which have been mentioned already). As I said above when the primitive mind takes over it becomes obsessive… it also doesn’t like things it cannot explain, resolve or find closure for. Unfortunately ultimately we have to accept that we cannot always know why people do things, and a lot of the time we never will. The brain doesn’t like it. However we have to give the brain what it needs in other ways so it doesn’t dwell on those negative thought loops. We also have to give the brain time, chance and capacity to process and move on.

Some ways to do this are to focus on you, get the happy chemicals flowing thought your brain again. Get dopamine through giving your brain things to work towards and achieve (start a project, draw something, write something etc etc, endorphins (yoga, go for a walk, dance badly to your favourite song), oxytocin (spend time with people you care about, get a hug, pet an ***), serotonin (pretty much all of the above). Also spend some time on self care (doing something just purely for you) to recognise that you are important and worth spending some time on, and take some time to recognise little positives in your day (the sun was shining, I found a parking space, that dog was carrying a stick way too big for it etc). This trains the brain to focus on positives which has a duel impact, not only are you solidifying those positive neural pathways and making them more natural to use, you’re not using the negative ones so they become less used and natural (this can be a process but it does work).

Finally try to make sure you’re sleeping well. There are all sorts of things you can do to sleep better (and that’s a whole subject in itself). But REM is when the brain processes things, so this will allow you to come to terms with things and move on, particularly when combining with the above. Couple of quick sleep tips, try to keep a regular sleep pattern to regulate melatonin and cortisol production, if you’re struggling to get to sleep due to overthinking maybe try an audiobook or podcast (preferably one you already know so aren’t trying to stay awake to listen to), try to have a sleep routine and to keep your bed as an area you use just for sleep… as far as possible.

As I say everyone will deal with things in their own way, so take anything from there that you feel is helpful and feel free to ignore the rest, it has to be what works for you.

[mr****]

Sorry desr 🫂