Trust..?

[Deleted Member]

Having been an Escort off and on...mainly to very exclusive events in Europe ...Having seen everything from the sublime to the extreme...I have reached the age  that I cannot continue as an Escort unless I am asked for specifically by an existing client of mine..I am now in a situation where I can explore my own loves and what intrigues me...I do have a partner...but she is on a 5 year contract working abroad...I want to discover what I love and share my new found loves with my partner when she gets back...Do you have any advice as to how to know when you can honestly trust a Dom..What should I go by....my instinct...?...I do not want to set hard limits because I do not know what they are. I do have things I would never try or even think about trying but I need to know that I can trust a Dom 100%..I know of cases where a Dom has got carried away,  ignored safe words because of misreading a clients reaction... ...that is what really worries me...I have 2 years left to discover my loves and my limits...Cassie

[ey****]

there are awful stories about Dominants - but... I mean, are you specifically talking about paying someone here?   

A first step is of course in communication in being very clear in what experience you are seeking.

Most professionals  can be researched quite easily; read any blogs they keep - keeping an eye on social media, watching some of their clips.  So on.

I have had experiences that were... less than ideal... but for the best part it's not too difficult to research people before you make a booking request.   

[Deleted Member]

I think you, at least, have some soft limits. You mention things you would never try.

Can't help you at all on the question of engaging a profesional Dom as I've never engaged a profesional sub.  As has been mentioned there are normally other client reviews that can be used as a guide.

The benefit of just finding a suitable Dom ( not a profesional) is surely the ability to be able to talk and work out compatibility questions. Assuming of course that I have not mis- read your aims.

Trust can only come with time in any relationship IMHO.

 

[Deleted Member]

No...you have not mis- read my aims...Trust for me is a major issue...I also have a health issue which is more to do with panic.....I have a heart problem which although not now as  serious as it was ....I still have to be very careful...It is more of  question of knowing that I will be released from any situation...and knowing that a Dom has an understanding of the seriousness of my health issues and knows how to cope if  something was to go wrong...It is so important for any Dom to be able to read into a particular scenario and know when to stop.. being able to interpret my reactions etc.....an example...simple...but not being able to take a deep breath..!..Despite my involvement as an Escort....this side is totally new to me..!..I want to enjoy every moment...but am really worried that a Dom...would not understand my worries and concerns and take them seriously..!...Cassie...

 

Edited January 26, 2019 by Deleted Member
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[ey****]

communication is very important

whether you decide to book a Pro or meet someone elsewhere - if there looks to be an agreement to play spell out what your health needs are.

I have a few different physical problems and I always spell these out before playing - even if the person knows me ("my knees have been fine recently", "my back is tugging a bit but should be OK", "My frozen shoulder is playing up") as that can help plot/plan the session, what equipment will/won't be used and what needs to be accommodated.

[Deleted Member]

Thanks...I suppose it all comes down to being totally honest  and how one feels on the first meet..!...I think ones instinct also plays a part in whether to go ahead with a particular Dom..!..

Cassie...,Your comments are really appreciated...thanks...

[ey****]

always trust instincts.  if it doesn't feel right, it's best not to do it.

[Deleted Member]

Thanks...Appreciate your advice..cassie

[Mollysdailykiss]

A really good pro domme should want to exchange lots of messages with you beforehand. They should be asking you questions about what you want but also about health and ***s etc. If they are not then that tells you something and I would move on and look for someone else. It is also worth making  Twitter profile, lots of pro-dommes are on  there, and spending some time seeing how they react with people and possibly if they have regular clients they talk to that will help you build some trust in how they operate

 

 

[Deleted Member]

thanks ...appreciated...

[ey****]

I have found pros do tend to wish to go from 0 to bookings within a few messages.   Whilst pretty much everyone has their inboxes filled - it's arguably easier to timewaste with a pro under the guise of a booking.

Those with forms on their websites do tend to cover all the basis they need from you and it's much easier to spot the difference between a timewaster and someone genuinely interested that has extra needs.

If you are not using a form - the tip is "make it brief but make it count" - which could be something where you cover the basis if your wants, but then also highlight you do have needs you seek reassurance on.

A lot of Pros do deal with a lot of people with different health needs, limitations, requirements - as these are often people who otherwise have trouble meeting people; so any scenario is not new.  But, until there's at least a deposit down - they're  not getting paid, have no guarantees to get paid and it's potentially taking them away from other tasks.   So, the more info you volunteer, the more likely for even a reply and appropriate questions could be asked if needed.

[DominatrixSheba]

Go on Adultwork - Dom/mes are passport verified and have client feedback on there. Read through that, find someone who has been working for a while from one location. Ask to meet them at a munch first so you can chat. I would always recommend that you approach the Dom/me. A good pro is always busy and not looking for clients. In your question you mention not having hard limits - but having things that you would never do. These are your hard limits. Soft limits are things that you may explore one day. A Dom/me who ignores limits and safe words will not be in work for long. Speak to other Dom/mes. In my city, lots of us network. We speak to each other and clients and hear all sorts of things on the g***vine. If a Dom/me was behaving like that, their reputation would be mud very quickly. None of us tolerate that sort of behaviour because it gives us all a bad name. I hope you find what you're looking for. Xxx

[Deleted Member]

Good advice from DominatrixSheba there.

 

[ey****]

munches in general are a good place to meet people and build up trust (just don't expect them to be 'hook up')

I do find though that Pros and munches there's a lot of variance.   If someone is busy then they're not going to have the time to take (easily) 3 hours out of a day on the off chance  you might book.  Some Pros go to munches anyway (some *run* munches) but then there's some who won't go because, well, in some regions they get accosted from people feigning friendship on the hope they can do something "for free" - some have been met with hostility, people assuming they're touting for business.

So, if someone won't meet you first without any form of downpayment then that's not necessarily a bad sign on them.  But equally, if someone is happy to meet first then - how can they afford to give up so much free time? 

Some do allow phone calls as part of the booking process - but - don't be surprised/offended if you're asked to partake in a chat that's paid.     If everyone got a free consultation just for making a session enquiry then nobody would ever get any actual paid work done.

[Deleted Member]

Was thinking a bit more about this. 

Cassie 34 - maybe you should think of finding a mentor who can offer you advice or at least hold up a mirror for you.

[DominatrixSheba]

Eyemblacksheep does make a good point about munches. Some Dom/mes may not be up for a meet first.

I try to attend one munch a month and am happy to meet people there for free but I never meet for a coffee etc outside of a munch without charging for my time.

Most Dom/mes are happy to discuss things on the phone as far as dates, times and logistics etc. I do all of this in a polite business manor and offer no actual 'Domming' during the conversation. I am quite good at spotting those who have just rung to get off and those who are genuine now.