[Your Fetish] As the foundation of a Romantic Relationship?

[lairofdionysus]

Hey guys,

I just wanted to get your opinion on this or for anyone else who feels the same about this, if there are others out there like on this.

I am asking this question not on the basis of anyone who has a typical D/s or other arrangement of partners.

But I am curious to know, is there anyone who has ever thought that they will be eternally unhappy with a romantic partner in their life, if their relationship is not based on their fetish!? The fetish in mind doesn't matter, but what I'm getting at is that throughout my life I have given this a lot of thought.

No matter what type of interests, shared hobbies or similarities, I really believe that I will never find happiness or fulfillment with someone unless they are into my fetish and that I want the fetish to be the central part and foundation of our relationship which binds together me and the girl.

The problem is that these relationships seem hard to find, and especially since I'm into ***s.

But I would love to hear anyone's stories if you and your partner ever met or got together exclusively based on your fetish and also fell in love with each other and developed a strong connection based on it!?

Or if you haven't had it happen to you, is it something you've ever thought of that you seek?

Looking for anyone's feedback or opinion on this.

[un****]

there are certain fetishes that i can’t live without while there are fetishes i have that i can live without so yes its needed but also you can’t have only fetish in common otherwise its shallow at best

[CopperKnob]

Honestly, I think that there are different levels of happiness and fulfilment and it's about what we all, as individuals prioritise.
For me, the bottom line is, am I willing to live the rest of my live without a partner/companion on the basis that my wants re D/s won't be met with the typical 'dude off the street' so to speak?
Unlikely. Whilst it's a central part of me, I do feel that it's not a necessity in a relationship that warrants spending the next 40-50yrs alone. It's kinda like whats the worse case scenario, being alone forever or, being in a relationship with someone who isn't able to be dominant with me. Don't get me wrong, I don't need a relationship, it would however be 'nice'

[Si****]

So, I'm relatively new to being social about what I'm into, so don't hold me to what I'm saying here.

I think that every relationship I have been in without regretting the whole thing had a little bet of me walking to her and her walking to me. I'll be honest, I feel I walked farther than she did, for 5 out of 7 girls. The other two were close enough, neither of us had to walk much at all. But it's always a thing in motion. Where I am moves, even if I'm stably one thing (for example, I'm straight, absolutely, but I used to be monogamous about that, and I hated the idea of sharing a partner. I still am not into it as a think I'd rather happen, but the disgust faded with time)

I've never been so lucky as to find someone into what I'm into and start the relationship knowing that or with the dynamic as it's foundation, but I've definitely grown that dynamic to be foundational multiple times. Take heart, dear kinkster, patient honesty will reward you.

[Si****]

And, as a caveat, I know I might not be the perspective youre looking for, but I still think you'll find what your looking for, even if you have to build it together.

[Ms****]

Divorced twice here, rather just play than be in something vanilla! Its very frustrating to be with someone who you know just doesn’t share any interest in your real needs.

[Deleted Member]

I got into the fetish lifestyle because all of my partners had some. And I simply went with it because I was afraid of losing the partner, since sex and everything around it is important to most people and their ideas of an ideal relationship. So I would say that not liking or participating in one's fetish could ruin certain relationships

[CptDetroit]

Yes, I will never be truly happy without a submissive. I’d prefer it be more partner, but if not, she must allow me a sub to get out this side of myself. Without it, I’d never be truly happy

[lairofdionysus]

The fascinating things about Fetishes is how they really have a unique effect on all of us, but also that we may be into the particular fetish for very different reasons.

For example, if I am tying my girlfriend up, I actually get much more of a thrill and excitement if she gets aroused and gets off from it because of how tying her up makes her feel more secure and that she has surrendered herself to me as the Dom, but then again it doesn't do anything for me in the aspect of *** or Masochism whereas it may for someone else.

So if I had the right girl who was into being tied up for the same reasons I would enjoy doing it to her, it would help so much more with bringing us to a whole new level of closeness.

It's become like an all-time obsession that finding the right person is into the fetish for the same reasons I am, but it also makes it so limiting in finding the right type of partner. It's like a lifetime challenge to find the right person who just "fits" and you both understand each other.

[Ms****]

I think a relationship has a much better chance of success if partners fetishes align. That said, fetishes and people evolve. I fell in love with vanilla man and had a successful long-term marriage. He was adventurous and willing to try most of my kinks and we grew together. Sometimes, he did things for me which I knew he didn’t enjoy (like rope play) others he refused, like anal. Of course, I still loved him. I simply put some fetishes on the back-burner. A compromise if you will. After he passed away I looked for a man that aligned with my kinks. Which I have found and been completely sexually satisfied, yet, other desires do not align. I think being open-minded and brutally honest about wants, goals and desires works best, whether vanilla or kinky.

[Cr****]

I mean, for a relationship to work, the sex has gotta be good. For me at least. Gotta have shared interests and if you're not into the same things in the bedroom, you might be tempted to look elsewhere.

[ey****]

I think every individual has their boundaries in a relationship - and as well as having boundaries on what they would not accept from the partner - there is also stuff that might be a requirement

Some of this depends on how important a fetish is to you.

It's not bad to say "I would rather be single than with a woman who won't *** on me"  or with someone where there is no kink, or no this.  But you have to be happy in being single. And accept this.

There's some things important to me, where.... I dunno, because every partner I've had has let me at their feet to some degree.   Very few partners I've had have entertained sploshing, but, as much as I love it - some have tried and didn't like it and I don't feel resentment.  My wife has never been able to *** on me.

The only thing to watch out for, I guess.  What some guys in particular fall foul of is they try to base a relationship on the fetish and not what else there is in common.  So they often lead in a fetish-first basis and how that comes across is that they're not interested in the *person* but the fetish.   And that's fairly objectifying and it often leads guys to have less "luck" than they should.  

But I guess also, no one wants to get 6 months into a relationship, raise their fetish, be told "lol no" and then have this dilemma between ending the relationship and accepting it will not happen

[Per-seus]

i don’t think i’d be unhappy but if i can find a relationship where it can have kink id prefer that a lot more

[Firefox_]

I was looking for another partner and found someone that said he was a Daddy - Now this was my kink so I thought too good to be true. But he is a proper Daddy dom, and I'm so in love with him. If we were to separate I'd only want to date an actual Daddy dom because Its just such a major part of my life

[Firefox_]

Just to add.. I said looking for another partner because I was polyam. Now I'm mono with him x

[Deleted Member]

I had a deep thinking about this as well. Thought about this for months, and was given a similar advise as @eyemblacksheep comment. Figured out my priorities.

[lairofdionysus]

On 1/31/2023 at 6:10 AM, Firefox_ said:

Just to add.. I said looking for another partner because I was polyam. Now I'm mono with him x

Yeah the intimacy would be a lot better and fulfill the role much more with a Daddy Dom if you are in a monogamous relationship. I am looking to have that same role over the girl who is my sub, I want to be her exclusive "Daddy".

[lairofdionysus]

On 1/31/2023 at 9:34 AM, kiseu said:

I had a deep thinking about this as well. Thought about this for months, and was given a similar advise as @eyemblacksheep comment. Figured out my priorities.

Yeah, it really is a topic and lifestyle that you can actually literally spend even years pondering over it and trying to sort out your thoughts based on it versus what other things you would demand that exist in the partner outside of it, but things that would exclusively make you fall in love with them. For me there are other things that are quite important and that do help, such as Music and Subculture tastes as well as certain hobbies of mine, but when I really reflect over this, falling in love with someone based on our fetish would be the most powerful and meaningful thing, it's what I want to find and meet someone on. I just don't believe I will be able to ever be happy otherwise.

[Deleted Member]

On 1/31/2023 at 12:10 PM, Firefox_ said:

Just to add.. I said looking for another partner because I was polyam. Now I'm mono with him x

Firefox, I hope daddy reads your comments from time to time, and sees how much you value and adore him!💖

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, lairofdionysus said:

Yeah, it really is a topic and lifestyle that you can actually literally spend even years pondering over it and trying to sort out your thoughts based on it versus what other things you would demand that exist in the partner outside of it, but things that would exclusively make you fall in love with them. For me there are other things that are quite important and that do help, such as Music and Subculture tastes as well as certain hobbies of mine, but when I really reflect over this, falling in love with someone based on our fetish would be the most powerful and meaningful thing, it's what I want to find and meet someone on. I just don't believe I will be able to ever be happy otherwise.

Well, definitely you'll be known as the Spank Master.🙈😅😂💖

[Ha****]

My ex left me after 20 years because of my fetish so now the first thing i mention if i meet a girl for a date is my kinks and fetishes so i dont waste either of our time because theres no way im being ***d to suppress my desires and or made feel as though i have a problem.
To answer your question i have a feeling i wont find my ideal partner in this lifetime.
I wont give up trying to find her though

[PaganDawn]

2 broken marriages over 30 years taught me I couldn't live without kink
Polly relationships taught me I can love more than one person for different reasons, and get my fix of multiple fetishes and vanilla.
Being in a long term D/s as a 24/7 sub has shown me, with the right connection, and a fair amount of aligned kinks...having it all is possible. And that I would rather live alone than live without my Sir.
You don't have to perfectly match. You don't even have to share the same hobbies or taste in food. For me, the D/s underpins everything, and if you work on those foundations, differences are not a challenge.
I am a country bumpkin, a nerd, a ***terbrain and like running and all other manner of keep fit stuff.
Sir is a londoner born and bread..loves the city, is intelligent, funny, and likes things just so..Hard for a ***ter brain like me. Oh and he loves Greg's...while I love steak and spinach.
And he has aposing kinks. So although I fulfil a lot of his needs, there are some he doesn't want me to fulfil. So he will get them elsewhere.
Unlike most vanilla relationships..this is possible in kink.
And unlike vanilla...fetishes grow, change, new ones become favourable. With the right connection all can be explored. There is no settled 'norm' like vanilla. No getting comfortable and thinking...this is it. Kink is in a constant state of movement..conversations about anything are open and honest. Hurtings someone's feelings doesn't cause a full blown argument or sulk..its just a conversation...followed by adaption, understanding and a drive to find a solution.
I can do without the complexities of a vanilla relationship.
I can't do without the order, control and absolute honesty and trust and communication of a kink one...the pure raw emotion that goes way beyond love that I feel every day.
So..for me, now...its all, or nothing.

[fa****]

Only experienced it one time. It was the basis or the beginning for the relationship that oddly enough began off-line. Being uninhibited and comfortable can open things up and led to a lot more. Was surprised. The connection and compatibility were there. Kinks, fetishes, and a day to day relationship. Only lasted for a few months because opportunity knocked on her door and she took a job that paid two and a half times more than what she was making.  The job was on the other coast of the country.