Couple need help - BDSM / SM

[Car-Lovers]

Hello, We are a couple who have started to challenge our limits. We have smelled a bit of BDSM/SM and that is the direction we are going. We are currently looking for help with methods, ways, games, exercises, etc. to test the man's hard limits? Can you help with how we start testing the hardness up to the limit? The best greetings, M&J

[ey****]

It sounds like you are misunderstanding what a hard limit is

a hard limit is an activity you would not do under any circumstance (rather than how much you can take of a certain thing)

a lot of that can be found with a conversation

"would you do this....?"

"I would do it for you, but it's not for me" might be a soft limit

"no, sorry, not for you" would be a hard

[Deleted Member]

Exactly…you are look to establish your limits…and see where you soft limits are…Hard limit is something you will not do…or have No sexual interest in ever.

[ey****]

it may be that what you mean is levels - and that can be tricky to find.

so it needs to be an activity you are both, genuinely, interested in trying.   A common thing for finding levels is impact play

I think there's a very simple numbers game.  Strike your partner, not too hard, and get a number between 1 to 10.   1 is "did you even hit me?", 10 is "That was completely unbearable!" 

So if you're hitting someone and getting numbers and they're giving 8s or 9s, that's definitely reaching how much they can take.

Now, one person's 8 or 9 might differ to anothers and there is one more thing to consider as well...  when I do impact play, I can actually take quite a lot.  But I don't like to, I don't enjoy it.  So I might prefer to play at what for me is a 6.   Perhaps towards the end, maybe ramp it up.  But I'm not someone who enjoys persistent hard ***.  But other people do. 

[Matttster]

I would recommend conversations.

To start you should establish the hard and soft limits (hard = no interest and soft = interest but not sure how far) for all parties (Tops as well as bottoms). During these conversations discuss what interests each of you as well.

Once you have your limits established your limits and have a basic understanding of each other’s interests you play. Prior to play establish your safe words (I like simple red (stop), yellow (pushing red) and green (kind of optional for “live it)). During play the Top should check in with the bottom. After play more conversations about how things went, what was enjoyable, what was not as enjoyable.

Keep in mind, it is not uncommon for limits to change over time. Either adjusted as people become more comfortable but also they can change as people change.

[Deleted Member]

Try getting your hands on a BDSM checklist. It will give you lots of activities you might not have considered, and you can go through it together and identify things that are definite nos, and things you might be interested in trying.

[Car-Lovers]

It sounds like we have written something that can be misunderstood. We lack inspiration to move on and explore something more about the male body

[Car-Lovers]

Det lyder som om, vi har skrevet noget, der kan misforstås. Vi mangler inspiration til at komme videre og udforske noget mere om den mandlige krop

[Car-Lovers]

2 hours ago, Lady_Char said:

Prøv at få fingrene i en BDSM-tjekliste. Det vil give dig masser af aktiviteter, du måske ikke har overvejet, og du kan gå igennem det sammen og identificere ting, der er klare nej, og ting, du kunne være interesseret i at prøve.

That is what we need. Do you know were we Can find it?

[ge****]

8 hours ago, Car-Lovers said:

That is what we need. Do you know were we Can find it?

Google "BDSM Checklist" and there will be many to choose from, the best ones have hundreds of different elements of BDSM listed and you simply rank them 1-5 in terms of interest - if you both complete one independently from one another you can then compare notes to find common areas of interest

[Deleted Member]

There something called X-confessions, the couples app
I’ve used it with a few vanilla partners. It’s fun to get a few cards a day (you have to wait for new ones so it lasts longer or you’d blow through them all immediately) and it doesn’t show you both the same cards every day so its low pressure to see if you match. Some are kinda lame but lots are kinky and it goes through different scenarios you would be willing to try together.
It’s also a way to stay connected when you’re apart as well, good for long distances.