Safety First

[Deleted Member]

Through many discussions and the help of our community here, I am learning the importance of RACK (risk, aware, concentual, kink). I think this is an excellent and empowering starting point for all who are new to BDSM (young and old). I, personally, have "extreme" kinks and want to advocate everyone to play safely. Being a good play partner has a lot of responsibility; for ourselves and others.

I'm really interested in what safety lessons you have learned since you joined the BDSM community. Let's be mature, accepting and build each other up.

[ca****]

SSC - RACK - PRICK are all excellent concepts to follow. Ive been telling anyone and everyone about these for a very long time. Always worth researching and educating one self with these.

[DeviantInside]

There was an interesting talk at LAM recently about Due diligence. And applies to both sub and Dom. You are responsible for the risks you take, and the only way you can really do that is by being aware of them. Whether sub or Dom you should research and be aware of what the dangers are so you are aware of whether things are being done safely. Similarly you should be aware of the risks you’re taking when choosing who you play with. If you want to play with complete strangers and that excitement is what you want then that’s absolutely fine, but be aware of the risks involved and be prepared to accept the possible consequences (please note this isn’t victim blaming, if something were to go wrong then that wouldn’t shift the blame on to you, and yes people shouldn’t have to even consider those worst case scenarios… but the reality is they do happen and how much you decide to protect yourself against them and reduce the chances is down to you). You can learn a lot from talking to people, how they learned, what consideration do they show when talking about things, or just generally, how much do they want to know about you etc (obviously there are still no guarantees but the more you know yourself, the more you know what to look for both with red flags and green flags). I am always slightly leery of anyone who professes to be an expert.

I similarly have enjoyed a lot on the more extreme end of the spectrum… but I didn’t just dive in. I took my time to read, learn, discuss, learn from others and build up my experience and skill set over time. And it’s also worth stating that everyone you play with will be different and have a different understanding of or way of experiencing any given kink you care to mention. So being clear about not just limits but what you specifically mean by those limits is always something I’d recommend… and likewise for what you enjoy and why. Obviously being aware of any physical inhibitions or mental triggers also a part of being safe.

Ultimately we cannot control or be responsible for other people but we are responsible for the boundaries we set and the risks we choose to take. And the best way to do that is to be as aware of what is involved as possible.

[ca****]

1 minute ago, DeviantInside said:

There was an interesting talk at LAM recently about Due diligence. And applies to both sub and Dom. You are responsible for the risks you take, and the only way you can really do that is by being aware of them. Whether sub or Dom you should research and be aware of what the dangers are so you are aware of whether things are being done safely. Similarly you should be aware of the risks you’re taking when choosing who you play with. If you want to play with complete strangers and that excitement is what you want then that’s absolutely fine, but be aware of the risks involved and be prepared to accept the possible consequences (please note this isn’t victim blaming, if something were to go wrong then that wouldn’t shift the blame on to you, and yes people shouldn’t have to even consider those worst case scenarios… but the reality is they do happen and how much you decide to protect yourself against them and reduce the chances is down to you). You can learn a lot from talking to people, how they learned, what consideration do they show when talking about things, or just generally, how much do they want to know about you etc (obviously there are still no guarantees but the more you know yourself, the more you know what to look for both with red flags and green flags). I am always slightly leery of anyone who professes to be an expert.

I similarly have enjoyed a lot on the more extreme end of the spectrum… but I didn’t just dive in. I took my time to read, learn, discuss, learn from others and build up my experience and skill set over time. And it’s also worth stating that everyone you play with will be different and have a different understanding of or way of experiencing any given kink you care to mention. So being clear about not just limits but what you specifically mean by those limits is always something I’d recommend… and likewise for what you enjoy and why. Obviously being aware of any physical inhibitions or mental triggers also a part of being safe.

Ultimately we cannot control or be responsible for other people but we are responsible for the boundaries we set and the risks we choose to take. And the best way to do that is to be as aware of what is involved as possible.

I was at LAM but missed the talks :( they got gull fast!

[CopperKnob]

I read an interesting post recently and whilst it was initially talking about various edge play, it moved to all types of kink. The bottom line was, that nothing is 100% safe. You can educate yourself about the kink and person you choose to play with, you can have safety/contigency plans in place but ultimately all you can do is to try to mitigate risk rather than eliminate it altogether which, I think is a good perspective to take because essentially, that's what facilitates informed consent.

[Deleted Member]

There is alot of people who really don't listen, or only listen to "what they want hear". It is very important to be firm with your NO's, and need to make sure... "Make Sure" they heard it, and clearly know your standings.

[Deleted Member]

When I was at the club this past week, a woman was doing a rope demo with another woman - following all the safety precautions and checking in to make sure she was good often. In the space of seconds she went from green to passing out - probably from having her knees locked but maybe just from the excitement of it all - and another rigger was immediately helping catch her and untie her. She did immediately regain consciousness but another friend, a paramedic, checked in as well. Even though every safety precaution was followed, she could’ve been injured from falling at the very least.
Risk is inherent in BDSM but educating yourself on the risks is the only “safe” way to play. Thanks for a great post, my sweet friend!