What do you think? brat or slave?

[Deleted Member]

There are people on the forum describing how their subs misbehaved deliberately to get attention, or purposely been antagonising to get a reaction out of their Doms. I would call that bratty and attention seeking behaviour.

All I did was to tell my Master I felt lonely and disconnected from him, and asked for some attention. Master could have said, I know you're waiting for me but I'm busy today", and I would have understood.

All I wanted was to feel as one with my Master... I wanted to feel loved, cherished and understood. I wanted to be held tightly, to know I was important to him as he was to me.

But I got none of those... And still got told that I didnt have a slave spirit and was just a spoilt brat...

Why should a slave be happy and content with neglect? And why is voicing out and seeking for help from Master considered spoilt and bratty behaviour?

What could I have done differently?

[Ke****]

The sad reality of seeking doms is the fact that, Sometimes. not all of them actually care about the slaves. some doms not all but some. got into BDSM to fulfill what they want and only what they want. and there are other doms who are just abusive and hide behind BDSM as an excuse to get rid of it. based on what you have said. you were honest. which is what doms should want. and some do. i wouldn't beat yourself up over this.

[Deleted Member]

Without knowing your relationship or communication styles, I think it’s hard for others to weigh in here.

You’re both upholding roles within a dynamic, and the message may not have been heard clearly enough to cut through - especially if this is a shift in your needs from the relationship.

I’d have teased my partner for being needy and then given the attention in my own ways; but there’s certainly times a hint or comment have gone unnoticed alongside times even my most submissive partners have *wanted* to be rebuffed and reminded of their ‘place’.

In the end, it’s all communication. Be persistent if you want it within the roles, speak clearly about your needs if you feel it’s not getting through.

[st****]

I could be wrong but I think that’s the difference between a sub and slave. A sub will get what you want from her DOM but slaves are expected to be satisfied with just being owned, and pleasing their masters every wish.

[Deleted Member]

Don’t care about the brat mentality, but definitely not a slave; a master doesn’t seek understanding, let alone love from their property.

[sa****]

Most of these I consider bratty. But what you went through seems like neglect to me. Which is never alright in these kind of relationships

[Deleted Member]

You did in my opinion the correct way of trying for attention from your Master and they should have siad something

[Si****]

I feel that even within the titles there needs to be that connection and those moments of actual care. I've heard alot of stories of People pretending to be Doms only to bring bad reputation to the community. Something I'm working on for my dynamic (and as a new dom) is establishing those lines first and understanding the wants and care of my partner and to what degree. Online and long distances is extremely tough to form those connections.

[em****]

Find a different master that aligns with what you’re seeking in one…

[MrJohnson]

Using your words to communicate your needs is never wrong. You did nothing wrong, as far as I can tell.
Maybe your Master was under some sort of stress that you were unaware of, but it sounds like they overreacted. In their place, I would apologise for chastising you like that.

[Deleted Member]

Slave with brat tendencies

[do****]

I feel for you Sometime dons have mispreseption their sub deserve to be alone we are all human and my end up lonely not a brat just impatient dom silly for him but if that’s part of ur rules that is why communication is important before being collard

[po****]

If they are neglecting you and not communicating. Thats not a real and proper dom… a real dom would communicate and talk to their sub not just call them a brat and act like theyre disposable

[nc****]

No one would be happy from being neglected. Slave or not. He has failed you if you feel you need to seek help from him into addressing your loneliness. Voicing out is good. You are letting how you feel known. He needs to listen. He might have neglected your needs due to some reasons, not saying that it is acceptable. But he shouldn’t be dismissing your behaviour as spoilt and bratty.

[To****]

I've seen a lot of this kind of discussion recently on other forums. It's often a failure of the Dom to understand the subs wants and needs. Sometimes it's ego. They think they are being dominant by being disrespectful. What you have described is not bratty behaviour, it's recording need, which is the right thing to do.
I hope you resolve it.

[Deleted Member]

You could of communicated at the beginning the type of communication you prefer. You could have asked him the type of communication he prefers. You could have told him up front you aren’t a slave. You could have asked him the type of dynamic he was looking for.

Why should a slave be content with scraps, well there is a lot there to unpack. And it will mean different things to different people. At face value, asking for help and being denied a conversation speaks to his inability to effectively communicate. But I am almost positive there is more to the why if that which want stated here.

[Deleted Member]

19 minutes ago, pottycontrol1990 said:

If they are neglecting you and not communicating. Thats not a real and proper dom… a real dom would communicate and talk to their sub not just call them a brat and act like theyre disposable

Slaves are disposable, and easily replaceable.

[Th****]

The word slave seems to be taken to be property and thus should be expecting less of a right to thorough communication which as we know is an essential part of aftercare as well.

The bottom line is a slave is a type of submissive and submissives require ongoing communication just like other people.

It is worth mentioning that it is not unknown for a Dominant or Master or someone who claims to be either to drop the ball and instead of just saying "My bad, your right" to turn it around on their sub and say they are too demanding.

Of course I don't know the circumstances in your particular situation or what happened. I am just putting out there to balance the points of view.

[CopperKnob]

Lot's of people misunderstand what a brat is and we see that pretty much weekly on the forums here.
People will often label someone a brat for two reasons
1. To gaslight, generally when they're unhappy the other person has en***d boundaries
2. Because they aren't confident in their role
Talking about your emotions/feelings in a relationship is important and necessary. If your emotional needs aren't being met and any attempt to discuss that is dismissed doesn't make for a healthy relationship

[CopperKnob]

1 hour ago, Xavier1978 said:

Slaves are disposable, and easily replaceable.

Slaves are humans and should be treated as such.

[Ra****]

Sometimes as dominants, we take our position for granted and do not realize it's a give-and-take with extra responsibility. You being in your role will do what you're supposed to do and we in ours provide a reaction to your role. It seems as if the dominant may be interested in one part of yalls dynamic versus all parts. I would suggest putting roles aside and talking. If you're not getting what you desire/desire speak it and see what their reaction is. From there either fix, ignore, or move on. Maybe your dominant isn't the type you require

[Deleted Member]

Don't want to get too personal, but can you please tell us how long was the communication and vetting? How long did you communicate before meeting? How often did you communicate in a week? How many times did you meet him before deciding to be in the dynamic? How much did you communicate in the beginning of the relationship? When did he start behaving negative? We sort of need to know this to give more accurate opinions.

Edited February 9, 2023 by Deleted Member

[Deleted Member]

You have to be the one in charge of getting your needs met. If your current situation cannot meet those needs, even after voicing them to your master, find a situation that does meet your needs.

[Deleted Member]

5 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

Slaves are humans and should be treated as such.

Humans are disposable, and easily replaceable.

[Deleted Member]

8 hours ago, stockton200 said:

I could be wrong but I think that’s the difference between a sub and slave. A sub will get what you want from her DOM but slaves are expected to be satisfied with just being owned, and pleasing their masters every wish.

With all due respect, I don't agree with that. To me, the difference between a sub and a slave is that a slave gives up total control, whereas a sub has a say when and how control is given. The concept of power exchange is that as one party surrenders control, the other assumes the power and the responsibility that comes with that. So, while I agree that a slave is expected to be satisfied with pleasing her Master's every wish, I don't think it should be the full extent of the relationship because then the "exchange" is missing.