A submissive side

[CuteHellion]

Hi guys.. 

So, I am currently a Dominant, and I have a sub with a contract of a little over a month. And I love it, but I think I have an untapped submissive side.

I had a Dominant, once, for a week. It was a trial and I didn't enjoy it. 

So I think something went wrong. I think, because I have a Dominant side, I know what Dominants can be, and when I don't get exactly what I want, I don't feel satisfied. So.

I want to know, am I crazy? 

I'd like a Dominant that is just like me, but in male form. When I'm a Dominant, I cater everything I do to fit my sub, and I love it like that. I've learned so deeply about my sub's interests, I know exactly what makes her tick. When someone asks me "what would you do to me if I were there?" I can't answer right away. My answer is "I don't know you well enough." And most Dominants have a go-to answer. They have something they do to every sub without even knowing them, and that's not what I want. 

I want a Dominant who will take time to learn my interests and what I'm into, just like I do with my sub. 

I don't think this is an unrealistic thing for me to ask, and I know subs aren't really supposed to have preferences? But, this is what I want. I know what I want, and I'm picky.

I just want someone to confirm whether I am or am not a lunatic.. whether it's possible for me to find a guy like this.. 

I don't know. I just want to get my thoughts out there. I just want someone to say something to me.

[Deleted Member]

I can't really comment with advice to this but I am experiencing similar struggle 😔 the desire to feel how it's like to totally loose control and give yourself up totally to that feeling but the distrust, hardness to please and strong will making it near impossible to find that suitable match... There will always be something that stands in the way... I wish you the best for the journey though and hope you find somebody to fulfill your wants and needs 😉 when you do if you learn of any tips that you'd be willing to share I would love to hear them 😘

[Dearelliot]

my thoughts re Dominant. I sometimes think Doms can get into the "Sex" scene  too soon, without setting the stage

I think its like playing an instrument, you have to start out slowly, and get the sub mentally feeling their submissive nature. Conversations to keep them guessing, unsure of how to answer without incurring anger. 

I think holding the whip in view is more important than using the whip. Making the sub, worry about the whip rather than feel the whip, eventually  they have to feel the whip  to remind them of what they *** but that isn't the intent of the play, it Is to capture their mind. 

[ey****]

what you seek is not unrealistic - of course for your previous experience it is true that of course not every Dominant is for every sub as some have set ideas or structures that they can't or won't work outside of 

"Subs can't have preferences" is another one of the myths that goes around, almost something from a text book.   In any form of D/s relationship it should be mutually beneficial but what "mutually" means can vary from relationship to relationship.

There's always, ultimately, a reason why the sub wishes to be with a certain Dominant and it does come down to what they get out of it.  You can put any kind of text book answer here, but why would a sub serve someone they're not happy with?

[BigPolly]

Hahahaaaa then I’m NOT the only one! 😁 I was always a Domme up until a few years back. I spent many years learning & training then a friend suggested he retrained me as a sub. It was like an awakening for me however I have played with a few Doms but have only found 2 that have come close to performing in a way that has captured me. But I am yet to find one who is as good as I was....that may sound big headed but I feel if I am going to submit fully to a scenario then I want it to be led & controlled in a way that is incredibly memorable & unique

[CuteHellion]

3 minutes ago, BigPolly said:

Hahahaaaa then I’m NOT the only one! 😁 I was always a Domme up until a few years back. I spent many years learning & training then a friend suggested he retrained me as a sub. It was like an awakening for me however I have played with a few Doms but have only found 2 that have come close to performing in a way that has captured me. But I am yet to find one who is as good as I was....that may sound big headed but I feel if I am going to submit fully to a scenario then I want it to be led & controlled in a way that is incredibly memorable & unique

Omg, you're kidding. That's exactly how I feel. Don't mean to sound big headed, either, but being in the Dominant role, and then trying to have someone else be Dominant to YOU... it's hard, really hard not having high expectations. I really just want someone who will take care of me and earn my trust before smacking me into play. There has to be a bond there first, and it seems all guys want is the sex part.

[CuteHellion]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

what you seek is not unrealistic - of course for your previous experience it is true that of course not every Dominant is for every sub as some have set ideas or structures that they can't or won't work outside of 

"Subs can't have preferences" is another one of the myths that goes around, almost something from a text book.   In any form of D/s relationship it should be mutually beneficial but what "mutually" means can vary from relationship to relationship.

There's always, ultimately, a reason why the sub wishes to be with a certain Dominant and it does come down to what they get out of it.  You can put any kind of text book answer here, but why would a sub serve someone they're not happy with?

I think what I'm looking for is someone who will put getting to know me before getting me in bed. And I think me being Dominant as well makes it hard for me to settle down into the sub role, and thus makes Dominants give up as soon as they see I am a Domme. 

Just wish I didn't have to look long for the perfect Dom. I'm impatient, lol

[Deleted Member]

The only answer I can suggest is along the lines of the old saying about having to kiss a lot of frogs before one turns into a prince. It sounds like you might have kissed a prince who turned into a frog.

Just keep on looking but maybe get background on the frogs before you kiss them?

[BigPolly]

11 hours ago, CuteHellion said:

And I think me being Dominant as well makes it hard for me to settle down into the sub role, and thus makes Dominants give up as soon as they see I am a Domme. 

Again this is what I find. Being a sub suits me more than I ever imagined (& it took a lot of persuading for me to try) but I’ve kind of played often feeling the lack of confidence which then makes me push to be ‘made to submit’ rather than submitting myself just to see if they have the mental & verbal strength to do so. Not in a bratty way but I think I’m just so strong minded it’ll take a lot more than I’ve been given to get into my mind space. 

I did try an online Dom & I found that too much for me because not only did he get into my own mind but I also got into my own mind...I found that a bit scary. 

For me being a sub is far more sexual, being a Domme was more of a thrill so I guess I’m seeking that ultimate sexual (***ful) satisfaction in the hands of someone else. Nearly everyone I’ve played with, Ive played then walked away which is my way of keeping control but I’m yet to find a Dom(me) that is so magnetic I go back time & time again. 

 

[PhantomFlogger]

Being a sub is ultimate control, its a myth that Doms are in charge.. tops are like hair dressers, the bottom comes in, tells you what they want and what they hope to leave with abd the top does as they are asked to do.

Sure the top is the one deciding how to get there but its the bottom who can stop it all, change the rules, leave.. the Dom is never the one in power.

 

What you are describing is one hair dresser doing another hair dressers hair, you want them to be better than you, to know more than you, to be more confident.

 

How do you do that? You go to a reputable place and you build a connection, vet them and submission comes naturally when their energy overpowers yours

[ey****]

there are a lot of blogs about - regarding control, and the illusion of giving it up.  But, regarding myths of who is in charge.

It is true, that subs can set restrictions via limits or safe word at any time.   That even previously agreed activities or limits can often be brushed with a "I don't wish to do that, today" - but the same is all very true of the Dominant.

 

[Thecarepackage88]

Pretty deep stuff there just saying I have been a master for about 10 yrs but just like you I have played both sides Dom and sub so I do know by experience what your asking for and its actually more normal that you can imagine so just hang in there wish you the best

[Mi****]

Im afraid there is no short cut to finding the right person for you, you just have to keep searching

[Mo****]

CuteHellion I don't think you're crazy, just as I don't think you're normal. I am a Dominant, I don't switch, and like you I need to be inside the head of my partner, for many reasons, Safety, their satisfaction, their limits and boundaries, and much much more. It sounds like we have a mutual understanding of the other. The thing is though, you will need to search to find the one who suits you. Because of my reply you now know that there are others who understand you. You just have to find the one who suits you best.