Tell me if I am wrong.

[ey****]

mind - in the history of kink, the whole concept of ownership, earning collars, etc as a consensual arrangement is a relatively new idea.  Around... 30 years.
the concept of paying someone and then your kinks being done to you (or, you to them) has at least 500 years on it.  

The concept of tribute to show appreciation - there's evidence on that going back thousands of years.

 

What we know as and around kink is always changing.  A lot of ideas accelerated with the internet in the 90s - but - while there's stuff that mean a lot to a lot of people, it's still a new idea and other people have different, valid, approaches to kink.  

[Deleted Member]

To me there are different types of Doms/Dommes and Subs with different needs. Just because it's more bedroom based does not mean they are bad, not a true or etc. Pushing boundaries, and only using manipulation to get their ways is wrong. As stated so many times, it's no different than other types of relationships.

[Deleted Member]

  16 hours ago, BrumDaddyDom said:

 There are plenty of scammers who read profiles, often a more intelligent individual.

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You are right on point. Agreed, mostly working alone. They are just a clever as an ***r, and very patient as in months!

[Deleted Member]

  14 hours ago, Uderiel said:

I apologize, I responded to your question in my last post on the forum, thinking this was already quoted. See above please. 

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Maybe mentioning today's weather forecast to hide the mistake. Everybody would be like "Huh?".😅😘💖

[ey****]

  11 minutes ago, kiseu said:

To me there are different types of Doms/Dommes and Subs with different needs. Just because it's more bedroom based does not mean they are bad, not a true or etc. Pushing boundaries, and only using manipulation to get their ways is wrong. As stated so many times, it's no different than other types of relationships.

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a lot of folk get a bit wrapped up "true", "genuine", "natural" and they're all falsehoods because they're based largely on ideology, perception and bias - same with the whole sub v slave discourse 

there's a fallacy known as "No true scotsman fallacy" which I often cite 

Person A: "No Scotsman puts sugar on his porridge."
Person B: "But my uncle Angus is a Scotsman and he puts sugar on his porridge."
Person A: "But no true Scotsman puts sugar on his porridge."

and you can apply this to anything you personally dislike

"No true Dominant would ask for payment"

"No true slave would have any need for *** or possessions"

"No true sub would say no to something which wasn't a previously agreed limit"

"No true Dominant would permit their sub to do activity x"

"No true Dominant would submit to another"

"No true Dominant would use an implement never used on themselves"

and these are all arguments I've seen and more, and a few are contradictory.  And if you start microing it down - no one is a "true" sub or "true" Dominant or so on.

 

We all just, really, do what we enjoy (or consensually non-enjoy) in a framework which works for us

[Deleted Member]

  47 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

a lot of folk get a bit wrapped up "true", "genuine", "natural" and they're all falsehoods because they're based largely on ideology, perception and bias - same with the whole sub v slave discourse 

there's a fallacy known as "No true scotsman fallacy" which I often cite 

Person A: "No Scotsman puts sugar on his porridge."
Person B: "But my uncle Angus is a Scotsman and he puts sugar on his porridge."
Person A: "But no true Scotsman puts sugar on his porridge."

and you can apply this to anything you personally dislike

"No true Dominant would ask for payment"

"No true slave would have any need for *** or possessions"

"No true sub would say no to something which wasn't a previously agreed limit"

"No true Dominant would permit their sub to do activity x"

"No true Dominant would submit to another"

"No true Dominant would use an implement never used on themselves"

and these are all arguments I've seen and more, and a few are contradictory.  And if you start microing it down - no one is a "true" sub or "true" Dominant or so on.

 

We all just, really, do what we enjoy (or consensually non-enjoy) in a framework which works for us

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I understand the point of view you put forward but I have to say as a person who considers himself as a true sub or the nearest thing to to a true sub. I have lived under ownership to a mistress for many years who is no longer with us. I had no possessions of my own was very obedient and under control in every way any *** from my vanilla world job was paid to Mistresses bank my clothes, hair were styled by mistress, I served her obediently in any way she asked or directed cooked and served her for her and her friends in anyway mistress directed at dinner parties Mistress hosted. Mistress owned me mind body and soul and now mistress has been gone for just over two years and i struggle to survive without the total control and decision making Done for me . I am a true submissive that any man can be.

[ge****]

  6 minutes ago, rich-62 said:

I understand the point of view you put forward but I have to say as a person who considers himself as a true sub or the nearest thing to to a true sub. I have lived under ownership to a mistress for many years who is no longer with us. I had no possessions of my own was very obedient and under control in every way any *** from my vanilla world job was paid to Mistresses bank my clothes, hair were styled by mistress, I served her obediently in any way she asked or directed cooked and served her for her and her friends in anyway mistress directed at dinner parties Mistress hosted. Mistress owned me mind body and soul and now mistress has been gone for just over two years and i struggle to survive without the total control and decision making Done for me . I am a true submissive that any man can be.

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And I cast no shadow on you being a "submissive" but you're no more a "true" submissive than the guy who visits a ProDomme once a month to be caned and clamped for a fee - the *only* difference between you (apart from the obvious one around payment) is your definition of what a submissive is - neither of you are wrong, just have different ways of looking at it.
.
The whole thing of "true", "real", "genuine" when applied to dominants or submissives is completely subjective and as such very much open to individual definition.

[ey****]

  25 minutes ago, rich-62 said:

i struggle to survive without the total control and decision making Done for me

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this doesn't sound like the bodings of a health structure.

I hope you can get the help and support you need, but this shouldn't come from co-dependency. 

[littlemiss37]

No one knows anyone else's situation. I'm new to this and liking it x

[Deleted Member]

In my experience when a dominant messages me on any of the platforms they almost instantly want to “own” me and want to go right into what they want to do to me.
If someone is looking for a true D/s situation initiating ownership before there has been an authentic connection made is unrealistic.
I understand why dominant people are moving towards pay for play, that’s how people are initiating the play.
In my opinion people have become impatient and simply want sex or to be owned without going through the part of actually getting to know their partners.
For me being in a D/s relationship doesn’t start on an app, it starts when both parties have become comfortable enough to be in a relationship that requires a lot of communication and trust.
I personally don’t want just anybody to start beating me and tying me up unless it’s a paid professional. There are so many things that can go wrong and aa person can get hurt or in rare cases die.
Even in professional settings they are trained to be prepared for anything because it’s possible something could go wrong.
As a submissive, it’s very important for me to find a dominant who is willing to get to know me well enough that they are able to sense my *** or discomfort if I’m in a situation where I’m unable to.
Be safe out there, remember even professional riggers have accidents too. These relationships should be taken seriously because our lives and mental health are important.

[MisstressStorm]

This thread has me thinking about my practice as a Domina and how to improve for the benefit of both parties. Never comfortable with any fiscal transaction, even been bought a drink or meal, tends to twang my Domme nerve.

Some subs want to buy me Kink kit and underwear but I feel it’s self serving esp if you are not in a D/s relationship. Although I have worn a sub’s fav outfit as a reward as I don’t favour punishment.

The path I’m following is for the sub to prove his worth with a Task that is in his expertise and shows he is willing to be of service and I’m not regarded as a free Kink dispenser.⛈

[CopperKnob]

I think that sex work is the oldest known profession so of course it's entered the kink arena but i think it's been about for a long time, longer than I think many consider. My first enounter with kink was hearing about it on the news when various UK politicians had been paying Dominatrix and the resulting uproar back in the late 80's/early 90's
Having access to the internet and sites such as this that weren't necessarily about 20-30yrs ago is going to have resulted in an increase it's presence.
Do I think that it's either saturated or diluted the community? No, but I do think that one area of it has grown substantially and in all likelihood faster than other area's.
Is that necessarily a bad thing? Again, I don't think it is. It's a demand and supply issue. Simple as that

[VK****]

Hello again Sheep and Gem, posting furiously on a very relevant topic. As I suspect you both recall,  I tend to reach out to the newbies and pile on as much info as fast as I can to bring them up to s***d before a possible crisis. After being severly chastised by yourselves (joke!) I now offer said links to all sorts and ask if they are interested, rather than piling on. Works a treat for the genuine Subs who are usually grateful squared having been bomarded with nonsense. One poor lady today told me that someone said that because she'd replied.....she was now his Sub! FFS! How demented is that.

I find that the scammers are all for going elsewhere fast. I reply that since the recent upgrades I can post links and pics here, so why on earth would I want to move to your obviously fake gmail of a string of random numbers and letters dot com. The others work the process by very quickly crying the poor tale as they say and asking for help. I may send bits and pieces to folks who have become genuine friends, *** to those who really are hard up and have never, ever asked. A true Dom should worship his Sub and as I am not in a situation to be one right now, I worship some of my Sub friends and help where I can. That friendship needs to be earned. So as I stress to the ladies, take your time. You have the rest of your life to regret a bad decision. The same goes for instant demands for anything. No. Just No. You are being gulled.

 

[ey****]

  7 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

it's entered the kink arena but i think it's been about for a long time, longer than I think many consider. My first enounter with kink was hearing about it on the news when various UK politicians had been paying Dominatrix and the resulting uproar back in the late 80's/early 90's

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the concept of pay for play predates many, many, kink ideas.  

There's evidence of it being requested in brothels in the 16th Century, and there were definitely specialist women in the 18th century and specialist brothels in the 19th century.     The French used to mock the English for it.  A lot of French novels would mock the British for the love of spanking in those eras.

There is a lot of evidence predating this as well - within tribes - that "tribute" (in the means of gift of the time) was given to a female leader (usually a Priestess) by the tribe - often in the hope she would flog them.

I say a lot of that just in the sense that people seem to think it's a "new" idea, but a lot we get from kink actually comes via ideas from the initial brothels and providers.  

The other thing as well, for anyone involved in the community.  While munches... less so... most play parties or events, if they're held in a dungeon than the dungeon will either be (a) owned by a Pro Domme (current or former) (b) only really able to be sustainable because of Pro Dommes hiring for sessions (turns out a once a month party doesn't pay the rent!) 

So, yep, the professional side of things is a massive part of kink.   

 

[Missejj2022]

Not every dom oe sub is fajr some of us arevery real with the life best style

[Windwolf]

Is it just me or do scammers think we are all stupid?
I get an average of 3 to 5 of them a week.
I'm at the point I run every crush I get through facial recognition.
Amazingly, it appears there are a ton of porn stars into BDSM now.

I urge everyone to be cautious and verify your account.

I am now filtering by verified account and that seems to help some.

Verification is simple and takes about five minutes and it's worth the effort.

If you don't want to put your documents online which I understand, use the second option.

First thing it does is let you know that the person you are looking at really looks like that. No guessing if the photo belongs to a hundred other names on a hundred different profiles.

It can also save you some hurt and aggravation.

Just remember, be safe and be well to everyone.

Maybe it's time to take the lifestyle back from the scammers.
Remember, truth will always prevail.

[ge****]

  6 minutes ago, Windwolf said:

Is it just me or do scammers think we are all stupid?
I get an average of 3 to 5 of them a week.
I'm at the point I run every crush I get through facial recognition.
Amazingly, it appears there are a ton of porn stars into BDSM now.

I urge everyone to be cautious and verify your account.

I am now filtering by verified account and that seems to help some.

Verification is simple and takes about five minutes and it's worth the effort.

If you don't want to put your documents online which I understand, use the second option.

First thing it does is let you know that the person you are looking at really looks like that. No guessing if the photo belongs to a hundred other names on a hundred different profiles.

It can also save you some hurt and aggravation.

Just remember, be safe and be well to everyone.

Maybe it's time to take the lifestyle back from the scammers.
Remember, truth will always prevail.

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They don't think we're all stupid no, but realise that there are plenty who are either stupid, desperate or, sadly, *** who they can feed off and so play the numbers game knowing that if they get one bite out of even 100 (and reality is probably less than 100) they're making ***.
.
It's good that you highlight it though - trouble is people don't listen, or are easily taken in and with the scammers getting more and more sophisticated and plausible it's never going to go away completely

[Windwolf]

  15 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

They don't think we're all stupid no, but realise that there are plenty who are either stupid, desperate or, sadly, *** who they can feed off and so play the numbers game knowing that if they get one bite out of even 100 (and reality is probably less than 100) they're making ***.
.
It's good that you highlight it though - trouble is people don't listen, or are easily taken in and with the scammers getting more and more sophisticated and plausible it's never going to go away completely

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You're right. It's not going anywhere. It's only going to get worse.

There are some things to look for that I have observed.
1. Most of them use copy and paste that is more often than not in poor English and containing the same typos.
2. They very quickly want you to go to another chat system. Usually Google chat.
3. They fall in love with you with no contact other than chat.
4. At some point an emergency will arise and they will ask you for ***.
5. They will get irate if you ask them why their photos are connected to porn sites or other social media platforms.

...
I have dealt with 15 of these scammers so far on different sites.
And it's almost like they all use the same script and just change most of the details.

I think the site catches a lot of them and they are probably responsible for most of the banned profiles we see.

I also believe it will help if we lend a hand. We can do that simply by; if you see something, say something.

[VK****]

My first alarm bell goes off when an impossibly perfect photo appears. Usually from a fashion mag or a porn page. Expertly photographed, high resolution and perfect lighting. Next the name. Rarely anything witty, CommonName-nnnn seems to be the norm. Pretty Prairie and other naff locations. I use the inbuilt Bing picture search and if no luck, try Google as it's better quality. 
Invariably looking for LTR and often have the most bland descriptions going. Something out of the Church Times. Then finally the conversation...invariably moves very quickly to "Can we chat elsewhere". If I haven't managed to nail the photo, this is the clincher.

[Windwolf]

  11 minutes ago, VKD said:

My first alarm bell goes off when an impossibly perfect photo appears. Usually from a fashion mag or a porn page. Expertly photographed, high resolution and perfect lighting. Next the name. Rarely anything witty, CommonName-nnnn seems to be the norm. Pretty Prairie and other naff locations. I use the inbuilt Bing picture search and if no luck, try Google as it's better quality. 
Invariably looking for LTR and often have the most bland descriptions going. Something out of the Church Times. Then finally the conversation...invariably moves very quickly to "Can we chat elsewhere". If I haven't managed to nail the photo, this is the clincher.

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Yeah those are pretty much the cookie cutter patterns.

I usually start out with Google Lens. It's fairly good, but it doesn't always do people well. There's a lot of other points in the photos besides just the face though.

I found one on this site today because of the furniture in the room. It was an exact match to the same picture on several other sites.

Facial recognition is a bit more difficult. Google is still trying to get that right so I use my own facial recognition software for that.
It's not pro level but it matches 8 out of 10 times.

[Windwolf]

New people, if you want to get connected by serious people then be serious

Fill out your profile.
Take the BDSM personality test and do for goodness sake use a mask for your profile Picture.
When I see someone hiding behind a mask, my first question is "what are they hiding?".
I know some people have to keep a low profile, but at least set up a private album that you can let people see.
Also, if you are hiding here and someone finds you, they probably should be hiding too.

[Windwolf]

  7 minutes ago, Windwolf said:

New people, if you want to get connected by serious people then be serious

Fill out your profile.
Take the BDSM personality test and do for goodness sake use a mask for your profile Picture.
When I see someone hiding behind a mask, my first question is "what are they hiding?".
I know some people have to keep a low profile, but at least set up a private album that you can let people see.
Also, if you are hiding here and someone finds you, they probably should be hiding too.

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Should read don't for goodness sake use a mask for your profile Picture.

I need an edit option on everything!!!

[Windwolf]

I did a little research on dating scams to see if there is a pattern to these scams. It totally wasn't what I expected to find.
"According to available information, the "biggest dating scammers" are typically organized criminal networks operating across multiple platforms, utilizing fake profiles to build trust with potential victims on dating sites, then manipulating them into sending *** under fabricated emergencies or investment schemes, often targeting *** individuals seeking companionship and exploiting their emotions; these scammers are considered "experts" at appearing genuine and caring to gain trust quickly. ".
In Part, this would explain why a photo can have dozens of profiles connected to it.

[Du****]

I find it frustrating that people aren't after genuine connection. I've experienced being accused of being a bot, and having D and S types messaging me and trying to push dynamics on me immediately. I have to say, usually the D types are worse as they believe if they just push enough that I'll submit because "that's why subs do, aren't you looking for a Dom?"
Jeez.

[Windwolf]

  4 hours ago, Dusky25 said:

I find it frustrating that people aren't after genuine connection. I've experienced being accused of being a bot, and having D and S types messaging me and trying to push dynamics on me immediately. I have to say, usually the D types are worse as they believe if they just push enough that I'll submit because "that's why subs do, aren't you looking for a Dom?"
Jeez.

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Unfortunately this lifestyle has been changed for the worse by the interest.
Even vanilla relationships are online these dates.

I think that many people don't know how to have a real life relationships and that's really sad.

Making things worse are those who come here looking for easy marks.

I have come to the point that when someone contacts me, the first thing I do is run facial recognition software on their photo to see if they are connected to any nefarious sites.
It really sad to have to do this, but things have gotten that bad.

Strangely, a lot of people that call themselves Dom have been influenced by others that have no real life experience.

In the old days, it was not unusual for a Dom mentoring a new Dom to assign a sub to help train the student.

I suspect that you already do this but I suggest that when people act as you describe, you treat them as they should be treated. Like beginners that they are.