You're All Fake!

[Deleted Member]

8 minutes ago, kiseu said:

Maybe my wordings were not good. My point, noticed some making this site a horrible place, or their done with it all! But, they were not so truthful. If you are done with all, or this site is intolerable, why are on other sites at the same time, or come back?.

This site has it's faults and it is not perfect by any stretch. For many of the people who use it, I feel it is very hard. Especially when you are just wanting to be given a chance to get to know someone or the chance to gain experience and learn. In quite a few ways you can liken it life as a pupil at a school.

Having said that, it is still one of the best sites. It has a lot going for it. 

[ge****]

7 minutes ago, DaddyBear63 said:

This site has it's faults and it is not perfect by any stretch. For many of the people who use it, I feel it is very hard. Especially when you are just wanting to be given a chance to get to know someone or the chance to gain experience and learn. In quite a few ways you can liken it life as a pupil at a school.

Having said that, it is still one of the best sites. It has a lot going for it. 

That's the thing though - the site is as hard as you want to make it for yourself - have too high an expectation and make connecting and meeting with others your soul aim, and it will be frustrating and seem hard.
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Make the site a community you visit to read the forums and information here and take the focus off meeting others and all of a sudden it becomes a lot easier.
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It really shouldn't be about being given chances either - that almost suggests you'd take any old bone thrown your way.
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People will interact, but you have to give them a reason to want to interact with you, the same as they would need to have a reason (beyond what's between their legs) for you to want to interact with them.
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The key is making the site work for you, not you working for the site - adjust expectations, approach and attitude and it's surprising how much you can get from the site.

[Deleted Member]

2 minutes ago, DaddyBear63 said:

This site has it's faults and it is not perfect by any stretch. For many of the people who use it, I feel it is very hard. Especially when you are just wanting to be given a chance to get to know someone or the chance to gain experience and learn. In quite a few ways you can liken it life as a pupil at a school.

Having said that, it is still one of the best sites. It has a lot going for it. 

Yes, there are frustrations. You think "given a chance". I don't think that way. It's about connections, but it takes 2 people wanting to do it. Example: Am I the bad guy if I don't give a person a chance. It's not my fault. I can't do anything if I don't feel any chemistry.  If you want to be angry, then be upset with nature. 

[Deleted Member]

3 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

That's the thing though - the site is as hard as you want to make it for yourself - have too high an expectation and make connecting and meeting with others your soul aim, and it will be frustrating and seem hard.
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Make the site a community you visit to read the forums and information here and take the focus off meeting others and all of a sudden it becomes a lot easier.
.
It really shouldn't be about being given chances either - that almost suggests you'd take any old bone thrown your way.
.
People will interact, but you have to give them a reason to want to interact with you, the same as they would need to have a reason (beyond what's between their legs) for you to want to interact with them.
.
The key is making the site work for you, not you working for the site - adjust expectations, approach and attitude and it's surprising how much you can get from the site.

What's between my legs is not really worth interacting with 🤣🤣🤣 but I do take your point. I am a very shy lad so it is difficult for me in the forums and such like. I do understand my approach is not the best though and needs to be more open and measured. I have things to ponder now lol

[Deleted Member]

6 minutes ago, kiseu said:

Yes, there are frustrations. You think "given a chance". I don't think that way. It's about connections, but it takes 2 people wanting to do it. Example: Am I the bad guy if I don't give a person a chance. It's not my fault. I can't do anything if I don't feel any chemistry.  If you want to be angry, then be upset with nature. 

Yes, "Given a chance" was possibly not the the wisest choice of words. It is down to chemistry and having that connection. I think one of the biggest frustrations is trying to understand "What am I missing"? Maybe it is nothing. Maybe it is just relax, don't get uptight. Just be a regular chap. Try and join in s bit more. Talk about things rather than react. 

Maybe it is just like when you join a new job or move to a new town. You just need to get out and about and meet and talk to people.

[ge****]

29 minutes ago, DaddyBear63 said:

Yes, "Given a chance" was possibly not the the wisest choice of words. It is down to chemistry and having that connection. I think one of the biggest frustrations is trying to understand "What am I missing"? Maybe it is nothing. Maybe it is just relax, don't get uptight. Just be a regular chap. Try and join in s bit more. Talk about things rather than react. 

Maybe it is just like when you join a new job or move to a new town. You just need to get out and about and meet and talk to people.

That's exactly what it boils down to - you're on a site full of people you don't know - most you'll never interact with, or won't be interested in interacting with you, finding those that are is the key and just blindly sending introductory messages is probably the hardest way to do so - get involved in the forums and chat rooms, you say you're shy so it's difficult, but it can't be any more difficult than blindly sending messages to others - in fact arguably it's easier as on the forums you're just sending thoughts off without any expectation of them being responded to, but by doing so you're being yourself and making well get noticed, and start to form connections that way.
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That's pretty much my approach to the site, and though I've not met anyone, there are many people I consider friends who I interact with regularly.

[VK****]

On 12/2/2022 at 8:47 AM, eyemblacksheep said:

it's gonna sound horrible, but, I think there's folk take some form of comfort in being able to say "you're all fake" because it means it's not them at fault, it's everyone else

but also there is an important bit to acknowledge that, when I say "fault", dating is hard.  Especially online.  It really is, for everyone.  So someone can seemingly do everything right and still not get the results they desire

And sometimes this can brew up negative emotions, bitterness, frustration - sometimes anger - and some of these are things to work on a bit because getting frustrated or angry when you don't get your own way : how is that going to go down in a relationship?

I wish I had the answer here, but, I think for some if it is leading to these feelings - switching off for a little bit can do more good than going the wrong direction

I think the comfort to try to take is "dating is hard" rather than "you're all fakes and whores" which is a trap some folk fall into

Quite right. I fell foul of some of you with what the experienced folks saw as 'predatory' behaviour and other interpretations. What I have found is that being kind, supportive, unloading a ton of info (thankfully working links here now!!!)  and saying a very strong "Here be Monsters" elicits two responses. Eff off and a block from the seasoned Subs (who can't be arsed to fill in their profiles, why I messaged them) and an outpouring of thanks from the newbies who reply. A substantial amount of deletes/ignores too, but I'm playing a numbers game. 
Most importantly....if you read a profile, check their roles and pay a bit of attention to the still malfunctioning test on here then approach the person in question as a human being first with interlocking interests obvious if they bother to check you out...job maybe done. 
 

[VK****]

23 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

this is something that does suck - and I think if there has been any form of positive conversation it might be there are more appropriate responses to leaving you hanging

but to paraphrase something I was talking to someone about the other day; there was someone where a guy she had been talking to had brought up meeting and, actually, she had been responding to his conversations mostly through politeness but, just, didn't really feel enthused to meet.  The conversation not going as well in her eyes than it might have seemed in his and when we talk about that, maybe she should have just said she wasn't interested pretty much every scenario she could do is one that guys have moaned about.

I think it is something that sucks it happens, but the private conversations might very well be "chat to see where it goes" but then when meeting gets brought up it's a litmus test of just how interested the other person feels in how it's gone.  It doesn't make them fake, it just makes them not interested, and at this point it also is very difficult on how to handle because the honest answer to "do you want to meet?" might be "I'm not that interested you and replied mostly through politeness and the half hope our conversations might ever go somewhere, so, no, nothing we've exchanged so far makes me want to meet" and that might be anything from ego crushing to feeling like you've been strung along - even if the intention wasn't to string along, it just never felt like there was a polite exit to the conversation.

Because if you're talking to someone, any form of exit to the conversation always sucks to some degree and there really is no nice way to do it - especially if, well, especially if you're seemingly doing everything right the other person just doesn't feel as enthusiastic as you about meeting 

Perfect. The number of numbskulls who after exchanging the sum total of 40 characters over 3 messages then 'demand' a hook-up, especially in the States is off the scale dumb. Anyone being extremely pushy is, I hope, a huge, North Korean Style , Red Flag. Chat, phone call, video call, social meets, vanilla sex, mild Kinky sex and onwards. For newcomers. The Vets can trust their instincts but should always back their gut over their genitals. xxxxx

 

[Deleted Member]

Firstly it’s a dating site, search anywhere it will be prioritised as a dating site. secondly, I hate how allot of people assume that people that join this site to date only want one thing, NO!!! But I can sure as hell tell you I have no interest trying to get to know someone that has no interest in my kinks/fetishes that I want to experience, so I’m not going to spend 3 months chatting with someone just to find out they have no interest in them, so yes It will be one of the first things I speak about before trying to get to know you, don’t be up yourself, some people are just over wasting time and I particularly am over being labelled a player or as someone that just leads people on as once I find out you have no interest in my kinks I have no interest in you, as you would if you had kinks/fetishes that you want a guarantee of experiencing, people need to realise it’s not here for making friends, the sites designed purpose is for people to meet a partner they can share their kinks/fetishes with to date.

[CopperKnob]

13 minutes ago, Facesitsub996 said:

Firstly it’s a dating site, search anywhere it will be prioritised as a dating site. secondly, I hate how allot of people assume that people that join this site to date only want one thing, NO!!! But I can sure as hell tell you I have no interest trying to get to know someone that has no interest in my kinks/fetishes that I want to experience, so I’m not going to spend 3 months chatting with someone just to find out they have no interest in them, so yes It will be one of the first things I speak about before trying to get to know you, don’t be up yourself, some people are just over wasting time and I particularly am over being labelled a player or as someone that just leads people on as once I find out you have no interest in my kinks I have no interest in you, as you would if you had kinks/fetishes that you want a guarantee of experiencing, people need to realise it’s not here for making friends, the sites designed purpose is for people to meet a partner they can share their kinks/fetishes with to date.

The sites actually marketed as...
"Chat with others who share your kinks in the UK BDSM and fetish scene. Sign up for free! Enjoy dating and events or simply explore our online community of likeminded kinsters"
So no, not everyone here is looking to date/find a partner. Everyone has their own reason for being here.

[ge****]

14 minutes ago, Facesitsub996 said:

Firstly it’s a dating site, search anywhere it will be prioritised as a dating site. secondly, I hate how allot of people assume that people that join this site to date only want one thing, NO!!! But I can sure as hell tell you I have no interest trying to get to know someone that has no interest in my kinks/fetishes that I want to experience, so I’m not going to spend 3 months chatting with someone just to find out they have no interest in them, so yes It will be one of the first things I speak about before trying to get to know you, don’t be up yourself, some people are just over wasting time and I particularly am over being labelled a player or as someone that just leads people on as once I find out you have no interest in my kinks I have no interest in you, as you would if you had kinks/fetishes that you want a guarantee of experiencing, people need to realise it’s not here for making friends, the sites designed purpose is for people to meet a partner they can share their kinks/fetishes with to date.

I disagree - it's a site that has dating elements but it's not exclusively a dating site - it's whatever the heck an individual user wants it to be - some may want to use it for dating, some for the community elements and the interaction and learning that can come from them, some may see it as a hybrid of the two, others may see it as something completely different.
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So first and foremost the key is finding others whose use of, and approach to, the site matches your own. Just because someone doesn't want to discuss their kinks right away, doesn't make them wrong, just have a different approach.
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Whilst I understand where you're coming from with regards to prioritising interests over personality and getting to know someone, where people have filled out their profile and interests you can get a fair idea of whether there's a likely match and personally I'd always put personality over matched interests - as I'd not consider getting involved with someone whose personality didn't match my own regardless of how well matched in terms of interests we were.

[PJ****]

1 hour ago, gemini_man said:

I disagree - it's a site that has dating elements but it's not exclusively a dating site - it's whatever the heck an individual user wants it to be - some may want to use it for dating, some for the community elements and the interaction and learning that can come from them, some may see it as a hybrid of the two, others may see it as something completely different.
.
So first and foremost the key is finding others whose use of, and approach to, the site matches your own. Just because someone doesn't want to discuss their kinks right away, doesn't make them wrong, just have a different approach.
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Whilst I understand where you're coming from with regards to prioritising interests over personality and getting to know someone, where people have filled out their profile and interests you can get a fair idea of whether there's a likely match and personally I'd always put personality over matched interests - as I'd not consider getting involved with someone whose personality didn't match my own regardless of how well matched in terms of interests we were.

Exactly.. I'm just here to cause havoc and chew bubble gum... maybe partake in some cake and ice cream 🤔😂

[Ar****]

7 minutes ago, PJ3000 said:

Exactly.. I'm just here to cause havoc and chew bubble gum... maybe partake in some cake and ice cream 🤔😂

Someone is going to put you in charge of organising us a tea party next summer before long 🤣 (count me in 😜)

[PJ****]

1 hour ago, Aranhis said:

Someone is going to put you in charge of organising us a tea party next summer before long 🤣 (count me in 😜)

Hahaha! I'm good with that but there'll be a mandatory latex dress code just so you know 😂

[Ar****]

29 minutes ago, PJ3000 said:

Hahaha! I'm good with that but there'll be a mandatory latex dress code just so you know 😂

I have to wear a latex dress? Well at least there'll still be something open to the summer air.

[VK****]

...and then Facesitsub became a deleted member. Looking back, can't see that they were 'schooled, owned, slammed, shut down' etc. Shame they didn't return to respond. Thought the comments were eminently sensible and educational. At least the thread is there for others to follow and make their own judgement. 

[ey****]

7 hours ago, VKD said:

...and then Facesitsub became a deleted member. Looking back, can't see that they were 'schooled, owned, slammed, shut down' etc. Shame they didn't return to respond. Thought the comments were eminently sensible and educational. At least the thread is there for others to follow and make their own judgement. 

there were points he had I could see, but his attitude wasn't healthy.  If he persists, he will fail everywhere.  So I kinda hope this is something he can learn from.

No one can say anyone was rude to him.

[ey****]

one paradox I get a little is the whole concept of talking to someone, getting to know them, maybe going on a date

and then, lo, you find you have fetishes that don't allign

and while some think that would suck, or be a waste of time.   I don't.   Because if nothing else you've otherwise enjoyed interacting with them, presumably had nice dates - this can help teach with interactions in the future and also can be a case of... I have fetishes my wife isn't into. So with their blessing I do them with other people.

[CopperKnob]

20 hours ago, PJ3000 said:

Exactly.. I'm just here to cause havoc and chew bubble gum... maybe partake in some cake and ice cream 🤔😂

Which icecream 🤔

[CopperKnob]

20 hours ago, Aranhis said:

Someone is going to put you in charge of organising us a tea party next summer before long 🤣 (count me in 😜)

Me too please (dependant upon the icecream)

[CopperKnob]

19 hours ago, PJ3000 said:

Hahaha! I'm good with that but there'll be a mandatory latex dress code just so you know 😂

Latex...in summer...did you not watch that episode of friends?

[PJ****]

12 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Latex...in summer...did you not watch that episode of friends?

That was leather dear, completely different thing 😜 besides, I have a bit of a sweat kink 😂🤤

[PJ****]

13 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Me too please (dependant upon the icecream)

I'm open to suggestions 😁

[CopperKnob]

23 minutes ago, PJ3000 said:

That was leather dear, completely different thing 😜 besides, I have a bit of a sweat kink 😂🤤

🤢🤢🤢 talc at the ready

[CopperKnob]

24 minutes ago, PJ3000 said:

I'm open to suggestions 😁

There can only ever be one option, Phish Food given that Cherry Garcia is no longer available. Baked Alaska comes in as a good substitute