Advice needed

January 10, 2019

I’m a relatively new sub, in a long distance relationship with my Dom.

How do other people cope with ldrs? I’m mostly fine but every now and then really struggle with missing him and needing that intensity.

TIA for any thoughts or advice.

January 10, 2019

Hi, I may not be the best person to respond to this as have not been in a long distance relationship of this nature, only a vanilla one some time ago. While it is an ideal situation for some it isn't for everybody, & as you say even then it can get hard. With the advent of things like Skype & Facetime, this makes keeping in touch & feeling their presence to a degree somewhat easier & can help alleviate those feelings. But it isn't the same as having them there I realize that. Do you get to ever meet up at all or very much. If so I would imagine those meetings are very intense, at times you miss him maybe replay those images vividly in your mind. Possibly you could consider recording them if you are both open to this, to replay back at those moments if this would help you. Otherwise I guess it could be a case of immersing yourself in some of your other interests with other acquaintances until those feelings pass to take your mind off him a bit. Chatting in the lobby room or on various forums on here with fellow members is sometimes a good way to pass the time & can be very the***utic. Sorry I could not be of more help & assistance to you but I hope you find something that helps you x

January 10, 2019

Hi, me and my sub have a LDR for about two months now. She sends me lots of videos of different tasks I assign her, and voice calls and video calls are plenty. We've also done a video call over night, where she tied herself up and had a camera on her all night while she squirmed. Having regular calls is super important in LDRs. And your Dom cannot be afraid to give you tasks and have you record them. My sub has found that having to do stuff herself adds to the *** of it all. Also, set a date when you guys can meet ASAP. Me and my sub are meeting in May. This way you have something to look forward to and you won't think the relationship is going nowhere. Message me if you need help with anything else!! ♡

January 10, 2019

We chat every day, send each other photos, he gives me tasks sometimes, or tells me what to do when I masturbate. We’ve met three times and yes it’s super intense; we are both separated with kids and very busy jobs so it’s hard to find time.

Ive also ordered a remote vibrator so looking forward to trying that out.

But I miss being with him in real life; just need to keep busy I guess.

January 10, 2019

Hi coco,

I can relate !!! and for me sometimes the intense feelings of being without my Dom physically are unbearable...

we do a lot of the things you do....tasks, messaging throughout the day, regular vid calls and pictures. All of these things happen more frequently after we’ve had play time to manage sub-drop and do the high intensity fades more slowly or at least supported. But fade it does !

at our most recent meet, My Sir gave me his shirt to wear and snuggle into - this really helps!

I am also collared , feelings of being owned and having our special connection honoured does help too .

I am privileged to have My Sir who takes time to understand me and what I need in gifting my submission to Him.

We both have busy lives and many commitments which we are trying to navigate. It’s hard sometimes!

I think it’s worth checking regularly that you are getting what you really want from a D/s relationship ...for example I check that these are still conditions that work for me such as LDR - they are!! as I have lots to do on a day to day basis , however some people might then decide they would like Full time/permanently day to day living together etc. I occasionally, as my conditioning dictates, romanticise the situation and this makes me miss Him more and feel deficient in comparison to my vanilla coupled of friends but then I remind myself... I’m exactly where I want to be and wouldn’t have it any other way.

effort, open and honest comms, reassurance , resprct, trust , commitment and love (or care) make it worthwhile and workable. We found each other and that’s to be treasured - the rest I surrender to as I have absolutely no control over (and I drive myself insane with)

ive not had such intense feelings in my life, I have to be careful to look after myself too.

January 10, 2019

The remote arrived today so we took it for a test drive.

I highly recommend it though I think he enjoyed it a little bit too much 😉. The sensation is great but also the connection knowing he was able to play with me through the vibrator and control my orgasm. I’d been feeling a bit down but after an hour playing this evening I feel much happier and my cheeks are rosy too.

Thanks everyone, your comments are really helpful.

This is my first D/s relationship but it feels like what I’ve been missing my whole life.

Edited January 10, 2019 by Cocoforsythe
Adding text

January 10, 2019

I can fully empathise with you. I came out of a long distance relationship (as a sub) 18 months ago.
Moving wasn’t an option for either of us because of family commitments and our work.

The worst time for me was two or three days after I got home when I’d hit a low. Watching the marks on my body from a whipping or caning as they were fading away really made me miss her. Those were the days when a surprise message, photo or even a card waiting for me when i got home from work would help a lot.

She would give me tasks to keep me occupied, especially at weekends and I’d have to provide photo or video evidence that they’d been completed to her satisfaction.
Phone calls when we could. Even if it was just a quick call at night to make sure I was behaving myself. Or to give me the time for her morning alarm call which I daren’t miss.

There was a lot of planning ahead, coordinating leave from work so we could get long weekends/weeks together. Look forward to those times and make them count.

You just push through and make it work if that’s what you both want.

I’ll just add that it wasn’t the distance that caused us to separate in the end.

Truly hope it all works out for you. x

January 10, 2019

I couldn't possibly add anything more prominent to this thread than what @FootTicklerUK or @FreyaNikita haven't already stated. Their advice is sound and quite correct. Ldrs are much more emotionally and mentally challenging for those involved in comparison to rlrs and take lots of commitment and communication to surpass the hardest moments of separation where the intensity of loss is very apparent and sometimes overwhelming. That being said, I know firsthand the rewards that comes with that 'goal' being realised and the happiness it affords and I can only wish Y/you A/all very blessed paths within the journeys you make and the paths you take ❤❤

January 19, 2019

Just wanted to thank everyone who commented on my post.

having only done vanilla relationships til now I’m still getting used to the idea that I can talk to Him about what’s going on in my head. But talk to him I did and very reassuring it was.

we met yesterday and I’m feeling much happier. Ldrs are hard, but worth it. I ache all over today, in a good way, and I’ll be getting my collar soon