TrustAndFetish Posted January 11, 2019 Posted January 11, 2019 Hi everyone. Here's something that has sparked my curiosity. Since beginning to explore and make friends on sites like this, I've read profiles and chatted to several ladies (usually but not always in their twenties or so) who say they have LITTLE OR NO EXPERIENCE EVEN IN VANILLA, but for their next sexual experience they want to meet and get to know someone who is extremely kinky (e.g. in anything from bdsm to watersports to whatever else) who they connect with..... I guess, essentially wanting to sexually blossom with that person and go quickly from very little sexual experience at all to full-blown kink or fetish. If there's anyone here who kinda fits this description......Before seeing and talking with people like this I assumed that by the time anyone goes to websites like this looking to meet someone kinky, they would already be experienced in non-kinky sex. It seems I was wrong in this assumption. I feel there's something beautifully self-confident and honest about a person on that journey, yet, I would love to know and understand more about this desire and what decided you to seek kinky friends/lovers before getting experienced on the vanilla level.
Carnelian2 Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 Your question sounds a bit like it is a choice, that you make. Granted, many people are into D/s because they want to experience another dimension and get hooked so to say. For others, it is more of a recognition that it is part of their make-up, just like being Male, Female, Sexual orientation, etc. If you have other influences, the realisation that you are into D/s can also be a struggle, an internal conflict, and I applaud those that have the self awareness to make that a part of their life from early on. In this respect, it is perfectly understandable that you can be into D/s without vanilla experience.
Deleted Member Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 I'll offer an alternative view. If you have little or no experience then by what yardstick do you judge what you need from a relationship? Evrn if you feel a leaning towards D/s you still need to find the right partner and develop the right relationship, that is one that works and meets both parties needs.
Carnelian2 Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 8 minutes ago, Littlefellow said: I'll offer an alternative view. If you have little or no experience then by what yardstick do you judge what you need from a relationship? Evrn if you feel a leaning towards D/s you still need to find the right partner and develop the right relationship, that is one that works and meets both parties needs. That applies for all relationships, though. Compatibility is a must and one does not fit all. Where D/s may offer more structure than what appears to the vanilla eye, there is still a lot of nuances and communication is essential
Deleted Member Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 37 minutes ago, Carnelian2 said: That applies for all relationships, though. Compatibility is a must and one does not fit all. Where D/s may offer more structure than what appears to the vanilla eye, there is still a lot of nuances and communication is essential Yep ( sorry still learning how to quote).
ey**** Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 I don't think it's that wildly uncommon. You'll often come across young males who've had assorted fantasies but, are still virgins or inexperienced. I seldom (but, of course, do sometimes) see women who advertise as such - and likewise, just because you haven't done one thing doesn't mean you don't also fantasise about something else. There's not an order you're supposed to progress through. Of course, there are people that prey on naivety And also, particularly amongst guys a somewhat sense of entitlement - or that sometimes the interest isn't kink as such but it's seen as being an easier route. They sharp discover this is not the case...
BigPolly Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 What @eyemblacksheepsaid....but this also goes for females too! I always laugh & say ‘I was born this way’ because as soon as I became sexually aware my fantasies already went beyond wanting to ‘just loose my virginity’ & my 3rd sexual partner & I, when I was 17, were already handcuffing eachother to the bed. My desire at that age was to be like Cynthia Payne & in 6th form at school I took A level Psychology as I wanted to approach things like fantasies & kinks from another angle & understand them further. So for me the climb from vanilla to kink wasn’t ever on the agenda. Why settle for vanilla when I already knew what I wanted. Some people will discover kink through vanilla or even seek the confidence to ask for what they want if the go down the vanilla route but for me the 2 aren’t a stepping stone.
Deleted Member Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 27 minutes ago, BigPolly said: What @eyemblacksheepsaid....but this also goes for females too! I always laugh & say ‘I was born this way’ because as soon as I became sexually aware my fantasies already went beyond wanting to ‘just loose my virginity’ & my 3rd sexual partner & I, when I was 17, were already handcuffing eachother to the bed. My desire at that age was to be like Cynthia Payne & in 6th form at school I took A level Psychology as I wanted to approach things like fantasies & kinks from another angle & understand them further. So for me the climb from vanilla to kink wasn’t ever on the agenda. Why settle for vanilla when I already knew what I wanted. Some people will discover kink through vanilla or even seek the confidence to ask for what they want if the go down the vanilla route but for me the 2 aren’t a stepping stone. I'll agree to an extent. I was still very inexperienced when I had my first kinky encounter. She was more experienced than me and a dedicated role player. Also a switch as I came to understand. We played for several months on and off. A lot a vanilla followed, it was the vanilla that showed me that I needed something else. I grew more and more aware that something was missing. So it sort of grew on me. - Slow me!
ey**** Posted January 12, 2019 Posted January 12, 2019 thinking about it - I was swapping watersports erotica with (someone who may have been, or may have been pretending to be) a lady on a popular site of the era when I was still a virgin. (it only actually took me another 17 years to actually do watersports - but I've made up for it since)
TrustAndFetish Posted January 14, 2019 Author Posted January 14, 2019 Really thoughtful answers, people. @BigPolly and @eyemblacksheep, my early journey was a bit like this too. My then partner and I did watersports for the first time within a couple of months of losing both our virginities. I actually can't remember for certain which came first. I, too, knew what I wanted from a young age, though in my case it took many more years before I knew for sure that it was possible to find a partner(s) whose kinky desires truly aligned with mine!
TrustAndFetish Posted January 14, 2019 Author Posted January 14, 2019 Also agree, the same considerations i.e. compatibility and trust apply regardless of whether vanilla or kinky or extreme.
Recommended Posts