Looking for a unicorn

[th****]

How do you go about this, without being “one of those doms”?

I have a lot of single female friends who are sick of getting hit up by couple.

Any tips for doing it the right way?

[ey****]

basically. don't.

There's no non-creepy way to approach a stranger and say "hey, want to be in a relationship with me and my partner"

So let things go naturally.  Go to swing clubs, fetish events, etc. and make friends.  It may be you meet someone who wants to do something with one of you... or both of you.  Don't *** the issue too much.  

Equally, if it's just something like a one-off or a threesome you're after. Pay someone. 

[ph****]

Send your sub.

[Da****]

One of which Doms?

People into bdsm are creative, open-minded and go after what they want. If you're a single woman... You're very likely going to get hit up by a couple. If you're a single woman who's bi/bi-cutious it's pretty much a definite. So put a note in your profile saying you dont want it and those who read profiles will see it and then only some of them, and all who didn't read will still message.

Its like weeds popping up from spring onwards. There are bigger ***s at play. Nobody is trying to insult you.

So back to your unicorn... Ask, search... Both of you... Different energies attract differemt things . Be gentle but clear, and say excuse me, would you like to, pardon, but ... Here's something I've found: you'll be surprised what a free-spirited woman might try if she was approached in the right way...

..
Now. Understanding 'right' well, that's where the joy and the *** collide with your ***s and uncoolness , and slickness, and previous experience all in one heap, watching her wonder off. But don't give up because the next one has just arrived (yes, it is always a numbers game too) be light - hearted, laugh at the attempts that don't work... But always be genuine, be kind. Keep talking between you both also about different things you could want, there are lots of forks. We want this, but at the next step, it could look like x or y (who plays woth whom in what order, etc, etc). The clearer you can be, the more it helps the ability to explain it. And to attract it.

...
And don't only use bdsm apps. Use day-to-day scenarios too. Use them more than the app. Millions of people are miserable, want to be touched, loved, kinkly connected.

...
Enjoy yourself, its later than you think.

[Deleted Member]

I agree with sheep, unless their bio is explicitly for that, then meeting the person first (rather than as a potential third) is the most important thing. No one wants to feel like they're filling a template.

Just as with single dating — meet people, make conversation, see where things lead. It's less conventional, so there'll be more misses than hits, but you'll find someone for you both.

[Deleted Member]

Honestly just pay someone. I know a few who are really lovely and are just trying to pay bills. If it’s a poly relationship you’re after, I’ve seen plenty on even regular dating apps but obviously you have to be open about it

[Se****]

There isn’t a right or wrong way I don’t think. Every single person has their own personal checklist of what will or won’t work for them in the sense of approach. The best you can do is be honest, be upfront, be open, explain what/who you are as yourselves and a couple and be gracious in rejection.

Also however, I think it’s important to know WHY you want this. How do you think a 3rd (4th, 5th) could or would enhance your experience. What do they get from the experience, what are you offering and what are your boundaries. Personally, I can’t dissociate physical attraction/play/intimacy from feelings and that makes things very hard xx

[Deleted Member]

Different methods for different people, I personally like it when people share a bit about themselves (man and woman) then just ask “are you interested in attempting to be with us both”. I am also more comfortable with the woman taking the lead so I know they are more serious and it not just pressure from the man. (If this is a heterosexual relationship)

[th****]

Some interesting points raised. For clarity, I guess we would be looking for a potentially recurring play partner rather than a poly dynamic. As for meeting people through the scene, I’ve generally had far more success meeting people on nilla dating apps than the fetish ones but maybe a swingers app / site is the most appropriate place to meet a third. Thank you all for taking

[mi****]

Get you’re own partner. You do the picking. Puts you in control of what you want.

[gl****]

Too late. You are that 'dom".

[th****]

That’s literally what I’ve done

[No****]

Go through the right channels and be forementioning. Don't do the "single guy on tinder" method and then throw it on them. Put it on your profile loud and clear so all they have to do is read and swipe. Use appropriate apps like feeld etc. People who get annoyed are people are being "scammed" by people pretending to do one thing but looking for another. Plenty of unicorns up for it, but you have to be real and not try to misguide people. It works in your own advantage too. A clear and open profile on just about any app saves you a lot of trouble. This is not something people want to be convinced in, but at the same time plenty of people who want to experience it. That is you target group 🤷

[Du****]

They do not exist. It might be fun for a hot minute, then everyone wants their own significant other at some point. Gets tiring real fast.

[gl****]

4.) Disagree to strongly disagree.

[Xe****]

Unicorns. 😂 I just want a guy hung like one..

[bi****]

Yea

[Deleted Member]

Yah I need one too

[Deleted Member]

Sunday at 10:03 PM, eyemblacksheep said:

basically. don't.

There's no non-creepy way to approach a stranger and say "hey, want to be in a relationship with me and my partner"

So let things go naturally.  Go to swing clubs, fetish events, etc. and make friends.  It may be you meet someone who wants to do something with one of you... or both of you.  Don't *** the issue too much.  

Equally, if it's just something like a one-off or a threesome you're after. Pay someone. 

I agree with the end statement. But it’s tricky to navigate that world

[mi****]

I know a couple. One is a sex coach. But she charges. She’s my ex.

[ey****]

On 3/5/2023 at 10:31 PM, phantum said:

Send your sub.

this is one of the biggest red flags in unicorn hunting (or any form of finding extra subs) 

for it to be a unicorn she has to be into you *both* so sending someone to do your bidding for you always comes across like it was an approach on false pretences.    Add in there used to be an old bait and switch trick where a woman (or someone posing as one) would post looking for a partner and initially it might either be "you will be a third in a threesome/relationship" or even a less honest "it's with me... actually can my partner watch... can my partner join..." but then what happens is come the actual day the woman is mysteriously ill or unavailable ("but you can still be with my partner, right") and someone feels lured in on total false pretences.

If you want to find someone *as a couple* you have to pretty much be seen *as a couple* 

[th****]

Yeah I have no issue with this. We are poly anyway and as such there is no bait and switch. I’ve nothing against sex work, but part of the appeal to me is the mutual attraction and desire/passion. The idea of a paid participant just leave me a little apathetic

[ey****]

OK - I can totally understand the avenue of not wishing to pay someone - but some of the same reasons against that will add to the general struggle you will have.

So you need to find someone who you are attracted to, and is attracted to you - and are both passionate about

who is also attracted to your partner, and vice versa

and is either going to have an equal stake in a relationship/arrangement without pushing your partner out or being pushed out yourself OR who is perfectly happy being third wheel.

There's been convos on here where assorted unicorns and have shared their frustrations and I've met folk who've been unicorns who share similar - and some for example are only actually attracted to one person in the couple, but also engage with the other for the sake of the one they're attracted to.  Which is not ideal, there's not buy in.  

There's also those who simply have a fantasy about playing with a couple - which is again; they're not into you they're into the fantasy element.

 

In general.  Honestly. I would just with your current partner just explore potential poly options and I think some of the more successful arrangements I've been aware of was where someone got to know both people as a couple or started dating one and then found they had attraction/feelings for the other as well as, rather than instead of.    And one of the best ways to explore is in person, especially if you have local poly meets, or swinging socials 

[No****]

Good input. 👍🏽

[Bo****]

If using apps, use photos of you and your partner together and clearly indicate what you’re looking for. Unicorn/NSA… I’ve met plenty of couples on vanilla sites because they had the stones to put it out there honestly. I’ve been approached in bars and I much prefer the woman to approach me when the man is within sight. She says something like “my partner and I think you’re beautiful/hot/sexy” while gesturing toward the partner so I can see what he looks like. From there, if I’m not interested, I’d just say “awww thank you,” and go back to what I was doing. But if I’m interested, I’d say something like “Wow thank you. Maybe we should get to know each other.”
That lets the potential unicorn the chance understand what’s happening and an easy out without intimidation. And, like someone else said, I want to see that she wants it, and is not being bullied into it. When she approaches, it’s usually because she wants it.
But yeah do NOT pull the bait and switch. Make sure it’s clear that you and your partner are looking for a plaything and not a poly relationship.